by Gayle Callen
Then he was pressing soft kisses lower and lower, and she stopped breathing in shock as he put his mouth where his fingers had just been.
“David!”
He met her gaze, and licked her.
Her head slammed back against the door as she experienced the beginning of a pleasure that seemed too powerful to exist. She really did collapse this time, and he caught her, then swung to his feet and strode to the bed. He set her on the edge, spread her thighs even farther this time, and looked at her.
She tried to close her legs, and for the first time, David looked impatient.
Then his expression softened. “I have long forgotten what being a virgin is like, Victoria. I’m pushing you to things that you aren’t ready for.”
“You’re not going to stop, are you?”
He chuckled. “Oh, I’m not going to stop, believe me.” He shrugged out of his coat and let it drop wherever it landed. “But there are some things I’ll save for another time.”
Her questions died unanswered as she realized he was taking off his clothes. She watched fascinated as the absence of his cravat and stock left his neck bare. He removed his waistcoat, unbuttoned the top buttons of his shirt, and pulled it off over his head. His chest was as she remembered it, so broad and mesmerizing with muscle. He had to sit down to remove his boots and stockings, but he came back to stand before her. Then he unbuttoned the flaps of his trousers, and they dropped to the floor to reveal his loose drawers, and the bulge she’d seen before. He loosened the drawers, and as they fell, his penis dropped heavily as if it pointed at her.
She stared at it in shock, then raised her gaze to his.
He grinned.
Thank goodness he had not shown her this on their wedding night, or she might have run screaming from the room.
“Trust me,” he whispered, leaning over her.
“I do,” she said.
He climbed onto the bed, crawling over her, all smooth, flowing muscle. He kissed his way up her stomach and breasts, then devoured her mouth in a way that made her forget their nudity, forget what was to come, and just live in the moment.
For the moment had every pleasure she’d never imagined possible. He eased beside her and continued to kiss her breasts, while his hand moved between her thighs, parting them, stroking between them. She groaned and turned her face into his shoulder.
“Still shy?” he whispered into her ear. “That’s part of your charm, sweetheart.”
He’d used that word again, and she sighed her pleasure.
His mouth closed over her breast, suckling so gently, as his fingers began to move against her most private womanhood. She had had no idea that places on her body were so sensitive, but he treated her as if she were his own instrument, tuned by his hands, played to perfection as only he knew how. Her breath came in gasps; she burned with a desire so rousing she didn’t know how her skin contained it. Every time she came close to the edge, he retreated, frustrating her so much that she finally cried out his name.
He renewed his efforts then, sending her flying up to a pinnacle as sweet and powerful as any musical note, held purely as she shuddered and fell into an abyss of deepest pleasure.
When she opened her eyes, David was watching her, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.
He kissed her gently. “Did you enjoy that?”
She nodded. “It was…wondrous.”
“There can be so much more.”
Then he rolled over on top of her, parting her thighs and settling between them. The hard length of him rode against her newly tender flesh, and it felt good. He propped himself up on his arms above her.
“Sweetheart, I’ve tried to prepare you, but the first time a woman will often feel a small amount of pain. It’s just once, then never again.”
“I understand.”
“Then bend your knees.”
She did, and he settled even more intimately against her. His smiles were gone, and his face bore an intensity she’d never seen in him before. She felt the hardness of him probing her, and even as she stiffened he leaned down to kiss her. His mouth was captivating, distracting, but still she felt him inch inside her bit by bit, stretching her to fullness, not quite pain.
“Easy,” he murmured against her lips, “easy.”
Then with a single thrust he settled deep inside her. There was only a momentary pain, then the most wonderful feeling of satisfaction. She was his wife in every way.
And then he started moving, and her body seemed to know just what to do. It came to life again, bliss rising in ever increasing waves. She clasped him with her arms, with her thighs, holding as if she need never let him go. This was the intimacy hinted at in poetry, two people moving as if one. It was beautiful, and she felt tears slide down her cheeks that she could experience these wonderful feelings.
He rounded his back to reach her with a kiss, then used one hand to pull her knee higher. The shift made her quiver, made the wild feelings climax within her again. And as he groaned, she knew that he joined her, for he shuddered and seemed to pour himself inside her.
She thought it was his seed.
As she held him hard against her, felt his breathing settle back to normal, she prayed to have his baby, so that their love would go on.
Chapter 21
David came up on his elbows and stared down at Victoria, all pink with passion, her eyes sleepy and satisfied.
“Am I too heavy for you?” he asked.
“Never,” she whispered.
He lowered himself fully, and she gave a strangled gasp before he rose up again.
“I can be too heavy,” he insisted.
She smiled. “Maybe.”
He slid off her and watched as her eyes blinked slowly, so slowly.
“Thank you for taking your time with me,” she whispered.
She nuzzled her head against his arm, getting comfortable.
“You’re welcome.”
She was asleep almost immediately, naked on top of the bed. He pulled down the blankets on his half, then slid her within and covered her right to her chin—as if not looking at her would somehow stop this obsession for her that seemed uncomfortably large.
He didn’t want to recognize the feelings that fought within him—he didn’t want to consider them, to think how his marriage had changed.
Then why did it feel as if everything in his life now revolved around Victoria, instead of his own meticulous plans?
He quietly picked up her garments and laid them over the chaise, then gathered his own clothes and took them to his room. His bed was cold and lonely, but…safe.
Victoria felt the sun before she even opened her eyes. She stretched with blissful contentment, then turned her head to say good morning to her husband.
But David wasn’t there.
He had his own bedroom, of course. Her parents had slept in separate rooms. But somehow she’d hoped her marriage might be different.
It truly was, she reminded herself. David had shown her everything she could hope for in a husband. He would confide in her now, tell her things that—
But would she confide in him?
A cold feeling weighted her heart. What would he say if she revealed her father’s suicide? That she had lied to him, lured him into marriage with a falsehood, when he’d told her during his proposal how he felt about scandal? What would he think about her lies now, after they’d shared this ultimate intimacy?
She would not consider it. She knew now how bothered he’d been by the scandals of his household, how prideful he was. She could keep this secret. What did a commoner’s death matter to anyone? No one knew, except her mother and sisters, and they wouldn’t tell.
This decision had been made a year ago; she would not betray her family now—or her father’s memory.
Not even for her husband.
Covered in a warm dressing gown, she sat down at her desk and opened the drawer where she kept her journals. What could she write? How could she describe what she’d experienced in David’s
arms? She closed the drawer.
After bathing and dressing, she went down for a late breakfast. To her surprise, David was just leaving his study. He looked up as she came down the stairs, and she gave him a radiant smile, feeling self-conscious but happy. Just seeing him made her want to shiver as she remembered what his hands had done to her, how he’d made her feel.
He nodded and returned her smile, but it seemed…too normal, almost distant.
“Good morning, Victoria.”
His voice still moved her. “Good morning, David. Did you sleep well?”
Oh goodness. She might just as well have asked him why he left her bed.
“I did, thank you. And yourself?” He looked down at a sheaf of papers he was putting into a satchel.
A clutch of sadness hit her heart. It was as if he didn’t care.
“I slept just fine.” She wanted to say something funny, like he’d exhausted her, but his remote expression kept the words locked in her throat.
“I can’t ride with you this morning,” he said. “I have a meeting scheduled with my steward about our Scotland properties.”
“Of course,” she murmured.
“What time would you like to leave this evening?”
“Leave?”
“The masquerade begins at ten o’clock.”
“Masquerade?”
He raised an eyebrow. “I assumed you now wished to attend every important event of the ton.”
“Of course,” she said quickly. “I’ll be ready before ten.”
“Perhaps you should be ready at seven. We have a dinner with the prime minister at eight.”
“Oh.” Her head was whirling. But this was what she’d wanted.
Yet—why suddenly did it feel as if he was keeping her busy, keeping a wall between them?
After he’d gone, she stared at the front door, considering what might have happened between last night and today. Did he sense her deceit? Or had she foolishly thought lovemaking would solve everything? He knew her body, but after all, he didn’t know the secrets in her mind. How could she think to know everything about him?
After his meeting with the steward, David took a carriage to Southern Railway, and tried to think of the business ahead instead of his wife.
His radiant wife, whose face had lit like the sun when she’d seen him that morning.
Part of him had wanted to sweep her into his arms, to greet her as if the hours apart had been too long. And they had been. He had had a difficult time sleeping, knowing he could have been warm at her side instead of alone.
What was wrong with him? He had every night from now on to be alone with Victoria—hell, he could take her during the day if he wanted. And the moment he’d seen her, he’d wanted to.
As if he didn’t have any control.
He was already making a spectacle of himself.
That afternoon, when Victoria arrived home and went to her bedroom to prepare for the evening, she noticed that the household journal was lying on her desk, not where she’d left it. She opened it and found that David had penned the words, Until tonight.
She closed her eyes as memories of their mutual desire awoke within her. How could she honestly worry about their marriage if they shared this?
She was still staring at the notebook when her mother knocked and peered around the door.
“Victoria?”
“Come in, Mama.”
Her mother seemed strangely restless, moving about the room, distractedly touching furniture and rearranging pillows. Victoria watched her silently, waiting. When her mother stared out the window, Victoria knew she was seeing none of it.
“Mama? Is something wrong?”
Her mother sighed. “Anna mentioned that she…saw you arrive home last night.”
Victoria felt a blush coming on. She understood her mother’s implication.
“And I was in the library this morning,” Mama continued, “and overheard you and your husband.”
Even as Victoria told herself that this was nothing, she stiffened. “Yes?”
Her mother turned from the window and stared at her with plaintive eyes. “Oh, Victoria, do not be offended. You’ll soon have children, and understand that we mothers only want what is best for them.”
“You do?” She heard the cruel sarcasm in her own voice, and she was horrified.
Her mother flinched as if she’d been slapped.
“Oh, Mama, please, I’m sorry. I meant—”
“No—no, Victoria, you owe me no apology. I have tried to do my best, but I have not always been a good mother. I knew your happiness lay with marriage, and I pushed you toward it.”
“You shouldn’t have pushed so hard,” Victoria said quietly.
“Perhaps. But now you have a marriage worth fighting for.”
“You don’t think I know that?”
Her mother hung her head. “I just don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did.”
Victoria held her breath, waiting.
“I thought your father and I were happy at the beginning. I let his silences go, believing that he would turn to me when he needed me.” She sighed. “And all that did was gradually make him think he didn’t need to tell me everything.”
“Just like you didn’t tell my sisters and me.” Victoria was shocked at her own words, but wouldn’t take them back, not anymore. Had she always had this anger locked away inside her?
Mama sank onto the edge of the bed and huddled there. “I didn’t know at first that your father’s finances were going badly. We’d spent so much of our marriage avoiding conflict that I was used to avoiding…everything unpleasant. And then when it became difficult to pay the staff, he couldn’t hide our desperate situation from me any longer.”
“But you kept hiding it from us.” Victoria’s throat choked with emotion. “We trusted you!”
Mama buried her face in her hands, shaking, and Victoria just continued to watch until her mother reestablished her control.
“I wanted to protect you,” her mother whispered. “That’s all I ever wanted. Until the end, I thought I could help you girls find husbands, save you before you had to bear this terrible knowledge of our disgrace. Why do you think I have been so lost? I failed you!”
“Father didn’t want to protect us,” Victoria said bitterly. “He took the easy way out.”
Her mother gave a quiet sob and covered her mouth with one hand. Then she looked up with red eyes. “Yes, yes, I know that now. He was…a coward. Somehow he became a man I didn’t know. And I let it happen…gradually, quietly, one loss at a time. I don’t want that for you.”
Victoria bit her lip as she felt a rush of tears. She sat down next to her mother, and suddenly the words she wanted to share poured out of her. “I love him, Mama. But this morning, he seemed…distant, like a stranger again. I don’t know what to do.”
“Don’t let him keep his silences, Victoria. You both need to talk.”
“How can I expect him to talk to me when I can’t really talk to him?”
“What do you mean?”
“I can’t tell him about—about Father. David has experienced enough heartache that was not of his own doing.”
Her mother softly snorted. “And we know where that scandal came from. But Victoria, your secret will poison your marriage.”
“You want me to tell him?” she said in astonishment. “Meriel, Louisa, and I swore to you that we would keep this silent forever.”
“I did not say tell the world—just your husband. Do you trust him to share your secret?”
Tears stung Victoria’s eyes. “I—I don’t know. I would have thought…after last night…but this morning—” She broke off, knowing she was making no sense.
“I saw your smile this morning, Victoria,” she said gently. “You are a woman in love.”
“But is he in love, Mama? He looked at me today like—like—”
“Like a man who doesn’t know what to do with his emotions, like a man taking the safe way out. And tha
t won’t make a successful marriage, not in the end. Trust me, passion itself is not enough.”
“But what should I do? Do you think he senses that I’m not telling him everything?”
“I don’t know, my dear, but if the secret is bothering you, can you live the rest of your life with it between you and your husband?”
Victoria slumped, and felt grateful when her mother gently slid her arm about her shoulders. “Oh, Mama, this is all so complicated.”
“Yes, it is. But you can make it work, Victoria. Look at all you’ve accomplished already. I’m so proud of you.”
Victoria hugged her mother, finally letting her tears ago. “Thank you, Mama.”
Victoria approached the evening with a new determination. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do about her terrible family secret, but she knew she couldn’t take David’s empty politeness for the rest of her life. She would force him to acknowledge her with other emotions. She would be a part of his life, and not live separately, as her parents had done in the end. She would prove to David that she was worth trusting—worth loving.
In the carriage on the way from the prime minister’s dinner to the masquerade, she watched David, looking so serene and inscrutable. Then she leaned over, her hand on his knee, and kissed him.
There was no hesitation as he kissed her back with passion and heat and promise. Physically, they had no problems staying connected.
“Maybe we don’t have to attend this one,” David murmured as he kissed his way down to her neckline.
She groaned as he licked down her cleavage. “We accepted, so we’re attending. Now help me put my costume on.”
“Is that what was in the bag?”
From a satchel Victoria pulled out a fan of tall multicolored feathers. “Anna made it for me. Here, attach this to the little buttons she sewed on the back of my bodice.”
She turned until her back was to the lantern, then waited patiently while David struggled.
“She could have made the buttons larger,” he grumbled.
“And then they would have been seen by everyone at dinner. Such a scandal,” she added teasingly.
He pinched her waist, and she squirmed and giggled.