Undead Alchemist

by Kat Cotton

  “Rat,” I hissed, and inched back.

  Kisho inched with me. He gingerly pulled the door shut.

  “Let’s go,” I said. “Rats are dangerous.”

  Kisho didn’t answer. He kept going down the hallway.

  The farther we walked down the hallway, the worse the smell became. The mildew smell became stronger, mixing with urine and rotting wood. The tiled floor became raw floorboards, and some of those floorboards felt like they’d give way beneath my feet. Not much sun hit the insides of this place, even though little remained of the curtains. Just a few ragged strips of fabric hung at the windows, aged to a nondescript vaguely purple shade. Mold covered the once-white walls. I was pretty sure mold like that caused diseases.

  We made it to the back of the house without any sign of recent life in the place.

  “Nothing on this level. We can look upstairs,” Kisho said.

  Those decaying, broken stairs looked like a death trap.

  “I’ll go. You stay here,” Kisho said.

  “No way am I staying alone. That’s how horror movies start. Anyway, you’re at more risk than I am. You could accidentally stake yourself.”

  We both went up, holding on tight to the banister in case the stairs collapsed under us.

  The upstairs was no better than the downstairs had been. Empty rooms, long neglected. We exchanged glances. Nothing here except smells. A cold breeze swept through the room, stirring the ancient curtains.

  Then a noise clattered somewhere way beneath us.

  “A secret basement?”

  Of course there was a secret basement. With passages that connected the house to everywhere in the city. We just needed to find out how to get to it.

  We tiptoed back downstairs.

  “Clem, come here,” Kisho said.

  Around one part of the back wall, the dust on the floor had been disturbed. That back wall would be the wall adjoining the alley behind the house.

  “Footprints?” I asked Kisho.

  “Looks like it. They seem to lead to that old fireplace.”

  “Is there a basement? Look around for a knob or something that opens it up. What did the chick at the museum use?”

  “A gargoyle statue on the bookcase.”

  We pushed and prodded everything in the room. Nothing worked. We kept searching but found no stairs leading down to a lower floor. Then Kisho got down on the floor. Ick. All that dust and muck.

  “Tap your foot on the floor,” he said.

  I tapped warily. I didn’t want the boards collapsing. Then I tapped a bit harder.

  He stood up. “Maybe if we rip up some of these boards, we can access it.”

  “Whoa, that’s vandalism,” I said, shocked at Kisho.

  “Not if it’s for the sake of saving lives.”

  I didn’t really have anything against vandalism myself. I just liked seeing Kisho being rebellious. It didn’t take long to pull some of the boards up, but there was solid concrete beneath them. Damn. That made things difficult.

  “There’s a room down there, but there’s no way of getting to it. No non-magic way,” Kisho said.

  “If we had a jackhammer…”

  Chapter 28 Slime

  “DO YOU THINK WE’RE better off finding another entrance to the underground tunnels?” I asked Kisho. “Getting in that way might be easier.”

  “Not all the tunnels are connected. I don’t think the alchemist would leave his lab open like that. Also, we’d be wandering around aimlessly underground. That might not be the best option.”

  I had to agree with that.

  “Let’s walk back to the hotel,” Kisho said. “We can’t do much more here today, and we spend enough time cooped up in our rooms. Maybe we can grab something to eat on the way back and give those lovebirds some time alone.”

  “Good idea.”

  Even if it was freezing cold, walking with Kisho helped me forget about the alchemist and the Council and all my other troubles for a while and just focus on him.

  The streets were almost empty, and any people who were out rushed to their destinations. The world seemed extra quiet.

  Kisho took my hand in his as we walked. As his fingers tightened, the feeling that everything would work out okay rushed through me. The Council could try to control me, but as long as I had Kisho by my side, I’d be fine. And if they tried to take him away from me, I’d fight with everything I had.

  “Wow, look at us. Just like a normal couple,” I said as a light flurry of snow settled on his hair.

  I smiled at him. He smiled back. I wanted to pull him tight. My need to have him close had intensified recently.

  “Snow!” he exclaimed. “I love snow.”

  The white powder settling on his jet-black hair added to his sweetness. I loved this guy more than I’d ever loved anyone in my life. I hadn’t even known it was possible to love someone with this kind of intensity. He made me woozy in the belly when I looked at him, and the way his smile ended with those dimples still struck me as hard as it had the first time I met him.

  We could be a normal couple for a short while. We didn’t have to be a half-vampire/demon fighter couple with the Demon Fighters’ Council on my tail, as well as other losers following me around. All that stuff could be forgotten.

  We were in Prague, one of the most romantic cities in the world. Around us, the hundred or so church spires pointed to the overcast sky. Old buildings in candy colors lined the streets like something from a fairy tale. I had his hand in mine. Soon, I’d have his lips pressed against mine.

  The snowfall became heavier, but that just made me snuggle closer to Kisho. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him, but before I could speak, I heard a scuffling behind me.

  Who the hell was tracking us if it wasn’t the Council?

  This wasn’t any human, though.

  I flashed a look at Kisho. Surely, the two of us could take on whoever it was, but it really wrecked that special moment.

  “Hey, loser, can you just give us a moment, here?” I yelled out. “We were about to have something special.”

  No answer, just more scurrying. I sighed. I had to accept that every special moment of my life would end with me having to kill someone. The only fairy tales in my life were the ones that made kids huddle in their beds, asking their parents to check the wardrobe.

  I spun around, trying to find the source of the noise, then turned to Kisho. His hearing was a lot better than mine. He nodded to a laneway near us.

  “Want me to get this?” he asked.

  “We can do it together,” I replied.

  It might not be as romantic as I’d planned, but at least we could do this, the two of us.

  All of a sudden, something rushed at me. Kisho spun around, protecting my back. I raised my fists, ready to fight.

  Whatever it was rushed so fast, I only saw a blur.

  Then I felt a pain in my side. Not enough to stop me, just an unpleasantness.

  Before I knew it, Kisho was on the ground. I still couldn’t make out what he fought with, just that the two of them grappled in the slush.

  I tried to grab whatever it was off Kisho, but I couldn’t get hold of it. It wasn’t a vamp, more like some kind of slime monster.

  “It’s fine,” Kisho panted.

  He might be saying that, but I didn’t want my boyfriend covered in slime, and it made me angry as hell that this creep had interrupted our magic moment. I kicked out, my boot sinking into him. Gross. I’d be cleaning demon slime off my boots forever.

  The demon groaned. The kick had hurt him.

  I kicked again.

  “Careful, Clem!” Kisho shouted as he buried a punch into the demon.

  The demon got to his feet. God, using my sex aura on a slime demon wasn’t going to be pleasant, but I needed to get rid of this guy.

  “Hey, Slimy,” I called. “Get a load of this.”

  I flashed him my sexiest smile and thrust my hip out. It might not be so effective when I was rugged up agains
t the cold, but the main thing was to dig into my sexual energy and hit him with it at full force.

  The slime monster stopped and stared. Then he turned away from me.

  Wait.

  He’d turned away. No, that didn’t happen. I’d done this to slime monsters before, and they’d melted into a pool of jelly at my feet. How could he not be affected?

  Kisho got to his feet, but I put my hand up to stop him from interfering.

  “I said, ‘Hey, Slimy’.” But he still ignored me.

  Then, he lurched out at Kisho again, knocking him back to the ground. The two of them grappled on the street.

  I grabbed my blade from my waistband. At least the mayor had gotten that back from the Council, but I couldn’t attack with the demon so interconnected with Kisho. I didn’t want to knife Kisho by mistake.

  Instead, I stood to one side. This grappling could go on for a long time. I’d have diced the demon, not gotten into hand-to-hand combat with him. Fighting those bastards just wasted time and energy when you planned to kill them eventually.

  “When you’re ready,” I said.

  Kisho only grunted. As he fought the monster, I tried wiping my boot in some fresh snow. That got some of the slime off.

  Kisho grunted again. He’d gotten all macho with the punches when he could’ve just sent the demon in my direction for killing. If he wanted a workout, that was fine, but it really wasn’t like him, and I’d prefer a whole different kind of workout session.

  I ran the edge of the blade around the laces of my boot, hoping to remove more of the slime before it dried. There really wasn’t much else for me to do here. I couldn’t sex the monster; I couldn’t cut him. All I could do was watch. Kisho wasn’t in any real danger, anyway. The worst the monster could do was coat him in a thick layer of stinky slime.

  “Just kill the bastard,” I said.

  Kisho didn’t listen. He kept fighting, throwing useless punches that sank into the monster.

  “Done yet?” I asked.

  I might be a little callous, but this fight bored me. I wanted to get it over and get to the slaying. Then the bit where I had a warm shower, preferably with Kisho.

  “I’m done,” Kisho said, jumping to his feet.

  The demon writhed on the ground, his slimy edges indistinct. I plunged my knife into the bit where I thought his heart should be. That did nothing. I tried again. Finally, the bastard sizzled up, melting more of the snow.

  I wiped my blade and put it back in my waistband.

  “Nice work,” Kisho said.

  “You weren’t too shabby yourself. Well, actually, you do look a bit shabby now.” I gave him the once-over. He had slime patches on his t-shirt, and his jeans had become dirty from the slurry on the ground.

  He went to put his arm around me.

  I shook my head. “It’s not that I don’t care, but maybe we’ll shower before that.”

  The two of us walked in silence back to the hotel. Not an awkward silence, but not as comfortable as it had been. I didn’t want to say anything, but Kisho taking over the fight like that kind of niggled me.

  “Do you think the demon was from the alchemist?” Kisho asked.

  “Maybe. I don’t think he’d be working for the Council. It could just be a random demon attack. That happens too.”

  I reached out for Kisho’s hand. At least that wasn’t slimy, and it did still give me all the warm feels.

  Chapter 29 Jackhammer

  “YOU CAN’T BUY A JACKHAMMER—AND you can’t just jackhammer up a floor in someone’s house.”

  The mayor actually looked livid. Or maybe he was still flustered from that sex marathon last night. Poor Kisho and I couldn’t sleep with all the noise they made. He’d joined me for breakfast, but I was surprised he’d made it that far.

  “You weren’t averse to a bit of jackhammering last night,” I said.

  I waited for the mayor’s snappy comeback, but he just blushed and turned away, so I gave Kisho a side glance and bit my lip. This was no time to laugh.

  “We need to find out what’s under that floor. Come on, Mayor, you aren’t going to let a little thing like a concrete floor come between you and all that gold.”

  I stole the bacon off his plate, and he didn’t even notice.

  “There has to be another way,” he said. “The alchemist obviously can access the lower floors without jackhammering. We can’t risk getting arrested, and there’s no way to hid that kind of noise.”

  “I know,” I said under my breath.

  “Did you say something, Clem?”

  I coughed. “Nope. No words here, just coughs.”

  “Who is even going to operate the thing?”

  “Kisho. It’s the only way. We checked everything in that house. No secret doors. No escape hatches. Nothing. Maybe he uses alchemy to access the basement. That’s the only thing I can think of.”

  “Search again. And the Council want you back on the tour circuit.”

  I groaned. “The alchemist knows me now. He saw my face when I chased him. I can’t do the tours. Also, it’s freaking cold out there at night. Why don’t you go? Meanwhile, Kisho and I will search the house some more. Also, we’ll look for jackhammers on eBay.”

  “You’re the demon fighter, Clem.”

  Then his face went all gooey. Nic had walked into the room. He sat down with us.

  “Not like you to join us for breakfast, Nic,” I said.

  “I need coffee.”

  Lies. The coffee in the breakfast room wasn’t even drinkable. He’d have been better off going to reception. You could smell the love in the air, little hearts floating around like rose petals.

  I took more of the mayor’s bacon.

  “We really need to go back to that house,” I said to Kisho.

  “The Council have also said the two of you shouldn’t be allowed to roam freely around town,” the mayor said.

  “But it would give you and Nic time alone.” I winked.

  “I think you have something in your eye,” the mayor said.

  I was surprised he even noticed. His gaze never left Nic.

  “Is that what you said to Nic? Then did you lean over and wipe it gently? Nic and the mayor, sitting in a tree. K.I.S.S.I.N.G. First comes love, then comes—”

  “Clementine! People are looking, and you are no longer five years old.”

  I smothered my laughter. “So, who initiated things?”

  “I can ask the Council to take you back, you know.”

  “Then you’ll never get that alchemy gold.”

  “It might be worth it.”

  “It is real gold, right? One time, I got this gold from a liderc, and it was totally like real gold, but when I dusted that guy, his gold went with him. You should check that out. Hey, check it out. Czech. Get it?”

  The mayor rolled his eyes. Surprisingly, Nic said nothing. But Kisho laughed. I loved the way he always laughed at my jokes.

  “You know, I’d shut up if you took these cuffs off me,” I said. “I promise to be good.”

  The mayor just chuckled. “I told you, Nic had his wires crossed about that. Why would the Council let me in on information like that?”

  “Anyway, it’d be really boring for you to tag along with us,” I said.

  The mayor nodded. At least he wasn’t totally the Council’s bitch. Those bastards had us under tight enough control.

  “Actually, we’re probably better off working out what we need to do to get into the basement today, rather than poking around needlessly. If we can’t jackhammer, we should research.”

  I took that to mean he didn’t want to go near those rats unless he needed to.

  Before I had time to even start researching, the mayor came to my room. Alone. Were they having love trouble already? That hadn’t taken long. Less than twenty minutes since breakfast. The mayor definitely looked less perky.

  “I need to talk to you, Clementine,” he said. He sat down. “I’ve got news about your parents.”

 
My stomach lurched. Maybe I shouldn’t have eaten so much bacon.

  I perched on the edge of the bed, wrapping my fingers tight around the mattress edge. “Tell me.”

  He rubbed my arm. This was getting way too serious for my liking.

  “My staff have checked and double-checked. There was no mistake. Your parents were killed in that car crash. They checked dental records and everything. All the records match up with what you’ve been told.”

  I moved away from him. “That’s fine. I’ve survived this long without parents.”

  The mayor searched my face. That made me uneasy. It seemed like I should be wearing the appropriate expression, but I wasn’t sure what the right face was for the moment when you found out your dead parents were actually dead.

  “They found some photos. A couple of things from the newspaper, if you want them.”

  I shook my head. “What good would they do me?”

  “You don’t have to decide now. And if you want to take a break today, I’ll smooth things over with the Council.”

  That was all really nice of the mayor, but my parents being dead wasn’t a revelation to me. I just wanted to get on with things. All this sympathy creeped me out a bit.

  “I’m fine, really,” I said.

  “There was one other thing. You have a grandfather. Alive.”

  I sat up straight. A grandfather? “Huh?”

  “You’ve never been told about him?”

  “Is he rich?”

  A rich old man with me as his sole heir—that beat the hell out of parents. He could’ve taken me in. Growing up as a pampered rich brat would’ve beaten the hell out of the orphanage. I’d forgive him for that, though.

  “I have no idea,” the mayor said. “I’ve got a few details about him, but that’s all I could find out. There isn’t even an address on record.”

  He handed me a slip of paper, then left.