Releasing Matthew’s chin, Sir Hugh stepped back. He coiled the cord around his fist, then circled Matthew. Adrenaline surged and Matthew had to fight the need to bite his lip.
“In the future, I want you to let me know whenever you feel the need to go to The Dungeon.” There was a whistle, followed by a quick snap when the whip flew through the air. Matthew yelped as it caught him over the other thigh.
“You are to tell me if you want or need something on the kink or the emotional side that I’m not offering you.”
The leather bit again, higher this time and closer to the inner thigh. The pain shot through Matthew’s leg in both directions. He felt his testicles pulling up, trying to crawl their way back into his body.
“Is that clear?”
Matthew blinked, his mind scrambling to clear the fog the pain brought on, to remember what he was being asked.
“Is that clear?” Sir repeated in a much harsher tone. The end of the question was marked by another blow, this one even closer to Matthew’s groin.
“Yes, Sir.” Matthew yelped. “It’s clear.”
“Good. But seeing as you didn’t come to me in the first place and I had to find out from someone else, you are still getting punished.”
A fresh wave of adrenaline washed through Matthew at the thought. His mind screamed No, while his senses flared in excitement and his breath deepened in expectation.
“Yes, Sir.”
“You will receive fifteen blows. I want you to count them out loud.”
Matthew trembled as a shiver sped through him. “Yes, Sir.”
“Your safe word, if you please.”
“Phone,” Matthew blurted out. No matter how many times they played together, Sir always asked for Matthew’s safe word.
“Good. Remember it and use it if you need to.”
“Yes, Sir.” Matthew could barely speak around the knot in his throat.
“I want you to bend over that chair there. Hands on its back, legs spread.”
Matthew sprang to obey. Once in position, he closed his eyes, forcing his muscles to relax. Yet when the leather whistled through the air, he couldn’t help tensing. The whip bit into one of his butt cheeks, making him rise to his toes in a futile, yet normal, attempt to get away from the pain.
“One.” Matthew remembered to count.
Another blow landed on his other cheek before the word was completely out of his mouth.
“Two.”
“That’s a good boy. Don’t forget the count.”
He could feel the warmth spread from the spot throughout his body in a mixture of adrenaline and dopamine.
The next blows came in a faster rhythm, keeping Matthew alert. The warmth spread, dulling his senses. By the tenth blow, his ass and thighs tingled, a low, pleasant throb. He could hear himself counting, though he sounded hollow, like his voice was coming from a great distance. His breath had evened out, his heart beating steadily. Every blow sent a fresh wave of dopamine, wrapping him in a cocoon of warmth and security. He could hear Sir’s voice coming from far, far away.
“That’s it.”
“Eleven.” The rhythm of the blows slowed, giving Matthew time to think everything through.
“Twelve.”
Calmness spread through him.
“Thirteen.” Matthew took a deep breath. His muscles relaxed and he no longer felt the need to rise onto the balls of his feet.
“Fourteen.”
“Fifteen.”
Relief and disappointment battled inside him as he counted the last blow. His knees turned to rubber, but he kept his position. He wouldn’t move unless requested. Coolness replaced the warmth, the air cold against his skin. Sir caressed his shoulders, making him shiver under the touch.
“Easy, baby.”
Matthew trembled again, barely managing to stay upright. So, when Sir’s arm wrapped around his midsection, Matthew leaned into it, grateful for the support.
“Hope.”
With the termination of the scene, Matthew’s knees gave. Matthew turned in the embrace, looking for comfort. Sir drew him closer. Matthew melted into him, resting his head on Sir’s shoulder.
“How are you feeling, sweets?”
Another shiver sizzled down Matthew’s spine. “Give me a moment.” He snuggled closer, finding comfort in the scent of Hugh’s neck.
“Take all the moments you need.”
Hugh swayed gently, taking Matthew with him. Slowly, Matthew got into the silent rhythm. They moved together, a little awkwardly at first, but then more gracefully when Matthew managed to lift his feet off the floor.
“Thank you.”
Hugh smiled at Matthew’s words. There wasn’t any need for clarification. “You’re welcome.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“I know.”
Chapter 10
“How was your session today?”
Matthew worried at his lower lip, knuckles going white around the phone in his hand. He’d known the question was coming, but he still didn’t have the right answer. Today he’d tried going to the club. The way the last session with Sir Brentwood had gone still bothered him, so he’d thought to try it again, to see if he still felt the same. Maybe that one time had been a fluke.
“It was fine.”
“Why the hesitation? What’s wrong?”
There was real concern in Sir Hugh’s voice. Matthew could picture his eyes narrowing slightly, his focus trained solely on Matthew.
“I don’t think I want to go to the club anymore.”
“Did something happen?”
Matthew’s heart jumped to hear the protectiveness in Sir’s tone.
“No. Nothing like that. But...”
“But?”
God, could he come out and say it?
“But what, Matthew?”
“But it wasn’t you.” There. He’d said it. Holding his breath, his heart pounding, he waited for Sir’s response.
“I know what you mean. I feel the same.”
It took a couple of seconds for the meaning to sink in.
“You do?”
“Yes.”
“But how... Why? How?” So many questions popped into Matthew’s head, making it difficult for him to focus on any particular thought.
“Take it easy, sweetheart. Breathe.”
Yeah, that sounded like a good idea. He followed through, inhaling deeply. Once, twice. By the fourth time, his head had started to clear.
“If it’s the same for you, how can you go to work every day?”
“I had a moment of struggle myself.”
“You did? Why didn’t you tell me?” But why would Sir tell him? He was just a sub.
“I didn’t want to put any stress on you.”
“What?”
“You didn’t know if you wanted to continue at the club, or if you wanted to do so with me or another Top, so I didn’t tell you about it. I didn’t want this to be a factor in your decision.”
“Oh. That makes sense, I guess.” But that didn’t mean it hurt less. His distress must have slipped through, because Sir Hugh sighed.
“Matthew?”
“Yes?”
“Are you all right?”
“Yes.” His voice broke.
“I want you to go and fix me a tea, Matthew. A proper English tea, out of leaves, not bags. I’m on my way.”
“Yes, Sir.” Relief shot through Matthew.
“I’m on my way. You hear me?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Good. I want the tea on the table by the time I get there.”
The phone went dead in his hand. Slowly, still gathering himself, Matthew placed it on the table. Having a task felt good.
He went to the kitchen and filled the kettle. Once he’d set it on the burner, he searched for the leaves, happy he’d stocked up on his last trip to the supermarket. At that time, he hadn’t thought he’d need it so soon.
By the time the knock on the front door came, he had everythin
g ready.
“You’re here.” Matthew jerked the door open. Relief flooded him. Before he could stop himself, Matthew threw himself at Sir Hugh, craving the contact. At once, Sir’s arms went around him, pulling him closer.
“I told you I was coming.” A shiver shook Matthew’s body when Sir’s breath tickled his neck. Sir rubbed his back in slow, comforting motions.
“And you always keep your promises.”
“I try to. May I come in?”
“Oh.” Matthew leaned back, looking Sir in the face. “Oh, yes. I’m sorry. Come in, please.” Reluctantly, he took a step back, mourning the loss of contact as soon as it broke.
Sir Hugh followed him inside and closed the door, before taking him into his arms again. At once, calmness washed over Matthew. He cuddled closer, nuzzling Sir’s neck before he could help himself. When he realized what he was doing, he froze. Just when he was starting to pull back, trying to disentangle himself, Sir tightened his hold around him, keeping him where he was.
“Shh. Take what you need.”
Relaxing into the embrace, Matthew sighed. Sir’s smell reached him, bringing the familiarity that he had missed the entire day. He inhaled deeply, drawing in as much of the scent as possible. Finally in control, he stepped back.
“I’m sorry.”
“Never apologize for needing me. Or anyone for that matter. Needing someone is not a weakness, it’s a strength. Not everybody can do it.” Sir paused, giving Matthew time to process. “Can we sit?”
“Oh, yes, Sir. Absolutely.”
Taking Matthew’s hand, Sir guided him to the couch. When Matthew knelt, Sir helped him to his feet and patted the seat by his side.
“No, sit by me for now.”
Reluctantly, Matthew obeyed. He wasn’t sure if he could handle the talk he knew was coming. He’d rather submit into oblivion, getting into that headspace where nothing else mattered. But he obeyed nonetheless.
“Tell me about your day at The Dungeon.”
“There’s nothing more to say.”
“Humor me.”
Matthew walked him through the scene, making sure to relate everything as calmly as possible. Once he was finished, he searched Sir’s face, trying to read what the man was thinking.
“What do you want to do from here?”
God, he’d hoped Sir would tell him what to do. It would have made everything so much easier.
“I don’t want to go there anymore.”
Once he’d admitted it out loud, it felt good.
“You don’t have to, if you don’t want to. Just as you can always go again if you feel the need. No matter what, it will always be your choice.”
It sounded good—great even—but something wasn’t sitting right. “Wouldn’t it bother you if I went back?”
A little smile played at the corners of Sir’s lips, his eyes twinkling with mirth. “You’re asking me if I’d be jealous if you decided to frequent the club again?”
Matthew straightened his back, watching Sir closely. “Yes.”
“Then, yes, I would.” At Matthew’s short inhale, he shook his head, raising his hand to stop Matthew from talking. “But—and I can’t stress this enough—I want you to be happy and have your needs met. And if that means you keep or resume your sessions at the club, I’ll find a way to deal with it.”
Matthew gaped. He’d heard the words, the conviction behind them, but he almost couldn’t believe them. Yet, there was no hint of deceit in Sir’s tone or actions.
“Thank you. For being honest.”
“Always.” Sir squeezed his hand, emphasizing his promise.
Seconds passed as they stared into each other’s eyes. Then Sir started.
“What about you? Is my working at The Dungeon an issue? I know we covered this at an earlier stage of the relationship, but I want to know where you stand.”
Where did he stand? Matthew took his time, searching his heart. Sir watched him in silence, allowing him the time to process.
“I think I’m fine.”
“How come?”
“Do you have feelings for any of the subs there?”
“No, of course not.”
Worrying at his lower lip, Matthew considered his next question carefully.
“Do you go there for something I’m not offering you?” He didn’t dare meet Sir’s gaze, his heart in his throat.
“No.”
The breath he didn’t realize he was holding heaved, a weight lifting from his shoulders. That simple answer—two letters—meant the world to him.
“Your tea. I forgot about it. It’s ready.”
Sir pulled him back onto the couch.
“Don’t worry about it. I can drink it later.”
“It will be cold by then. If not already.”
“So what? I can drink it cold.”
“I can make you another one.”
“Sure. If you want to. But for now, just stay here with me.”
Leaning back, Sir took Matthew with him and rested his arm around Matthew’s shoulders. With a sigh, Matthew settled more comfortably against his side.
Chapter 11
“Would you mind taking a seat? I want to talk to you.”
Matthew’s heart jumped, anxiety rising to choke him. Talking didn’t sound good. Talking was never good. Damn it. It had been a great three months—the best three months of his life—and he hadn’t seen a talk coming.
Throat closing up, Matthew dragged himself to the table. The chair screeched loud against the tiles. Slowly, he sat down. When he couldn’t put it off any longer, he looked at Sir.
“There’s nothing to be worried about. It’s a good thing. I hope it is anyway.”
Despite Sir Hugh’s reassuring words, Matthew’s heart rate picked up.
“Matthew?”
“Yes?” The word came out rough, barely going around the lump in his throat.
“Are you okay?”
“I am. Thank you.”
Sir Hugh shook his head, biting his lips to hide a smile. “Would you just trust me and relax? It’s not a bad conversation.”
But Matthew wasn’t believing a single word of it. And judging by Sir’s sigh, he wasn’t being too inconspicuous about it.
“I want to revisit the relationship topic.”
Matthew’s breath caught. How is that a good thing? Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to call Sir Hugh a liar.
“What about it?” Matthew asked tentatively.
“Are you happy so far?”
“Yes.”
Sir Hugh sighed. “Come on, give me more than that.”
Matthew frowned, picking up on what sounded like insecurity in Sir Hugh’s voice. But how could that be? The man was steady as a rock. But what if that was just the image he showed the world while he felt completely different deep down inside?
“What is it you want to hear? That I love you? That I want to be with you? That I want more of our relationship?” Matthew’s fists clenched over the table top, words pouring out without being able to control himself. Where he’d found the strength to stand up to Sir Hugh, he didn’t know, but he wouldn’t, couldn’t, stop. Not now. Not until he got it all out. “Yes, I love you, damn it. I want more of you, more of us. Happy now?”
Matthew wished he could storm out, or at least throw his hands in the air. But that wasn’t him and he couldn’t bring himself to do any of it.
Sir Hugh listened to his rant in silence, his expression blank, making it difficult for Matthew to know what was going on behind those warm eyes of his.
“Are you done?”
Matthew gaped, surprised at the tone. He searched Sir’s face, searching for anything that might clue him in about his partner’s state of mind. But all he could find was the same calmness he heard in Sir Hugh’s voice.
“Yes.”
“All right then. My turn.”
Matthew held his breath as he waited for him to continue.
“I knew I liked you the moment I saw you in Lucas’s office.
Then, when you reacted so beautifully to me during our time at The Dungeon, I wanted you for myself, and not only at the club. But I never expected to fall for you. And I have.”
A gasp escaped Matthew’s lips. Had he heard him right? Had he actually said he was in love with Matthew?
“And now I find myself in the position of wanting more of you. I want... No, I’d like more of you, of our relationship.”
“You want to go steady?” Matthew half screamed. “That’s what this is about?”
Sir Hugh shook with silent laughter. “That wasn’t exactly how I was going to put it, but you’re right. I want to go steady.” His nose curled up on the last word, as if he couldn’t believe he was using it.
Blinking at him, Matthew tried to grab a thought, any thought, from all those swirling in his head. He wanted to shout at Sir Hugh, to demand he repeat what he’d just said, while at the same time, he feared if he did, Sir might change his mind. So, he ground his teeth and prayed he’d get himself under control.
He must have taken too long to answer, because Sir Hugh narrowed his eyes.
“Matthew?”
“Sir?” His jaw hurt when he spoke, his voice small and pitched.
Sir Hugh’s brows shot up, before he schooled himself into his Master mask.
“Hope.”
Relief flooded Matthew at the sound of the code word. At once, he dropped to the floor, assuming position, his knees spread just to the width of his shoulders, hands clasped behind his back, his head slightly bowed. Each move, perfectly executed, brought him more and more peace of mind. By the time he was set, his head was no longer a vortex of thoughts but clear, his breath steady and his heartbeat back to normal.
Sir Hugh pushed back his chair and twisted until he was facing Matthew. “Do you want me to bring the ropes?”
Matthew shivered under the kindness in the tone. He nodded, unable to speak.
Sir Hugh climbed to his feet and walked away. Eyes lower to the floor, Matthew followed his progress across the apartment by the sound of his steps. Before long, he was back, standing above Matthew.
“On your feet and follow me.” There was kindness in Sir’s voice, but there was no denying the command behind it. Matthew rose, as gracefully as he could with his hands still clasped behind his back, and Sir led him to the bedroom.
A Master for Matthew (The Dungeon Book 6) Page 8