I was so surprised by this new side of him that I laughed.
He opened the door and left.
I waited and Nanny didn't come in. I stood up and looked around. I quickly dashed over to his desk. On it was one of the wedding pictures we had chosen for the frame. It was the one of him holding me close with the flowers in between us. The picture looked perfect. The black of his suit and the white of my dress and the white roses and the green leaves. The picture looked like we had been together for years and had finally tied the knot. The truth that we were practically strangers was hidden in our hearts.
Chapter 13 Playing Dress-Up
“Nanny, a quick word.” He pulled her into an empty room. “My little girl wants to play dress up tonight. Take her shopping and get her something elegant, something for a much older girl but something that she likes. I'm taking her out to dinner and then to a show. Have her back here dressed, styled and ready by six. You can have the night off then.” He left a very mad looking Nanny behind him.
***
Nanny came in and found me behind his desk. Her look was scolding enough. She motioned for me to come forward. I did. She didn't say anything to me.
She turned and I followed her out. I heard the nurses talking.
“Why didn't you tell me his wife was here. I walked in on them kissing.” I blushed as I listened to the nurses talking.
The others laughed.
“It's not funny. I thought the worst when I saw them. I was so shocked thinking . . .”
“Yes,” one of the other nurses said obviously entertained by all of this.
“Never mind what I thought. I just hope I don't get fired.”
“What did you say?” Another nurse asked.
Nanny pulled me out of the door. She gave me an odd look. I was smirking at their conversation. “You are certainly feeling a lot better.”
I followed her without saying a word. We went shopping again. This time we went into a boutique. It was just like I had imagined. Very elegant with brightly colored dresses. Nanny spoke with the saleslady. I looked at the dresses they had here. This was like the stuff that stars wore to the Oscar's.
The saleslady smiled at me and she pointed the way to the fitting room. She brought several dresses for me to try on. Again I loved the first one.
“Nanny, isn't it beautiful?” I turned around in front of the mirror, smiling at myself. I did feel a little more grown up now.
“You can't have that. Go try on another one.” She was shaking her head and biting her lower lip.
“But Nanny this one is nice. There isn't anything wrong with it.”
Nanny grabbed my arm and turned me. She pushed my hair to the side. “Look in the mirror.” Her teeth were gritted together.
I looked over my shoulder and saw what she meant. I nodded and moved my hair to cover up my whip marks that could be easily seen. I returned to the changing room and went through the dresses, discarding those which showed too much back.
I wiped my tears away with the back of my hand. I removed the dress and put on a dark blue one. It covered my back nicely. It had a plunging v-neck but it wasn't indecent. It looked good with the bra I already had on. It didn't show too much but I wasn't all covered up like a little girl either. My arms weren't covered up either. The dress went down to mid-calf. It looked like a cloud around my legs. It was truly elegant but all the fun was gone.
I wondered if my back would ever heal or if I had to live with the scars the rest of my life. However short my life might be.
I stepped out to Nanny. She got up and inspected the dress. “Yes, Daddy will approve of this one. You look very nice, Amelia.”
“Thank you.” I whispered, fighting back more tears.
“Excuse me,” she called to the shop assistant. “We will be taking this one. Do you have shoes in size seven and a half to match?”
“Yes, we have several,” the saleslady eagerly nodded.
“The heels shouldn't be too high. She should be able to walk normally. And she needs a purse to match too.”
“Coming right up.” The saleslady seemed overjoyed to help us.
I stood still debating whether or not to tell the woman that I was actually being held against my will. Would she feel sorry for someone like me or would she think I was stupid, not recognizing a good thing when I had it. I looked at myself. I looked like a little girl playing dress up.
“Amelia, perhaps you should sit down so you can try on your shoes?” Nanny suggested.
I nodded and let her lead me where she wanted me to be. She gave me a handkerchief. I dabbed at my eyes. Who was I trying to fool? I didn't belong in a world like this. I even looked forward to being at my desk working on my essay. That world fit better. I had to try to get along with Daddy better. No matter what that meant. I'd do my best. I had to get myself pulled together before the saleslady came back.
Daddy hadn't meant this as a punishment but as a treat. He was trying and so would I. He was my husband. This had to work out. I wouldn't find anyone else who wanted me. I wasn't a virgin anymore. That put my worth way down on the scale.
I was sitting in a very expensive store getting whatever I wanted, I didn't have it that bad. I just had to be very good and show them that I appreciated the things they did for me. I got to eat at the table with them. Who was I trying to kid, this was a major step up for me. I breathed in through my nose and my heart sank.
The lady brought the shoes. Nanny grabbed two pairs and set them aside right away as being too sexy, or too high, or too whatever.
I pointed to the pair I liked best and looked up at Nanny who nodded her approval. The saleslady also looked at Nanny. She seemed to understand how things worked with us. The shoes were the same style as my wedding shoes had been.
A purse was also quickly found. Nanny took care of paying for things.
I got to leave my new things on. I felt a little silly walking around the city with Nanny in her strict nanny clothes but there were other people out there who were dressed more oddly than we were.
A man bumped into me in the whole mess of people. He sent me a couple of steps back. Nanny had continued walking. There were so many people on the side walk. I couldn't see her anymore.
I stood still stupidly and waited to see what would happen. I could blend into the crowd going the other way and run away. I didn't have anywhere to go.
The nuns at school had taught us to hug a tree if we got lost in the woods and to stay where we were. I looked up and saw a streetlight. I didn't want to hug that but the principle was the same. I moved so I was standing next to it. I watched the crowd for Nanny. I saw her coming a moment later. She had her cell out as she fought to walk against the flow of traffic.
“Nanny!” I called out.
She looked so relieved. “Amelia, sweetheart. What happened?” she smiled at me as she spoke.
I moved closer to her and she took my hand. “A man bumped into me. He took me along with him a couple of steps and you were gone. The nuns at school said we should hug a tree if we got lost. I just stood by the streetlight and waited.”
“That was the exact right thing to do. You are a very clever girl. That was a fine school that you went to.” She locked her arm in mine now. We walked briskly to the hairdresser's.
Nanny wanted her to give me just a touch of make-up. Nanny had told them that, I was going out with my Daddy tonight, to my first broadway show.
They all talked to me like I was a lot younger too. They probably thought I was fifteen or sixteen. Nanny explained the bump on my head. Nanny repeated, again and again, how much older I looked.
When they were finished they turned me the towards mirror. I stood up and looked at myself. They had pinned my hair up and given me a bit of make-up. I was surprised at the difference it made.
“I look older.” Why did I say that? I was playing right into their hands, again. I had given in to everything they wanted pretty easily. Why did I do that? I stood in front of the mirror turning this way and
that.
“Amelia, it's time. You don't want your Daddy to wait for you, do you?”
“I'm coming.” I went to her and automatically reached for her hand before we went out into the street again. Daddy had called her to check on us so he knew the whole hug a tree story. I was entertaining him again. We weren't that far from his office. I was somehow relieved to be inside again. There were just too many people on the street.
Nanny was somehow very mad at me. This day just wasn't going as she had planned. She sighed as she pushed the button for the elevator.
“I'm sorry I passed out, Nanny.”
She turned and looked at me surprised. She didn't say anything. She even looked away from me then.
The elevator doors opened and a couple of men got in. They both looked at me. Their eyes said that they didn't think that I was fifteen or sixteen. They thought I was older than I really was. They smiled at me.
I tried to move closer to Nanny but they were blocking the way. Nanny's hands were already on her hips. She was watching them. They were both wearing suits and they were as big as Daddy. I didn't think she would have a chance against them if they decided to attack. They didn't the whole thing ended when we reached the right floor. I got out of the elevator and so did Nanny.
She shook her head and we went back to Daddy's office.
For a grown married woman I sure did do a lot of stupid stuff. I bet Nanny was thinking the same thing. We went back into his waiting room. It was empty now. I was feeling better now. Nanny had been giving me water to drink the whole afternoon. A sip here and there.
I had a chance to look around. It was full of toys. There were more toys for little girls than for boys. There was a corner devoted just to dolls.
I hated dolls. There was something about their eyes that spooked me. If I were a little girl I would have played with the blocks. That probably would have disappointed Daddy. He would have liked to see me playing with the dolls, feeding them, putting pretty dresses on them and doing their hair.
I looked over at Nanny, she had probably played with dolls as a little girl. I was her real life doll. She was even being paid to play with me. I wondered if she even spanked her dolls too?
Daddy wasn't finished and I kept on eyeing the blocks. They were on the table right in front of me. I reached out and lined up a couple, just out of boredom. I looked at Nanny. She was reading a parental magazine. I started building in earnest. I had used all the blocks but I wasn't finished with what I wanted to make. It looked like greek ruins.
Daddy cleared his throat and I looked up. He had changed too. He was smiling at me. Again I had entertained him and played right into his hands.
“Thank you, Nanny. That will be all for today.” He hardly looked at her. He was looking at me.
I felt so stupid. He was right I was childish. I got up and went to him. Nanny was getting up to leave too. “Good night, Nanny. Thank you for everything you did for me today.”
“Of course, Amelia.” She smiled at me and left.
Daddy took me by my hand and pulled me along with him. He said good night to the nurses as they left. They all stared at me as we passed.
He brought me to a woman who wasn't dressed in white. This must be his secretary. She handed him a thick brown envelope. She was a bit older and she seemed very competent. Her hair was drawn up into a very serious looking bun. Mine was swooped up with curls framing my face here and there.
Daddy introduced us. “This is my wife, Amelia.” She nodded at me without giving me the once over that the nurses had when I came in before and now again in my fancy clothes. “Amelia this is my secretary. Mrs. Morrison.”
I nodded back. She told him this and that and in which restaurant we had reservations. She left with a quick good evening.
Daddy smiled at me but his eyes were laughing at me. “You look very lovely.”
“You look very nice too.” He was wearing a tux again. He looked like a male model.
He linked my arm in his and we went out the way the nurses had left. He had two offices in one. If you came in one way you didn't know about the other office. He went to a lot of trouble to be able to work with children. I hoped he wasn't doing anything to them.
He pushed the button for the elevator. The two men from before were on their way down too. They hardly looked at me now that Daddy was with me. We went out to the street. I took his hand. I already had a real phobia for crowds. He took a second to smile at me as I did that. He turned his attention back to the street. He called a taxi and one stopped right away.
He opened the door for me and helped me in. He climbed in after me and told the driver where we wanted to go.
Daddy stared at me a little. I still had the feeling that he was laughing at me.
“How are you feeling?” he squinted his eyes like he expected me to lie.
“I was a little dizzy before but I'm fine now.”
“Good. The important thing is to keep you awake.”
“When do I get to sleep again?” Was this a twenty-four hour thing?
“When we get home we'll go to bed.”
That could mean two different things. I looked away from him so he couldn't guess what I was thinking. We didn't have any problems in bed.
We arrived at the restaurant. It was very fine. Again I felt like a little girl playing dress up. He went through the motions of being on a date but he smiled the whole time in a way that I know that this was only a game and not the change we had talked about. It became clear to me that this wouldn't last. I should just probably play along.
Daddy told the man our name and that we had a table reserved. The man's eyes widen. He personally brought us to our table instead of passing us off to the waiters like he had with the couple before us. He held out my chair for me and pushed it in again. He gave us the menu and told us that our waiter would be with us shortly. We thanked him and then studied the menu. I wasn't used to this. Nanny had picked out for me, the two other times that I had eaten in a restaurant.
I peeked at him over my menu. He was just closing his and laying it down.
“What are you having?”
“I'm having the roast veal in red wine sauce.”
“Oh.” That hadn't helped at all. I found what he wanted and looked at the price of it. I didn't want to order anything more expensive, knowing that you're not supposed to do that. I found a steak with vegetables and herbal butter that sounded good. I asked If I could have that. I was kind of hungry.
He was laughing, “You can have anything you want, Amelia.” He became very serious at the end. I had the feeling that he really meant it when he said I could have anything I wanted. Well, almost anything, the thing I wanted most he wasn't prepared to give me.
“Thank you.” I searched for what I wanted to drink. At school we had been given milk or water. Milk wasn't on the menu. I found a water that I wanted. He picked up his menu again and found the things I wanted so he could tell the waiter.
The waiter appeared as soon as we had both set our menus aside. Daddy ordered for both of us. I didn't have to deal with the waiter at all. Daddy took care of everything as always.
When he was gone Daddy stared at me for a bit. He didn't know what to say to me.
I couldn't think of anything to say either. So I said the first thing that popped into my head. “Are you going to fire the nurse, who walked in on us?”
“What, no. Where did that question come from?” He smirked at me.
“She is afraid that you might. I heard her talking to the other nurses.”
“The nurses never have to knock before they come in. One has to be in the room with me when I am with a patient even. That's one of the reasons she looked so shocked when she found us kissing all alone.
“It's a big rule I have. It protects me from being falsely accused of anything. I always have a witness that everything is on the up and up. She could only have thought the worst. We were very close at that moment and we were alone. Warning bells had to be going off in her
head.” He thought the whole thing was funny. “It's all cleared up now. Don't worry about it. I'll talk to her and explain that I'm not mad.”
“What kind of business do you do?” He was answering questions so I decided it was a way to be saying something.
“I just continue what my father used to do. Mostly buying and selling property and other boring things. I just do it because there is lots of money in it and because it is expected of me but being a doctor is what I am. How is your head? I still have to take care of that tonight and give you your next shot.”
“I'm fine you don't have to worry about me,” I dismissed the idea that I needed his help.
He looked mad.
I was confused. “Did I say something wrong?”
“It just hurts me that you think you aren't worth me taking care of you because you are. You really are, Amelia.”
I looked away from him. I didn't want to fight with him. I wanted us to get along. “I'm sorry I'm just not used to all of this attention. I have been left to myself ever since I can remember. This constant attention is too much for me.” I said the word 'attention' like it was a dirty word.
“I realize that Amelia but believe me how you lived before wasn't healthy. This is better for you. You will quickly get used to it. You don't have to live like that anymore.”
How could my living in fear of him be healthier?
“What was your childhood like?” I wanted to change the topic before I said what I was really thinking.
“It was pretty normal actually, I mean, rich normal, but my parents spent a lot of time with us. They wanted us to do a lot of sports. My brother was, and is, very important to me. I think he is my best friend. He understands what it was like at school.”
“You didn't like school?” My life had always been better at school. Not great but better. Someone who had money and who was good in sports should have done well at school.
“The others liked my money more than me. Rich people are worse than poor people. They always want more. I can't tell you how many of my friends pushed me to marry their sisters or cousins. Not for love, they just wanted a piece of the pie. My brother went through the same thing. He understands. He got lucky and found Nancy, she was a waitress and had no idea who he was until a week before their wedding. He is very happy that I was able to find someone like you.”
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