He took a few more steps inside, letting his eyes adjust to the dim lighting, and crossed over to the kitchen area. The cottage was open concept, with high beams and a loft at the back that ran the length of the house.
The fridge door hung open and he closed it, wincing as the hinges squealed in protest. He was surprised to find appliances. The oven looked to be in good shape, though the countertops were crap and something had used the sink as a nest. He glanced around. The bones were good.
Jake exhaled and took a few steps back, his eyes on the stairs leading to the loft. Before he knew it, he was taking them two at a time.
He paused on the top step, gazing around a large area that was pretty much devoid of anything, save for the old four-poster bed pushed up along the far wall. Tattered gray curtains hung from the two large windows, and an old painting of a large sailing ship rested against the wall, where it had fallen years ago.
His eyes narrowed as he turned in a full circle. There used to be a dresser tucked away in the corner and a…red velvet sofa between the two windows.
Slowly Jake walked over to them and peered below. The windows overlooked a decent yard, though at the moment it was overgrown, and beyond the cedar hedge was a thick stand of evergreens. There was a clearing out there among the spruce and fir where they used to have bonfires.
Jake closed his eyes, ready for the wave of pain that rolled over him. In his mind he saw Jesse—he saw all of them, Jesse, Cain, Mackenzie, himself, and Raine, together. They’d been young and crazy and, on occasion, out of control. But they’d been tight, and back then they had felt like kings. Back then there was no sorrow, or darkness.
Back then, no one died.
The ache inside him was intense, and he didn’t know how long he stood there like an idiot, eyes closed, hands clenched at his sides. The sound of wind chimes from below cut through the fog in his head, and he was helpless to stop a trip down memory lane. He remembered another time he’d been up here and that sound…that sound had filled his head. It had filled him.
And so had she.
Contrary to Jesse’s calling bullshit, Jake had nailed Rebecca Stringer. It had been a hot July night, he had been seventeen, horny as hell, and she’d been all over him.
“Oh my God, Jake Edwards! You did not just have sex up here with Rebecca Stringer!”
Jake whirled around, having just tucked himself back into his jeans. Shit. Raine.
Rebecca smirked and adjusted her halter top as she stepped forward. She stopped a few feet from Raine and tossed platinum hair behind her shoulders as if she’d spent hours practicing the move. Which she probably had.
“What’s it to you? Who invited you anyway? I know you’re, like, the tagalong orphan or whatever, but seriously, Raine, aren’t you a little young to be out here at a kegger?”
Raine ignored Rebecca. Instead her eyes were on him.
“I can’t believe you,” she said as if he’d just committed some god-awful crime. Jesus, he was seventeen. What the hell did she expect him to do when someone like Rebecca Stringer practically forced herself on him? Push her away and say “No, Rebecca, this would be wrong, so let’s just hold hands and we won’t move past heavy petting, okay?”
“Did you hear me, Jake Edwards?”
Embarrassed, he glanced at Rebecca, though he didn’t much care for the way she was looking at Raine.
“Jake!”
Shit, was that hurt in her eyes? What the hell?
“Oh my God. Drama much?” Rebecca continued. “You weren’t invited, so go back to wherever you came from and leave us alone.” Rebecca glanced back at him, her lips wet and inviting. “I don’t think Jake and I are done yet.”
Raine’s hair hung down to her waist and most of it was a wild, tumbled mess. Her eyes, huge and wide-open with disbelief, stared at him for so long and hard that he had to look away. What. The. Fuck.
Who was she to look at him as if he owed her something?
She was Raine Delgotto.
His heart pounded and blood rushed through him.
She was a buddy. The female guy in their group. Almost like a sister.
Shit, anyone would take a piece of Rebecca Stringer. The girl had sprouted tits in eighth grade and had been torturing every guy in Crystal Lake ever since. Cain already had had a piece, and probably Mackenzie too. Of course Jesse was too much of a pussy. Too fucking morally confused.
Jake glared at Raine, pissed and maybe a little confused at the differing emotions running through him. He noticed her T-shirt—the tight T-shirt that clung to her small, high breasts. U2 splayed across the front, and as she crossed her arms underneath her chest, it only served to push her breasts up. They were small, but hell, they were out there.
Something curled in him, something hot and fierce.
Raine was looking at him as if he were some kind of sleazy guy, when she stood there in a T-shirt that, in his opinion, was way too tight and a pair of shorts that barely covered her ass. The kegger was in full swing, and there were a shit ton of guys out there who would be more than willing to take a peek at what she had. Did she have any idea how dangerous it was for her here? What if some drunken asshole decided he wanted her? She was small, and there was no way she could defend herself.
He glanced around wildly. Where the hell were Jesse, Cain, and Mac?
She wasn’t ready for that kind of shit.
His gaze slid down her body, pausing briefly at the soft skin visible above the waistband of her jean shorts, down to toned, tanned legs, and delicate feet shoved into pink flip-flops.
Holy hell. She wasn’t even sixteen yet. When the heck had she…when had she started looking like this?
“Are you hard of hearing, Raine?” Rebecca spat.
Suddenly he was really pissed off and close to losing it big-time.
“Get the hell out of here, Rebecca,” he said roughly.
“What?” The blonde whirled around, face wrinkled in anger. “You’re kicking me out because of her?”
He didn’t have time for this shit, and hell, it wasn’t as if he was the one who had invited Rebecca up to the loft. This whole thing had been her idea. “Just leave, all right? We’re done.”
Rebecca gazed at him in disbelief, her eyes narrowed, her chest heaving. “Unbelievable.” She shoved past Raine, muttered “Bitch,” and then disappeared down the stairs.
“Rebecca Stringer, really?” Raine strode toward him, her eyes flashing in what little light there was from the lamp beside the bed. “You guys are just so stupid.” She flung her hands out and shook her head. “All of you. Cain, Mac…” She bit her lip, eyes lowered, and he thought that maybe her bottom lip trembled a bit. “Why is sex so important to you?”
Jake didn’t know what to say, so he stood there with his hands loose at his sides and said nothing.
“I mean, that’s what this was all about, right? Sex?”
“Raine,” he began, his throat so tight he could barely speak. He didn’t understand what was happening.
“I don’t want to hear it. I thought you were different.”
What? That pissed him off even more.
“Different from who? What the hell has gotten into you, Raine? I’m not a fucking choirboy.”
Suddenly she was inches from his face, her huge eyes looking up at him all shiny and…hold on, were those tears?
Jake stepped back, confused and overwhelmed with the shit going on inside him. What the hell had he done to her? When had she become this…this…hot chick? She smelled…soft and light. Like peaches and summer.
“I…” she started. “Don’t you want… What’s wrong with me?”
He was shocked and it showed. Raine would have pulled away, but he grabbed her forearm and held her in place.
“Raine, you’re just…” Shit, what the hell was he supposed to say to that? “You’re just…” His
mind frantically worked to find the right words, because in that moment he knew this was important. And why the hell did she have to smell so damn good? His gaze dropped to his hand, to the soft skin beneath his fingers, and that hot, fierce heat inside him erupted. It clutched his heart and squeezed hard, and he glanced into her eyes, surprised at the intensity he felt.
This was Raine. This was wrong.
She made a weird noise and rose up onto her tiptoes, her right hand sliding behind his neck before he could stop her. Her soft, pliant lips touched his, first a hesitant stroke, and then as all the confused feelings inside him collided, he opened his lips and took the tongue that she offered.
His hands fell away, down to her waist, down to that barely covered butt, and though he knew it was wrong—she was so young—he couldn’t help himself. The world had gone to hell. Upside down was right side up.
He kissed her with all the finesse a boy of seventeen could muster. His hands moved of their own accord over soft curves, and as his fingers crept up beneath her T-shirt, over soft, satiny skin. His head was filled with peaches and summer and Raine.
She whimpered beneath him, and the sound drove him crazy. When her other hand sank into his hair, when she pushed her hips into him and he felt the strain of his erection, he panicked.
He’d never in his life felt like this. Like his insides were on fire and his mind was gone. Jake was so hard, he was afraid he’d blow and embarrass himself, and when Raine grabbed his hand and slid it around so that he now cupped her breast—her naked and soft breast—he nearly did explode.
Something penetrated the fog—wind chimes from outside that hit the window—and he wrenched himself away.
“We can’t do this. What the hell, Raine?”
She stared up at him, her eyes shiny with tears, and then she bowed her head—whether from shame or embarrassment, he didn’t know. For a moment there was nothing but silence, and he groaned as the raging hard-on in his jeans threatened to destroy whatever bit of self-respect he had left.
“Why?” she whispered softly.
Jesus, didn’t she know? Jake ran his hands through his hair and took a step back into the shadows. Oh God, he felt like an absolute shit.
Raine covered her mouth with her fist, her cheeks flushed red, that wild hair all over the place. Her eyes were huge, her mouth swollen from their kiss.
He’d never seen anything as hot as Raine Delgotto in that moment. It was then that he realized how much he wanted something he couldn’t have.
“Jesse.” He exhaled harshly. “We can’t because of Jesse.”
Chapter 12
His cell rang and the memories washed away as quickly as they’d come. How long had he been standing there? It was now nearly dark, and a shiver rolled over him as he turned away from the window. He was drenched in sweat and cold as hell.
Jake grabbed his cell from his pocket and took the stairs two at a time, not glancing at it until he was out of the cottage, and even then he took a few seconds before answering.
“Jake?” Raine’s voice was warm in his ear.
“Hey,” he answered, hoping he sounded somewhat normal. He didn’t do the walk down memory lane real well, especially when either Raine or Jesse was involved.
“You sound funny. Where are you?”
Leave it to Raine to cut to the chase. He hadn’t seen her since Monday afternoon, when she came by for a tour of the place. Lily had still been in town and was in the house taking all kinds of pictures for Franz, or Henry, or whoever the hell it was she’d called about decorating.
It was obvious that Raine didn’t care for Lily—it was pretty damn hard to miss—and the short hour Raine spent with him had been plain weird. He wasn’t sure if she was just being bitchy—a territorial woman thing—or if she was back there, back to the way they were.
It left him feeling like crap, because he’d hoped that after the night before, he and Raine had maybe turned a corner.
But the space between them was as big as ever and he had no idea how to bridge it.
“I’m at Wyndham, where are you?” He cleared the cedar hedge and made his way over to the pile of crap in front of the house he now owned.
“It’s six o’clock,” she said, a hint of impatience in her voice.
“And…?” he answered with an edge. He wasn’t in the mood for Miss Bossy Pants and quite frankly was getting sick of walking on eggshells around her.
“You were supposed to pick me up for the turkey roll, remember?”
Shit. He had forgotten about the damn fundraiser. Why the hell had he let her talk him into that anyway?
Dumb question. He’d always had a hard time saying no to Raine, but the turkey roll? He knew it was for a good cause and all, but shit, every single available woman would be there—pretty sad when a turkey roll was the “big event” of the season—and they’d be gunning for fresh meat. He didn’t have Lily as a buffer, since she’d left for Texas.
He clenched his teeth and ran a hand over his forehead as he gazed off into the gloom. “Sorry. Time kind of ran away from me.”
There was a pause. “Are you still coming? Do you want me to come get you?”
He glanced down at his ragged jeans and dirty hands, and grimaced.
Aside from the single women out looking for love, the entire town would be there as well, and he’d had enough of them on Black Friday. He knew what some of them thought, the rumors as to why he’d left town not long after Jesse’s funeral.
Some of the townspeople thought he had a drug problem. Others thought he was an alcoholic or crazy with grief or just flat-out certifiable. Soldiering would do that, they said. Make you crazier than you already were.
In fact, there was a bit of truth in all of those reasons.
“Jake?” Raine repeated.
“Yeah, I’m still here.”
“Are you all right?”
No.
Jake rolled tense shoulders. Damn, he was tired. He hadn’t hired any help at all. Hadn’t taken up his father’s offer to lend him some of the workers from Edwards Lumber, either. His plan was to work his ass off every single day until he fell into bed at night, exhausted. He wanted to sleep, for fuck sake.
Except his plan wasn’t working.
His head was still haunted and he was lucky to get two hours of sleep at most. As a soldier, he was used to running on fumes, but a body could only do it for so long until it crashed and burned. He was there. On the edge.
“Jake?”
He scooped up his gloves, took the stairs up to the porch. “Yeah,” he answered distractedly.
“Are you going to bail on me?”
He locked the front door and turned around. She was nervous. He heard it in her voice, and as much as he needed to go home and do whatever he had to do in order to sleep—at this point pills and booze were looking mighty good—he couldn’t. He owed Raine so much more than that.
“No,” he answered, heading toward his truck. “I’m not bailing, and neither are you.”
“It’s a turkey roll, Jake. I’m sure we can throw some cash at the committee and be done with it.”
“No, I’ll meet you there. I just have to run home and shower first.”
There was a pause and he knew she was thinking of a way out. His mother had filled him in on how Raine had become somewhat of a shut-in, and though he got it—he understood the need to be alone—it wasn’t healthy. If he could help her get through this, then maybe he could help himself.
Who the hell was he kidding? Jake was beyond help. His demons were bastards that wouldn’t let go, but maybe Raine would be different. Maybe Raine would make it through to the other side in one piece.
“I’ll see you at the arena.” He pocketed his cell and headed for his Jeep.
***
“Raine Edwards, in the flesh. Wow, I heard there was a sighting last week
, at the Coach House, of all places, but I didn’t believe it.”
Raine squeezed her eyes shut and bit her bottom lip. She had just entered the arena ten seconds ago and already she regretted her decision to come.
You can do this.
She pasted the fakest smile that she could muster onto her face and turned around.
Rebecca Stringer-Hayes stood a few feet away, her model-thin frame sheathed in soft brown leather with fur trim and pencil-straight jeans in a dark indigo. Knee-high brown leather boots—again, trimmed in fur—completed the smart ensemble.
“It’s so good to see you!” Rebecca said with an equally fake smile in place, her platinum blond hair falling to just past her shoulders. Rebecca’s eyes glittered as she shoved a long piece behind her shoulder. “I see having Jake back has brought you out of your shell.”
Raine’s facade cracked a little bit and it took a lot to keep her shit together. Rebecca Stringer had always pushed her buttons. A few years older than Raine, Stringer was a spoiled, selfish bitch.
And that was being nice, as far as Raine was concerned.
“So…” Rebecca moved toward Raine, her steps smooth like a dancer’s. “What the hell is up with Jake and Lily St. Clare?” She winked and leaned closer as if she were Raine’s best friend and confidant. “I heard they’re about to get engaged. Is that true?”
She didn’t wait for Raine to reply but plowed forward, running her mouth as if she were competing in the Olympics. “Oh my God, can you imagine? Crystal Lake is, like, the new in place for celebrities. Of course Cain has pretty much left us in the dust, but still, this could be great for our little town, don’t you think? Maybe they’ll do another reality show.”
Raine’s nails dug into the soft skin of her palms and she waited a moment, still trying to keep her shit from falling all over the place and very much aware that a good number of the people in the arena lobby were watching her and Rebecca.
The Christmas He Loved Her Page 11