by Arline Chase
"Last I heard she was in Bimini, working as a hotel manager and looking for number six."
"Then you didn't come back to see her—I'm sorry. I just naturally thought you had come to find your mother...."
"I came back to see you."
"Oh.... “Leanna fingered the paper napkin as if it were the finest linen and failed to meet his eyes. “Where are you staying?"
"The River Inn. It's close to the hospital. For the therapy."
"Yes, but isn't it terribly expensive—I mean.... “Leanna flicked an imaginary speck off the napkin. “I'm sorry. It's none of my business."
"Its that or the motel out on the highway. I don't have a home here anymore.” Jamie shrugged. Money no longer concerned him. “I rode by your house the other day. The trim needs painting again."
"I know, it hasn't been done since you—” Leanna sat up straighter, as if she had suddenly had a new idea, and her eyes met his. “Jamie, are you looking for work? When you're better, I mean?"
"I might be. Have dinner with me and we'll talk about it.” He hadn't meant to deceive her. Jamie had only wanted an excuse to see her again, to sit across the table and drink in the way she looked, the sound of her voice, the way she smelled like a clean sea breeze on a cloudy day. No other woman had ever smelled like that. Women liked him, and Jamie liked women. No argument about that. But all the women who had pursued him so energetically when his star was on the rise had shared a common flaw. None of them was Leanna.
Their dinner together that night felt enchanted. Each of them sat in silence, gazing at the other, as if they were afraid words would break the spell. And words had broken it. Farley Ralston's words.
"Leanna, darling! I'd no idea you'd be here tonight. We could've joined forces.” Ralston had leaned over and kissed Leanna on the cheek, one arm possessively around her shoulders. “I'm afraid I haven't met your companion."
"Jamie Mallory. Farley Ralston."
Jamie knew Ralston all right, a beefy sporting type who had briefly been involved with his mother. He nodded, but didn't get up.
Ralston's eyes widened, then he leaned closer. “By, god! It is you. Been a long time, hasn't it?"
"Yes.” Jamie tried to stand up and shake hands, but his body chose that moment not to obey, so he nodded instead. “Nice to see you again."
"I confess, I'm a little surprised to see you dining here with my best girl."
Leanna's cheeks went pink, the rising color visible even in the candlelight. “Farley, I'm not your best girl. I'm not your—anything."
"Don't be coy, darling. Everyone knows we're a couple. No one in Port LeClare would think of having a party without inviting the two of us.” Having made his point he turned again to Jamie. “Your mother moved, I believe. New Orleans, wasn't it?"
"Bimini, the last I heard."
"I hope she's well.” Ralston's light tone held just the right note of masked disdain. “Anyway, what brings you back, now that the fair Lilah is no longer in residence?"
"Farley! What a question!” Leanna's gray eyes were cold, angry. “This is Jamie's home, after all."
"Not any more.” Ralston's eyes narrowed. “And, as I recall, the River Inn isn't exactly your old neighborhood, either. I'd have expected you to be more at home in some honky-tonk over on the flats."
Leanna jumped to her feet, but Jamie caught her wrist and pulled her back down, then got slowly and painfully to his own. “Let me explain the situation, so we're both perfectly clear on where we stand, Mr. Ralston. I came back to Port LeClare because Leanna is here and because I wanted to see her again."
"Did you?” The challenge in Ralston's sneering voice was unmistakable.
"Yes.” The finality in Jamie's voice was equally plain.
"Well, now you've seen her. As far as I'm concerned, you can take the next bus out of town."
"I'll leave when Leanna asks me to go.” Leaning on his crutches, Jamie stared at Ralston, his gaze locked with the other man's. “And not before."
Leanna reached up and touched his hand, smiling. “Then you'll be here for a good long time.” Turning to Ralston, she added, “I don't know what people have assumed about you and me, but if they think we're ever been more than friends, they're wrong."
"Leanna—"
"If you care to remain friends I believe you'd better excuse yourself, Farley.” Leanna turned her gaze on Jamie, her gray eyes blazing. “Please sit down, Jamie."
Ralston bridled, then gave the younger man a stiff nod. “Welcome home, Mallory. All his friends thought it was just one of his aberrations, but now it appears Malcolm was right, in his conjectures about the two of you all those years ago."
"One more word and I'll never speak to you again, Farley."
"I certainly hope you know what you're doing, Leanna.” Ralston hurried away like a man who had been bee-stung, and Jamie had all but fallen back into his chair and done his best to hide the pain.
Almost before he could catch his breath, Leanna leaned across the table, her gray eyes intent on his face. “What would you say, if I asked you to move in with me?"
Jamie stared and licked dry lips. Was she joking? Was she hoping someone would overhear and tell Ralston what she had said? He ran trembling fingers through his short hair, making it all but stand on end.
"That depends on why you ask. What are you looking for, Leanna, a handyman, a lover—or a husband?"
Leanna's cheeks went pale and she closed her eyes for a moment. When she answered, her voice sounded so light and quick that it took a few moments for the words to sink in. Even when he felt sure of them, Jamie couldn't believe the words.
"Take your pick."
"Careful. I may be ill, but I'm not dead. Don't count on my injuries to release you from any vows you make."
Leanna's cheeks went pink again. “I won't."
They had married at the court house, three days later. Leanna wore a cream colored suit and a straw hat with blue and yellow flowers. Jamie, dressed in his best English tweed jacket with suede patches on the elbow and jeans, stood with the aid of his elbow crutches. His leg locked in spasm by the time the clerk finished reading the vows and the pain felt ferocious.
On their wedding night, Jamie expected to be something of a disappointment. His injuries made him clumsy and a bit slow off the mark. Leanna, too, moved slowly, as if she were afraid or didn't quite know what to do. Jamie put it down to wedding nerves and perhaps her concern for his pain. The pleasure between them built slowly, intensified, then culminated in a shattering climax that he would have sworn was shared. Then the damned leg lapsed into spasm again. The pain left him breathless and unable to move away from her, the damned leg jerking with every heartbeat, as if it had a life of its own.
By the time he was finished cursing and floundering around, Leanna was weeping. Some wedding night.
"What did I do wrong? Jamie I never meant to hurt you. Oh, please, what did I do wrong?"
"Nothing. You're wonderful, didn't you know?” Jamie pulled her close with his good arm. “I'm sorry, Princess. I didn't mean to spoil this. The damn leg packed in on me. Next time, I'll wait for you—promise."
Leanna trembled in his arms. Warm tears tracked across his cheeks. “Jamie, I felt—I—nothing like that has ever happened to me before!"
He held her close then, knowing a love so deep it scared him, proud that he was the one who first touched the depths of her pleasure, so that she could know the joy of total release. Ralston certainly could never have been her lover as he had implied, not unless Lilah had lied about his expertise all those many years ago.
Jamie felt such a mixture of relief, love and pride, that he almost convinced himself she had married him because she cared. He entertained fantasies that she had returned his love all those years ago, was torn between loyalty to the man she had married and her desire for him. Now and then, he almost convinced himself that Leanna had married him out of love, not out of pity.
Then he had found the contraceptive tablets in the medici
ne cabinet. Boyd had been dead for years. Leanna must have had a living reason for taking them, not that he ever asked her who it was. Explanations and answers were never Leanna's long suit.
* * * *
Three years after the fact, Jamie still had no idea why she'd asked him to move into her house and agreed to marry him. Nor did he know why she'd had lunch with Farley Ralston three weeks in a row, and made a point of telling him about it. If she were Lilah, her actions would have been a none-too-subtle hint that his replacement was at the door.
Jamie's steps slowed as he walked the last few blocks to cool out. Though sweat dried on his body and his breathing evened, his mind rushed faster and faster as he neared the house. Would Leanna go to London with him? If she stayed behind, would Ralston be around to keep her company while he was away? And dear god, how would he bear it if she told him not to come back?
* * * *
Leanna was almost ready to leave her office for the day, when a pregnant teen came into the center without an appointment. Another runaway. Not unusual.
The girl was crying and said she had nowhere else to go. Her name was Donna Jacoby and she was seventeen and originally from Kansas.
"What about your parents?” Leanna asked gently. “Have you called and talked to them about this?"
"That's why I left home,” Donna sobbed. “They wanted me to have an abortion. I just couldn't do that."
"What about the baby's father?"
"He's married.” She dabbed at her eyes. “I was their babysitter. I didn't even tell him. I just left—came down to the coast and worked as a waitress on the beach for the winter. But now I'm fired, because I'm starting to show. I can't get another job and I don't have any way to take care of a baby."
"Had you thought about adoption?” Leanna asked.
"I thought about it. But when you sign into those homes, you give up all your rights. They take the baby away and then you never see it again.” Donna shivered. “I'd spend the rest of my life wondering if it was all right."
On an impulse, Leanna called the McGarrys, and explained the situation. “Donna just needs a safe and healthy place to stay until after her baby is born,” Leanna told them. “She may decide in favor of adoption, or she may want to keep her baby. No guarantees, no snap decisions, just give her the opportunity to have a healthy baby. I know you two understand how important that is."
They had jumped at the chance, and Leanna had driven Donna to their house and spent an hour helping them all get acquainted.
* * * *
Leanna felt lighthearted as she drove away from the McGarry's house, certain that whatever the future held, Donna was in good hands. Her eyes sparkled with anticipation of the evening Jamie had planned as she drove home. He had sent a Peace rose and invited her out to dinner. Tonight she would tell him about the baby. Jamie would feel happy, proud—like the only rooster in the henhouse. Then it would no longer matter that he'd only married her because he was sick and alone and had no place else to go.
Jamie greeted her with a kiss and a playful swat on the bottom. “You'll have to hurry, Princess. Our reservations are for six thirty."
"Five minutes.” Leanna skipped up the stairs, missed a step near the top and plunged forward, catching herself with her hands at the top of the thickly carpeted stairs. As a fall, it didn't amount to much, but it brought back a terror, Leanna wished she could forget. No. No! Not again.
Jamie must have heard. By the time Leanna caught her breath and swallowed the heart that was beating in her throat, he was beside her. “You all right, Princess?"
Leanna felt the blood draining back to her face. Opened her mouth, tried to force words past the terror that clogged her throat, and failed.
"Leanna? Are you hurt?"
"Nooo.” The word came out on a wail, and Leanna dragged in a great shuddering breath, buried her face against his chest and clung to Jamie as he helped her to her feet. Sobs racked her body as she stumbled into his arms, leaning against him. “I almost f-fell ... o-on the s-stairs."
"But you're all right now?” Jamie checked her over, looking for signs of injury, then held her close. When she stopped trembling, he walked with her to the bedroom. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you to hurry, Princess. There's no rush. Why don't you lie down and rest awhile? Catch your breath."
Leanna drew a long ragged sigh. “But you always like to be there to watch the sunset over the river."
"There will be other sunsets.” Jamie kissed her, then made as if to lie down with her, but Leanna pushed him away.
"Not—now, okay?"
Jamie's eyes narrowed, then he sighed and said he'd be waiting downstairs.
Leanna curled up on the bed, knees to her chest as if to protect the baby. What if she had fallen, again? What if something happened to this baby, too? Would Jamie care?
Bitter thoughts of the past rose up in her mind, racketing around her brain like a squirrel in a cage. Memories she had buried so deep, because she wanted never to think of them again, came pouring back. Malcolm. The stairs. The terrifying flight and headlong fall....
* * * *
Here in this very room, Malcolm Boyd's uncontrolled anger had so filled Leanna with fear, that her body had refused to move, to run, to avoid his blows. His livid face swayed before her, slack lips saying over and over, “You can't be pregnant. You can't! I always stop before—” Then he'd stared hard, while rage built inside him. His eyes burned with fury and he struck her hard across the face again.
That was the moment Leanna admitted to herself, that he was truly mad.
"It was that damned Mallory boy, wasn't it?"
"No. No, never! This is our baby, Malcolm. Yours and mine!"
"All the more reason it should never see the light of day.” He lunged for her then, his hands reaching for her throat.
Leanna turned and ran for the stairs. Malcolm rushed after her, breath rasping in his throat. “I know what you've done. I'm going to kill you, do you hear? Then I'm going to find him, and kill him too!"
He caught her on the landing, jerked her around, then lifted and shoved her over the railing. Leanna plunged down to the tiled floor of the entry hall below. Unbearable pain struck and the sound of Malcolm's footsteps pounding down the stairs was the last thing she had heard before darkness descended.
* * * *
When she had awakened in the hospital, Dr. Englander looked down at her with a worried expression on his craggy face. He reached out and took her hand, made reassuring noises and, when he was certain she was entirely conscious, said her condition was stable for the moment and that she was going to be okay.
When Leanna awakened again, hours later, Dr. Englander explained very gently that she had suffered internal injuries. Unless she agreed to an abortion, there was a good chance both she and the baby would die.
"Noooo.... “She tried to turn away, but the pain stabbed at her, forcing her to stillness.
"Leanna, you really have no choice."
"But you can't be certain?” Leanna pushed herself painfully up in the bed, her eyes begging him to say there was a mistake. “If we wait, I might get all right."
"You might.” The doctor nodded. “Not much chance of it, though—and there are other reasons.” He'd stared at her then, a long assessing look.
Leanna closed her eyes. She didn't want to hear, but she couldn't blot out the words Dr. Englander said. Leanna had known them in her heart for a long time.
"This is the last time I'll treat you for injuries inflicted by your husband. Malcolm Boyd will have to go to a sanatorium. He's not only a sick man, he's violent and dangerous."
"I—know."
"His Aunt Ida and his grandfather Dalton both had—they were suicidal as well.” The doctor gave Leanna a direct look. “Malcolm's mother killed herself too, you know...."
"That doesn't mean—"
"Leanna, it's an illness. A hereditary illness. Do you think Malcolm wants to be as he is? He has known about this since the time his mother died. W
hy do you think he never married? Why do you think he's always been so careful not to let you get pregnant?” The doctor sighed. “He knew ... and now you know. Ask yourself, if it's really worth risking your life to bring something like that into the world? Born to suffer, the way Malcolm has suffered. Doomed from the beginning to madness. Never knowing at what age the sickness would strike?"
Silently, Dr. Englander had handed her the clipboard with a consent form for abortion. Leanna had reached for the pen with numb fingers and scrawled her name on the line.
Malcolm hadn't had to go to a sanatorium after all. While Leanna was still in surgery, he'd taken a pistol, driven out to the beach at Long Point, and ended his own life.
* * * *
Lying on the bed, Leanna shivered. What if she had fallen on the stairs? What if she lost this baby too? Silly to go all to pieces over a slight misstep, when there really hadn't been much chance that she could be hurt. Leanna buried her head in the pillow and wept. It wasn't the fall, it was not knowing how Jamie would feel about the baby that left her in a state of near nervous collapse.
Jamie was kind, loving, sensitive, warm—everything Malcolm Boyd never could be. He was not a madman who would try to murder her because she carried his child. But if he didn't want the baby, she'd read it in his eyes, no matter what words he spoke. And that would hurt far worse than any of the blows Malcolm Boyd had ever struck her.
* * * *
Downstairs, Jamie paced the floor of the library. What the hell had spooked Leanna? She never had pushed him away before. Why would a small thing like slipping on the stairs leave her white and trembling with fear? Refusing to let him offer even the comfort of his body. He remembered the dark circles under her eyes, the grainy texture of her skin. She was hiding something all right. And she'd barely touched her breakfast this morning.
Oh sweet, Jesus!
But she couldn't be pregnant. He remembered the small flat box of contraceptive tablets that had graced the shelf of the medicine cabinet for all the days of their marriage. One more thing they never talked about. Just as he never told her about his money for fear she wouldn't have him there unless she thought he had nowhere else to go. No, had he never told her of his wish for children, a real family bound together by love. Her keeping the pills in plain view had told him all he needed to know about her views on the subject.