Luke tried to pick it up, but the pieces were so small, it seemed almost useless.
“I’m sorry about the ornament,” Nellie said, coming behind him. “Ruby said it was Diana’s favorite.”
He turned, noting that her face bore signs of deep regret. After what she’d said a few moments ago, she probably thought it had devastated him. And perhaps it would have, a few weeks ago. But the pained expression on Nellie’s face reminded Luke that there were far more important things he faced losing.
“It doesn’t matter,” he told her, looking her in the eye. “It’s just glass. As long as you and the children are all right, I don’t care about the things.”
He reached out and put his hand on her arm, but she shied away. Did his touch no longer comfort her? Or did the reminder of her past make her fear all men?
Luke brought his hands back in front of him. “I’m sorry. I suppose after everything that’s happened, I don’t have the right. But I want to comfort you like I used to. Like you’ve done for me.”
She stared at him for a moment, then shook her head sadly. “I don’t think we can go back to that. I saw how you reacted to my past. I am a fallen woman, Luke. That’s not a fact that’s going to change.”
As he examined her face, he wondered just how bad it had been, being owned by Big Jim. Until today, he hadn’t known that women didn’t always go into that profession willingly. And he couldn’t imagine Nellie choosing that life. Yet she would. To save his children.
“No, you aren’t,” he said. “I admit I was shocked when I found out what happened to you, what you had to do to survive. But someone who would choose that life to keep my children safe—that’s the most honorable sort of person I know, and I’m proud to have you in my life.”
His voice caught as he spoke, but his words didn’t change the cold expression on her face.
“I was the one who put them in danger. You said so yourself.”
Nellie picked up the broom that lay nearby, then started to sweep up the bits of broken glass. “And look what I’ve ruined.”
The shattered glass was nothing compared to Luke’s heart. Maybe Nellie was right in saying that Diana took up too much room in their relationship. But right now, faced with losing Nellie, Luke would be willing to suffer the pain of Diana’s death a thousand times over before letting her go.
Somehow, he had to find a way to make it right.
Chapter Fifteen
Though the house had been set to rights thanks to Myrna returning with some ladies from church, Nellie didn’t feel safe in their home. No, not their home. Luke’s home. Even a day later, the place felt foreign to her. She glanced in his direction, and he smiled at her, giving her an inviting glance. Nellie looked away.
“You can’t ignore him forever,” Myrna said, handing her a plate. The women had brought different dishes last night, providing supper for the family, since theirs had been ruined. With the amount of food they received, they’d be eating through the new year and still have plenty left over. Especially since so far, Nellie hadn’t found the time or energy to eat.
Various people, including Laura, had come to Nellie, pledging their support, offering her a place to stay or offering her work. She could leave at any time if she wanted, but she’d promised Will she’d stay until Big Jim’s deadline, giving the lawmen a chance to put him in jail. She stole another glance in Luke’s direction. She’d said she’d also give him the chance to find a housekeeper.
A knock sounded at the front door. Luke got up to answer it, and Will entered, followed by Owen.
Myrna gave Nellie a squeeze. “You go see what they need, and I’ll watch the children. Be sure to offer Owen some of Mrs. Jackson’s apple pie. It’s his favorite.”
Nellie squeezed her friend back, grateful to have someone like her by her side in such a difficult situation. “Thank you.”
Then she greeted the lawmen warmly. “You heard Myrna. Can I tempt you with some pie? I believe Mrs. Jackson’s daughter-in-law, Emma Jane, also brought over a nice cherry one. There’s coffee on the stove, and it would be no trouble to make some tea.”
Owen grinned. “Myrna knows me well. I’d appreciate a cup of coffee and some of that pie, and I’m sure you can twist Will’s arm into having a slice, as well.”
It felt almost...normal...to be offering these men hospitality. True, she and Luke had only ever entertained the Fitzgeralds, but she’d hoped, that with Luke going back to church and the friendships Nellie had been building, that they’d start having friends over.
Nellie served the two men and refilled Luke’s coffee. She tried treating Luke like one of her guests, but their hands touched when she poured the coffee, and she felt a small spark. Pretending like she hadn’t felt a thing was one of the hardest things Nellie had done in a while, but things between them felt too unsettled. Though he’d been kind to her since his apology last night, it seemed overly nice, almost smothering.
“I have good news,” Will said when Nellie was seated. “Big Jim is wanted on several outstanding warrants. We’ll have no problem arresting him and his men and putting them all in jail for a long time.” He gave Nellie a smile. “A friend of mine paid your sister a visit. Everyone is safe and well. She never received the letter. Apparently, it was intercepted before it ever got to her. They’re investigating the situation as we speak. Your sister was happy to hear that you’re well, and if you don’t mind my saying so, I think she’d appreciate hearing from you.”
“Thank you.” Nellie smiled back as she tried to ignore the way Luke leaned in toward her, trying to be comforting, she supposed, but his presence only made her feel more uneasy. What did he want from her? She knew he felt bad about his reaction to Big Jim and wanted her to stay, but a few kind gestures weren’t going to change her mind.
Brushing aside thoughts of Luke, Nellie returned her attention to Will. And her sister. Some of the heaviness in Nellie’s heart dissipated knowing that Big Jim hadn’t bothered her or her family again. “I thought not hearing from me would protect her, but I’ve missed her dreadfully. I can’t imagine the worry it caused her to have someone from the law visit her.”
“He’s not with the law,” Will said. “I remembered what you’d told me about Big Jim’s connections, and I thought it best to make discreet inquiries. Fortunately for us, he’s burned a lot of bridges in the past few months and he doesn’t have as many resources at his disposal.”
Nellie could breathe even more easily now. She hadn’t wanted to hope too strongly that she could be forever free of Big Jim, but she was starting to believe it possible. A new life, with friends to support her and the freedom to write her sister without worry over anyone’s safety.
Owen nudged Will, who gave a slight nod before continuing. “Word is there’s a high-stakes game happening on Christmas. Buy-in is a thousand dollars. My guess is that Big Jim is running short on cash, and when he got here and heard about it, he saw it as a way to get ahead.”
Nellie nodded. “He mentioned something about a game and being willing to give me my freedom in exchange for his stake.”
Luke jumped up. “If money is what this is about, then I’ll pay it, gladly. We can go to the bank first thing tomorrow.”
“You don’t have any money,” Nellie said. She shook her head, knowing the exact amount Luke had to his name. It was sweet that he was making all these grand gestures to get her to stay, but he shouldn’t be making promises he couldn’t keep.
He looked at her, his face as guilty as Amos’s when he got into the treats when he wasn’t supposed to.
“When Diana died, the owner, George Bellingham, sold the mine. He divided the profit among the victims. The families who lost a loved one got the most, but he also gave consideration to those injured and made sure they were compensated. I wouldn’t take what I called blood money, so they put it into a bank account in my
name in case I changed my mind.”
The words rolled around in the back of Nellie’s head. Luke had money? All this time? True, a thousand dollars wasn’t enough to make a man rich, but for people like them, it was a small fortune. But Luke had kept it all to himself.
Nellie shook her head. No, not to himself. He’d left it in the bank, where it benefitted no one. Though she’d always told him that he was entitled to his grief, this action seemed a bit selfish somehow. Especially because she’d seen the condition of the children’s clothing and shoes when she’d arrived. She stared at Luke, trying to make sense of why he’d do such a thing.
Luke glanced at Seamus and Myrna, then turned his gaze back to Nellie. “Everyone wanted me to do something with it, buy a better house, get a housekeeper and nanny for the children, and I couldn’t. Every time I thought about that money, I thought about my wife in the casket, and I got sick. A woman’s life is priceless, and they wanted me to accept money to replace her. I couldn’t do it. Not even when things were bad, and I was desperate. I married a stranger rather than use a penny of that money.”
Something inside Nellie’s heart twisted in a strange way as she saw the pain in Luke’s eyes. Though she understood why he’d kept the money a secret, she didn’t agree with those reasons. Luke’s grief had crippled him and hurt his family, and he couldn’t see it. How could she be so blind as to fall in love with a man whose heart was so unavailable?
Luke turned his attention to Owen. “You said earlier that I’d already buried one wife, and you’d make sure I wouldn’t have to bury another. I thank you for that, but now that I know what Big Jim really wants, a spot at that table, I can give it to him, and I can save Nellie myself.”
The words were sweet, and might have been enough to turn Nellie’s heart. But something in her had hardened toward him, and Nellie couldn’t explain why. It was as though all of these gestures were coming too little, too late.
Owen shook his head. “We don’t pay ransom, and that’s exactly what this is. You pay him, and he’ll be back. We’re putting together a group of men to be ready when Big Jim comes for Nellie, and we’ll arrest him then.”
“I told you, I don’t want you using my wife as bait.”
There was something in the look Luke gave her that Nellie had never seen in his eyes before. Was she judging him too harshly? After all, he was willing to give up the money he’d clung to in his grief over Diana’s death. But it was just money. And it seemed rash for him to suddenly be willing to give it up.
“Don’t waste Diana’s money on me,” she told him. “Save it for the children. You may need it later.”
“I don’t see it as a waste.” Luke walked over to her and took her by the hands. “I know I haven’t loved you as I should, but I am not willing to stand idly by and lose another woman I love when I have the means to do something about it.”
The spinning in Nellie’s heart stopped. Everything went still. Something prompted her to stand, to look at him, to try to figure out what exactly was going on in his head.
“What did you say?”
“I can’t lose you, Nellie.” Luke’s eyes searched her face in a way that made her feel more vulnerable than she ever had.
“Why?” Her breath caught.
“Because I love you. Don’t make me go through that again.”
He sounded so sincere. He’d mentioned love twice in reference to her. And the look in his eyes nearly took her breath away.
“I’ll never be Diana,” she told him. “Helping me isn’t going to bring her back.”
“I know,” he said as he bent and kissed her gently. The kiss was the briefest flutter on her lips, a tender gesture, yet it spoke of the promise of so much more.
Just as quickly as the kiss began, it ended. Luke pulled back slightly, just enough to look at her in a way that made her insides flutter.
“Which is why I can’t risk losing you. Don’t make me go through that pain again.”
Nellie couldn’t deny that she’d enjoyed the kiss. That she liked the way his touch felt, the way Luke made her feel when he looked at her like that. No man had ever made her feel so warm and safe inside.
But as she looked around the room, so much of it still a shrine to Diana, Nellie had to wonder if this was how Luke truly felt, or if it was just the desperation of not wanting to lose her that was talking. Not because he’d fallen in love with her, but because he needed her help and enjoyed her companionship. But that still wasn’t love.
And yet...he had offered the money he couldn’t spend because of what it had meant to him. As she searched his face, she couldn’t decide if it was a gesture of love or desperation. She’d told him she wanted love in her life. Would he offer it, or at least a semblance of it, in order to get her to stay?
Though she’d never known Luke to be a liar, Nellie wasn’t sure she could trust him.
“I think we need to take a step back and think about things,” she said. “So much has happened in the past few days. You’ve had a lot of surprises sprung on you. We’ve both learned things about each other that have come as a shock. I had no idea you had so much money at your disposal. You had no idea about my past. It seems we were both keeping secrets from each other, so maybe we don’t know each other as well as we thought.”
She couldn’t tell if Luke was considering her words, or if his mind was somewhere else. Nellie continued, “I don’t want you to spend your money. Let’s do what Will is asking us, and try it his way. If they can’t capture Big Jim and his gang, then we can look at pursuing other options, such as me going with him, or you paying the ransom. But I can’t think about that right now.”
The words felt right coming out. Giving each other space seemed to be the best thing to do. She wanted love, and she liked how Luke made her feel. At least in this moment. But there had been other moments over the past couple of days where Luke had made her feel absolutely worthless. Which Luke was he really, on the inside? Only time would tell, and right now they didn’t have the time to make any decisions about their relationship. She knew she could not think rationally, especially when it came to him.
The thought of losing Luke wasn’t one she wanted to entertain. Then again, she’d never really felt like she had him to begin with. The plan hadn’t been to care about him, and she should have been satisfied with their business arrangement. But now that she knew better, now that she knew she wanted more, she needed to think rationally.
It would be easy to be taken in by his sweet words and romantic gestures, to believe he loved her. But what happened a few months down the road when Luke realized that his love for a dead woman was too strong to keep his love for Nellie alive?
* * *
Though Luke knew there was wisdom in Nellie’s words, they also held the sting of rejection because not once did she mention returning his feelings. That she, too, cared for him. Yes, she’d said that she wanted a marriage built on love, and he’d taken it to mean that she loved him, but what if what she really wanted was the chance to be married to someone else? Someone who loved her?
But Luke did love her, more than he could have imagined. So how did he show it to Nellie?
They continued making plans for capturing Big Jim and his men, almost as though Luke’s declaration was nothing more than a minor interruption in the conversation. He supposed, as he looked at the lawmen, that to them that was all it was. Though Will and Owen had talked to Luke about his treatment of Nellie, they were probably too focused on keeping her alive.
Which Luke should be, as well.
Perhaps Nellie was right. There would be time enough to sort out their feelings for one another once they had Big Jim behind bars.
If only he could forget the feeling of her lips on his. Though it had only been the briefest of kisses, Nellie had kissed him back. Surely it meant there was hope for their future.
; Once they had the final plan outlined, Luke felt slightly more comfortable about waiting for Big Jim and his men to come to them. There were dozens of saloons and places of ill repute where he could be hiding, if he was even staying in town. He’d be nearly impossible to find, and he hadn’t left any direction with Nellie. The big card game wasn’t until late on Christmas, which meant Big Jim would probably be by early that day.
Until then, Will had men watching both the front and back entrances of the Jeffries home, just in case Big Jim decided to come early. Christmas Day, Will would have double the amount of men on duty. When Big Jim and his men arrived, Will and his men would arrest them. Until then, Nellie and the children would remain inside the house. It seemed the safest option, even though Nellie had been hoping to attend the Christmas Eve service. But they couldn’t risk endangering everyone in the church.
The plan sounded easy enough, but Luke couldn’t shake the feeling that it wasn’t going to be so simple.
When Luke escorted the men out, he stopped Will. “Are you sure this is going to work?”
Will nodded. “Men like Big Jim are too lazy to go to too much trouble. Not unless they know you have the money. Then it would be worth the effort.”
“No.” Luke shook his head. “Though George Bellingham announced that he was compensating the victims, no amount was ever publicly given. His family’s financial troubles were all over the papers, so it was assumed that no one received much once the debts were settled. However, he received enough to compensate the victims, even though there was none left over for him. Several men I work with have joked about how little we must have gotten, since we still live like paupers.”
Will ran his fingers down one of the sagging railings on Luke’s porch. “It’s well-known that you refused his money, but I don’t think anyone realizes you have access to it.”
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