by Bella J
And then the party spiraled out of control—drugs, alcohol, Tatum. The more I used, the more I drank, the more I felt like I needed to let go of all the shit that had surrounded me for months. But I’m a grown man, and I’m big enough to admit that I fucked up.
I reached out and took her hand in mine. “You okay?”
She snorted. “That’s the second time tonight you asked me that.”
“Answer the question, Tatum.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re lying.”
She turned in the backseat to look straight at me. “Is my body giving you a different answer? We both know, my body can’t lie to you.”
I studied her, swept my gaze across every inch of her beautiful face. She looked…okay.
I nodded, accepting her answer. I still felt like shit though. I should have known better than to give in, allowing her to come along. But goddammit, it was getting increasingly difficult for me to say no to her.
“Can I ask you one favor?” Her blue eyes locked with mine. “I know I asked to come along, and I should have heeded your warning when you said I would see a different side of you. But can we not ever speak about what happened tonight? I know you have all these layers of personas you need to take on in order for you to do what you do. But I prefer the Castello you are when we’re alone, the Castello who can make me love and hate him at the same damn time.”
I couldn’t help but smile. My little mouse was getting stronger, wiser. She was adapting better than I thought she would.
I brought her hand up to my lips and kissed her skin softly. “Deal.”
The rest of our drive home the silence didn’t feel so heavy. She had leaned into me, and eventually I could feel the rhythmic movement of her chest. She had fallen asleep, and my heart swelled, threatening to burst. Even though saying we loved each other got easier with every day that passed, I sometimes caught myself doubting how such a perfect creature like her could love something as imperfect as me.
But it wasn’t my place to question fate.
We arrived at the estate, and I carried Tatum to our room. I wasn’t surprised she was exhausted after everything that had happened.
I gently placed her on the bed, the promise of her showing me her appreciation still sitting in the back of my head. I could be a selfish asshole and wake her, remind her of what she had promised, and if it was a few weeks ago I probably would have. But she was carrying my child, the vessel for the life we had created. It was no longer about my selfish needs. It was about her, the baby…about us.
Gently I removed her shoes, and pulled the sheets over her. She looked angelic under the dim lights of the bedroom, her golden hair splayed across the silk sheets. After everything, it felt amazing to know that she was really mine. Not because I forced her to be, but because she wanted to be. It was surreal to think that after all the pain I’ve caused her, after everything she’d lost because of me and my family, she still loved me. Yet now as I stared at her beautiful, innocent face, I couldn’t help but wonder if I would ever be able to be good to her, to our child. I was a fucking monster who liked to see the woman I loved bleed. I’ve tortured and killed more people than I cared to remember. How could I think for even a moment that I was worthy of this woman’s love, worthy of being a father?
Two weeks ago I asked her to marry me, and she said yes. But with everything going on, Vico meddling with my business, growing the threat he presented toward me and my family, we never got around to talking about any sorts of wedding plans. Maybe that was a good thing. Maybe that was the universe’s way of telling me I was being a schmuck by thinking I could have a normal life with a woman. I was never meant to have a normal life. To live the American dream, and have a house with a white picket fence. I’ve tried to convince myself that everything would work out. In the end everyone has a happily ever after, right? Wrong! Tonight I proved to her and myself that I wasn’t worthy. Not of her. Not of our child.
All this time I refused to even think about a life without her. I locked her in our goddamn bedroom, for Christ’s sake. On the inside, I had a twisted obsession with her, wanted to consume her. But that obsession had somehow turned into love, and because of my love for her, I had to think about what was best for her and our child. And that wasn’t me.
I traced the back of my hand down the side of her face, her soft skin feeling like velvet against mine.
I knew her. She was strong even if she thought she wasn’t. There was no way she would just walk away from me, especially now that she was carrying my child.
But for once in my life I had to try and do the unselfish thing. I had to put the well-being of my family first…I had no other choice but to force her to live a life without me.
23
TATUM
I woke up in an empty bed. It was still dark, but the bathroom light was on. I was still wearing my cocktail dress, so I must have fallen asleep in the car.
I got up and walked to the bathroom expecting to find Castello there, but he wasn’t.
It wasn’t unusual for him to be up in the early hours of the morning. In the beginning I hated waking up to him not being next to me, but I quickly got used to it. The safer I started to feel in the house, the more secure I felt in our relationship.
Yet now, I didn’t like it. There was this slight chill that ran up my spine, the back of my neck prickling with warning.
I pulled on my nightgown and decided to go look for him. It was the only way for me to calm the paranoia slowly eating at my brain.
The halls were dimly lit, and I started with the study. Usually I would find Castello in his uncle’s study taking care of business. When he worked in the middle of night, he would sit behind the desk wearing sweatpants and a T-shirt. But whether he wore a five thousand dollar suit, or pair of faded denim jeans, he always looked the part of a boss, of a confident business man.
Castello wasn’t there.
I searched the dining hall, the kitchen, even went to the living room to see if he wasn’t sitting outside on the deck. He was nowhere. And what was even stranger was the serious lack of muscle and ammo around the house. In fact, I hadn’t seen one security guard while I was searching for Castello.
Something wasn’t right. I could feel it in my gut, slithering all the way up my spine.
Deciding it would probably be safer in the bedroom, I made my way back up the stairs. But then my eye caught sight of a dim light shining underneath the door of my studio.
Would he? Even after he promised me that no one would go in there without my permission?
As I got closer to the door, I noticed it wasn’t closed properly. The hinges creaked eerily as I slowly opened it, finding Castello standing in front of the table, his back turned toward the door.
“What are you doing here?” I closed the door behind me.
He didn’t turn around. The only light in the room was the table lamp in the corner, shadows creeping all around us.
“Castello? Is everything okay?”
“That’s a funny question,” he replied without turning around.
“Why is it a funny question?”
Slowly I moved toward him, and as I reached him he stepped forward staring out the window into the belly of darkness outside.
“I just think it’s a funny question to ask when you know that everything is not okay.”
“Is it about what happened at The Capitol?”
The broad expanse of his back moved under the white dress shirt as he shrugged his shoulders. “It’s about everything. You. Me. Us. My family.
I narrowed my eyes, not liking the way he sounded or his choice of words.
“Castello?”
He turned slightly and glanced at me over his shoulder. “Nothing has been okay since you walked into my life.”
My heart started to race, panic slowly creeping up my throat. “What are you saying?”
He turned around, and when I saw his face I knew everything was about to change. Shadows fell across his face, h
is eyes hard and cold. Even the scar along his eye seemed more prominent, angry.
“What is going on?” My voice quivered, my spine tingling.
With his hands in his pants pockets, he stood firm in front of me, his eyes as stone cold as the expression on his face.
“I’m sorry, Tatum. It has to be done.”
“What are you—”
Two strong arms came up from behind me, fabric being shoved in my face.
And then there was…nothing.
***
My head pounded against my skull. My mouth and throat felt like I swallowed sandpaper. I moved, and my muscles protested with an ache that moved from my arms, down my spine to my legs.
Confused and disorientated I sat up and tried to open my eyes. Heavy eyelids caused me to blink a few times before I was able to open them. I wiped at my eyes, trying to get rid of the fog in my vision.
Dear God, I wish I hadn’t done that.
The second I saw where I was, my heart crashed to the soles of my feet, my stomach turning upside down inside my gut.
This is not happening.
Gray, unpainted cement walls surrounded me, the cold seeping through my skin causing my bones to shudder. The sheets beneath me scratched my skin while my mind reeled, unable to make sense of all the panicked thoughts rushing through my head.
Then I heard it. The god-awful sound, the familiar sound…of air escaping a tube.
I was back.
I was back inside the room where I woke up months ago only to find out that my life would never be the same again. The room where I first met Castello Fattore.
My chest felt like it had cracked wide open, my insides turned and squeezed with barbed wire. The panic, and the fear that took hold of every bone in my body caused me to breathe rapidly. The wall moved, and I scurried back, pressing my body against the wooden headboard. Only then did I realize I was wearing an exact replica of the rag I was clothed in when I woke up in this god forsaken room for the first time.
Please God, this is not happening.
As the hidden door opened I held my breath. I was reliving this entire nightmare from the start again. Every image, every memory forced its way into my mind, and I couldn’t stop the panic from choking me.
“Hello, Tatum.”
My heart stopped. My throat closed. And my blood turned to ice. It was him.
I shook my head. “No.”
He walked closer, the corners of his mouth turned up in a smirk. “Yes.”
I kept on shaking my head, denial keeping my mind from making sense of what I was seeing.
He cocked his dark brows. “Cat caught your tongue?”
“Why?” I breathed out the word, unable to find my voice.
“Why? Now that’s an interesting question.”
My blood boiled. “Why?” I shouted, and he pinned his dark gaze on me.
“Because this is how it was supposed to be.”
I shook my head again, my heart nothing but splinters and daggers piercing and breaking through my ribs.
“Castello.” His name came out of my mouth in nothing more than a whimper. My eyes struggled to convince my mind that what I was seeing was real.
“What are you doing, Castello?”
He placed his hands in his pockets, his eyebrows slanting down. Everything about his face was dark and cold. Even the scar around his eye seemed different.
“I’m doing what needs to be done.”
I stared at him with disbelief, my heart barely beating inside my chest. “What exactly is it that needs to be done.”
“You need to learn.”
“Learn what?”
He smirked. “Your place. Who you truly belong to.”
“I belong to you. I know that, and so do you.”
Then he started to pace leisurely in front of the bed. He looked the same, but seemed completely different. Determined.
“I’m afraid you’re wrong, Tatum.”
Confusion made my mind spin into a thousand different directions. “Castello, please. You’re not making any sense. Why are you doing this? Why am I here?”
He stopped and glanced at me. “Oh, poor Tatum. You really have no idea, do you? Can’t you see? You thought you had me all figured out. You thought you knew the truth.” He walked closer and stopped right next to me on the bed. “But the truth is you know nothing.”
I hugged my knees against my chest, wrapping my arms around my legs. “I know that I love you, and you love me.”
He snorted. “God, you’re even more naïve than I thought.”
Anger and panic swirled together, a slither of courage forcing its way through my veins. “Naïve? Fuck you, Castello.” I jumped off the other side of the bed. “Tell me right now what the fuck is going on! Have you been playing me all along? Was this all part of your plan? To make me fall in love with you so you can break my heart along with my soul?”
Dark eyes stared at me, the expression on his face unreadable. It seemed like he was actually thinking about what I had just said.
He rubbed his chin, and then replied, “Yes. That is exactly what I was doing.”
Even though I still refused to believe a word that came out of his mouth, I heard the amusement in his voice, like this was all just a game for him.
I placed my hand on my belly. “And this? Was this part of your plan as well?”
His gaze dropped to my hand, then narrowed as he looked back at my face. “Was what part of my plan?”
“Our baby. The life growing inside me. Was that part of your fucking plan?”
Dark eyebrows slanted inward, his eyes narrowed as he stared at me with confusion. “You’re…” His voice drifted off, as if he couldn’t form the words.
“What is going on with you?” I braved a few steps closer to him, my soul crying for this all to be just a huge misunderstanding.
Seemingly dumbstruck, Castello held up his hand, stopping me in my tracks. He rubbed his chin as he started to pace, mumbling incoherently.
“Castello?” I couldn’t take it anymore. The fabric of the rag I was wearing irritated my skin, the room making me feel like the walls were closing in on me. “Castello, please. I don’t know what is going on, but please stop. Stop whatever this is.” Tears threatened to escape, my face flushed with panic.
He stopped, and fixed his gaze on mine. “This changes everything.”
“What? What are you talking about?”
His gaze dropped to my belly, and then he let out a maniacal laugh. “Oh God, I can’t do this anymore,” he said between laughter. “This is just too fucking insane…and funny.”
He reached inside his pants pocket and pulled out a piece of cloth. “I wanted to drag this out a little more, but I’m a little gobsmacked to be honest. I really didn’t expect this.”
I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t move. My blood was ice, my bones frozen.
He held the cloth to his face, then smiled before wiping at his scar. Amused, dark eyes stared back at me while I watched the scar next to his eye disappear with every wipe.
What the fuck?
The smile remained on his face, a flawless face.
“What is this?” The words burned my throat.
He held his arms out wide. “Oh, come now, Tatum. Is that any way to greet your longtime lover?”
I stumbled backward, my mind refusing to make sense of what I was seeing. It took me a few seconds before I could manage to find my voice. “Carlo?”
His smile grew wider. “In the flesh.”
Chills erupted from my neck down my spine. “You’re dead.”
“Nope. I’m very much alive.”
“How?”
“I see you let the cat out of bag sooner than planned.” Vico came walking in, and out of pure instinct I rushed to the wall. Vico grinned. “I see she’s taking it well.”
Castello…no, Carlo smirked. “She’s a little lost for words, yes.”
Vico stepped in next to him. “I always knew the cunt never had a backbone.”
Abruptly Carlo snapped his arm toward Vico, grabbing him around his throat. The way he squeezed, the veins in his hands bulged. “Don’t call her that.”
Vico grabbed Carlo’s hand that kept on tightening around his throat. “What the fuck, man?”
“Call her that again and I’ll crush your goddamn windpipe.” Carlo let go of Vico, shoving him backward.
Vico coughed. “What is it with this woman that she managed to get yours and Castello’s balls in a twist?”
Carlo stared at me, almost dreamlike. “She’s a very special woman.”
“I don’t fucking see why.” Vico rubbed his neck. The sight of him made my stomach turn, every hair on my body standing up. He was still every ounce of evil I remembered him to be. He was shorter than Carlo, than Castello…oh God, Carlo was still alive.
“How are you still—”
“Alive?” He smiled, then looked at Vico. “Should we tell her?”
“Sure. Why not. It’s not like she’s going to live long enough for her to wrap her head around what’s really happening.”
Carlo shrugged, and all I could do was stand as silent as a mouse, staring at the two men in front of me.
Carlo gestured toward the bed. “Sit down, Tatum.”
“I prefer to stay right here.”
“You sure? It’s a long story. I wouldn’t want you to exert yourself, you know, in your current condition.”
“Condition?” Vico looked at Carlo questioningly, and then my heart tried to make its way up my throat.
Carlo waved his hand in my direction as if what he was about to say was no big deal. “The cunt, as you so eloquently called her, is, in fact…pregnant.”
My survival instinct started to kick in as I watched Vico’s expression turn from stoic, to feral.
“Pregnant?” His voice boomed through the room, and I closed my eyes as fear erupted inside me. “The bitch is pregnant?”
“She says so.” Carlo smiled, and I hated it. I hated the look on his face, the way he stared at me. It was hard to believe that I walked around for months with a broken heart because of him. I couldn’t see it then, but I saw it now…the look of deception, lies, and pure malice. It was easy to believe he and Vico were brothers. That the same blood ran through their veins.