The Christmas He Loved Her

by Juliana Stone

  “Jesus, Gibs, you’d think I never touch you.”

  Jake smiled. “He’s something else, that’s for sure.”

  Raine nodded and slipped out of her jacket and her boots. She padded in her sock feet to the kitchen and grabbed a rag, intent on wiping up the floor—wet from the snow tracked in off their boots.

  “No.” Jake grabbed it from her. “Let me.”

  While he cleaned up, she put away the rest of her groceries, suddenly nervous and unsure about the whole situation. What was she doing? Was she really moving in here? Into this stone cottage that belonged to Jake? She had a home, a beautiful home with the best of everything, and yet…

  She sighed. It hadn’t felt that way in a long, long time.

  So why did she think she was going to find that here? Or maybe it had nothing to do with that at all. Maybe subconsciously, she was angling to stick as close to Jake as she could. Was she pathetic? Or just plain old confused?

  Jake leaned against the kitchen counter, a wine bottle in his hand, his eyebrows raised questioningly.

  Raine nodded and grabbed two glasses for him, and while he poured their wine, she threw some wood into the fireplace and knelt down so that she could get it going properly. Jake joined her and she accepted her glass, taking a sip and hoping it would help to calm her nerves.

  Of course that didn’t happen, and the silence between them grew so heavy that she could barely keep her merlot down.

  Jake was so close to her that she felt his body heat, yet it felt as if he were on the other side of the room. It felt like the space between them, that polite, awful space, were larger than she could manage.

  It was the damn elephant in the room.

  “I was sorry to hear about Lily’s brother,” she whispered, her eyes on the flames as she drew her knees up and rested her chin on them. She took another sip of wine, but when she nearly choked, she set her glass aside and stared into the fire.

  “Yeah,” Jake answered. “It was rough. A long time coming, but still hard as shit to deal with.”

  “He was in your unit.”

  Jake didn’t answer, but he nodded.

  “He knew Jesse.”

  “Yeah, Blake knew Jesse. He knew Jesse real good.”

  “Was he hurt in the attack that…”

  “He was injured in the attack that took Jesse.” Jake’s voice trailed off, and Raine glanced up at him. He looked so tired. So tired and just…done.

  “Jake,” she said slowly, her hand reaching for his cheek.

  “Christ, I didn’t want to get into this right now.”

  “We don’t have to,” she said softly, her heart turning over when he glanced her way. “Not now.”

  “There are things you don’t know. Things we need to talk about.”

  “I don’t…” she began, her voice wavering. “I don’t want to talk about Jesse right now.”

  She closed her eyes, felt the heat from the fire against her skin, but inside she was cold. So cold and scared.

  And it was the fear that held her tongue. It sneaked up on her, fueled the parasites playing in her mind. The ones that told her not to talk. The ones that whispered she was crazy to discuss anything that might lead to questions. Because those questions would lead to an expectation of answers, and there were some answers she wasn’t willing to give just yet.

  It was best to avoid questions at any cost for the moment.

  Except one.

  “Are you in love with Lily St. Clare?”

  “Where the hell is that coming from?” He muttered something under his breath and ran his hand across the stubble on his chin.

  To say he sounded surprised would be an understatement.

  “I just need to know, Jake.”

  “I don’t believe this.” He set his wineglass down and moved until she was forced to look into his eyes, and what she saw there was anger.

  “Are you kidding me?”

  Okay, so maybe it wasn’t plain old anger. His eyes flashed and a muscle worked its way along his jaw. He was way beyond anger.

  “What kind of man do you think I am?”

  “Jake.” She returned his gaze as steadily as she could. “We’ve never really talked about that kind of stuff, and it’s obvious she means something to you.”

  He looked like he wanted to strangle her. “Of course she does. She means a hell of a lot to me, but that doesn’t mean I’m in love with her. And you can be damn sure that if I was, I wouldn’t have spent two days and nights making love to you.”

  Oh God, she was making a mess of things, and the damn elephant was still smiling at her.

  “Jake, I didn’t mean to upset you. I just…I don’t know where we go from where we’ve been.”

  He was still angry, and when he leaned closer, when his hands crept into her hair and cradled the back of her skull, the look in his eyes scared her even more. Because it was a look she couldn’t crack. She had no idea what was coming next, and that scared her more than anything, because…

  I love him.

  “We have a lot to talk about. A lot.” Jake’s voice was hoarse, the way it got when he was dealing with too many emotions. He cleared his throat while her eyes fixated on the pulse that beat at the base of his neck.

  I love him. Her brain was frozen, because it wasn’t just a thought anymore. It was real—just as real as the elephant in the room. The elephant that really was nothing more than a manifestation of her fear. The fear that when he found out the truth about the secrets she’d kept, it would all go away.

  Jake’s fingers slid to her chin and he forced her head up so that she had nowhere to look other than directly into his eyes.

  “I can’t lose you.”

  Mortified, she realized that she had spoken out loud, like an angst-ridden, overly dramatic teenager. Her cheeks flushed hot, and when she tried to yank her head away, he wouldn’t let her.

  “You won’t lose me.”

  Jake’s breathing changed, but then her heart was beating so rapidly, she felt faint. Every bone in her body had liquefied, and it was all she could do to not melt into a pathetic puddle at his feet.

  He moved so that his knees touched hers, so that they faced each other dead on.

  So that she had nowhere to run or to hide.

  Trembling, Raine let him hold her up, her throat tight with emotion, her eyes filled with tears.

  “I love you, Raine.”

  Her eyes widened and her breath caught as his gaze followed the path of one lone tear that slowly made its way down her cheek. He bent forward, his tongue warm against her skin as he licked it away.

  When he spoke again, his words caressed her cheek; they vibrated and made her shiver. “I think I’ve been in love with you since we were kids.”

  “That’s a long time,” she whispered.

  “Yeah,” he said haltingly. “But the thing is, I know I’ve been in love with you since…”

  Another tear slid down her cheek as she nudged him with her nose. She glanced up at him and saw her heart reflected in his eyes.

  “Since when?”

  “This is so screwed up.” He shook his head. “You were Jesse’s, and I…” He exhaled as she moved her hands up to rest against his chest. “I couldn’t seem to help myself.” The last words spoken were more to himself, and for a few moments he said nothing.

  “You remember your wedding day? You remember how it rained?”

  She nodded. “Your mom told me it meant good luck.”

  Her mind rolled backward and she squeezed her eyes shut. Images from the past slid through her brain. She saw Jesse. Her serious, steady Jesse. She saw him watching her with amusement in his eyes.

  Amusement, because she’d just come in from the rain, where she’d spent the last half hour dancing up a storm with Jake. The hem of her wedding gown was in tatters, t
he entire skirt mud splattered and soaked.

  She remembered feeling invincible, as if she’d found the things she had been searching for her entire life. Love. Stability. Family.

  “I knew then,” he said hoarsely. “You are the only woman I know who wouldn’t think twice about dancing in the rain in your bare feet.”

  “With you,” she whispered. Then more urgently. “With you, Jake.”

  Rising up to her knees, Raine cupped Jake’s face between her hands and kissed his forehead. Gently she trailed soft kisses down the side of his face, pausing, making time to whisper, “Only with you.”

  She reached his mouth, her breathing as heavy as Jake’s, and rested her forehead against his. “I loved Jesse, but I loved you, too.”

  He wrenched away and gazed into her eyes.

  “Don’t mess with me, Raine. I don’t think I…”

  “I’m not.” Gently she kissed his mouth, her lips moving against him as she settled into his lap. Slowly she coaxed his mouth open and slid her tongue inside, touching him hesitantly until he groaned into her and kissed her back with such urgent, sweet need that it made her ache.

  She broke the kiss, barely able to breathe. “I need you to know this.” She stared straight into his eyes so he could see the truth in hers. “I love you, Jake Edwards. I’ve always loved you. It doesn’t lessen what I felt for your brother or cheapen the time I had with him. Nothing can take that from me.” She shuddered and exhaled slowly, trying her best to keep it together. “But right now, in this lifetime, in this moment…it’s different. It’s raw and it’s hungry, and I don’t think that I can live without you.”

  He opened his mouth, but her finger was there to keep him silent.

  “The other day I told you that I didn’t belong to anyone, but that was a lie. I belong to you, Jake. I always have.” She grinned through her tears and shrugged. “One way or another, I guess.”

  His hand rose to wipe away the tears that lay in the corners of her eyes. “I love you, Jake. So much. And I don’t want to think about a tomorrow without you.”

  “You love me,” he said as if he didn’t believe her. “And you don’t think that’s screwed up?”

  She shook her head. “We don’t choose who we love, Jake. It just happens. And sometimes, if you’re really lucky, you get a second chance at it. I love you. It’s different than what I had with Jesse, but it’s just as real and it’s strong. I don’t care what anyone else thinks.” She reached for the edge of her top and pulled it over her head. “All I care about is you.”

  She pushed him so forcefully that he had no choice but to fall backward until he was flat out on his back.

  Raine straddled his hips, gazed down at the man she loved, and bent over until her bare breasts were crushed to his chest. She felt his erection between her legs and nuzzled his neck…there, where she knew he liked it.

  “I’m going to make love to you right now, if that’s all right?” A hint of tease colored her words, and she grinned when he shifted beneath her and groaned.

  “Good,” she whispered. Her hand reached between her legs so that she could cup him through his jeans. “This feels good.”

  Slowly she teased him through the fabric of his jeans until she knew it was too much, and then she kissed him again, pouring every ounce of her love into that one perfect kiss. Tongues danced, lips cajoled and then commanded. He tasted like every piece of decadent chocolate she’d ever had, and when she finally dragged her mouth away, they were both breathing so raggedly that Gibson whined a few feet away, his tail at half-mast, his large eyes full of concern.

  Gently, Jake pushed her off and rolled over to get to his feet. He grabbed Gibson’s bone, and when the puppy erupted into a fit of barks and yips, Jake tossed it into the kitchen.

  Within seconds they were both naked, and Raine licked her lips as she grabbed the blanket off the sofa and tossed it in front of the fireplace. Jake was behind her, his arms around her waist as he kissed the back of her neck and ground his erection into her backside.

  One hand snaked over her hips, moving lower, past her belly. Raine spread her legs in anticipation. She leaned back into him as two fingers slid between her wet folds and plunged inside her body.

  “You feel so good,” he said huskily, moving his fingers as her body twitched in response. “So damn good.”

  Raine’s hands rose over her head and she touched his face, gyrating her hips as his other hand fondled her breasts and his mouth tortured her sensitive neck. She felt the spiraling heat burst inside and then spread rapidly as she moved against him, his hand buried between her legs, his fingers stroking and pressing and rubbing.

  The pressure built until she knew she couldn’t hold it in any longer, and when she came, when she shuddered against him, Jake was there to hold her. To make sure she didn’t fall.

  “That was pretty intense.” Raine turned and slid her arms behind his neck as she rose on her tiptoes, her mouth seeking his, relishing the hard feel of him against her softness. She kissed him long and languidly, her tongue teasing, the heat already building inside her as his hands cupped her ass to hold her in place.

  She broke the kiss and grinned mischievously. “But I’m still feeling a little…”

  Jake bent low and with his tongue, slowly circled her turgid nipple.

  “I’m feeling a little…”

  “Uh-huh,” he said and then opened wide, his hot, wet mouth sucking, tugging, and licking her breast, each movement—each tug and pull—hitting her low, between her legs, where she ached.

  “Oh God,” she breathed, head thrown back as he moved from one breast to the other. She let him love her, let him play with her, and when she was nearly to the edge again, he paused.

  “You were saying?” His dark eyes were hooded as he gazed down at her.

  Raine nipped his chin. “I want you inside me.”

  She wriggled out of his grasp and pulled him along behind her until they stood in the middle of the pink blanket. His erection jutted out bold and ready, and Raine didn’t hesitate. She pushed him, had him on his back within seconds, and then stood over him, her legs spread, her skin glowing from the heat of the fire.

  “Oh damn, but you’re killing me,” Jake growled, his eyes set on the apex of her legs.

  “That’s not very nice of me, now, is it?”

  Raine tweaked her nipples and her hands drifted over her belly, lingering near her belly button.

  “I love how you watch me,” she said softly.

  “Babe, what else would I be doing right now?” Sweat beaded his forehead while pieces of hair clung to his neck.

  Her fingers slid inside her body and she opened her lips so that he could see what she was doing.

  He groaned.

  She smiled seductively.

  Never had Raine felt this powerful. In control.

  “I could think of a lot of things,” she murmured, placing her heel on his chest when he would have grabbed her.

  “I can’t hold back much longer,” he managed to say. Veins on the side of his neck stood out, and she knew how hard it was for him to just lie there beneath her, unable to take what he wanted.

  Carefully she lowered herself, positioning her body just so, and she kept her eyes on him as she sank onto his cock.

  His hands were on her hips and he held her still, which was good—she needed a moment to adjust to his size.

  “Jesus Christ, Raine.”

  She began to move, her breasts swaying above him, her body controlling their rhythm. She’d never felt this complete and was well on her way to being utterly sated. She bent over and kissed him. Then, as she increased the rhythm, as the orgasm built inside of her, she leaned closer and whispered, “Jesus has nothing to do with it, my friend.”

  Chapter 22

  Raine woke up with a start. One minute she was snuggled, warm in Jake’s emb
race, and the next she’d rolled out of the blanket and was on her knees, shivering in the cold. The fire was low and the heat it threw weak.

  She took a moment to stretch, her limbs heavy—but it was a good kind of heavy, a satisfied kind of heavy—and glanced back at Jake, who was just beginning to stir, his long frame barely covered by the shocking-pink blanket. For a few seconds, she let her eyes rest on him and just enjoyed the moment. And why not? The man was beautiful. Her gaze lowered to where the blanket nudged his “cut,” that indent low on the hips that made her mouth water, and she was just about to taste him there when she stilled.

  Something wasn’t right.

  Gibson barked. He growled a bit and then barked again. Rubbing her eyes, she shot to her feet, realizing the reason she’d woken in the first place.

  There was someone at the door. Knocking. Softly at first, and now banging much louder.

  Balls! Who the hell would be poking around Wyndham? Or rather, who in hell would be poking around the stone cottage at Wyndham? It’s not as if anyone knew she was here.

  Gloria!

  Raine swore softly and grabbed her yoga pants and T-shirt off the floor, and after nearly falling on her ass while trying to wiggle into them, she crept across the floor, feeling slightly foolish and more than a little irritated.

  If her mother was out there, she was going to let her have it.

  Raine peeked outside from the window, and her stomach rolled over. Shit!

  She whirled around just as Jake rose to his feet—all six feet, four inches of his hard, naked self on display.

  “Oh my God, Jake. You’ve got to get upstairs.”

  He frowned. “What? Why, what’s—”

  Another round of banging rumbled from outside, and this time a voice cut through. “Raine? Honey, are you all right? We’re starting to get a little worried out here.”

  Raine’s eyes widened to comical proportions, and a sliver of irritation ran through her as a slow grin spread across Jake’s face. He scratched the stubble under his chin. “That sounds a lot like—”