Larry looked like he might be about to throw up again. Konto quickly changed the subject. “Point is, a ransom gig is a pretty positive result, all things considered. It means they’re alive, and it means we get them back.”
Larry’s eyes lit up with delight, and Konto quickly realized his mistake. “I. I can get them back.”
“We! You said ‘we’, Mr Garr!”
“I mean I.”
“Uh-uh, you can’t take it back!” Larry said.
Konto grunted and headed for the exit. The Xandrie was flat on his back, arms and legs splayed wide, groaning in his sleep. “Well, I can take it back, actually, and I am,” Konto said. “Slip of the tongue. I’m going to leave you somewhere safe.”
“You mean safe like this place was safe?” Larry asked, very deliberately looking in the direction of the dead guide.
Konto stooped and retrieved the Xandrie’s blaster rifle. The charge icon was flashing red. Barely enough left for a single shot. Still, that was all he needed.
“Larry, shut up and look over there,” Konto said, gesturing to the broken fountain.
Larry did as he was told. “What am I supposed to be seeing, Mr Garr?” he asked.
Behind him, a single shot rang out. The Xandrie stopped groaning.
“Doesn’t matter,” said Konto, appearing behind him and steering him away. “Now come on. Let’s go shopping.”
* * *
The thing with a station this size was that it operated much like a large city. Despite the carnage and chaos on the culture deck, just a few decks below, life continued as normal.
Konto stood at the counter of the store, an array of weapons and gadgets spread out before him. On the other side of the counter, an officious-looking semi-transparent orange blob peered over the top of his half-moon glasses and sucked disapprovingly on his rubbery bottom lip.
“Come on, I’ve got the money, you can see the credit balance, just take it and give me the guns.”
“I’m afraid I can’t do that, sir,” said the blob. A cheerfully-designed name badge lodged into one of the folds of his neck identified him as ‘Gump’. He was, allegedly, ‘happy to help’, although this was not currently in any way apparent from his attitude or behaviour. “The scan reports all large-scale purchases must be authorized by …”
“My wife, I know, you said, but she forgot to change it, is all,” Konto said. “I don’t go off-planet much, she does most of the shopping … what can I say? I really need these guns.”
“Mr Garr?”
“Not now, Larry.”
One of Gump’s eyes flitted down to the weapons, while the other remained fixed on Konto. “All of them, sir? It’s rather a lot.”
“Yes, all of them!” Konto snapped, then he squeezed the bridge of his nose and exhaled slowly. “OK, so with my purchase limit, what exactly can I get?”
Gump’s other eye joined the first in studying the weapons.
Several seconds passed.
Gump clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth a few times, then reached under the counter and produced a small folding knife. “You could have this, sir.”
Konto stared down at the little red handle, the blade tucked neatly inside. “What?! That’s it?” he asked. “Seriously?”
“Mr Garr?”
“Not now, Larry.”
“Well, no, not just that. There is one other option,” said Gump, tapping a pudgy finger against his chin as he thought.
Konto’s eyebrows raised. “Oh?”
Gump nodded, then set a second folding knife on the counter, next to the first. This one had a blue handle.
“You can have either,” the shopkeeper said. He raised an index finger. “But not both.”
Konto gritted his teeth. His fists clenched, but relaxed when Gump very deliberately reached for the ‘panic’ button.
“Fine,” Konto growled, snatching up the red knife. “I’ll take this one.”
“Mr Garr?”
Konto’s temper got the better of him. “What is it, Larry?”
“I could pay for them.”
Konto blinked. “What?”
“I don’t have a credit limit. I can pay for them.”
Konto’s eyes narrowed, darting from side to side while he decided if he could let a seven-year-old pay for his arsenal. It didn’t take him long to make his mind up.
“OK, then let’s do that.”
Gump sucked in his bottom lip.
“Oh, what now?” Konto demanded. “Does he need permission from his wife, too?”
“I’m afraid the young sir is not old enough to purchase weaponry.”
“But he isn’t purchasing weaponry,” Konto pointed out. “I’m purchasing weaponry, he’s just paying for it.”
“I’m afraid that’s not how the law sees it, sir,” said Gump. “My hands are tied.”
“Come on—”
“My hands are tied. Were they not, I would be delighted to be of assistance, but they are, and I can’t. My hands are tied.”
Konto glared at the shopkeeper for several long moments, then he picked up a phone-sized gadget from the counter. “Fine. Is he old enough to buy this?”
Gump nodded. “Would you like me to wrap it for you, sir?”
Konto briefly contemplated wrapping his fingers around the shopkeeper’s bloated neck. “You know what? I’ll pass. Pay the man, Larry,” he said, flicking the switch that turned the device on. He turned to leave, paused, then turned back and gestured to Larry. “Oh, and, uh, I don’t suppose I could leave him here with you for—”
“No, sir,” said Gump. “You categorically cannot.”
* * *
Konto strode out of the store into the throngs of shoppers, tapping at the screen of his new device with such force little round rainbows bloomed under the glass. He mumbled and cursed as he walked, and barely heard Larry as he dodged through the crowds, hurrying to catch up.
“I guess this means you’ll have to take me with you, right Mr Garr? Huh, Mr Garr? Right?”
“What? No, Larry,” said Konto. “You can’t come, and that’s all there is to it.”
“But—”
“It’s too dangerous, Larry. And I work alone.”
“I thought you worked with the other garbage guys?”
Konto shook his head, just briefly. “What? No, I mean, yeah. I do. But I prefer to work alone.”
“You wouldn’t even know I was there, Mr Garr,” Larry whispered. “I can be very quiet. Listen, I won’t say anything for the next five minutes. OK? OK, Mr Garr? OK?”
“OK, Larry! Kroysh!” Konto snapped. “You still can’t come, but I absolutely will not complain if you just stay quiet for a while.”
Larry fell into step behind him and managed to keep his mouth shut for almost three seconds. “I guess your wife doesn’t let you have much money, huh? Why is that? Doesn’t she trust you?”
Konto scowled, his eyes still fixed on the screen. “What? Of course she trusts me!”
“Are you sure? Then why doesn’t she let you spend her money?”
“No, it’s not … I just don’t often … And what do you mean, ‘her money’? I have money. I have lots of money.”
“From collecting garbage?”
“No, from … I mean, yes. What? It doesn’t matter,” said Konto. The device bleeped once in his hand and he let out a little grunt of relief. “She’s alive.”
“Your wife? I should hope so, Mr Garr, otherwise you’re having a really tough day.”
“Deenia,” said Konto. “She’s alive. And I know where she is.”
Larry stood on his tiptoes to see the screen. There was an outline of the station, with a blinking red dot somewhere near the middle. “Pretty much where I thought,” Konto said. “Midway between landing decks, deep near the center of the station so no-one can attack from space, but with an easy route to escape pods in case things go wrong.”
“Is that Deenia?” Larry asked, gesturing to the blinking icon.
Konto no
dded. “She has a tracking device.”
“Cool. She never mentioned it,” said Larry.
“Because she doesn’t know it’s there,” Konto said. He shrugged. “Old habits die hard, I guess.”
Larry frowned. “Huh?”
“Hmm? Nothing. Point is, we know where she is, so we … so I can go and get her.”
“Wait. You put a tracking device on her without her knowing?” Larry gasped. He winced. “Ooh, she’s not going to like that.”
Konto shrugged. “Meh, she already hates me, and it might save her life, so …”
“Who hates you?”
“Deenia.”
“Huh?” Larry snorted. “Since when?”
Konto stopped walking so abruptly Larry smacked straight into the back of him. The shoppers around them tutted their annoyance at having to change direction a fraction in order to walk around them.
“Wait a minute,” Konto muttered, then he wheeled around and peered down at the boy. “They already have twenty-four kids. Plenty of scope for ransom. Why’d they need twenty-five?”
Larry’s wide eyes blinked in confusion. “Huh?”
“They came for you, specifically for you. The returned to the scene of the abduction so they could …” The truth clicked. “So they could get the rich kid. You’re the one they were after in the first place.”
“I was?” said Larry, grinning proudly. His face fell again, almost immediately. “Wait. I was?”
“I think so. Or maybe your old man blabbed about how much he’s worth and they decided they wanted you, too. I don’t know.” Konto sighed. “Either way, they’ll be back for you.” He sighed again. He felt the situation warranted at least two, with the possibility of more to come. “Which means you’d better stick with me.”
Larry jumped up and punched a fist in the air. “Woo-hoo!”
“Halt!” crackled a robotic voice.
Larry attempted to freeze in mid-air, but the station’s artificial gravity put a stop to that idea. With his legs locked and rigid, he landed heavily, and Konto had to catch him to stop him toppling over.
Konto winced as something sharp pricked the back of his neck. He spun quickly and saw a shiny silver sphere drifting away from him through the crowds. “Ow. What the fonk was that?”
Larry didn’t move for a second, then he shifted his eyes left and right, blinked a few times, and looked in the direction Konto was glaring. The ball floated off at around Konto’s chest height, weaving through the throngs.
“Oh, I thought it was another bad guy,” Larry said. “That? That’s just a bioscanner.”
Konto touched the back of his neck. A tiny droplet of blood smeared across his fingers. “They’re new,” he muttered, then the significance of what Larry had said filtered through. “Wait. Bioscanner?”
Larry nodded. “Yeah. The guy in the shop probably called them, what with you acting so suspicious and shouting at him and all that stuff. It just takes a DNA sample to check you’re who you say you are.”
Konto’s face paled.
“You’ll be fine, Mr Garr,” said Larry. He placed the back of his hand at the side of his mouth and whispered theatrically. “Unless you’ve got any deep, dark secrets you’re trying to hide.”
Konto stared at Larry in silence for a full two-thirds of a second, then he was off, charging through the crowds, using the full weight of his bulky frame to knock them aside. “Out of the way! Move! Coming through!” he bellowed, shouldering through a pack of chattering high-haired Thoorians and sending them sprawling across the floor.
He vaulted a Snurk, slid between the legs of a Golleeat, and gave two elderly Vaporoids a wide berth. The bioscanner glided around a corner up ahead, and Konto picked up the pace. It was smaller than his head and moved effortlessly through the crowds. The shoppers, in their rush to get out of Konto’s path, seemed to be making life even more difficult for him. They criss-crossed in front of him, tripping over each other in their hurry to not be there.
Konto skidded around the corner into a wide shopping precinct that stretched ahead of him as far as the eye could see. He stopped, his head snapping left and right as he searched for the silver ball. The crowds were thicker here, an ever-moving tangle of heads and arms and tentacles and tails and Kroysh knew what else.
There! He spotted it at just above head height forty or so feet away, moving away from him. It had slowed to a crawl now, encumbered by the tightly-packed throngs around it. Konto set off after it, pushing through forcefully, but not enough to send everyone scattered in panic again.
He closed on it quickly, until there was just one obstacle in his path – a large, wolf-like Greyx who plodded along slowly, examining its clawed fingernails.
“Coming through,” Konto said, shouldering past the Greyx.
“Hey, watch it,” she protested in a petulant voice that reminded Konto a lot of Deenia.
With a lunge, Konto grabbed for the ball. It was only then that he realized his mistake. He was not holding a bioscanner. Instead, he was clutching the metal skull of a hulking, seven-feet-tall robot.
No, not robot. It turned, revealing patches of its face had survived intact, including its eyes. They narrowed angrily as the metal jaw twisted into a sneer. “Can I help you, man?”
“Hey, who’s this guy?” asked a smaller humanoid in a brown leather jacket. A squidgy green blob sat on his shoulder, pulsing gently, its two eyes looking Konto up and down.
“Uh, sorry,” said Konto. He moved to turn away, then stopped as the blob formed the shape of an arrow pointing left. Konto looked that direction, and there was the bioscanner, swooshing through the crowd, heading towards a door marked Security.
Konto glanced back at the shapeshifting green thing. “Thanks,” he said, then he was running again, shouldering, elbowing and pushing his way after the thing, closing the gap, but not closing it fast enough. The sphere had reached a completely pedestrian-free area around the security entrance. It deviated slightly, making for the security panel built into the wall which would allow it to open the door.
Still running, Konto took the knife from his pocket and unfolded it. One chance. He had just one chance.
Catching the knife by the blade, he leapt into the air and hurled the weapon with all his might. It whistled as it flipped end over end above the heads of the oblivious shoppers. There was a satisfying thunk and an even more pleasing series of angry sparks as the blade buried itself deep in the control panel, shorting its circuitry.
The ball drifted to a stop and examined the damaged panel, rotating ever so slightly on its axis as it looked the damage over. By the time it figured out what had happened and turned, Konto was on it. He pulled it to his chest, forced his fingers into the first available join in the bioscanner’s outer casing, and pulled with all his might.
His muscles strained. The thin edges of the metal plating cut into his fingers. He gritted his teeth, hissed through them, and reminded himself how much rested on him pulling this thing apart.
With a screech, the metal casing bent back. Konto thrust a hand inside, bunched it into a fist, then ripped out a tangle of wiring. The sphere became heavier as its anti-grav capabilities shut down. Konto let it clang to the floor, then stomped down on it a few times, for good measure.
Once the bioscanner was in a sufficiently large number of pieces, he fished around in the debris until he found what he was looking for. A tiny glass container sat nestled in a mess of circuitry, an even tinier droplet of red suspended in an anti-grav field inside.
Konto held the vial up to the light, nodded, then crushed it between his thumb and forefinger. He sucked the blood smear from his fingertips, making sure there was no trace of it left behind.
“That was close,” he muttered.
And it was at that point that he noticed three things.
The first was the wailing of an alarm.
The second was the squad of Zertex shock-troopers shoving their way through the crowds in a really rather determined manner.
/> “Uh-oh, Larry. We better move,” he said.
And that was when he noticed the third thing.
“Oh, shizz,” Konto whispered. “Larry!”
4.
The shock-troops were approaching from the left, so Konto went right, lowering his head as he slipped back into the now panicked crowds. Zertex was the government for vast swathes of the galaxy, including this sector, and their soldiers weren’t known to worry too much about little issues like collateral damage.
Shock-troopers were low level grunts, but a particular brand of low level grunts who didn’t simply not care about the concept of civilian casualties, but actively encouraged it. Their thinking – although that was a generous description of the process – was that everyone had the potential to be a threat to security at some point, and while in an ideal galaxy the crime would come before the punishment, the actual order those two things happened in was, ultimately, merely a technicality.
Konto had dealt with guys like these before, but rarely unarmed. Had they been anything but shock-troops, he could have explained the situation to them, maybe even got them to help. Unless he went in fighting, though, this lot would put him down before he’d opened his mouth.
Going right took him back to where he’d left Larry. He was moving with the crowd this time, as everyone hurried away from the approaching shock-troops. Konto crossed the flow until a group of hat-wearing women were between him and the Zertex squad, then risked a glance back. To his relief, they hadn’t spotted him.
In fact, they didn’t seem to be heading his way at all. Instead, they were pushing off to Konto’s left. He glanced along their projected route and saw the cyborg, Greyx and humanoid-with-blob hurrying away.
For a moment, Konto would have sworn the little blob sprouted an arm and waved at him, but then they were gone, lost in the crowd.
Konto pressed on, back around the corner, back in the direction of the gun shop. The crowds had been thinner here earlier, but now that the shock-troopers had spooked them, everyone was flooding here from the main plaza, and the place was filling rapidly.
Space Team: A Lot of Weird Space Shizz: Collected Short Stories Page 7