Though Laura’s words indicated a bad situation, she wore a peaceful expression. “I’m divorced,” Laura said with a firmness that surprised Nellie. “My husband was a horrible man, but because of how our society works, I stayed with him for much longer than I should have. He murdered a woman and is now in jail. Because of those circumstances, I found the courage to divorce him. The people in this church have loved and supported me, which is why I’m here, loving and supporting people who need our help.”
Nellie took a deep breath. She couldn’t trust Laura with the whole story, but it would be nice to tell someone a little bit about her own past. “My late husband was a bad man, too. That’s why I married Luke. Because a woman needs...”
She couldn’t finish. It sounded so wrong, admitting that she’d married for something other than the usual reasons for marriage.
“The protection of a husband,” Laura finished for her. “I know. That’s why I married. Luke Jeffries is a good man, unlike my ex-husband.”
Annabelle Stone, the pastor’s daughter, appeared to be walking toward them. Though Nellie would have liked to have continued the conversation, this wasn’t the time.
“Thank you,” Nellie said to Laura. “It’s nice to know I’m not alone.”
Laura gave another smile that Nellie had come to think of as comforting. “I think you’ll find that many women are in similar situations.” Then she looked at Annabelle, who was almost upon them. “But there are also those who find love. I’m not willing to put forth the energy for such things. I don’t want or need another husband. But I pray that in time, you and Luke will find love together.”
A fine sentiment, and if Laura wanted to pray such a thing, Nellie wouldn’t argue. But at this point, she’d be grateful for the original deal she and Luke had made: to be friends.
“Please don’t listen to her nonsense about not finding love for herself. I believe that everyone can find happiness. Laura just needs time, that’s all.” Annabelle gave them both a dazzling smile.
“Don’t waste your breath,” Laura said with a small laugh. Clearly these two had had this discussion many times over, and their affection for one another was obvious.
“It’s my breath, I’ll do what I want.” Annabelle grinned, then a solemn look crossed her face. “I hate to bother you, but Luke has been standing across the street for some time now, staring at the building like he needs something but is afraid to ask.”
Was he taking the first step in returning to church? Or was something wrong?
“Thank you for letting me know,” Nellie said. “If you’ll both excuse me.”
She dashed outside, not bothering with a coat. As she started across the street, Luke looked like he wanted to come toward her, but the effort of moving his foot was too great.
“Is everything all right?” Nellie took his hands in hers when she reached him.
Luke nodded. “I was trying...” He shook his head. “It’s no use. I can’t even set foot on the property without feeling sick. I can see everyone through the windows, having a good time. I can hear their laughter. And then I see Diana lying there, in her coffin, and I can’t.” His voice was tight, like he wanted to cry.
“You don’t have to,” Nellie said, squeezing his hands.
Luke looked down at her, his face twisted in anguish. “But the children... Ruby wants me here.”
Nellie closed her eyes and said a quick, silent prayer that she’d have the right words for him.
“Give it time. We’re giving her time to accept me, and you can give yourself time to work out whatever you need to work out with God.”
Before Luke could respond, Ruby came running out. “Papa! You came!”
The terror in Luke’s eyes made Nellie’s heart ache. He didn’t want to disappoint his daughter, but he wasn’t ready to go in.
“He did,” Nellie said gently. “But I’m suddenly very tired, so I’m hoping he won’t mind escorting us home.”
The relief on his face made the anger on Ruby’s easier to bear. Better for Ruby to have one more thing to hold against Nellie than for Luke to have to struggle so.
“That’s a good idea,” Luke said. “I’m not sure I’m ready for such a crowd.”
Fire flashed in Ruby’s eyes.
“Why don’t you keep your father company while I get the others?” A gust of wind came through, and Nellie shivered.
“What were you thinking, coming out without a coat?” Luke asked. “Even Ruby stopped to bundle up before joining us.”
“I suppose I wasn’t,” Nellie said, then she went back inside to gather the other children. They’d be disappointed to have their fun spoiled, but Nellie wasn’t sure what else to do.
As she reentered the building, Laura took her by the elbow. “Is everything all right?”
“Yes. Luke thought he was ready to join us, but his grief is too great. We’re all going home.”
Laura nodded slowly. “If you need anything, I’m here.”
“Thank you.” Nellie gave her a squeeze, then went to round up the children.
The walk home was quick and silent. Ruby was sulking because she thought Nellie was responsible for keeping their father from joining them. Amos was upset because he hadn’t wanted to leave his friends. And Maeve was tired from all the excitement, having missed her nap.
When they arrived at the house, Nellie went to lay Maeve on her bed. She’d taken to using her bed for Maeve’s naps so she didn’t have to worry about the little girl alone in the loft.
As Nellie passed her dresser, she noticed that one of the drawers hung at an odd angle.
Once Maeve was in bed with a blanket tucked around her, she opened the drawer to set it to rights and noticed that the fabric she’d placed there earlier that day had been disturbed.
The corner sticking out from the edge told Nellie everything she needed to know. Her journal. At least some of what Nellie had told Ruby was sinking in.
Her heart felt a little lighter as she picked up the book and looked through it. Everything appeared to be exactly as Nellie had left it. Even the picture Nellie treasured was still there. So why had Ruby taken it? Had she intended to do some harm, then had second thoughts when she realized just how much it meant to Nellie? She supposed Ruby’s motivation didn’t matter, but it was frustrating to have to keep pretending everything was all right when it clearly wasn’t.
Nellie picked up the dress she was working on for Ruby and went back into the main room. “You’ll never guess what I found,” she said, pasting a smile onto her face. “My journal.”
Ruby still didn’t turn her attention to her. Luke gave Nellie a puzzled look.
“Oh, that’s right, you missed it.” Nellie carefully kept her tone pleasant. “I couldn’t find my journal earlier today, and as the children will tell you, I was beside myself. It contains the only picture I have of my family, and I was devastated to think I might have lost it. I don’t know how I missed it, but when I laid Maeve down, I noticed one of my dresser drawers at an odd angle, and when I went to fix it, there it was. I’m so grateful I have it. I must have been more preoccupied than I thought.”
Luke pressed his lips together, like he knew exactly what had happened, but his shoulders rose and fell like he was taking a breath instead of responding the way he would have liked.
“I didn’t realize you kept a journal.”
Nellie shrugged. “Just random observations, particularly as I was traveling. Since I was alone, it felt like I had someone to share things with.”
He looked like he wanted to say more, but as the minutes passed in silence, Nellie thought perhaps she’d misread his expression. However, he finally spoke.
“If you ever feel comfortable, I’d like to hear about your travels. And see your picture. You haven’t spoken much of your family, and I should like to know mo
re.” He cleared his throat. “That is, when you feel ready.”
The awkward way Luke spoke made Nellie feel slightly better about the situation. Maybe he was just uncertain about how to connect with her, how to bridge the ever-widening gap between them.
Could the real problem between them be their mutual fear of pushing too hard or saying too much? They’d both said they wanted to become friends, but perhaps neither of them knew exactly how to go about it. Nellie took a deep breath. One of them had to be the first to let their guard down. Tonight, when the children went to bed, Nellie would do her part in taking that step.
Hopefully, between now and then, she’d figure out exactly what to say to him.
Chapter Eight
As Nellie cleaned up the supper dishes, Luke turned to Ruby. “Come help me bring in some firewood.”
Ruby stared at him. “Me? But I...” Anger flashed across her face. He knew what she was thinking. And he was tired of it.
“Now.”
Luke stood and then pulled out Ruby’s chair. “Get your coat.”
He didn’t wait for an answer, but grabbed his coat, and was pleasantly surprised to see that Ruby had followed his instructions. Before Nellie came, Ruby had always been so obedient, but now he never knew what to expect.
Once they got to the woodpile, Luke turned to look at her. “We need wood, but I also wanted to speak with you.”
Ruby didn’t say anything but looked at him with the same disdainful expression that never seemed to leave her face these days.
“I know Nellie didn’t accuse you, and she’s too good of a person to do so without proof. But I know you did something with her journal.”
“And?” The challenge in Ruby’s voice was unmistakable.
“It needs to stop. You keep agreeing to give Nellie a chance, but you don’t. You’ve barely looked at her, refused to answer her questions, and are being difficult with her. She’s been nothing but kind to you in response.”
“I returned the journal, didn’t I? I was going to slip it in one of the neighbor’s trash barrels when they were burning, so that should count for something.”
Where had this devious child come from?
“Why would you do that?”
“Because it’s not fair! You heard her talk about how happy she is. We’re all miserable, but she’s happy. So maybe if she had a reason to be unhappy, she’d stop being so cheerful and nice all the time.”
Luke’s heart constricted at his daughter’s words. Nellie might act happy most of the time, but he could also tell that a lot of it was just her way of making the most of a difficult situation. Amos had told him that he’d heard Nellie crying in her bedroom last night when he went to get a drink.
It was one more revelation that had made Luke question his own behavior toward Nellie.
“Have you ever thought that maybe Nellie acts happy, when deep inside she’s just as sad as we are?”
“So she’s only pretending to like us?” Ruby snorted. “That makes a lot of sense. Why should I be nice to her if she doesn’t even like us?”
“That’s not what I said. I think she does like us. But she also misses her family. And her husband recently died as well, under what had to be difficult circumstances for her.”
Luke tried to be as vague as he could about Nellie’s situation, since he didn’t have her permission to share. Even if she wasn’t sad about her husband’s death, losing him still had to be hard. Based on how quickly she’d adapted to the community here, and how eager she was to be part of all the church activities, Luke imagined it had been the same for her in her old home. The scandal she must have faced would have been devastating.
Luke sighed. All this time, he’d been wondering about the secrets she kept from him. But as he tried finding the right words for Ruby, he started to see the shame she must feel about her past—or, at least, her late husband’s.
“I guess I didn’t think of it that way,” Ruby said slowly. “She did tell us about her mother dying, and how hard that was. When she talked about her sister, it seemed like she really loved her.”
Though Ruby sounded sincere in her realization, they’d had this conversation before. At what point was it going to change his daughter’s behavior?
“We’re going to bring some wood in, and then you’re going to ask Nellie what you can do to help with your new dress. You will be kind to her, and you will converse with her. There will be no more of your outbursts.” Luke took a deep breath. He hated to think that it had come to this, but nothing else had worked. “You keep saying you will do better, and then you don’t. I’ve tried to be patient, but enough is enough.”
Luke closed his eyes and tried to think of how Diana would have handled the situation. She probably would have laughed it off and said that Ruby would do things in her own time. But Luke couldn’t live with the tension in his house—of Nellie valiantly pretending that everything was fine, and Ruby being so defiant. There would be no more discussion on the matter. Luke had done his best to reason with Ruby, to get her to understand why things were the way they were. But nothing seemed to work.
He opened his eyes and gave her a hard look. “Now let’s get some wood for the fire.”
They gathered the wood in silence, and when they brought it in the house, Nellie was waiting with her ever-present smile.
“You were gone so long, I was just about to see if you needed any help.”
“We’re fine,” Luke said. He turned to Ruby. “Did you have something you wanted to say to Nellie?”
Ruby said nothing.
Luke put the wood away, and once Ruby had done the same, he looked at his daughter to see if she would do as he’d asked. Still, she said nothing.
“Ruby and I had a talk,” Luke said, looking at Nellie. “I’m ashamed of how she treats you, and I should have told you that sooner. You are my wife, and you sacrifice a great deal for my children. I haven’t expressed my appreciation, and I haven’t stood up for you the way I should. That changes tonight.”
The tears in Nellie’s eyes told him that he should have done this sooner. But he hadn’t been ready to face his own pain, his own uncertainty. Now he wished he’d been a stronger man.
“Every time Ruby is rude or unkind, refuses to speak to you, or is otherwise uncooperative, she will be punished.” Luke turned and looked at Ruby. “Nellie has my full permission to punish you as she sees fit, but my hope is that she gives you the most unpleasant task she can think of, such as cleaning out the chamber pots.”
“What?” Ruby’s eyes widened as she looked from Luke to Nellie, then back at Luke. “You said—”
“I know what I said.” Luke took a deep breath. “But you’ve used up all your chances to do the right thing. Now, did you have something you wanted to say to Nellie?”
Ruby glared at him. “I believe I’m too tired for sewing tonight. I’m going to bed.”
She was so much like her mother, it made Luke’s heart ache. So strong-willed that it seemed almost impossible to make her do something she didn’t want to do. But there was no other choice in this matter.
“And I believe I asked you to do something first. You can either do as I asked, or I will ask Nellie to select a punishment for you.”
Nellie shifted uneasily next to him. “Luke, I don’t know what you asked Ruby to do, but surely we can...” She let out a long sigh.
“That’s another thing that’s going to change,” Luke said. “You have to stop making excuses for her, and stop accepting her behavior. If Ruby isn’t being respectful, or if she disobeys you, you need to give her consequences.”
Though Luke’s heart thundered against his chest, he continued. “Also, I would like to ask you to only work on Ruby’s dress when Ruby is helping you. If she is not going to help you, then she does not need a new dress. I know she wanted it
done in time for the church Christmas celebration, but that’s going to depend on her. If she’s not willing to do the work, then she can show up in her oldest, most ragged dress.”
“You wouldn’t!” Ruby’s face reddened.
“I will,” Luke said. “Nellie asked you to help her as a condition of making the dress, and so far, Nellie has done all the work. Nellie is no longer allowed to do anything for you unless you are helping her.”
“Anything? What about supper?” The haughty tone in his daughter’s voice made Luke’s stomach churn. He hadn’t raised her to act like this.
“Actually, I would love help with supper,” Nellie said, the doubt finally leaving her face. “Though Myrna, Ellen and I take turns with various jobs, another set of hands would be welcome. And it’s the only way you’ll learn how to cook something besides eggs.”
“My mother taught me how to make eggs!” Tears streamed down Ruby’s face.
“And they are delicious. But a young lady must know how to cook more things. Which you will learn.”
“I hate you!” Ruby screamed, then she ran to the stairs and clambered up to the loft.
Luke started to go after her, but Nellie put a hand on his arm. “Let her go. I know you’re trying to enforce consequences with her, but we’ve given her a lot to process right now. There will be time enough for her to reap what she’s sown in the morning.”
And suddenly, Luke felt the same sense of partnership as he had when they were in Denver, when he’d first met Nellie and seen her as the solution to his problems. It hadn’t been as easy as he’d hoped it would be, but for the first time, he was starting to think it might be possible.
* * *
Something had just changed, and Nellie wasn’t quite sure she could describe it. But as Luke patted the hand she’d rested on his arm, she felt that the man she’d married had returned to her.
Amos came up to her, holding Maeve’s hand. “Nellie, we don’t hate you.”
She let go of Luke and knelt in front of the children. “I know. But your sister misses your mother, and it’s hard for her.”
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