Swallowing, he tried to banish that thought from his mind. It wasn’t fair of him to think such things, not when Nellie was clearly doing everything she could to hold up her end of the bargain. And had his heart not already been taken by Diana, he might have considered Nellie in a different light.
“I understand your reluctance to talk about money,” Nellie said slowly. “It’s clear you don’t have much, and as I told you when we married, that’s fine by me. I grew up poor, and I know how to stretch a dollar. What you’ve given me so far is more than adequate for my current needs. But the children need new shoes, and I’d like to buy some material to make them new clothes. What they have is threadbare and too small. Plus, Christmas is coming, and while I don’t believe in extravagances, I do think it nice to have a few little extras, as well as some gifts.”
Christmas.
As Nellie continued speaking about the things she’d like to do for the children, that one word continued to repeat itself over and over in Luke’s head. Christmas had been Diana’s favorite holiday. She would get together with the ladies from church to bake special treats. There would be laughing and conspiring, and excitement would fill the air. The church had all sorts of activities, and there were teas, dances and charity functions filling their social schedule.
Which meant reentering Leadville society and pretending that everything was fine after the loss of his wife. Yes, he wanted his children to live normal lives and to be able to move past the tragedy. But what about for Luke? His wife had died. The woman he’d thought would be his companion for all of his days was gone, and he couldn’t find a way to make merry without her.
He stole a glance at Nellie, who’d just finished telling him about all the things she’d like to do for the family for Christmas. It was the time of year to reflect on Christ’s birth, but all Luke could think about was his wife’s death.
“Whatever you’d like to do is fine,” he said, letting the words flow out as quickly as possible so he didn’t have to commit to anything else. Nellie and the children could participate in the various activities. He would just stay home.
“But what are the children expecting?” Nellie asked, her voice as firm as it would be were she chastising one of the children. “What are your family’s traditions and customs?”
Luke took a deep breath. Christmas was Diana’s holiday. She’d taken care of all those details. And he’d delighted in watching her. All the things he remembered... Luke shook his head. He didn’t want to do those things anymore.
“There’s nothing specific to our family,” he said finally. “In truth, I don’t much feel like celebrating Christmas. But I know that the children will be expecting something.”
Nellie placed her hands over his. “You’re still grieving Diana.”
He nodded. “She loved Christmas.”
Having the warmth of Nellie’s hands over his made Luke feel comforted. Her gentle smile and warm touch made him think that perhaps his grief might be bearable after all.
* * *
She’d made a mess of things, bringing up Christmas like that. Nellie should have known there was a reason Luke hadn’t mentioned the upcoming holiday when it was on everyone else’s lips. And now she’d torn open the wounds he was desperately trying to hold together for the sake of his children.
Still, when she went inside after their talk, he followed her in and immediately jumped into the work of setting the house to rights. On today’s agenda: cleaning the sleeping loft.
Only, the children hadn’t continued with their jobs when Nellie had left to find out about getting a clothesline to air out the blankets. A good washing would have to wait until spring, but at least she could hang them and beat out some of the dust and debris to freshen them for now.
“Why didn’t you bring the blankets down from the loft?” Nellie asked when she’d taken off her coat.
“We’ve never done this before, so I don’t see why we have to do it now.” Ruby stared at her defiantly.
“Because it stinks up there, and the only way to have things smelling good is to give everything a thorough cleaning.” Nellie met the girl’s gaze with one of her own. “So you and your brother need to get up there and throw down all the blankets so I can get them hung to air out.”
Nellie turned to Luke. “Which is why I’d like a clothesline. I’d prefer to wash them, but in this cold, they won’t dry in time for bed.”
“I’m happy to help,” Luke said, then looked over at Ruby. “Why are you standing there? Nellie asked you to do something.”
Amos immediately climbed up the ladder to do as Nellie asked. But Ruby continued to stand there, her hands on her hips and eyes blazing.
“Our mother never made us do anything like this.”
“Perhaps not,” Luke said. “But I agree with Nellie that we need to do more to keep our house clean. If she thinks we need to air out our blankets, then I support her fully. We may not have done as much when your mother was around, but it’s time we all work together and do our part.”
“I thought the whole reason you brought her here was because I was doing too much work,” Ruby said, crossing her arms in front of her. “If she’s here to do the work, then maybe she should get up there and get the blankets down.”
The trouble with marrying for convenience and being honest about it was that even the children knew that Nellie was basically a glorified housekeeper. Which she mostly didn’t mind, except that the children had no business treating her like a servant.
Luke marched up to his daughter. “That was one of the most disrespectful things I’ve heard you say. Not only do you need to apologize to Nellie, but you will spend the rest of the day doing extra chores to help her. She’s performing a great service to our family, and it’s time you start appreciating her.”
“She does nothing for the family,” Ruby said, turning her gaze back to Nellie. “I know that Mrs. Fitzgerald fixes all of our meals, including packing our lunches. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s the one who comes in and cleans during the day while we’re at school.”
Luke looked at Nellie. “That’s not true, is it?”
Nellie let out a long sigh. The trouble with keeping her secret was that it also meant letting out Diana’s secrets, as well. “It is,” Nellie said calmly. “Apparently, Myrna and Diana had an arrangement in which Myrna did the cooking for your family, and Diana did all the sewing and mending for Myrna’s family.”
She pointed at the stove. “Surely you can see that there’s no way a person can cook such fine meals on this. That’s what Myrna and I were discussing that first night when you came home. Neither of us wanted to dishonor Diana’s memory, so we felt it best to keep the arrangement between us.”
Then she smiled at Ruby. “Although...I have cooked some of the meals using Myrna’s stove. That chicken and biscuit meal you liked so much? I made it.”
Watching the horror spread over Ruby’s face at actually liking something that came from Nellie’s hands gave her a small degree of satisfaction. The girl had virtually licked her plate clean that night.
Nellie let out a long sigh as she returned her attention to Luke. “I apologize for not telling you, but it seemed easier to continue on with things as they’ve always been done because I know how much Diana’s little stove means to you. It’s just impractical for running a household. I did what I could to make do. I’m sure Myrna would be more than happy to verify what I’ve said.”
“I told you, I don’t like imposing.” Luke shook his head. “I can’t imagine what Seamus must think of me, taking advantage of his wife’s good nature like this.”
“The same thing he must have thought when Diana and Myrna had a similar arrangement. I understand he was quite pleased at how well I repaired the holes in his socks.”
Something must have triggered a memory in Luke’s mind because he started to s
hake his head slowly. “But Diana’s meals were often terrible. Yours are good. If Myrna cooked both, I don’t understand.”
Nellie went to his side and put her hand on his arm. “I think Diana added a few of her own touches so you wouldn’t know. She was probably afraid that if you knew just how poor of a job she did with all the homemaking, you’d think less of her.”
The sorrow in Luke’s eyes as he looked down at her made Nellie’s heart ache.
“How is it that you know my late wife better than me?”
“She doesn’t,” Ruby said, stamping her foot. “She doesn’t know my mother at all. She’s making it up so you won’t be cross with her. But I know better. Mother did cook all those things, and she wasn’t afraid of anything.”
Ruby’s defense of her mother made Nellie’s heart ache even more. This was why she’d agreed to continue the arrangement with Myrna.
“Your mother had many fine qualities,” Nellie said, modulating her voice so she sounded calm and at ease. “Clearly she loved you very much, and I’ve not heard a word spoken against her. Please don’t misunderstand my comments to mean otherwise. I think it was her deep love for your father, and her desire to please him, that made her mislead him about her talents in the kitchen.”
Luke’s nod made Nellie feel better about the situation. She gave his arm a squeeze, and she could see by the rise and fall of his shoulders that he’d taken a deep breath and was finding the calm within.
“I should have seen through it,” he said. “But you’re right—we all loved her so much that we overlooked a lot of things. I didn’t question anything because...”
A smile filled his face. “I wish you could have met her. She was so wonderful. No matter where Diana went, she lit up the room because she was filled with so much love and joy.”
Nellie returned his smile. “I’ve heard that about her.” She turned her gaze back to Ruby. “And I would never want to dishonor your mother in any way. I can’t help but think that this anger and defiance isn’t what she would have wanted. She wanted everyone to be happy, all the time, and I know she would have wanted you to find a way to be happy without her.”
“You didn’t even know her!” Ruby turned and scrambled up the ladder.
Closing her eyes, Nellie took a deep breath. Luke covered his arm where she’d been holding it with his free hand.
“It’s all right, Nellie. You meant well.”
She looked up at him. “What’s all right? At the moment, I feel as though I’ve made a mess of things.”
“What you just said to Ruby. You’re right. All Diana ever wanted was for people to be happy.”
Nellie had heard the same thing from Myrna, along with similar sentiments from the women she’d met at church. But perhaps she shouldn’t have repeated it.
“As for your deal with Myrna,” Luke continued, “I don’t know what to say about that. It seems I didn’t know a lot about the goings-on in my household, and that isn’t right. It sounds as though you’re just continuing a previous arrangement that’s satisfactory to all, but if you don’t mind, I’d like to discuss it with Seamus to be sure.”
Nellie nodded, enjoying the warmth of his hand on hers. Even though the situation was tense, she felt like she had an ally in this fight. “Of course. I didn’t mean to deceive you. It just seemed easier this way.”
He studied her face, like he was trying to uncover a puzzle. “Are there any other secrets you’re keeping from me? I’d prefer to get them all out now.”
Secrets. Nellie had plenty of those. Especially when it came to her past. But those were not things she’d be telling anyone. She’d done her very best to ensure that nothing from her past would come back to haunt her. The men couldn’t possibly know that she had the means to go to Denver. And because they’d married in Denver, there was no way anyone would track her to Leadville.
Which meant no one ever needed to know anything.
Nellie smiled up at him. “No. Honestly, it’s been hard enough keeping my arrangement with Myrna from you.”
And that was the truth. When it came to the present and future, there would be no secrets she kept from her husband. As if to remind her of one more secret, Nellie could feel the coins burning a figurative hole at her waist and in her toes. But since that money was from her past, and was to be her escape route should Luke be keeping some dark secrets of his own, that one didn’t matter.
Chapter Six
Since the admission about the cooking, Luke felt as though his relationship with Nellie had taken a more positive turn. True, Ruby seemed more resentful than ever of her stepmother, but Amos and Maeve seemed to be responding favorably to Nellie’s care.
“Hello, neighbor,” Seamus called from across the alley. “I see you’ve finally gotten the new room done.”
Luke put down his hammer and strode over to where his friend stood. “Yes, I think it’ll be a nice addition to our home. I hadn’t realized how cramped our quarters were.”
Seamus took off his hat and scratched his head. “You know, there are a number of houses for rent in the neighborhood. James Sinclair just moved into the one on the corner of Second Street, and I was surprised at how reasonable the rent was.”
Looking around at the tiny lot upon which his equally small house sat, Luke sighed. He and Diana had talked about finding a different house shortly before her death, but it seemed wrong to leave the home they’d built together. When they’d moved to Leadville only a few short years ago, this place was the only thing they could find, and Luke had been proud to purchase it outright, even though it had taken all their savings. Did it make sense to pay rent on a house when this one was paid for? He couldn’t bear to sell it, not when he and Diana had put so much of themselves into this place.
“I know you mean well, but this is our home,” Luke finally said.
“You just got a raise. You can afford it.” The trouble with his friend being his boss was that Seamus knew a little too much about Luke’s finances for his own good.
Luke shook his head at his friend. “The price of coal just went up, and even though I’m supplementing with wood, heating this place is getting harder and harder. I can’t imagine what it would take to heat something larger.”
Stroking his beard, Seamus entered Luke’s yard. “That stove you’ve got is more ornamental than efficient. And while you’ve done a good job building this cabin, it’s not as well insulated as it could be. Last winter, Myrna gave Diana some papers to put up on the walls to keep in the heat, but Diana never did anything with them.”
Seamus and Luke had already talked about the stove situation. Seamus confirmed the deal Diana and Myrna had made and that it was continuing with Nellie. Actually, Nellie had done so much mending for the Fitzgeralds that Seamus wanted to pay her, but with everything the Fitzgeralds had done for Luke after Diana’s death, it didn’t seem right to accept his money. Luke had looked into getting a new stove, but it was just beyond his means, so he’d need to start saving to make it work.
As for the additional paper on the walls, Luke shook his head. “Diana loved that wallpaper. She saved her pin money for quite some time to be able to buy it. I’m sure it would break her heart to cover it up.”
“Diana is dead,” Seamus said quietly. “I can’t imagine she’d want her family to freeze to death to preserve some wallpaper that she isn’t around to enjoy anymore.”
Luke closed his eyes. “I know she’s dead. I can’t seem to forget that fact, and it sure makes life harder to live without her.”
A warm hand touched Luke’s shoulder, and he opened his eyes to see Seamus’s gentle face near his.
“I know you miss her. I can’t imagine what I’d do without Myrna. But you can’t keep living with one foot in the grave when you have three children who need you. Besides that, you have another wife. A woman who deserves to be seen for
the wonderful woman she is, and not a fill-in for a dead woman.”
His friend’s words were like a punch to the gut. Except Seamus didn’t know what he was talking about.
“Nellie understood the situation when she married me. Ours was not a love match.”
“But she would be a good woman for you to love. She spends a lot of time with Myrna, and I know the affection my wife has for her. Nellie might have been a convenient choice for you, but if you let her, if you let yourself, you could find happiness again.”
Find happiness again. Luke looked down at the man’s hand resting on his shoulder, then brushed it away.
“I appreciate your words, but as you said, you don’t know what you’d do if you lost Myrna.”
Seamus’s brow furrowed. “You’re right, I don’t know. But I do know that if I had a woman like Nellie step into Myrna’s shoes, I’d be a blessed man indeed, and I wouldn’t squander that blessing trying to preserve the past.”
Nellie emerged from the Fitzgeralds’ house, laughing at something Ellen, Seamus’s daughter, said. Ellen handed Nellie a large crock, then followed, carrying a basket.
“Hello, gentlemen,” Nellie said as she approached them, seemingly oblivious to the tension between the men. “You are in for a treat for supper tonight. Myrna and I spent all afternoon making noodles with Ellen, who learned this new recipe from one of her church friends.”
“Don’t forget the bread,” Ellen added, nudging Nellie. “Pa, you aren’t going to believe how light and fluffy Nellie’s bread is. It’s like eating a cloud.”
“I don’t know that I want to eat any clouds,” Seamus said, grinning. “I can’t imagine it would fill a man up.”
“Oh, but it will,” Nellie assured him, a smile spreading across her face. “I’m told my bread sticks to a man’s ribs.”
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