He pulled himself out of me and let go. I dashed for the bathroom. I threw up then. After waiting for it so long it was a relief to finally be able to. My headache was even starting to feel better.
“You'll pay for that.” He had been standing in the door.
I was shaking again. Hadn't that been a punishment?
“Get up. Brush your teeth. Hurry up.” He was mad at me.
I did as I was told again but I was sobbing. I gladly brushed my teeth before I stumbled over to him. The room was spinning. My headache was back full force.
He grabbed my arm and pulled me back to his bed. There was a long stick with folded leather at the pointy end. It looked like something a horse rider would use. Did he want to whip me with that? I started bawling, so full of self pity.
My need to runaway from him ten folded.
“I will give you one more chance. Kneel down in front of me!” He reached for the whip thing. “Do it the way I taught you!” He stood next to the bed with the whip in his hands.
I knelt on the floor at his feet. I reached for it with my hands as I wept. I repeated the lesson as he taught me slowly.
“Amelia, don't test me.”
I put it in my mouth with the same results. I pulled away and he pushed forward. I gagged and coughed.
He brushed my hair to the side and push me against his leg. I felt so terribly dizzy and I wrapped my arms around his leg. He sent the whip thrashing down to my back. He did this several times. Painful jolt after painful jolt. “Try again.”
I was so dizzy and I felt so sick. Heat raised in my face. I needed help so much. Once again I had to look to the one who was hurting me for help. “Daddy?” I had finally gotten my wish. I was passing out.
Chapter 11 Taking It Too Far
Brian stood, looking out of the window at the grounds. He could see a team of gardeners working out there. He kept his eyes on the bushes that were being cut to perfection but still he saw her eyes and her body in his mind.
She didn't honestly care for him. He had disgusted her so much that she had to be sick. To punish her he had whipped her. Her body had slumped against his leg. He had stepped back and she had sunk to the floor.
Brian had lifted her off of the floor and laid her in bed. He felt guilty, disappointed and mad. He had hoped for so much. She may not be moldable. Had her father been right about their marriage? Was it destined to fail?
***
It was dark when I woke up. He was sleeping next to me. I went back to sleep, feeling safe for the moment.
I had to go the bathroom so bad that it hurt. It was still dark and he was still sleeping. I went to my bathroom and then returned to lie down next to him. As soon as I laid down I felt the urgent need to go again. I got up confused. I was never back in bed for more than five minutes when I had to go again, but once in the bathroom only a few drops came out.
This back and forth woke him up. He grabbed me and parted my legs. He pushed into me painfully and thrust while I cried silently in pain. When he finished he went into his bathroom again. I ran off to mine. He came looking for me after a bit.
“I want Nanny.” I shivered on the toilet.
“Why do you want your Nanny?” He knelt down and looked in my eyes. “What's wrong, honey?” He reached for my face and I turned away from him and continued shivering. “You can tell me anything that you can tell Nanny.”
I shook my head.
“Why won't you tell me, sweetheart?” He smiled at me but I wasn't fooled anymore.
I looked him in the eyes and answered, “because I'm so afraid of you.” I was surprised that I had answered him so honestly.
He pinched his thumb and pointer finger to the bridge of his nose. I was giving him a headache. What would the punishment for that be?
I continued to shiver until a bit of pee came out again.
“You can tell me what is wrong. I promise I can make it better and you can have the book you were reading back. Just, please, tell me.”
It was so hard to speak and shake the way I was. “Hurts. . . to go to the bathroom.”
“You mean to go pee pee?”
I nodded and sobbed.
“I'll be right back.”
He came back with a plastic cup and those pH strips that we used at school in science class. “I need you to go pee pee in this cup. Can you do that for Daddy?”
I nodded and took the cup. I had been trying not to go since he came in so it wasn't a problem. I guessed I was too sick to care. He took the cup and put the paper thing in it. He waited and watched it.
“You are a very sick little girl. Don't worry Daddy will make it all better. He washed me down there with a washcloth and carried me to my bed. He got me into a warm pajamas. He laid his hand on my forehead. His hand was cooler than my forehead so I leaned into it. “I'll be right back.” He came backwith water and a pill.
“Daddy needs you to swallow this. It's penicillin, you aren't allergic to it, are you?”
I shook my head and took the pill from his hand and placed it in my mouth. Then I took the glass and drank all the water. I gagged a little but I got it down and it stayed down. He gave me my book. I was allowed to read when I wasn't running to the bathroom. He stayed by me pouring me something to drink and taking care of everything, just like a Nanny. He was also reading a book when I closed mine and sighed happily at the happy ending. How unrealistic but it was nice to read about.
All day long I slept and he sat by me. When I was awake he fed me warm soup and read to me or let me read but I wasn't strong enough to hold the book up. So I had to lay on my side and roll back and forth. I gave up. Daddy was reading a big thick book.
When it got dark he went to get some more food and my next pill. I believed him that it was penicillin. We had the same ones at school. We called them horse pills because they were so hard to swallow. I had been surprised I had gotten the first one down on the first try. This was something I was usually a big baby about.
“Here is your pill and your glass of water.”
I felt it. This pill wasn't going to stay down and he would get mad and scold me like the sisters did at school. He would probably even do worse than that.
Please let it go down and stay down, I prayed, as I slowly brought the pill to my mouth. I started gagging as soon as I laid it on my tongue. I pushed past him and ran into my bathroom. My lunch came up too. I cried as I sat on the floor next to the toilet. He would be so mad at me now.
He sat down behind me and rubbed my back. This would have probably comforted me on a normal day but he rubbed over the lashes that he had given me yesterday. I was too sad to say anything. I was feeling very depressed.
He took my head and leaned it against his chest. “My poor sick little baby. We will wait a bit and try again.” He was petting my hair.
“You're not mad?” It slipped out. I had already decided not to say anything at all ever again unless I was spoken to.
“Of course not. I know you didn't do it on purpose, sweetheart.” He hugged me a little tighter. I leaned into him needing to feel loved. “Do you often have problems taking tablets?”
“Yes, the nuns at school scolded me for that all the time. I was always sick with something or another when school started or after Christmas vacation it was the worst.”
“Why were you always sick then?” he asked but his heart rate remained so slow that I knew that he already knew the answer.
My heart sank a little like it was being pushed down by a heavy stone. “I often had sore throats and ear infections. I guess my room was a little too cold for me.
“Was your room heated in winter?” I felt his arms tighten around me. He was mad again but not at me.
I felt so guilty. I shook my head.
“How could he in good conscious . . .?” He held me tighter. “You're safe now. I won't hurt you Amelia.”
I cried all the more. I didn't believe him and he was back to rubbing my back again. He was sitting on my bathroom floor holding me in betwe
en his knees as he leaned against the cupboard. He was talking in such soft tones that I wasn't always certain what he was saying. He was a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in one person.
I hoped I wasn't picking a fight but I wanted to see how he would react. “I'm sorry I wasn't good at what you wanted me to do yesterday.” I sobbed thinking about the beating I had gotten for being bad at it.
“Shh don't cry. It's all right. You are just too young for that. Daddy understands now.”
I wasn't sure what to think. Had I gotten out of that? Would he decide I was old enough soon? “Daddy I'm so tired I want to go to sleep.”
“Not yet. We still have to get your medicine in you before you can go. Let me know when you are ready to try again.”
“But what If I throw it up again? The nuns got so mad about that.”
“If the next one doesn't stay in then I'll give it to you in a shot.” He was still so relaxed about all of this. He couldn't just give me a shot. I was scared again. The pressure to get and keep the pill down increased.
Okay, all I had to do was lay the tablet on my tongue and swallow. Plus a sip of water to keep it down. I was so looking forward to the water. I was sure I had a fever.
“Daddy what's wrong with me?”
“You have a bladder infection that's why it hurts to go pee pee. Your body is trying to fight that so you have a high fever too. You are very sick. But Daddy knows how to make you better. Don't worry about it.” He was very confident.
“I have to go to the bathroom again.” I was miserable.
He got up and picked me up too. He pulled my pajama bottoms down and set me on the toilet. I was blushing red again because I almost didn't make it.
“Good girl. You are being such a good patient for Daddy.” He looked like he meant it.
He took another washcloth out of the drawer and got it wet with warm water. I already knew the routine now. Stand up and lean on Daddy while he wiped me clean. Protesting had only gotten him mad. I had to let him help me and there really didn't seem to be anything sexual about it. He was just taking care of me. Like a parent would take care of their child.
If he hadn't horse whipped me and spanked me so terribly I would have just given into his harmless fantasy but it had gone too far and it had hurt me too much. This wasn't a game anymore. He couldn't stop. I had to play along or else. That I didn't want to think about. I had to live on a day for day basis.
“I'm ready to try again.” I looked at him. He looked skeptical. I just wanted to go back to bed. I think he knew that.
“I'll go get the tablet and the shot.” He raised an eyebrow like he was warning me.
I nodded still perched on the toilet.
He came back quickly. He laid a medical tray on the countertop. I eyed the things on it. There was my pill and a plastic shot and a needle still wrapped up in its sterile packaging and a little glass bottle with a clear liquid in it. A labeled bottle of alcohol and cotton ball like paper. Why would he have something like that laying around the house? The house was big but mine had been even bigger and when someone other than me got sick the doctor was called. We didn't have things like that around.
He had a glass of water in his hands now. “Here we go. Keep your head up.”
I nodded.
“Maybe you should stand up for this just in case.” He was being so nice to me again.
“Daddy I had to go again while you were gone,” I admitted. I didn't want to get in any trouble for anything ever again.
“Okay, sweetheart.” He put down the tablet and my glass of water. “You're right we have to take care of that first.” He got another washcloth out. “Up you go.” He cleaned me up again. This time he pulled up my pajama bottoms. “Remember to keep your head up, sweetheart.”
He gave me the tablet while he held the water.
I put the tablet on my tongue as far back as I could, keeping my head held high. I grabbed for the glass. I drank and swallowed and down it went. I was already feeling pretty proud of myself when my stomach lurched. I threw up again. I was crying and apologizing.
“It's okay, sweetheart. Let's give up with the tablets. Daddy can give you the shot and you can go to sleep and you can eat something and it will stay in. It's the way we are going to do this. Now I want you to brush your teeth and go back to bed.” I did as I was told. His tone had made it clear that I had to. I sighed when I was back in bed. I was so tired.
“I want you to try to eat something at least before you go to sleep. Give Daddy your arm.”
I did. I wanted to see if he would really do it. I watched him open the bottle of alcohol. He got the cotton ball thing wet with it. The smell filled the air, burning my nose. Daddy rubbed it in the bend of my arm. He prepared the shot and it looked very professional to me.
“Daddy needs you to lie very still now.” He tapped my arm with his fingers. And then he gave me the shot without any to do. It looked to me like he had done that a lot in his life. I had to wonder if he every did any drugs. They use needles too.
“That didn't even hurt. Where did you learn to do that?” I was impressed.
“I told you Daddy would take care of you.” He smiled and he kind of laughed a little too. I felt like I had stumbled on a private joke. Maybe I was right about the drugs.
“Daddy wants you to sit up a bit so you can eat. I brought you another bowl of soup with crackers this time. Let's see how much we can get into Daddy's little girl.” He fed me like a baby. He was careful to hold the bowl under my chin when I bit into the crackers. He said he didn't want me to have to sleep in my crumbs.
When I shook my head he stopped and put the bowl away. He pulled a children's book off the shelf. He laid down in bed next to me and drew me close to him. I laid my head on his chest. He had his arm around me as he started reading. It was a book that I had never read before. It was for a little kid. He read and I was interested.
I was making him happy again and I really wasn't giving away more than I was capable of. It didn't hurt to do it. If he was happy than he wouldn't hurt me. I just had to keep him happy. I fell asleep after my story.
“Sweetheart, time to wake up. Daddy wants to get you up and dressed before he goes to work.”
I reached out to him. He lifted me up and took me with him into his bathroom. The tub was already filling up with warm water. I was a little scared. I didn't think that I could ever truly be relaxed with him again. I now knew more of what he was capable of. He unbuttoned my pajamas and removed the bottoms.
“Daddy will need a bit of help pinning up your hair. You are still too sick for me to wash it.” He had laid several things out on the counter that could achieve this.
“The blue ponytail holder.” I pointed at it.
“How does that work?” he questioned me while he handed it to me.
I reached up and grabbed my hair pulling it up. My naked breasts lifted with my arms. He smiled at them. He clearly liked them.
I was so unsure again. I finished my task quickly and lowered my arms. He got undressed too. He got into the tub and called to me.
I stood up and joined him in the water. He started cleaning me right away, a lot faster than the last time.
“Out you go. Go dry yourself off with your towel.” He looked over at a chair in the corner of the room.
I followed his eyes to the chair. There was a brown towel laying on it and one of my pink ones. He had thought this through, even getting one of my towels for me. He had lots that wasn't necessary.
After I was dry, he came out after me. He quickly dried himself off. When he was dry he wrapped his brown towel around his waist. He had even set out a pile of the things he wanted me to wear. First he put plain white underwear on me. And then a plain white bra. Over that came a plain white undershirt with a simple white bow in the middle at the top. Then a white blouse with puffed sleeves. Over that a pink dress and then my soft white sweater.
I decided to test the water again. “But Daddy if I wear the sweater them no one can see the pret
ty sleeves. They'll get covered and squished.” I looked in his eyes.
“Amelia, you are still very sick. After a while when it is too hot you can take the sweater off but for now Daddy wants the sweater on.” His tone was strict but I could tell he liked that I liked my clothes.
I nodded without meeting his eyes in a pretend pout.
“Sit down so we can get your socks and shoes on.” I did and he knelt down to put knee high white socks on me. Then black shoes that were like ballerinas but with a strap of leather going across the top. I think shoes in this style were called Mary Jane's. I loved them. He was giving me everything that I had ever wanted as a child, now.
I admired my shoes while he got dressed.
“Let your hair back down, princess.” He handed me a brush. I styled it as quickly as I could. I had my usual problem again.
“Daddy, I have to go.”
He grabbed me and lifted my dress and pulled down my underwear. He sat me down on the toilet and went back to grooming his own hair. The sound of me going to the bathroom echoed in the room.
“That already sounds a lot better. Not just coming out in drips anymore.” He took a wash cloth out of the drawer and got it wet with warm water again. He cleaned me up and righted my clothes again. He washed his hands and then he reached for me.
“Let's go down for breakfast.” He looked ready to go when I stopped him.
“But Daddy, I'm still so dizzy. What if . . . ?”
“Shh. I'll be giving you back to Nanny. She will take care of you when Daddy is out. Don't worry, sweetheart. I'll take care of you.” He had a look about him like he wanted to show me off in my pretty clothes.
He pulled me out of the door to his bedroom. A handful of maids were waiting to go in and clean up. They would be finished with everything by the time Nanny and I returned from breakfast.
It was important to Daddy that I didn't move around the house too much. He liked to keep me locked up in my room. Nanny was just there to fight my boredom and to keep me in my place when he was gone. There was nothing unusual about this marriage at all. What husband didn't have an older woman living with his wife telling her what to do and punishing her?
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