by R Davison
“As ready as I’m ever going to be. Do it just like in the sims, right?”
“Yeah, except for those things that will go wrong. You know, the ones they didn’t think up to throw at you in the simulations,” Jerry said as he fished a small piece of egg out of his food packet. “It’s always those problems that show what you’re made of.”
Susan shot Jerry a quick look of disapproval. “You’re going to do fine, Jill. This should be easier than the sims. You’re going to be weightless and not dealing with the pull of gravity like you had in the water tank. The important thing to remember is to just relax, enjoy the view and don’t sweat the small stuff.”
“Yes, and remember,” Ivan offered, “Jerry has the harder job, he has to capture SCIEXSAT. You just have to do the service procedure.”
“Don’t worry about me. You’ll have the satellite in the bay to work on—just don’t make me look bad,” Jerry said, ignoring Susan’s glare. “I always deliver!”
Jill blushed. Deep down she was not totally confident in herself and her abilities. As a mission specialist she trained for the mission and eventually became quite proficient with the tasks assigned her, but she didn’t have the confidence Jerry had and felt intimidated by him. Jill opened her mouth to speak but Susan cut her off.
“Yes, Jerry, we know, you always deliver. You’re coated in Teflon and nothing sticks. We’ve heard it before. Just do your job and Jill will do hers. We’re a team, remember?” Susan’s glare spoke more than her words and Jerry finally relented. Jerry was one of those people who happened to be very good at whatever they did. The problem is, he knew it and made no attempt to be modest about it. He also expected everyone he worked with to be at the same level and would not give any slack. Unfortunately, Jill was the recipient of most of Jerry’s scorn and Susan had to intercede on more than one occasion.
“Yeah, we’re a team. I remember,” Jerry mumbled.
Ivan seized the moment to redirect the conversation. “So, while Susan and Jerry help me with the rendezvous, Paul and Jill will be preparing for your EVA.” He looked at Susan and smiled. He was rewarded as her expression softened and she smiled back.
“Time is getting close and we should begin. Anyway, Jill, I’ll be out there working on the piggyback experiments so you’ll have an extra set of hands if needed,” Susan said as she started to gather the empty food packets for disposal. Her stomach ached in anticipation of the EVA. The thought of being out in the cargo bay only made her feel more ill at ease. She did not have the confidence that all would go smoothly. She couldn’t isolate the reason for it and was surprised because before launch she was looking forward to the EVA. Mission Control ended her self-analysis.
“Endeavour, this is Mission Control. We show T-minus 120 minutes and counting for final orbital maneuver to rendezvous with SCIEXSAT. Do you concur?”
“Mission Control, this is Endeavour, we concur—120 minutes and counting. We are beginning the final preparations for the maneuver.” Susan replied, feeling a bit better now that she had something to focus on.
“Roger that, Endeavour.”
“Come on, Ivan, we’ve got some work for you,” Susan said.
“I always knew you needed me!” Ivan responded with a wink to Jerry. “Sometimes I feel like a chauffeur—shall I get your door, madam?” he said to Susan as he bowed and waved his arms toward the hatch to the shuttle flight deck.
“Remind me to tip you after we get home. I left my change in my other suit!” she said as she floated past Ivan and Jerry through the access port to the flight deck. Jerry, Paul and Jill remained on the middeck and began to set up the gear and equipment needed for the EVA that Jill and Susan would conduct after capturing SCIEXSAT.
The repetitious training that every shuttle crew undergoes day in and day out on earth only makes it easier when the real show is about to begin. Everything is by the book and step by step. This process built confidence among the crew, even more so with the numerous “malfunctions” that the mission trainers had thrown at them to condition the crew to work as one and by reflex action, not measured thought. The crew had melded into a smoothly functioning unit despite the issues with Jerry and Jill. Susan and Ivan’s previous shuttle experience helped the rookies as they acclimated to life in space. Paul being the oldest astronaut on the crew seemed to take on the role of big brother to the younger astronauts, including Susan. Yet, as mission specialist he had none of the responsibility that Susan had as commander or Ivan as pilot. It was his friendly, down-home nature, which combined with his soft voice, slightly tinged with a Texas accent, helped one feel comfortable around him.
Susan took her position in the commander’s seat and pulled up the checklist for the satellite rendezvous on her display. She briefly glanced at the display then looked out the cockpit windows into the black void that surrounded them, trying to ignore the sun’s glare coming off the earth below. She reached over and adjusted the control for the cockpit lighting to reduce the reflection coming from the internal lights on the windows. Now content that she was able to see more stars, she stared deeply at them. She didn’t know what she was searching for but knew to her very core that her fear was tied to something out there. Ivan drifted up from the middeck, settled into the pilot’s seat and began to prepare for the rendezvous. Looking around he noticed the dim lights. “Mood lighting?” he asked.
“No, I just wanted a clearer view outside. You can turn them up if you want.”
“No, that is okay. It will be better when we approach the satellite. Are you ready to go through the checklist?”
Susan was so engrossed in the view out of the shuttle that she had almost forgotten why she was there. “Oh, yeah, sure. Go ahead.”
Ivan eyed her for a moment and then started to call off the items on the list, which Susan echoed, as she made sure the proper conditions were met. She found herself half listening to Ivan as her gaze drifted out of the cockpit’s windows. Ivan looked up from his checklist at Susan. He followed her gaze out of the shuttle into the blackness of space but saw nothing of interest. Just as he was about to comment on that, Susan jumped.
“Did you see that?” She asked Ivan as she moved closer to the window.
“See what?”
“I thought I saw that star flicker off and on.”
“I did not see anything, but I was not looking either. It is probably a reflection off the window, or maybe just your imagination running wild again.”
“No! I saw it. Well, at least I am pretty sure I saw it blink.” Susan’s voice trailed off as she realized that the ache in her stomach had returned with a vengeance. The only thing that distracted her from the pain was the overwhelming sense of apprehension she was now feeling: it was worse than this morning.
Ivan noticed the look in Susan’s face. “Are you all right? You look like you did this morning, only worse.”
“I’m okay.” Susan debated whether to confide in Ivan and tell him of her dream and the feelings she was fighting with now. It just did not seem like the way a commander of a shuttle mission should carry on, especially when it is your first time as commander. No, she would not say anything. She decided that it was just a case of nerves and she was not going to give in to it. Clenching her fists tightly and then relaxing them she answered Ivan. “I’m okay, it must have been just an optical illusion or a tiny piece of space junk that passed in the line of view. You know, a one in a billion chance. I wish I were as lucky with the lottery.”
She glanced at the display and was surprised that the checklist was completed for this phase—she didn’t remember finishing it. Quickly, she scanned up the list until she saw the last item she remembered and then surveyed the control panels to make sure that everything was set according to the rest of the list. “Looks like we’re at a breakpoint here. I’ll go down and check on the preparations for the EVA and bring Jerry up as we get closer to the capture.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Ivan said, watching Susan as she levitated out of her seat.
Susan found J
ill and Jerry finishing the setup for the space suits while Paul was working on the other side of the middeck tending equipment that was monitoring an experiment in the cargo bay. Susan would assist Paul with that experiment from the cargo bay while Jill worked on SCIEXSAT during their EVA. Right now, Susan was more interested in how Jill was doing and if Jerry had been behaving himself.
“Hi, guys. Looks like you’re almost done.”
Jerry looked up from the glove he was inspecting. “Yup, we’re pretty much set here. Right, Jill?”
“Yeah, I think so. Jerry’s finishing up the inspection on your glove and that’s it, until we suit up.”
“Great.” Susan turned to Jerry, “I’ll finish that up and you can head up to the flight deck, we are getting close to the rendezvous point.”
“Sure. The glove is done, everything passes inspection.” He handed the glove to Susan and with a quick push off the floor, launched himself up to the flight deck.
Susan turned to Jill and handed her the glove to add to the suit. “How are you doing?”
“Me? I’m fine.” Susan studied Jill’s face for a moment, but before she could say anything Jill blurted out, “Actually, I’ve got butterflies the size of crows in my stomach! I think I’m more nervous about the EVA than I was about the launch…but other than that I’m fine…really.”
Susan turned away from Jill as she realized that she was probably making her feel even more uncomfortable. Susan thought about her first extra-vehicular activity. The total sense of weightlessness was so much more profound as one ventured out into the bay. She was struck by the harsh contrast of the bright white shuttle against the blackness of space and the stars that pierced the black velvet curtain that surrounded them. Mother Earth hung like a big blue and white orb above her head, comforting to look at but yet impossibly far away. The underwater simulations never prepared her for this. NASA did a great job at training the astronauts to put pieces of equipment together, but offered nothing on dealing with the distractions that this environment offered. “Those are pretty big butterflies,” Susan said as she smiled at Jill. I don’t think I had anything bigger than a sparrow for my first space walk.”
Jill smiled, and floated over to a locker to retrieve a tool that she needed to add to her suit. Susan could see by the way Jill moved that the tension she was feeling was starting to ebb. Jill was not the first choice for the mission specialist position. She joined the main crew only after the first candidate was killed in a car accident. That weighed heavily on Jill, and she always felt that she had to prove herself worthy of the job. She often spent more time than anyone else working in the simulators and studying the procedures. Unfortunately, the harder she tried, the more mistakes she made. Eventually, she did master the tasks she was required to do and secured her position on the mission. It was a big boost for Jill but she continued to be highly driven to prove to everyone, and mostly to herself, that she deserved that seat on the shuttle. Susan could see the pressure building for Jill the closer they got to the EVA, and with Jerry’s badgering, Jill’s confidence level was beginning to drop.
Susan moved closer to Jill and placing her hands on her shoulders, and whispered, “Jill, you’ve done this a thousand times. You know the procedure forward and backward and you are our expert on the satellite. You’re going to do fine, anything that comes up you will handle it with ease. Trust me.”
Jill smiled, and her expression told Susan that her words were effective. “Thanks, Susan. I’ll do my best, you can count on that.”
“I know you will, you always have. Now, I’ve got to get up to help Ivan with the approach.”
“I’ll have the O2 ready for the pre-breathe by the time Jerry’s captured SCIEXSAT.”
Susan barely escaped the middeck as a wave of fear swept over her. It was very draining talking to Jill and trying to remain composed. She floated as slowly as she could to the flight deck, trying to compose herself and hoping that no one noticed her extended traverse of the decks. Focusing on the rendezvous procedure would bring a welcome distraction, she hoped.
SCIEXSAT was about a mile ahead and it would be Ivan’s job to ease the shuttle above the satellite so that it would be within reach of the arm. They wanted to minimize the use of the maneuvering thrusters so as not to contaminate the satellite anymore than they had to, so the procedure was very delicate. The satellite glistened in the sunlight like a beacon while the shuttle was still in shadow. With a slight nudge, the maneuvering engines fired, setting the shuttle on its proper course.
As they approached SCIEXSAT, Susan began calling out the separation distance to Ivan. Ivan was busy visually lining up the shuttle with the satellite from the docking control station on the right side of the aft flight deck. The shuttle had rotated and was now approaching the satellite with its empty cargo bay facing the satellite, looking like a outfielder’s mitt about to receive a pop-fly.
To slow the ship’s forward momentum at 25 meters, Ivan fired the shuttle’s thrusters with a loud BAM! This resonated throughout the shuttle’s structure, shattering the silence on the flight deck; they would creep up on their quarry very slowly. At 15 meters, Ivan pivoted the shuttle so that they were above the satellite. When the shuttle slid directly above the satellite Ivan fired the retro thrusters, one more quick burst and Endeavour and SCIEXSAT floated together as if attached by an invisible beam.
“Well done,” Susan said to Ivan.
“Thank you. Nothing you could not have done,” Ivan replied.
Mission Control echoed Susan’s sentiment as they observed the process from the ground. “Jerry, you are cleared to begin capture,” said Mission Control.
“Roger that.”
Peering through the observation port overlooking the payload bay, Jerry began to raise the shuttle’s arm. Once the arm was in the right position, he could use the cameras on the arm to monitor the capture process. Susan made her way over to the payload handling station to look over Jerry’s shoulder at the video image coming from the camera on the arm.
“Got SCIEXSAT on the screen,” Jerry called out to Mission Control. Jerry had to guide a probe at the end of the arm into a receptacle on the satellite. When the two components were fully engaged, a mechanical locking mechanism would trip, holding the satellite fast to the arm.
“Looking good, Jerry,” coached Susan.
“Almost there…just a few more inches…” Jerry said, more to himself than to anyone else. “Got it!”
“Great job!” Susan said, patting Jerry on the back and turning to join Ivan to finish the checklist for this part of the mission. She did not make it to her seat before she heard Jerry snarl, “Damn it!”
“What’s wrong?”
“The locking mechanism did not trip! The docking probe just pulled out of the satellite!”
“Mission Control, we have a malfunction of the locking mechanism. I’m going to try it again,” Jerry said in a very annoyed tone. Jerry didn’t take to losing very well. He had a type-A personality and was driven to succeed, to win at all costs. He did not acknowledge the fact that he could lose, or do something wrong. In most cases, every problem he ran up against was the fault of someone else, not his. This plagued Jerry all through his career, but from his point of view he was confounded as to why he managed to end up working with people that were so incompetent. Susan sensed this the very first time she met Jerry and later was disappointed to see that her initial impression was accurate. It made the crew’s transition from just a group of people working together to a unified entity much longer and more difficult. Susan spent a lot of time in damage control in the beginning of their training trying to smooth Jerry’s rough edges and other crewmember’s hurt feelings. This led to a number of heated arguments between Susan and Jerry. Eventually the crew melded and learned how to work with each other and with Jerry’s faults. Susan still had to keep an eye on him, but he was more manageable, especially as he came to respect the rest of the crew for the individual talents they brought to the team. Jerry begrudgingl
y acknowledged to Susan that NASA’s extensive astronaut selection process ensured that only the best and the brightest would fly.
Mission Control ignored Jerry’s little snit, “Roger that, Jerry. We will look into the problem down here.”
Jerry pulled the probe all the way out of the receptacle and zoomed the camera in on the probe. “The probe looks okay from here,” he told Susan.
“Can you look at the receptacle now?” Susan asked.
“Yeah, hang on while I move the arm down a bit,.” Jerry said. “Looks like the receptacle is all clear…wait…no…it’s just a shadow…it looks okay.”
“Try it again, then.”
“Roger that,” Jerry was once again distracted with the task at hand as he maneuvered the probe toward the satellite. The second try went as smoothly as the first except this time the lock engaged and held. “Success! Mission Control, I’ve got SCIEXSAT!” Jerry grinned ear-to-ear as he lowered the satellite into the cargo bay. “The satellite is now in the payload bay and secured.” Jerry completed his station shutdown checklist and called over his shoulder, “Time for a snack,” as he dove through the hatch to the middeck.
Susan ignored Jerry and proceeded with the checklist. Again, the ache inside distracted her from her work and she caught herself gazing out the window. Ivan noticed the distraction in her voice and stopped to study her for a moment before he spoke. “Susan…?” “Susan, are you alright?”
“Oh, I’m fine,” Susan replied, returning to the checklist.
“You really do not look well, are you sure you are up to this EVA?”
“I am fine, just a little concerned with Jill about the EVA,” Susan said, looking down and avoiding Ivan’s gaze.
Ivan studied Susan’s face for some clue as to what was really going on inside. “I am really getting concerned…”
Susan cut him off, “No! Damn it, I’m fine!”
“Calm down, I just thought —”
“Ivan, I have this terrible feeling that something awful is going to happen.” Susan heard herself blurting out everything she wasn’t going to tell Ivan before she could weigh the pros and cons again. “I know that doesn’t sound very professional, having a feeling, but I had a dream last night.” Susan told Ivan of the dream, how she woke up, and of the feelings she had been having all day. She also relayed the story of her grandfather and how she felt at that time. He listened quietly until she finished and softly said, “Susan, you are under a lot of pressure to have this mission end successfully. I think you are just very concerned about Jill’s performance and that this satellite service mission might not go well. It is all very natural to be concerned.”