Surprise flared on his face and he levered up to lean on his elbows. “Which problem are we talking about?”
“What do you really want? Is this all about the baby and your so-called duty? Or do you want me at all?”
He moved to a sitting position, throwing his legs over the side of the bed. He kept his gaze trained on hers. “Of course I want you.”
She clutched the knot between her breasts. “If there were no baby, would we be together?”
He opened his mouth, closed it, swallowed hard enough his Adam’s apple bobbed. “I don’t know.”
Irrationally hurt, she laughed. “What am I saying? The only reason we’re together now is because I got pregnant.”
“Autry…”
“It doesn’t really matter how much time I give you.” How could this hurt so much? “Nothing changes the fact that you didn’t really want me.”
His head jerked up. “That’s not true.”
“You dumped me. If that doesn’t say ‘I don’t want you’, I don’t know what does.” Why was she doing this? Hell, why was she even here? What she should do was march back to her room, get dressed and demand he take her to her parents’ house.
Shaking her head, she spun and stalked to the door.
“I was afraid, all right?” The words emerged in a near-hiss, as though he pushed them out between clenched teeth. “What I felt for you scared the hell out of me, and I got as far away as fast as I could. Happy now?”
“Afraid.” She couldn’t quite catch her breath, couldn’t quite believe what he was saying. Holding her breath, she turned.
“Yeah.” He ran both hands through his hair, leaving the short brown strands disheveled.
“Why?” she whispered, still clutching at her towel.
He shook his head. “I’d already failed with Renee, hell, to the point she had an affair. I was scared of screwing everything up with you too, and it just seemed easier to get out, let you find somebody who could be what you needed.”
Renee had cheated on him? He’d never revealed that before, and as badly as she wanted to explore that, see how it related to their relationship, she needed more to make him understand what was most important.
She took a step forward. “I needed you.”
“Oh, yeah, I’m a real prize. An emotionally unavailable ass, as Renee says.”
Unavailable? She wouldn’t say that. Reserved, yes, until she’d managed to get under the layers of professionalism and seriousness. Then she’d glimpsed the real man underneath—honest, compassionate, intuitive, blessed with a wry sense of humor.
She took another step toward him. “I think I’d say more confused than unavailable. Whenever I’ve needed you, you’ve always been there.”
“Autry, you don’t get it.” The words were rough, torn from him. “If I failed again and lost you…”
She closed her eyes, his words thrumming through her. He did care; there was hope. She simply had to reach out and take it, show him the way. They could have so much more than she’d dared dream. If only one of them took the first step.
Opening her eyes, she caught his ravenous gaze. Those eyes whispered of starvation, of a wanting that went far beyond the physical.
She reached for the knot and let the towel fall to the floor.
Cool air rushed over her bare skin. She stood before Stanton’s hungry eyes, nervous, exposed, titillated. He gripped his knees, staring at her.
Resisting the urge to cover herself, she stepped closer. “You can’t lose me, Stanton. I’m yours.” She reached for his hand, splaying his fingers across her naked abdomen. “We both are.”
With a muffled groan, he wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face against her. “God help me, Autry, I’ve been lost without you.”
His mouth caressed the skin above her navel. Strong fingers stroked her back. The titillation slid into full-blown desire, painful pleasure pricking low in her belly. The ache spread lower, unfurling between her thighs.
He pressed open-mouthed kisses down her stomach and she buried her hands in his hair. The contrast of his skin against hers, the strength of his arms about her, weakened her knees. She could fall, though, and be assured he’d catch her. With his size—tall and broad and just big all over—he made her feel dainty, feminine, ultimately desirable.
“Our baby,” he murmured against her belly, sliding his hands lower to cup her buttocks. “My baby.”
“Take me to bed, Stan.” She ran her fingers over his nape and shoulders, loving the warmth and texture of his skin. Loving him. “I want you.”
“Oh, I’ll take you.” His chuckle vibrated on her skin. He nipped at the jut of her hipbone and a shiver raced over her. Strong fingers dipped between her thighs, a tantalizing sweep of sensation. The muscles in her legs quivered.
He eased to the floor, kneeling before her, his mouth dancing along her thigh. The intimate ache intensified, her body feeling loose and open. He swept his hands up her sides, palms warm and a little rough. He cupped her breasts, thumbs rubbing over her hardened nipples.
“Like that?” he murmured, nuzzling the curls at her mons.
“Oh, yes.” She arched into his touch, breasts tingling and aching.
He nudged her legs apart, kissing the inside of her thigh. Anticipation sizzled through her.
The first touch of his tongue almost sent her over the edge. She moaned, fingers tangling in his hair, as he laved and caressed, tortured and soothed. While his mouth pushed her higher, his hands kneaded and teased her sensitized breasts. He was everywhere, his lips on her, fingers pressing into her flesh, male scent invading her senses. Pressure and pleasure radiated within, building between her legs, flowing into her belly, surging through her whole body. Her legs trembled and she tugged at his hair, seeking to assuage the unbearable tension.
“Stanton…please…”
He's the one who broke her heart. And the only man who can keep her safe.
Undying Passions
© 2007 Amy Mistretta
Ten years after their teen romance ended in betrayal, Tess Fenmore and Johnny Sawyer are forced to confront their past when a stalker threatens her safety.
Years ago, Johnny married Tess's best friend and broke her heart. Now a cop—and a widower carrying a load of guilt despite his wife's cheating ways—Johnny realizes he never really stopped loving Tess. He's determined to protect her, whether she wants him around or not.
The fiercely independent Tess is forced to accept Johnny's protection. Rekindled passion flares every time they are together, but past betrayals, regrets and doubt tear at their emotions. Little by little, they discover the truth about their past, about who really betrayed whom.
And who is the stalker's real target.
Enjoy the following excerpt for Undying Passions:
Tess Fenmore slouched behind the steering wheel of her car, staring out the windshield, the funeral home across the street taunting her with regret. All the pent-up anguish had nothing to do with the building but rather with the man inside.
Johnny Sawyer.
At one time, Tess had loved him so much and for years, memories of Johnny had driven her crazy. She hadn’t been able to get him out of her mind.
Even though he had made one hell of a mess out of her life.
Through months of heavy tears, she had tried moving on, but to this day the pain was still there. Deeply. It only proved she had never gotten over him.
Feeling the pain of her past as the sun beat down through the windshield, still staring at the gloomy funeral home, Tess wiped back a stray tear. The old memories didn’t seem old any more.
She wished she could banish them from her mind altogether, do away with every person in her life who had wronged her. Every time she found herself reminiscing, Tess felt the twinge in her gut from what she had walked in on that day long ago.
She placed her head on the steering wheel, closing her eyes, willing the images from her past to go away.
But they never did.
The hardest thing was, year after year, Johnny and Tess had continued living in the same town. It always struck her as funny to see how two people who were once close could live far apart with nothing more than a stolen glance shared between them. Yet the ache remained, seeing him move on with his life.
One more person who had thrown her away.
The hurt was as fresh as if it happened yesterday. However, it happened eleven years ago, and Tess couldn’t understand why the feeling of betrayal still lingered deep within her heart, persisting to haunt her.
It took all the emotional strength Tess had to put the car in gear and drive to the parking lot across the street. Feeling as though she were bordering on the edge of a cliff, her emotions threatening to come crashing around her, tears stinging her eyes, blurring her vision, she parked the car.
When Tess walked into the funeral home, feeling uncomfortable, alone, as though she had no right being there, people stared, their whispers unmistakable, probably wondering why after all these years she would show up at the wake.
Despite their intentness, Tess pushed forward. She had to do this, had to face the past, pay her final respects, more so for herself than for any other reason.
Suddenly, she stopped, her feet frozen to the dark-colored carpet beneath her. There he was. The time that had passed between them had been so long. To see him like this…
It was devastating.
No matter what was going on inside her head, Tess had to be strong, had to go to him, to Johnny Sawyer, who stood alone next to his wife’s coffin.
Tess approached the casket.
Other than a slight sideward glance, she tried keeping her gaze off Johnny as he stared, startled by her sudden presence. Kneeling down on the small wooden step, Tess said a prayer. Not a prayer filled with her forgiveness, just the simplest goodbye to someone who had once been an important part of her life.
Lindsey Moran…Tess’s one-time best friend, now Lindsey Sawyer, a woman who had deceived her in the worst possible way.
If it hadn’t been for the destructive thunderstorm, or the sharpness of the bend in the road, Tess wouldn’t have had a reason to be there.
She’d heard about the tragedy on the local radio station the morning after. A car had been traveling at high speed along a country road, when it veered off the shoulder. Why had Lindsey been driving so fast? Was her car the only one involved? The police would never know.
It was irrelevant now.
Lindsey Sawyer had been pronounced dead at the scene of the accident, the impact of the crash too much for her body to handle and the internal bleeding irreversible. The broadcast reported that the rescue team had been forced to call in the Jaws of Life to get her out of the mangled car.
The only thing that brought Tess out of shock that morning, after hearing Lindsey’s name come through the speakers of her radio, had been the sound of her coffee mug shattering on the kitchen floor.
Although it was true that Tess had never forgiven Lindsey for crossing the line, destroying their friendship forever, she wouldn’t wish such pain or eternal heartache on anyone.
Not even Johnny Sawyer.
Her mind was free of all thoughts of betrayal, rather filled with warm memories of Lindsey. From the times they had played together on the school playground, their prom, graduation… But no matter how hard she tried, the pain came back in full with the vision of seeing Lindsey in bed with Johnny.
Even in death, the thoughts, the images, couldn’t be banished.
After privately saying her peace, Tess started to turn, to head back down the aisle and out the door. Except she couldn’t. She faced Johnny with sadness in her eyes, a kind of sadness she couldn’t explain.
Tess walked to him, reached out and took his hand.
His body was shaking, shaking badly. He didn’t turn away. At that moment, Tess wanted nothing more than to take him in her arms, to hold him, to comfort Johnny in any way she could.
The feeling had nothing to do with her past love for him, but rather a need to ease his pain. Unfortunately, it wasn’t that simple. No matter what she said—or did—nothing would change the fact that he would have to bury his wife the next day.
“Thanks for coming, Tess. It means a lot.”
“I’m so sorry.”
She had always thought that particular phrase at a funeral was repetitious, but now she knew why people said it. What more could you possibly say to someone who’d had their whole world taken from them?
“She would’ve been happy to know that you came.” Johnny looked from Tess down to Lindsey’s peaceful face. “She’s missed you all these years.”
Suddenly, all that had happened back then seemed petty, and Tess began to feel guilty for not responding to Lindsey’s pleas for forgiveness after Tess had found them in bed together. Now it was too late.
“I missed her, too.”
Tess looked down at Johnny’s hands, which were still holding hers, feeling the tables turning. It was Tess who now felt as though she were betraying a friend by holding the hands of Lindsey’s husband while Lindsey rested in her coffin.
Tess pulled away… And Johnny lost control of his emotions.
She took him in her arms and held him close. She could feel Johnny’s heart beating against her chest, could feel his warm breath graze her cheek as the low sob escaped him.
They didn’t speak, nor did anyone approach them. Johnny’s fellow officers, half of the Dawson Valley Police Force, lined the back wall of the funeral home, but showed no signs of intruding. Or maybe it was that they didn’t dare get too close to Johnny’s pain for fear of not knowing what to say, what to do.
Johnny sobbed like Tess had never heard before. It was a heartwrenching sound, causing a feeling of helplessness to rush through her body. If only there was something—anything—she could do to take away the pain.
There wasn’t. Nobody could do anything for him. It was certain he would have the support of his friends and family. However, Johnny would have to endure this long road of anguish on his own because it was too soon for anything or anyone to lessen his pain.
“I’m sorry,” he said, pulling away, once again maintaining composure.
“You can’t keep this inside. If there’s anything you need, I’m here for you.” Tess didn’t know how it would come across, but she wasn’t able to help the words from coming out, didn’t fully understood herself exactly what she meant by them.
“No, Tess… I am sorry.”
It was time to go. Something about his repeated statement told her his words had nothing to do with Lindsey, and his wife’s wake wasn’t the time or the place to be letting such thoughts enter their minds.
Before she reached the comfort of the exit door, Johnny stopped her. He held her shoulders, only for a moment, holding her gaze through consoling eyes. After all the time apart, she still felt the tenderness in his touch, the way his fingers gently pressed into her skin, his heat radiating through the material of her silk blouse.
It was too much to bear. She stepped back, forcing Johnny to release his hold, enabling her to walk away from him and out into the open sunlight.
He followed.
“Tess.”
She stopped and turned to face him. No words left her lips, only tears of regret uncontrollably poured down her face. He remained silent, his hands safely tucked in the pockets of his dress pants.
Tess continued to her car at the far end of the parking lot. It was safer this way. Sitting in her car, she glanced in the rearview mirror as Johnny stood there watching her.
Now Tess wondered why she had come here. Why had she come to see Johnny Sawyer, his wife’s body lying in a coffin, his wife taken out of his life forever? Was it to see if she could do anything for him, to let him know she would be there if and when he needed her?
Tess tried to convince herself those were the reasons why she sat staring at the funeral home but knew they weren’t true. An unnerving chill ran through her body, giving her the answers to her
questions.
Could I be that insensitive?
No…not intentionally.
Tess shook her head, then started the engine of her car, driving back down the tree-lined street, away from the man who had meant the world to her, the same man who had brought it crashing down.
She couldn’t deal with the reemerging feelings, and they couldn’t have come at a more disrespectful time. No. She didn’t think she could ever confess to Johnny Sawyer how much she still loved him.
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