by Rosanne Bane
“But she said yes! Mary GrandPré is illustrating my book The Wee Hours right now, and hopefully it will be published in 2012. When that type of thing happens, it gives me hope to keep writing, even in the face of the disappointments that come along with daily writing.”
Keep It Small; Keep It Light; Keep It Up
To make your writing matter, you have to keep your writing no big deal. That you show up when you say you will is a big deal; what you do in that time and how “good or bad” what you write in that time is, is not.
Regular writing habits are vital, and you have to be in this for the long haul. You must be willing to invest time and effort to develop mastery in your chosen craft. But to be fully present to your writing on any given day, you have to surrender all expectations. Today’s writing always has to be no big deal. Just show up and trust that something will happen.
To develop the habits and stamina you’ll need, you need to keep the play in Process, the care in Self-care and the time in Product Time.
INQUIRY
“What does writing give me? What can I give my family, friends, community and the world through my writing? Why does my writing—both my practice and what I produce—matter?”
CHALLENGE: WRITE YOUR OWN ENDING
The trick to a happy ending is to know when to end the story. Fictional characters go through difficulties, struggles, setbacks and agony in the course of achieving their life’s purpose in a novel, story or movie. Are those afflictions a tragic ending or part of the trials a hero must go through to earn the happy ending? You get to decide. As long as the story goes on, there is still hope for a happy ending. You can rewrite the ending to any story, even a published one, even your own story.
What’s the end of your writing story going to be? Who do you want to be as a writer? What do you need to do to be that writer? What habits will sustain you in doing that? If you could write anything and you knew it would be successful, whatever success means for that project, what would you write? What else would you write?
If success means becoming the next Stephen King or J. K. Rowling, I can’t make any guarantees. But if success means completing a manuscript you’re proud of that you can share with the world and receive some moderate recognition and financial rewards, I promise you will succeed if you’re willing to work for it. So go write all those things you want to write. Live the writing life you want to live.
If I were writing this ending, I would encourage you to keep writing. Keep showing up for Process, Self-care and Product Time. Keep showing up for yourself, your readers, your family, friends, community. Keep showing up for life.
But you’re writing this ending. So what are you going to do to have the writing life you want to have and to be the writer you want to be?
Please Tell Me Your Story
I’m eager to hear what you think and how you’re doing with the three habits of Process, Product Time and Self-care and the other tools. Please post a comment on my Facebook page at www.Facebook.com/AroundTheWritersBlock, or on my blog at www.BaneOfYourResistance.com, or send an email to Rosanne @RosanneBane.com.
Please tell me what’s working well for you and what, if anything, you’re still struggling with. Do you respond to resistance differently now? Where are you improving? What success are you having with your writing? Do you have questions? What would you like more information about?
I promise to read all comments on my blog and respond to all emails. I’ll provide short answers on Facebook and my blog, and I’ll consider all your questions and comments as I write my next book. I’d be delighted to include you as one of the success stories in the next book!
APPENDIX: FORMING A WRITER’S SUPPORT AND ACCOUNTABILITY GROUP (S&A GROUP)
You need plenty of support when you are practicing new behaviors. A group of powerful, trustworthy allies can make the difference between acquiring the new writing habits you want or not. Allies bring new information and insight. They bring new perspectives and possibilities. They add their skills and resources to the mix. They help you hold yourself accountable and honor your commitments because they’re excited for you and because they want your support in holding themselves accountable to honoring their own commitments.
Yet many of us have difficulty getting the support we need. We don’t know how to ask or what to ask for or who to ask. Sometimes we’re afraid to ask because we asked the wrong person in the past and were disappointed. It can seem like a huge risk, but unless you are already getting all the writing support you need from the people you already know, you have to take the chance that someone you don’t know yet can become a powerful and trustworthy support person. You can maximize your chances of forming a functional support group by selecting allies with a bit of care and forethought.
It is important that people in any writer’s group have defined expectations about what the group is supposed to do for each other. Making a writer’s group functional requires a blend of foresight (to bring the right people together), compromise and service (to extend yourself for others), fun (if you don’t enjoy one another’s company, why bother?), and the courage to be honest. It’s worth the effort!
TWO TYPES OF WRITER’S GROUPS
Every writer’s group is unique, but there are two basic types of writer’s groups: critique groups and support groups. Both are valuable, and it’s important to know what kind of group you’re looking for. When most people think of a writer’s group, they think of a writer’s critique group where members read each other’s manuscripts and give feedback on the writing. A support group is focused more on sustaining the process of writing than on evaluating the quality of any particular piece of writing. This isn’t to say you can’t get support from a critique group or that you can’t get insightful feedback from a support group; it’s a question of the group’s primary purpose.
This appendix is designed to guide you in forming a support group to help you make the new writing habits of Process, Product Time and Self-care sustainable. Writers do need feedback at times, but you can make substantial progress without a critique group; writers always need support and accountability.
FINDING SUPPORT AND ACCOUNTABILITY GROUPS VIA FACEBOOK
My Facebook page, www.Facebook.com/AWBWritersGroups, is set up to be a clearing house for writers looking for other writers who want to form Facebook groups that will function as support and accountability groups. You’ll find information about how to create and work with Facebook groups at http://www.Facebook.com/help/groups.
You can use my page (www.Facebook.com/AWBWritersGroups) to post your name and who you’d like to form a support group with. Or go to this page to see the names of other writers who have posted their interest in forming a group. You can send a Friend Request and message via Facebook to people you might want to group with. After you’ve asked a few questions (see suggestions below) and decided you’ve got a good mix of people, you can create a Facebook group through your own Facebook pages.
My hope is that hundreds, even thousands of groups of 4 or 5 writers will form, so I need to keep my involvement in each group to a minimum. That’s the why the AWBGroups page is a clearing house where you self-select each other and take the initiative to form your own circles.
I request that people who use this page understand the concepts of Process, Product Time and Self-care, either from reading this book or attending one of my Loft classes, but I can’t guarantee this. So you might want to ask about this and a few other things before deciding who to include in your group.
WHO TO INCLUDE IN YOUR SUPPORT AND ACCOUNTABILITY (S&A) GROUP
I think it’s important for writers in an S&A group to:
Share common vocabulary and concepts (Process, Self-care, Product Time, Saboteur, tracking, rewards, rituals, etc.)
Share a level of commitment (it can be frustrating for a writer expecting to typically honor 100 percent of her/his commitments to be in a gr
oup with writers who think meeting half or three-quarters of their commitments is acceptable)
Agree on how often you want to officially check-in (I suggest weekly) and what to check-in about (see below)
Agree on how often you intend to update your status (weekly check-ins only, weekly check-ins and daily progress reports, milestones reached, etc.)
Agree on how much of your personal lives you want to share with each other (for example, do you want to know that a group member’s sick child interfered with meeting commitments this week; there is no wrong answer, but having different, unspoken expectations about this can be a source of irritation)
Respect each other and always refrain from judging any one in the group (including yourself)
Root for each other’s success
WEEKLY CHECK-INS
Start your check-in with a summary of your commitments to Process, Self-care and Product Time, what you actually did in each category, and what you’re committing to doing in the coming week. If you set targets (beyond your commitment) for Product Time, include those too. One format you could use is provided in the table on the next page.
When you check in, state just the facts. No judgments, no excuses, no explanations, no long stories. Just the facts. Then write a brief statement about how you felt throughout the week. This might include some elaboration about why you felt the way you did, but keep the focus on how you felt. Focus on body sensations or emotions.
Avoid the tendency to slide into judgment or evaluation. “I feel like I did a good job” or “I don’t think I did very well” are judgments. They are statements from your cortex that open the door for the Saboteur to starting talking trash.
“I feel happy, sad, frustrated, wistful, anxious, thrilled, engaged, intrigued, embarrassed, dissatisfied, disappointed” are statements of emotions. Remember, emotions are messages from the limbic system, which excels in noticing patterns and deviations from patterns, but doesn’t have access to the language centers. Emotions are valid information.
For example, “On Monday, I felt satisfied and proud. Tuesday, I felt a little frustrated. Wednesday and Thursday I felt happy and relieved I managed to get in all my practices because they were such busy days. Friday, I felt good about a breakthrough on a plot problem I wrestled with on Tuesday. Overall, I feel satisfied and happy when I’m writing and frustrated with the way my work schedule gets in the way sometimes.”
Use the information from your emotions to guide you in making commitments for the coming week. If you’re feeling frustrated, do you need to change your commitments or change something else in your life? If you’re feeling excited, do you want to increase your Product Time targets or stay with what’s been a winning formula for you?
RESPONDING TO GROUP MEMBERS’ CHECK-INS
Decide in advance how you want to respond to each other’s check-ins. In one group I know, members send each other messages announcing what they did for the week and what they’re committing to doing in the coming week. They then respond with messages that they are witnessing each other’s commitments for the coming week. Some groups offer congratulations or words of encouragement.
Again, there is no wrong answer, but advance agreement reduces group friction. You may choose to modify how you respond to each other as your group gains history with each other and probably grows closer.
Your S&A group will benefit from discussing two questions in advance:
How you want to support each other (by hitting the Like button or adding comments like “Good for you” to a check-in post or by adding comments or sending email messages with more details).
Whether or not you’ll give each other advice (never, only when asked, whenever you see something the other person might not see) and if so, how you’ll give advice (marked “Advice Alert” similar to “Spoiler Alert” or only as questions or in “you might want to think about . . .” terms or in straight out directives).
You need to find the balance between a) helping each other reframe your perceptions to see your progress in the best possible light so you stay positive about your ability to set and keep commitments without b) letting each off the hook by distorting the truth of what you said you’d do compared to what you actually did.
Be alert for the tendency to collude (either consciously or unconsciously) to underperform with easy excuses for yourself or offered to other group members as consolation or reassurance. Also be alert for the tendency to understate your efforts; undervaluing your effort or results is a symptom of Saboteur interference. It’s easier to see the Saboteur in another member; one of the benefits of a support group is that they can tell you when you’re being too hard on yourself.
GROUPS EVOLVE
All groups go through stages. One common perspective is that groups go through five stages:
Forming: when the members first come together and most of the members’ energy and attention is focused on how much they have in common and how optimistic they are about the group’s potential success
Storming: when the members start seeing each other’s human frailties and the group’s energy and attention pendulums to focusing on differences, conflicting interests and styles and opposing opinions about how the group should function
Norming: when the members honestly and respectfully discuss and eventually reach consensus about the group’s norms, standards, guidelines and goals
Performing: when the group can devote its energy and attention to doing what it set out to do in the beginning
Unforming: when the group either accomplishes its stated goals or dissolves by mutual consent for other reasons
Some groups are ongoing; some go through a fifth stage of unforming. A few rare groups can avoid storming altogether; some groups never get past storming and unform before they ever get to performing. Groups that intentionally focus their attention on norming as they are forming or shortly after forming can reduce the amount of storming they go through.
My hope is that considering the points and questions in the previous sections and making agreements about how you want your S&A group to function will get you to performing as quickly and painlessly as possible. But don’t be surprised or disappointed if your group goes through storming at the outset or if later storming requires your group to revisit and possibly renegotiate your group norms. The strength of a group lies in its diversity and diversity means you will have differences of opinions and styles. Even the most functional groups will have some conflict. Experts in group dynamics recommend group members move toward conflict, rather than running away from it or denying it. The sooner you put the conflict on the table, the sooner you can resolve it.
Making any group without a formal recognized authority (like a boss or elected or appointed leader) functional is a challenge, but the rewards you’ll get from your writer’s group should make the effort worthwhile. If not, I suggest you take the courageous step of raising your concerns with the group. I don’t suggest you “take your bat and ball and go home” for minor problems, but if you feel your group is no longer a fit for you or doesn’t give you rewards commensurate with the effort you invest, you can respectfully end your association with the group and look for a new group.
Remember, a group of trustworthy allies of can give you the accountability and support you need to acquire the new writing habits you want.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
First and foremost, to my partner Claudia Bruber,
I love you
One, Two,
Many, Lots,
Now, Always and Forever.
You are the biggest fan of my life and I am the biggest fan of yours. Together, we make all important things possible, live our vision and purpose, and delight in a whole host of wonderful extra blessings. Thanks for helping me increase the activity in my left prefrontal lobe to become an optimist. Thanks for the strategic planning your f
rontal cortex does so much better than mine that made it possible for me to finish this book on time, on purpose and still in love with it, you and the world.
I owe a huge debt of gratitude to all the neurologists, brain scientists, researchers and science writers whose books, articles and findings I’ve referenced and to countless others who also dedicated their lives to science. Your years of research, hard work, intelligence, innovation and insight created astounding leaps in our understanding of the brain and human nature. You did the real work; I did my best to translate what you discovered and apply it to writers and the creative process. Any misinterpretations or misapplications are mine entirely; the credit for the science that was my raw material is all yours. A special thanks to Joseph LeDoux and Norman Doidge whose books The Emotional Brain and The Brain That Changes Itself were my inspiration and invitation to explore what a deeper understanding of the brain might do for writers.
Deepest thanks to Chris Mosley, who meant it when she said, “If you ever have anything you want the editors at Tarcher to see, send it to me and I’ll pass it on,” and who didn’t blink when I replied, “Well, I do have this proposal I’m revising . . .” Your willingness to send my proposal on with an enthusiastic endorsement moved my book from potential to probable.
Good writing comes from rewriting, yet opportunities to work with editors who have time to guide writers through our rewrites are unfortunately becoming scarce. I am profoundly grateful to my editor Gaby Moss and to the leadership at Tarcher who have the wisdom to let editors like Gaby do what they do best. Thank you Gaby for asking questions that allowed to me see the places where the words I put on the page weren’t what I intended or what the reader needed. You are an insightful and generous observer, advisor, collaborator, coach and advocate—in other words, you are a gifted editor. I’m blessed to receive the benefit of your gifts.