A Christmas Candle

by Katie Flynn

  ‘Oh, Mr Spindlebush, you’re a lifesaver. I was just thinking about having a sit down when you stopped.’ He was scrambling into the passenger seat as he spoke and expected Mr Spindlebush to start asking questions, so began hastily to invent a reason for his expedition into town. But as it turned out, this was not necessary. Mr Spindlebush was even less at ease behind the wheel than Uncle Reg, and he maintained a stolid silence until he dropped Chrissie off, unchallenged, at the top of the lane.

  Because it was a Wednesday Chrissie could not unburden himself to Alex until his friend’s chores at the rectory were done, but as soon as he had bolted his lunch he rushed to the old graveyard.

  Alex was deeply envious of Chrissie’s thrilling adventure and asked a thousand questions, or so it seemed to Chrissie, which he took great pleasure in answering. In fact there was only one question to which he could think of no satisfactory answer; what had Hank meant when he said that Lily deserved more than half a man? So far as Chrissie could see – and Alex agreed with him – there was no such thing as half a man, so it must be some American expression which neither boy had heard before.

  It didn’t particularly worry Alex, but his brother was a film buff and so he was able to explain that a ‘bit part’ simply meant that an actor was on the screen for seconds rather than minutes. ‘So I suppose half a man simply means the man is on the screen for a bit longer than a bit part, but not long enough to count as a film star,’ he said after some thought.

  Chrissie sighed. ‘It’s not important,’ he said. ‘I just wondered …’

  A voice from inside the rectory called that tea and biscuits were being served to the Women’s Institute and if the boys would give a hand Mrs Ryder would be much obliged. Without having to consult each other, both boys slid off the gravestone and headed for the kitchen. Mrs Ryder’s shortbread was famous, and Chrissie knew that if they helped they would be rewarded with a couple of biscuits each and probably a drink of milk into the bargain. Just as they were about to enter the house Chrissie caught Alex’s arm.

  ‘We could ask Jez if he knows what half a man means,’ he suggested. ‘Your brother seems to know everything about film stars, especially the ones who’ve been making war stories. Can you ask him?’

  Alex, clearly less interested in the phrase than his friend, shrugged, but said he would try to remember to ask him as soon as he came home. Jez, who was at agricultural college and was greatly admired by both his youngest brother and that brother’s friend, came home most weekends. The two boys entered the kitchen, seized the prepared trays and began to circulate amongst the WI members.

  It was later that evening when it occurred to Chrissie that his sister, so much older than himself, might be able to solve the mystery of the phrase ‘half a man’. And having decided to ask her, he put it out of his mind.

  ‘Wakey, wakey.’

  Eve groaned and sat up. ‘What on earth …’ she began, glancing at the pale light of dawn which filled the room, and then she remembered. Of course, today was the day that Hank was leaving them, and Lily too, though she was only going as far as Norwich. Eve rolled out of bed, shoved her feet into her worn old slippers and went across to the washstand.

  ‘Chrissie’s already up and dressed, so if you don’t mind using my washing water it’s all yours. I went down earlier and got some hot, so it’s still at least lukewarm, I imagine,’ Lily said. ‘Home today, then one day in the Close before I wave Hank goodbye.’ She smiled at Eve. ‘We’ve got plenty of time, but Auntie Bess said the trains are still in a bit of a muddle so it would be best to get to the station earlier rather than later.’

  Eve could hear from the tone of Lily’s voice that she was trying to be cheerful, eager to give the impression that though she might miss Hank when he went home to America it was not the end of the world. Eve thought she was being very brave, because when Lily was off her guard the expression in her eyes when she looked at Hank gave her away. Eve told herself that Lily was bound to meet another man who would catch her fancy, but she didn’t really believe it. Her friend had met dozens and dozens of attractive unattached males, and as far as Eve could make out had never wavered in her affection for the American flyer.

  Washed and dressed, Eve sat on the end of her bed and watched as Lily packed her bag. She was wearing her land girl uniform and would don her wellington boots as she left the house, so her haversack contained a cotton dress, a woolly cardigan knitted for her by Auntie Bess, a pair of dancing pumps, and little else apart from a sponge bag which contained her washing things and a tablet of wild rose soap which she kept amongst her underwear so that its scent penetrated her clothing. Eve had asked her, when she saw her taking it out of the drawer, why Lily kept it there instead of using it.

  Lily had giggled. ‘Who knows when I’ll get another?’ she had answered gaily. ‘It’s nice to smell of flowers, wouldn’t you agree? Colin always said the first thing he noticed about a girl was her perfume, and I do think he had a point. We used to know a girl called Violet who wore some horrible perfume her boyfriend had brought back from France, and Colin said it was enough to put most men off. Not that I care for his opinion, mind you, but even now I like my undies to smell of roses rather than manure.’ As she spoke she was fastening the straps on her haversack, then she glanced almost wistfully around the attic. ‘It’s been fun, a real break from routine, to be back at the old farm,’ she said quietly. And then, as Eve began to protest that you could scarcely call moving from one farm to another much of a change, she laughed. ‘Oh well, you know what I mean. I know the work was much the same here as at Parker’s Place, but it made all the difference having Hank working beside me.’ She picked up the haversack and slid her arms into the straps. ‘I take it you’re coming to the station to see us off? Oh, Eve, I shall miss you and Drake’s Farm most dreadfully. I suppose I should have realised that coming here would make the parting worse, but all I thought of was spending an extra couple of weeks with Hank.’ As she spoke she opened the attic door and gestured Eve to go ahead of her down the steep stairs. Eve obeyed, but halfway down she turned and barred Lily’s path. ‘Have you told Hank how you feel about him?’ she asked urgently. ‘That you’d like to marry him? I know it’s usually the boy who asks the girl, but perhaps it’s different in America. I’ve often seen him giving you soppy looks; he can’t be so thick that he doesn’t realise you love him.’

  ‘Oh, shut up; save your breath to cool your porridge,’ Lily said, pushing her way past Eve and galloping down the remaining stairs. ‘I have mentioned marriage but he just laughs, or says he has a wife in every state and doesn’t need another. Now come along do, or we’ll miss breakfast.’

  Although it was still very early, for Chrissie with his nose pressed to the passenger window saw the cattle in the fields standing in early morning mist, the station was quite busy. Chrissie was wondering why and asking his sister whether all these people had come to bid Hank farewell when he remembered that today was market day in a neighbouring town, so he bit off his enquiry and asked Eve whether she thought Hank and Lily would manage to get seats when the train came in.

  ‘I don’t know,’ Eve said. ‘But they won’t be on this train for long; their first change is only two stops along the line.’ She smiled at Chrissie. ‘Everyone has got used to standing, or sitting on their luggage, though there’s normally a man willing to give up his seat for Lily. And of course folk are still so grateful to the Yanks that Hank would probably be offered a seat as well. Not that he’d take it, of course. But in any case there’s no point in worrying about a seat when you’re only on the train for a couple of stops.’

  Chrissie nodded wisely. ‘Course, I was forgetting.’ He looked around him and made for the row of vending machines, as he did every time he visited the station. Once, the machines had been full of bars of chocolate, and though every child present knew that this was no longer the case they could not resist just making sure that it was still so. After all, the war was over and you never knew; some railway official
might have refilled the old machines. Chrissie produced his penny and pushed it into the slot. Then he pulled the long metal lever and waited for the clunk which would indicate that a bar of chocolate had descended into the little metal container. It didn’t come and he was turning away, not exactly disappointed because he had known in his heart that no chocolate bar would descend, when a voice he knew well assailed his ears. He spun round and stared with delight into the grinning face under the familiar fore and aft.

  ‘Johnny!’ he squeaked. ‘Whatever are you doing here? Are you on your way to Drake’s Farm? Only there’s nobody at home – we’ve all come to see Lily off on the train back to Norwich.’

  ‘Where’s your sister?’ Johnny asked. ‘I thought as I was so near the farm I might pop up and say hello, but they told me at the post office that everyone’s down here.’ He had swung away from the dispensing machine and was scanning the crowd, but it was impossible to pick out one person in the crush.

  ‘Why do you want Eve?’ Chrissie asked as Johnny turned back to him. ‘I think she’s rather cross with you. You were her best friend but you hardly ever wrote to her after you joined the RAF. She says you wrote to horrible Connie instead, and even went to see her in Liverpool.’

  At that moment the train everyone was waiting for drew up alongside the platform and there was a concerted rush for the luggage van, since there would obviously be no room to spare in the carriages. Instead of answering, Johnny was looking along the platform again, and suddenly he said, ‘Ah, I can see Lily – she’s getting into that carriage, with a Yank, I think. Is that the Hank that Eve told us about? I’m afraid I shall have to be very rude and push through these market traders, or I shan’t have a chance to say hello. Coming?’

  Hurrying to keep up, Chrissie had a wonderful idea. Johnny was in the air force – surely he would be able to answer the question which had nagged at Chrissie’s mind for nearly twenty-four hours now. But they had reached the train and Lily had spotted Johnny and was leaning forward to tell him that Eve had gone to put her haversack in the luggage van; the train was ready to leave and the guard was walking briskly down the platform, slamming each door as he passed it. Chrissie saw that if he did not seize this opportunity to discover the meaning of the mysterious phrase he might never get a better chance.

  He grabbed the sleeve of Johnny’s battledress. ‘Johnny,’ he said urgently. ‘I heard something yesterday – it’s probably an American expression – which I didn’t understand. I’ve asked around a bit but nobody seems to know what it means, and I thought, what with you being in the air force, you probably hear all sorts and might be able to explain …’

  ‘You’ll have to shout; that bloody engine is making enough row to wake the dead. Go on, Chrissie, what’s this unknown expression? I hope it’s not a rude one; if it is you’d better whisper it in my ear.’ He bent his head towards Chrissie, but the younger boy was not taking any chances; this could be his only opportunity to find out just what Hank had meant, so he took a deep breath and bawled the question at the top of his shrill young voice.

  ‘Someone said Lily doesn’t deserve to go through life with only half a man. What does that mean, Johnny? If you were only half a man you’d be dead!’

  Chrissie was watching Johnny’s face as he spoke, but he realised that everyone within earshot had suddenly stopped talking and instead of answering Johnny merely looked embarrassed; and out of the corner of his eye he saw that Hank, standing just inside the carriage door, had gone brick red. Without a word of apology the American pushed open the door which the porter had only just slammed shut and seized Chrissie in an uncomfortably tight grip.

  ‘What did you say?’ he demanded grimly. ‘Who did you say said such a thing? How dare you repeat something which was not meant for your ears?’ He shook Chrissie as a terrier shakes a rat. ‘Tell me which lying toad said those words!’

  ‘It were you; you said it to your friend Billy when you were in the Cosy Café. I’m awful sorry if it’s made you cross, Hank, and I know I shouldn’t have listened,’ Chrissie said wildly. ‘Is it a rude saying? I can see it’s made you very angry … but what does it mean? Is it a joke?’

  But at this point Lily alighted from the train and gave Hank a slap across the cheek which sounded, to Chrissie, louder than the noise of the engine. She caught hold of Hank by the front of his tunic and shook him hard and Chrissie saw that her face was wet with tears and that Hank, too, had tears in his eyes, and it was all Chrissie’s fault. If he’d kept his big mouth shut … and then he saw with complete astonishment that Lily and Hank were clasped in each other’s arms and so far as he could see they were both crying.

  This time, Chrissie had no option but to hear what was being said.

  ‘I’ve loved you since the day we met,’ Hank was murmuring. ‘But how could I tell you that marriage with me would be a mockery? No babies, not ever. Maybe no proper loving … oh, Lily, my darling, you need a real man, a whole man who can give you what you deserve.’

  Lily raised her tear-wet face from Hank’s shoulder. ‘A girl doesn’t marry the man she loves to get babies,’ she said scornfully. ‘She marries him so they can be together for always. Now look me in the eye, Hank Ruskin, and tell me we weren’t made for each other!’

  Hank gave a shaken laugh. ‘I guess every person in this station now knows I love you and want you to marry me, babies or no babies,’ he said, and hustled her aboard the train just as the guard came along to slam the door again and wave his green flag. Hank opened the window and grinned down at Chrissie, who was still standing on the platform. ‘Thank you,’ he said quietly as the train started to pull slowly forward. ‘Thank you very much. One day I’ll ask you just how you came to hear what I said, but …’

  His words were swallowed up by the whistle as the train drew out of the station and began to pick up speed.

  Eve was running up the platform waving and shouting her goodbyes when she spied Johnny for the first time.

  ‘Johnny!’ she exclaimed. ‘Whatever are you doing here? I thought the air force had sent you way up north somewhere. Were you hoping to catch this train? Because if so you’ve missed it.’

  Johnny raised his eyes to heaven. ‘You haven’t changed; no hello Johnny, how wonderful to see you, just “What are you doing here?”’ he grumbled. ‘The air force are sending me to Germany as part of the army of occupation and they’ve given me a fortnight to get my affairs in order. I’ve been home and cleared up that end of things and thought I’d pay a flying visit to Drake’s Farm before leaving the country for heaven knows how long.’ He grinned at her warily. ‘Are you mad at me for not writing? A feller can’t be everywhere and I knew Connie would pass any news on. And incidentally, I know we were a bit doubtful about the truth of some of Connie’s statements, but her family really do own a large shop just off the Scotland Road. Connie invited me to spend a few days with them – did she tell you? Liverpool is in a dreadful state – the Luftwaffe concentrated on smashing the ports, as you know – but it was a grand city once and will be so again. Most of the public buildings were in ruins …’

  He rambled on as Eve followed him out of the station, describing the damage the Luftwaffe had caused to Liverpool, but Eve did not hear a word. So he had visited Connie’s home! No wonder he had not written to her, since he had known very well that the two girls were anything but friends, despite what he had just said about their being in touch. But Johnny was asking Chrissie over his shoulder to explain to the Favershams that he would be bringing Eve home later.

  Eve had been feeling quite numb, but at these words a tide of rage engulfed her. How dare he assume she wanted to spend time with him? How dare he walk into her life, become her best friend, and then casually admit that he had been seeing somebody else and that somebody a girl Eve positively disliked!

  ‘Don’t bother, Chrissie,’ she said airily. ‘I came with you and I shall go home with you.’ She turned to Johnny, her fingers firmly crossed behind her back. ‘And if you want me to write
to you I’ll do my best to fit you into my schedule, but in a few weeks Chrissie and I will be joining our parents in London and I shall be working towards getting a university place. So this, Johnny Durrell, is goodbye.’ She held out a hand but Johnny ignored it and seized her by the shoulders. He was grinning, though guiltily.

  ‘My word, you are in a bate,’ he said. ‘I was going to ask Auntie Bess if I could stay at the farm for a couple of days before I have to go.’

  ‘Do as you like,’ Eve said at once. ‘Are you and Connie engaged? Not that it’s any of my business, of course.’

  Johnny grinned again but Eve could see he looked uneasy. ‘We’ve not gone as far as that; we’re still just pals,’ he told her. ‘Look, I’ve got a lot to do before I leave England and I don’t mean to spend my time arguing with you, so let’s say goodbye here and now and remain friends. But first you can tell me what all the fuss was about on the station. I gather gorgeous Lily is going to marry that ugly Yank …’

  He got no further. Eve slapped his face as hard as she could. ‘Hank’s worth a dozen of you,’ she shouted. ‘Don’t bother to write because I shan’t write back. You’re a nasty piece of work, Johnny Durrell, and I should think you and Connie were made for each other.’ She grabbed Chrissie’s shoulder and pushed him back towards the station. ‘Tell Uncle Reg I shan’t be a moment.’ She turned back to Johnny. ‘You and Connie are well suited,’ she said formally and realised suddenly that she was looking at him through a blur of tears. She regretted what she had said but could not unsay it, and found she could not bear the thought of seeing him back at Drake’s Farm. She opened her mouth to say so but Johnny was ahead of her.

  ‘I’m sorry you’re so bitter,’ he said quietly, putting a hand to his reddened cheek. ‘I won’t come back to the farm since it seems my mere presence would upset you.’ He watched Chrissie talking to the Favershams and then looked back to Eve. He began to speak, then stopped short and seized her in his arms. ‘We had some good times together,’ he said gruffly. ‘Real friendship never dies; in a way I’ll always love you, but not in the way you want. Can you understand that?’