“So can you.”
“You need to go home, Carly.”
She stared back at him for a long moment. “That’s the last thing I need.”
* * *
“Where are we going now?” Liz asked as John helped her into yet another taxi after they’d finished off way too many chili cheese fries, washed down by too many cups of coffee. She was so wired, she felt impatient and a little reckless. Going home was not an option in her mind. In fact, she couldn’t imagine going to sleep. She wanted to keep trying new things. She wanted to keep talking. Now that she’d told him about her parents, she had nothing left to hide, no reason to be guarded, and it was the first time in a long time she’d felt so free.
“Remember how I told you I was going to sail a boat under the Golden Gate Bridge on my birthday?” he asked.
“Yes.”
He showed her his watch. “It’s after midnight. It’s no longer your birthday. It’s mine.”
“You’re going to need to wait for daylight to set sail.”
“We can do some pre-planning.”
“We?” she queried. “This is your birthday resolution, not mine.”
“I helped you celebrate. You don’t want to return the favor?”
“I have no idea how to sail.”
He smiled. “Neither do I. It will be a new experience, another chance to do what we don’t ordinarily do. Your resolution has to last for at least more than one night.”
“I never said that was my resolution,” she said, smiling back at him because he was so damned good-looking that she couldn’t help herself. If she wasn’t careful, she’d find herself saying yes to anything he asked. Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad; he hadn’t steered her wrong yet.
“Do you have to work tomorrow?” John asked.
“No, I’m off.”
“Then you don’t have any reason to get home.”
“Except that it’s late and most people sleep during this time of the night.”
“We’re not most people, Liz – at least, not tonight.”
“I’m never this spontaneous,” she said. “I usually think long and hard before I act.”
“You’re not your father, Liz.”
“Where did that come from?” she asked in surprise.
“I think you’re afraid to be reckless, because that feeling reminds you of him.”
“He was reckless. He hurt a lot of people. He didn’t think about anyone but himself.”
“And you think about everyone before yourself. It’s a nice trait. But sometimes it’s okay to be a little selfish. You’re entitled.”
“You’re very good at reading people.” She paused, tilting her head to one side. “You could be using me, conning me, and how would I know?”
“I guess you wouldn’t, but you can leave any time you want.”
“That’s just it. You make it so I don’t want to leave. Tell me something else about you, John. Tell me about the girl who broke your heart.”
“How do you know there’s a girl?” he asked.
“Because there is,” she said, meeting his gaze. “You described her to me when we first met on the roof – the martini type. What happened to her?”
John sighed. “She picked someone else.”
“Why? What’s wrong with you?”
He grinned. “She had a fairly long list of what’s wrong with me.”
“Give me an example.”
He hesitated for a long minute. “I used to get lost in my writing. I’d spend hours at the computer. She felt ignored.”
“You could have changed that.”
“I could have, but as I said, there was a long list. And I don’t want her back, Liz. I saw her true colors, and they weren’t pretty. Then again, I put her in a situation that would have been difficult for anyone.”
“What situation was that?”
He hesitated. “It doesn’t matter now. It’s over. Let’s talk about sailing.”
She grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze. “Fine. I’ll let you change the subject, but just for the record, it doesn’t sound like she was worth keeping.”
He smiled. “You don’t even know her.”
“True, but I’m getting to know you, and you’re very insightful, so I’m guessing whatever you figured out about her was pretty accurate. So far you’ve done a fairly good job assessing me.”
“It comes from creating characters out of thin air. I’m used to digging for motivation, figuring out what makes someone tick.”
“I know what makes you tick – the unknown,” she said. “You crave excitement, change, new adventures. You don’t want to do the same thing every day of your life.”
“What would be the fun in that?”
“Maybe there’s no fun, but there is stability. And there’s a comfort that comes with predictability.”
“That’s what you want, Liz?”
“It’s what I thought I wanted – until you came along and showed me that there was a big world out there I wasn’t living in.”
“You’ve only just started. You know that, right? I don’t want you to quit after tonight.”
“Well, maybe you’ll have to stick around, make sure I don’t.”
A shadow crossed his face so quickly she would have missed it if she hadn’t been watching him so intently. She realized she’d just put him in the awkward position of having to pretend there would be another night.
“I’m sorry. That came out wrong,” she said quickly. “Sometimes I talk too much. I’m not expecting anything, John. You’ve showed me a great time, and when the sun comes up, I’m fully prepared to say goodbye.”
“Well, that’s not going to be for a few hours yet,” he replied.
It wasn’t what she’d wanted to hear, but she left it alone. “Where’s the boat?”
“In the marina. We can get on board, wait until dawn and then set sail. We can watch the sunrise from the waters of the bay.”
“Okay, I’ll go with you,” she said, making a quick decision. Maybe she’d only have this one night, but she was going to make it count. "But, first I need to make a quick stop.”
* * *
Liz’s stop was an all-night drugstore a few blocks from the Marina. She wasn’t going to John’s boat without being a little more prepared. Leaving him in the taxi, she ran inside. Her first stop was at the greeting cards. She ran through some of the more amusing birthday cards and picked one appropriate for him. Next stop was to pick up condoms. She had no idea if he had any with him, but she certainly didn’t, and the way the night was going, she wanted to be ready for anything. She might be acting on impulse, but she wasn’t stupid.
After grabbing the condoms, she hurried around the corner, barreling right into another woman. The condoms and birthday card flew out of her hand, landing on the floor between them.
“Sorry,” the woman said, as they both knelt down.
“It’s okay,” she replied, feeling a little embarrassed as the woman picked up the condoms and handed them to her. “Always be prepared,” she said lightly. “It’s my birthday. I’m thirty.”
“It’s my birthday, too,” the woman said. “Thirty-five, but I don’t think I’m going to have as much fun as you.”
Liz picked up the box of children’s cough medicine and handed it over. “Sick kid at home?” she asked sympathetically. “This is a good brand. It should knock that cough right out.”
“Are you a mother?”
“No, I’m a nurse.”
“Oh, well, thanks,” the woman said as they both stood up. “I wasn’t sure which one to buy. Have a nice night.”
“I intend to,” Liz said, taking her things to the counter.
As she returned to the taxi, John asked curiously, “What did you get?”
She smiled. “You’re not the only one who gets to be mysterious.”
“You’re not going to tell me?”
“I might show you – if you’re lucky.”
Chapter Eight
Angela
hurried into her apartment with her supplies from the drugstore. Colin had offered to make the trip, but she'd brought the girls home with her, and she intended to take care of them. Colin was reading in the living room and all was quiet.
“Are the girls asleep?”
“I have no idea. Laurel locked the bedroom door after you left. I think she’s scared of me.”
“They’re in strange surroundings, and you weren’t very welcoming earlier.”
“You took me by surprise. You go out to get wine and come back with two homeless kids. I'm glad to see you only picked up cough medicine on this trip.”
She was relieved to see that his anger had faded enough for him to joke a little.
"I know my behavior has been erratic, and I understand why you acted the way you did earlier. I’ll go check on the girls.”
He nodded, getting to his feet. “Then I guess I'll go to bed.”
“I’ll be in soon.”
“Will you?” he asked, a doubtful note in his voice. “I feel like there’s a huge wall between us that sprung up overnight.”
“Not overnight, Colin. We both know that. Things have been strained for a while, and I realize that most of it is my fault. But not all of the distance between us is because of me.”
“It’s hard to know what to say to you that won’t set you off," he said. "You’re like a time bomb, and this birthday has brought everything to the boiling point. Your biological clock is in meltdown.”
“It has been for years. It’s not like I ever forget, Colin. I know you do. You fill up your days at work, and you go on, but it’s always in the back of my mind. I just try to pretend that it’s not, because I know it’s hard for you to hear me complain all the time. Believe it or not, I annoy myself sometimes. I feel like such a whiner. I have so much, and yet I'm still not happy.”
He walked across the room and gave her a tender kiss. “I know how hard this has been on you, Angie. I wish I could make you happy. I love you, Angie."
“I love you, too. And I need to make myself happy, Colin. It's not your responsibility.”
"I'm your husband."
"And I'm your wife. I hate that my pain is hurting you, Colin. I just don't know what to do about it."
"We'll figure it out."
"I hope so."
“Good night,” he said.
“Good night.” A tiny seed of hope took root as he left the room. Maybe she and Colin could find a way to come back together again. But tonight she needed to focus on the girls.
She walked into the hall and knocked on the guest room door. “Laurel, it’s me,” she said quietly.
A minute later the door opened. As she walked into the room, Laurel scrambled back into the double bed she was sharing with Kimmie. Kimmie was already fast asleep, her stuffed bear tucked under her chin, her blonde hair glowing in the soft light from the lamp on the bedside table. She looked like a little angel. And Laurel looked like a young girl, not at all like the mugger who’d tried to steal her purse a few hours earlier.
“You should be asleep,” she told Laurel, sitting in the chair next to the bed.
“I wanted to wait until you got back. Kimmie was scared.”
“At least she’s not coughing. I picked up some medicine,” she added, setting the bag on the nightstand. “In case she wakes up.” She paused as Laurel picked up the medicine and gave it a cursory look, as if to make sure it was something suitable for her sister. “You’re used to watching over Kimmie, aren’t you?”
“Ever since she was a baby,” Laurel said. “I’ve been like her mother.”
“Where is your mom, honey?”
“I don’t know,” Laurel said, honesty in her eyes. “She isn’t usually gone this long.”
“Where’s your father?”
“I don’t know who my dad is. Kimmie’s father took off a while ago.”
“So it’s just you two and your mother. Does your mom work?”
“Sometimes she waitresses and we get free food.”
“Do you know the name of the restaurant? Maybe they’ve heard from her.”
“I don’t remember the name.”
She wasn’t sure if that was true or if Laurel was trying to protect her mother, too. It was a big job taking care of a mother and a baby sister. “How old are you, Laurel?”
Laurel hesitated, then said. “Thirteen.”
So young. Barely a teenager. “How often does your mom take off?”
“She was doing good for a while. Then she got a new boyfriend,” she said with a disgusted sneer. “He liked to get high with her. And she started staying out all night with him.”
Angela felt a surge of anger. The woman had two beautiful daughters, and she was neglecting them, putting them in jeopardy. It was criminal. The girls deserved a lot better.
“Can’t we just stay here for a few days until my mom comes back?” Laurel asked. “We don’t take up much space. And I can help you around the house. I can clean and I can cook some stuff.”
She hated to erase the look of hope in Laurel’s eyes, but she had to. “We don’t know when your mom will be back, and you need more help than I can give you.”
“They’ll split us up. They always do. Families want Kimmie, because she’s little and cute, but no one wants a teenager. I don’t care so much for myself, but Kimmie gets so scared when we’re apart. She needs me.”
She thought Laurel probably needed Kimmie, too, even if she had too much bravado to say so. “I’ll see if we can avoid a separation,” she promised, having no idea if she could possibly make good on that promise. “But I can’t keep you here.”
“Because your husband doesn’t like us?”
“Because it’s not right. You don’t belong to me. And you need a permanent solution, not a temporary one.”
Laurel gave her a sad look. “We don’t belong to anyone. No one wants us, not even our own mom.”
“I’m sure she loves you. It sounds like she has a problem.”
“Yeah, she always has a problem,” Laurel said cynically. “How about you let us take off before your husband wakes up. You can say we ran away. No one has to know.”
“I’ll know,” she said. “And I can’t let you go back to that apartment. It’s not safe.”
“It’s safer than some of the places they send us.”
Angela had no idea what the foster care system was like in San Francisco, but she could see the fear in Laurel’s eyes and wished she could do something to make it go away. “I’ll talk to the Social Worker. I’ll make sure it’s a good place,” she said.
“Sure,” Laurel said in a despondent voice.
“You have to have faith,” she said, wondering where the words had come from. Hadn’t Patrick said just the same thing to her earlier? And hadn’t she told him that God didn’t listen to her prayers, that faith had gotten her nowhere? She felt like a hypocrite.
But she also felt like fate had thrown her together with these two girls. She had to find a way to help them. Unfortunately, there was nothing she could do tonight. “You should try to get some sleep, Laurel.”
“Do you think you could stay for a few minutes?” Laurel asked hesitantly.
“I can stay,” she said, watching as Laurel slid deeper under the covers. “Are you warm enough?” Laurel nodded. She tucked the covers more closely around Laurel’s small body. “My mother used to tuck me in really tight,” she said.
“She sounds nice.”
“She is nice.” Angela thought about the huge party her mother had just thrown her and felt a surge of guilt at how she’d acted. Her mother had always put her and her sisters before herself. She’d been incredibly blessed, and she’d had so much more love than the two little girls in front of her. She’d been very unappreciative.
“You’re lucky.”
“I am.”
“My mom used to sing us to sleep when we were little,” Laurel murmured. “It was a long, long time ago.”
“You must miss her.”
“I
miss the way she used to be,” Laurel replied, her eyelids drooping until she finally lost the battle and fell asleep.
Angela watched both girls sleep for about fifteen minutes, thinking that this guest room, which had always been designated as the nursery, finally had children in it. There was no baby in a crib, just two scared little girls in desperate need of a mother.
* * *
She’d been crazy to kiss Alex, Carly thought as they pulled into the parking lot behind Alex’s bar. She was a forty-year-old married woman who’d never contemplated cheating on her husband. But this was Alex, her first love, which was also a problem. Alex wasn’t a stranger. He was her past, he was someone who’d once been very important to her. He’d known her almost her entire life. And no one in her circle of friends went back that far.
“Where’s your limo?” Alex asked.
“I have the driver’s number. I said I’d call when I was ready to leave.”
“You’re ready,” he said, cutting the engine. “It must be nice to have someone at your beck and call.”
“Well, they’re paid pretty well to be on call,” she said dryly, turning in her seat.
“You can get anything as long as you’re willing to pay for it,” he said, an edge to his voice. “But not everything – not everyone – can be bought.”
“I know that.”
“Do you?”
The light in the parking lot cast long shadows along his face, making his features harder, edgier. There was a tension about him that was impossible to miss, and she wasn’t exactly sure if it was all anger, or a mix of emotions.
“You should go,” Alex added.
“You’re kicking me out?”
“I think your slumming time is over.”
“Now you’re just being mean. Why?” She took a gamble. “Because that kiss meant something to you?”
“It didn’t mean a damn thing,” he said harshly, getting out of the car and slamming the door.
She drew in a breath as his anger ripped through her. But she wasn’t going to let him intimidate her. She knew Alex as well as he knew her. Anger was his go-to emotion, even if he was just confused or hurt. She got out of the car and shut the door.
Alex hadn’t moved too far away, which meant either he was being too polite and didn’t want to leave her alone in the empty parking lot or that he wasn’t quite as ready to say goodbye as he’d indicated.
A Secret Wish Page 9