As we started to walk away I smiled at the woman. “So how much to keep you from posting that?”
“Oh, don’t worry I’m not going to post it.” She shrugged.
“Great.” Max sighed with relief.
“There’s no point. There’s already twenty or so recordings uploaded.”
“Ugh.” Max shook his head. “I guess we’re going to be hearing about this when we get back home.”
“Good thing we have a few more countries before we get back.” I laughed.
Even though we were dripping wet and on the receiving end of some very judgmental stares, I couldn’t deny that playing with Max in the moat had been a lot of fun.
We headed back to the hotel to shower and change. Then we grabbed something to eat in the hotel restaurant before we left for the bookstore. It wasn’t too far of a walk to get to the shop. On the way, however, I noticed a woman selling smoothies that looked delicious.
“Oh, Max, I’m dying for a smoothie. I’m just going to grab one real quick, okay?”
“Sure, we have time.”
“Do you want one too, or do you want to share?”
“I could go for a chocolate shake.”
“Max, it’s a smoothie stand. Fruit, not chocolate.”
“Maybe something strawberry then.”
We walked up to the woman and ordered our drinks. As they were being prepared, Max wandered over to a newspaper stand to look through the magazines.
The woman behind the blender smiled at me as he walked away. “He’s quite handsome.”
“I think so. Thank you.” I smiled in return. “How’s business here? Busy?”
“Oh yes, everyone wants to be healthy. I make hundreds of smoothies every day.”
“If people want to be healthy, why do so many women use skin lightener here?”
“We also want to attract a handsome man.” She handed me my smoothie, then moved on to preparing Max’s. “It is very competitive here to find a decent man to date, so women do everything they can to attract their attention. That means looking different than everyone else.”
“Even if it risks the health of their skin?”
“Sure. We all want romance. Some of us will do anything to get it.”
“That’s so sad.” I took a sip of my smoothie and watched Max as he fumbled with a stack of magazines.
I thought back to the moments in my life when I was certain he would never be mine. There was a time when I would have done anything to get his attention.
Was it really so different for these women? Everyone longed for that deep connection of love. It was something that nothing else could compare to. Although I knew many women who were fine with being single—and had convinced myself once that I was too—I knew many more who spent their time dreaming about that one special man who would show up to sweep them off of their feet.
What really limited their chances? Was it that there were so few good men out there, or was it that the women’s low self-esteem prevented them from even attempting to date? I’d considered throwing in the towel many times. Now I was the happiest I’d ever been.
“It’s hard sometimes to look in the mirror.” She frowned as she handed me the other smoothie.
I gazed at this beautiful woman who embodied all the qualities I’d once longed for. Her hair was pin-straight with a nice sheen, her body was petite, her features were delicate and symmetrical. There was nothing about her that wasn’t beautiful in my eyes, yet she had a hard time looking in the mirror.
“You are beautiful. You should know that.”
“So should you.” She smiled at me. “Maybe if we all could accept that, there would be a lot more love in the world.”
“Maybe.” I handed Max his drink as he walked over to me. “Sometimes it takes just one person changing their perspective to influence women around them.”
“I hope one day I can be that kind of influence,” she said.
“I’m sure you will be.” I left her a generous tip and we continued on to the bookshop.
Chapter 27
I walked hand in hand with Max sipping my smoothie and thinking about how lucky I was.
Kanda was waiting outside for us when we walked up to the bookshop.
“Hi there. I hear you two have been up to no good.”
“No good?” I studied her for some clue as to what she meant.
“You took a swim in the moat!” She laughed.
“It wasn’t intentional.”
“But it was fun.” Max smiled. “I guess you saw the video?”
“It was hard to miss. And very funny. There’s even one set to music, which really makes it an experience.”
“Oh, I bet.” I laughed. “I’m sorry. I hope it doesn’t reflect poorly on you.”
“Not at all. We got even more calls today to see if people could still buy tickets. Like it or not, I think you’re going to have to come back to Thailand one day.”
“I would like that very much.” I smiled.
She held open the door for us and we stepped inside. The space was much larger than the first bookshop we’d been in. There was a larger seating area, which was filled to the brim. The coffee bar and snack station was buzzing with people placing their orders. It felt more like a concert than a book signing.
I swallowed hard as my nerves ruffled up. This was a large audience and I’d had quite an unsettling day. What would I say to them?
I took the last sip of my smoothie and recalled the beautiful woman who’d made it for me.
My audience at this bookshop was much more varied. There were women of many different sizes from what I assumed were many different countries. I realized that this was my chance to bridge a gap created by culture and distance.
I walked up to the podium and smiled out at the audience before me.
“Hi, everyone, and thank you for coming tonight.”
After some applause I cleared my throat and began to speak again. “I know that normally I would read a passage from my book, but I have a feeling that many of you are fans of my blog as well. So I’d like to just touch on some more personal topics tonight, if that is alright with everyone.”
No one in the audience appeared to be annoyed so I continued.
“Many of you already know this, but for those of you that don’t, I’ve been on a journey to love and accept myself and my body. It’s had its ups and downs, and even though I’ve made a lot of progress, I still have my moments of insecurity. Even after everything I’ve done to cure myself of that critical look in the mirror, I still struggle with it. I realize that many women do. But why? Why is it so hard for us to shake off the idea that we are flawed or imperfect in some way?” I surveyed the audience to be sure that they were still with me.
“I think it’s because somehow, somewhere along the line—whether passed down by our mothers, or garnished from television shows and advertisements—we came to believe that there is a model of beauty that we need to live up to. It’s a perfect fit that we need to somehow cram and twist ourselves into.
“We’re convinced that other people know better than us what beauty is, and we let these faceless gods of advertising and sales dictate to us what we need to look like, and what we need to buy in order to be considered acceptable.
“During this book tour, what strikes me the most, is that every culture has its own picture of beauty. So while one person may be considered gorgeous in one country, in another they will be considered unappealing. Why? Is it because men and women are only attracted to perfection?” I shook my head.
“No, I don’t think so. Many people have meaningful relationships, flaws and all. I think it’s because we buy into that image that is being presented to us. We are programmed to want it and only it.
“What if we let go of that notion? What if we embraced our bodies, our skin, our differences and our difficulties, as all part of our own perfect beauty? Because when it comes down to it, there is not a single person in the world who looks exactly like you. You are a u
nique beautiful being. If we each embraced this, then maybe life and love would get just a little bit easier.
“I know, it’s easier said than done. But I do ask that the next time you look in the mirror, you see your own gorgeous features reflected back at you, instead of the critical eye of an imaginary expert on beauty.”
As my voice trailed off I wondered if I’d taken things too far—until the audience began to applaud.
I smiled and nodded to each of the women I met eyes with.
After the applause died down, I continued with the reading as planned. Even though the crowd was quite large our interaction felt very intimate. I wasn’t sure that I’d reached every woman in attendance, but I did think that I’d touched the hearts of quite a few, including my own. The desire to measure myself against some perfect ideal was a constant weight on my shoulders, and as much as the women in my audience wanted to, I wanted to let it go too.
After the session, I sat at the table for a long time to make sure that everyone who wanted an autograph got one. A few of the women mentioned how much my words meant to them. I shared the words of other women that I’d met along the way—words that had meant a lot to me.
As the last of the group filed out, Kanda walked up to my table.
I noticed that her expression was grim and tight.
Chapter 28
“Kanda, is everything okay? I hope I didn’t overstep.”
“No, you didn’t.” She wiped at her eyes and forced a smile. “Do you know why I had the pill that I gave you when you reacted to the lotion?”
“No, I didn’t really think about it.”
“I had it because I have the same reaction.”
“You do?” My eyes widened.
“Yes, and even though I have such an extreme reaction when I use the cream, I just take one of those pills and use the cream again.” She lowered her eyes. “I was too ashamed to tell you that. I follow your blog, and I believe in what you share, but I just can’t bring myself not to try to lighten my skin. I’ve been wanting to look the part—to fit the image of what a man would want.”
“We’ve all been through that, Kanda. There’s no reason for you to be ashamed.”
“Maybe not, but I risk putting myself in the hospital every time I use that lotion. It wasn’t until I heard you speak tonight that I finally got it. I’m not lightening my skin to attract a man, I’m lightening my skin because that’s what all the advertising tells me to do. Even if I were married, I’d still want to do it. While you were signing autographs, I threw my lotions away. I’ve never felt more free of that pressure to look a certain way. Thank you for that, Sammy. You have more of an impact on people than you realize.”
“I’ve learned so much since being here in Thailand. I learn more about myself with every trip I take. I wish there was a magic cure for the insecurity so many of us feel, but I think it really just takes time.”
“Yes, I think so too.”
I stood up from the table and opened my arms to her. She hugged me and we stayed in the embrace for some time. We were two women from two different parts of the world who had experienced the same anguish of not being able to measure up to what we were told was beautiful.
“Thanks for everything, Kanda. I can’t wait to visit you again.”
“Good luck in Bali.” She smiled. “Stay away from moats.”
“I’ll try.” I laughed as I walked away.
Max waited for me by the door.
As we walked back to the hotel I thought back over my entire journey in Thailand. There wasn’t a single thing that I wanted to change, even the fall into the moat. But there was one thing I’d almost forgotten.
“Max! We never got to see the elephants.”
“We still have another day. Do you want to go tomorrow?”
“Do you think we could? There’s nothing else you want to do?”
“Nothing better than elephants.” He grinned.
First thing the next morning we made arrangements to tour the nearby elephant sanctuary. I was excited to get there, and for once we managed to leave the hotel on time. A guide picked us up at the hotel and filled us in on some history about the elephant rescues as he drove us.
There was quite a scent emanating from the gates as we drove through, but I didn’t let that deter me. I was so excited to see the majestic animals. And after the next bend in the road, I did see them—giant elephants that stood in the grass and flicked their massive ears. Nothing had prepared me for the stunning sight of the animals.
“Max, look.” I grabbed his hand. “There they are.”
“That is some of them.” Our guide nodded with a smile. “They are permitted to roam the facility, so it’s important that you be cautious. You will almost always see the elephant’s mahout—they each have one who takes care of them—nearby, but you must still be very aware of your surroundings.”
“We will be.” Max tightened his grasp on my hand. “What kind of things will we be able to help with?”
“Feeding, cleaning, and some maintenance of the grounds. Wherever you want to pitch in will be a big help. We run on donations and volunteers. All of the elephants here were rescued from unsafe or abusive environments. They are much happier here, but their care does take quite a bit of effort and time. That’s why we started a program where people could enjoy time with the elephants and also provide them a service. It’s become quite popular.”
“We’re glad the option is available. I had no idea that my interest in elephants could actually lead to them being harmed.”
“Most people don’t. It looks just fine. They make the entire experience very uplifting and portray the elephant as happy. But it’s not in a wild animal’s nature to work for a human. Elephants are the kings of the animal kingdom and they should be treated as such.”
“That’s exactly what they look like. Kings.” I smiled at Max. “I’m so glad we made the time to come here.”
“Me too.”
Once we parked, our guide led us to a small shelter where there were several options as to the kinds of work we could do. Max and I signed up to help feed the elephants and change their water.
A young woman led us on a long walk through the tall grass. Not only was it hot, but the scent was hard to ignore. The moment I saw an elephant with its baby close by, however, all my discomfort vanished.
“Don’t get too close. They look gentle, but they can charge, and especially the mothers are very defensive of their babies. So be careful. If one of the elephants approaches you, just be still and calm. They get most of their nourishment from the land, but since there are so many here we make sure to provide a little extra. So here are some apples. You can hold them out or toss them to the elephants.”
“If I hold an apple out, is the elephant going to charge me?”
“No they will only do that if they feel threatened.”
I smiled at the elephant that lingered nearby. “No need to feel threatened, pal. I think we have a lot in common.” I held the apple out toward the majestic creature.
Chapter 29
The elephant stared at me, as if he was trying to decide whether I was worthy of his attention. Whether he decided I was, or he just spotted the apple, I’ll never know, but he began to walk toward me.
Max snapped a few pictures as the elephant approached. Then he helped dump and fill the water trough a few feet away.
The elephant took the apple right from my hand. I could barely take a breath as I felt its skin coast along mine. Just as I’d spoken about there being no difference between women of different cultures, I suddenly became aware that there was no difference between my skin and that of this elephant.
Yes, his was much tougher, but in essence, we were the same living beings with hopes and dreams that filled our eyes. He would never know mine, and I would never know his, but that didn’t mean that they didn’t exist. Thanks to the efforts of a woman who was brave enough to interrupt the conversation of strangers, I’d had the experience of a lifetime w
ithout causing any harm to an elephant.
“Sammy, here’s another apple.” Max tossed an apple in my direction. I was too distracted by the elephant to react fast enough and the apple hit my shoulder.
“Ouch!” I laughed.
But the elephant didn’t think it was funny. He let out a loud warning cry, then lunged toward Max.
“Max, watch out!”
Max looked up just in time to see the elephant’s trunk swing at him. It caught him on the chest and knocked him backwards right into the water trough he’d just filled. Max landed with a splash.
The elephant swept up the abandoned apple and stomped off.
“Well, that was close.”
“Max, are you okay?” I ran over to him and tried to help him up out of the trough.
“Oh no, you’re not getting out of this that easy.” He tugged me down into the trough with him.
I laughed as the water seeped through my clothes. “I guess we’re even now.”
“Yes, I think we are.” He grinned.
“Hey, you two, you’re going to have to refill that!” One of the guides hollered.
I laughed and rested my forehead against Max’s. “You got me in trouble again.”
“Me? I’m not the one that sicced an elephant on you.”
“He was just looking out for me.” I smiled. “I think he likes me.”
He brushed a strand of hair from my eyes. “How could he not?”
That was the moment that we shared a kiss in an elephant’s water trough. Maybe it wasn’t the most romantic place to kiss, but it was a kiss that we would never forget.
Once we managed to get out, we refilled the water and made sure there was other food out for the elephants to enjoy. Then we moved on to breaking down some overgrown shrubbery that threatened some of the paths that the elephants used.
As the morning progressed I was glad that my clothes were wet, as my body dripped with sweat. I hadn’t really thought about what it would be like to be in the blazing sun all day. It struck me that there were people that worked in such a climate all day every day, just to earn a living. I was glad that I had a job that allowed me to stay in climate-controlled environments.
Sammy in Thailand (Single Wide Female Travels #6) Page 9