by Barbara Goss
When they arrived home, Nora brought up the subject that she knew from the silent ride home, burdened Alex’s mind as well.
“I can’t go to Sweden,” she said. “I can’t leave her!”
“No, of course not,” Alex said sadly.
Nora sat on Alex’s lap, as she so loved to do. She put her arms around his neck and said, “But I want you to go.”
“I will have to think about it, but right now my gut says to wait until you can go with me. I don’t really want us to be an ocean and half of Europe apart.”
“I understand, and I feel the same, Alex, but this is your best chance to find out if the therapy will help you to walk. That should supersede everything in your life. I won’t hear an argument. You will go.”
“Let’s turn in, it’s been a long day. I wonder what became of the applicants who turned up for their interviews only to find an empty house.”
“I’d forgotten all about that. I’ll contact them tomorrow,” Nora said. “I’ll put out all the lamps and lock up,” she added. “You go on up.”
In bed, Alex held Nora in his arms as she continued to weep. He understood what she was going through, but how could he ever leave her?
The last thing Nora had said before falling asleep was, “I love you so much, Alex.”
Alex lay awake, holding Nora in his arms, and thinking. How could he possibly leave her? Dare he suggest they hire a nurse—heck, even a doctor—to care for her mother while they were gone? He worried that to even suggest such a thing would seem cold-hearted. He knew he should cancel his trip, but he also realized that if he did, it might mean he’d lose the only chance he had to know if he would ever walk again.
19
In the morning, Nora wrote apology notes to all the applicants for the cook and maid positions. She invited them back. If she couldn't interview them, Alex said he would, while she spent her days at her mother’s bedside.
She felt so torn. Half of her wanted to go with Alex to Sweden, but and the other half couldn’t bear to leave her mother. What should she do? She loved them both.
After running back and forth between the hospital and home, as well as worrying about whether Alex would go to Sweden, she felt completely drained. She sat on their new, velvety, ecru sofa with her head thrown back.
Alex wheeled into the room, took one look at her and said, “Let’s go upstairs.”
“But I’m too tired to climb the stairs,“ she murmured.
“Come here, Darlin’,” he crooned in that irresistible tone.
Nora swung herself onto his lap, and he kissed her passionately.
“I’m even too tired for—” she began.
“Hush!” Alex interrupted. He swung the wheelchair around and rode with her to the elevator, and up to their bedroom. “Up on the bed, darlin’.” He helped her up onto the bed and then stripped off her dress and underthings, and told her to lie down. He moved his chair as close to the bed as he could, and he rubbed her back. Nora moaned with delight.
“But there is no moonlight tonight,” she groaned.
“Ah, but you are too tired for moonlight tonight anyway. Just relax and sleep.” When she was totally relaxed and half-asleep, he covered her and then prepared himself for bed.
When the early morning sunshine embraced the whole bedroom through the French doors to the balcony, Alex opened his eyes and gazed at Nora. She lay curled up in a ball with her fists clenched. Even in her sleep, she seemed tense. He kissed her shoulder gently. How he loved her! If he went to Sweden without her, it would be painful to wake each morning without her at his side. He stroked her arm. This beautiful arm will be halfway across the world from him for who knows how long. He felt himself start to choke up at the thought when his angel opened her eyes and smiled at him.
Nora stretched lazily and said, “Good morning, husband.” She stared at him for several moments before saying: “Does sunshine have the same effect on you as moonlight does?”
He drew her warm body against his, “I’m not sure. Should we find out?”
Alex spent the day interviewing for a cook and maid. He selected a middle-aged woman with excellent references for the cook position. He had to decide between two of the most qualified maids. One was a young widow, the other was a middle-aged woman. He decided on the young widow woman, thinking she’d be better company for Nora if he decided to go to Sweden. The cook’s name was Ina. She was a corpulent woman with a confident look. Sarah, the maid was a meek sort of young woman, but he could tell by her manner that she really needed the job. She anxiously nodded at the jobs he listed as her responsibilities. They would both start the following day.
Nora and Alex sat at the hospital watching her mother sleep when the doctor walked in. He checked Evelyn over and pronounced that they could take her home. He carried Evelyn out to the Vanderhorn’s carriage, and Jake drove them home. The only orders the doctor gave them for her mother were bed rest, no excitement, and a healthy diet.
Nora was kept busy running back and forth from the kitchen to her mother’s room seeing to her every comfort. Alex wondered if he were to leave right now for Sweden, would she even notice he was gone? Then he chastised himself. It was her mother, after all. Often Alex sat by Evelyn’s bed and talked or read to her. Despite the timing of her illness, he felt sad knowing that she most likely wouldn’t be here when he returned.
When Nora finally came downstairs, she plopped wearily onto the sofa.
“Nora, you have to take it easy, or we’ll have two patients.” Alex scolded her mildly. “Help is on the way, for the new servants start tomorrow morning.”
“Oh, thank you, Alex. I don’t care who they are—they’re welcome! I just know you did a great of job hiring them. You’ve grown up with domestics, I wouldn’t know what to look for in a servant.”
Alex wheeled over and peeled off Nora’s shoes. He rolled down her stockings and massaged her bare feet.
“Oh, Alex, that feels marvelous!”
He continued rubbing her feet. “It’s the least I can do. I’m not much help to you stuck in this chair.”
“And that is why, Sweetheart,” she said, “you need to go to Sweden. You cannot pass up this opportunity.”
“Do you really want me to go?” he asked.
“I do.”
“Why, when you said you loved me as I am?”
“Because,” she explained, “you aren’t happy. I know how you must hate feeling helpless at times, but, you did a wonderful job with Mother that night.”
“I do want to go. And I want to walk again more than almost anything, except having to leave you. You’ve been mine for such a short time.” Alex kissed one foot.
“I’ll be right here waiting for you to walk through that door,” she replied. “And if you don’t walk in, I will love you just as much. At least then we’d know that we did everything possible.”
Alex sighed. “I love you, Nora Vanderhorn.”
“And just think—when you come home it will be like our wedding night all over again. To live that night twice is worth it all,” she smiled.
“I’ll write. I’ll anxiously await your letters since they’ll be my only communication with you, dearest wife. Even if you have only time to write three words, please do.”
Nora felt tears filling her eyes as she imagined how far apart they would be. She turned her head and pretended to be looking at something out the window, so she could wipe her eyes slyly. She couldn’t let Alex see how much it hurt her to part with him. She feared if he saw that, he’d not go.
“So,” Alex announced. “I’ve decided to go. We have a few days before I have to leave. Tomorrow, Ina and Sarah will be here. If you could show each what you want regarding your mother, do you think we could go out to dinner again before I have to leave?”
“I’d like that,” she said. “Now let’s go upstairs. You gave me the most heavenly backrub last night, and I want to return the favor.” She pointed out the window, “Look Alex, no clouds tonight, and there’s a f
ull moon.”
Alex winked. “What are we waiting for?”
As Alex slept, Nora lay staring at his face, trying to memorize his every feature. She felt as if Alex was so much a part of her that with him gone, she’d be only half a person. She kissed his forehead lightly and whispered, “Half my heart will be going to Sweden with you, my love, so hurry home.”
She lay there wondering if he’d be different if he could walk. Would his personality change? Would he still be the same loveable husband? He’d go back to the mill and have meetings and dinners—would he still have time for her? And most importantly, would he still need her?
Nora met Sarah when she came downstairs in the morning. Alex was giving her some final instructions and showing her around. Nora liked her immediately. Then she noticed delicious food odors floating out of the kitchen. Was that bacon she smelled? She followed her nose to meet a large, cheerful woman taking a batch of muffins from the oven.
“Good morning, Mrs. Vanderhorn,” Ina greeted. “I’m Ina, and breakfast is about done. You and the mister have a seat in the dining room, and I’ll bring it out.” She returned Nora’s smile. “Later, you can sit down with me and we can plan the week’s meals.”
“Thank you! That would be wonderful, Ina. I’ll also need a tray for Mother. She has to have nutritious meals.”
“I have it all ready for Sarah to take up to her. It’s Oatmeal, freshly squeezed orange juice, and a banana.”
Nora smiled. She knew she would love having servants. She imagined having a hot cooked breakfast every morning without having to lift a finger.
She pinched herself.
As Alex packed and prepared for his trip, it became harder for Nora to hide her feelings. He had Jake take them to the bank where he added Nora to his bank accounts, and he put her name on the deed to the house. He also took her to his attorney and gave her power over the mill so she could act in his stead and make any decisions necessary. This scared Nora, but she knew he did this in case of an emergency. Alex also had his will changed, making Nora his beneficiary. He felt relieved to have finished all this business in one day.
On the way home, he noticed Nora’s silence. He put his hand under her chin and kissed her. “Why the long face, sweetheart?”
“I’m a bit overwhelmed at seeing how much money we have, and I feel somewhat burdened by the responsibility of the mill.”
“It’s only in case of an emergency. I’m sure nothing will happen that will concern you. So far Nathan’s been doing a good job handling everything.”
Alex saw how calmly she’d accepted that they’d be so far apart, and it bothered him that he seemed to be the only one who was heartbroken over their separation. Of course, he realized caring for Mother weighed heavily on her mind.
“What’s wrong, Nora?” Evelyn asked as Nora straightened her mother’s bed. “You seem so sad.”
“Alex leaves tomorrow morning. He’s taking my heart with him,” she said, her voice cracking with emotion.
Evelyn grabbed her daughter’s hand. “Go with him! I’ll be fine,” she said, squeezing her hand. “It isn’t good for married couples to be separated, and I’m feeling much better.”
Nora took her mother’s fragile hand. “Mother, if I went and something happened to you; I’d never forgive myself. I love you, too. At least I know Alex will return, but if anything happened to you…”
“I feel dreadful to be the cause of your sorrow,” Evelyn said, “ I wish you would go.”
“I don’t think you really do want me to go, Mother. You think you want me to be with Alex, but deep inside, I know that my presence during your ill health gives you comfort. How often in my childhood did you sit at my bedside when I was ill? You and Father made many sacrifices for me. There is no way I could leave you. I love you, and I love Alex, but right now you need me more than Alex does. I’ll miss him, and I’m sure I’ll be unhappy most of the time he’s gone, but don’t let it make you feel guilty. It’s my choice to make, and I’ve made it.”
When the house settled down for the night, Nora rode upstairs on Alex’s lap. Knowing it was their last night together made them feel miserable, but also, desperate. Nora clung tightly to his neck. He wheeled them to their bedroom suite and gently boosted her onto the bed. She started to disrobe, but he stopped her.
“No, darlin’, not tonight,” he whispered seductively. “Let me. He unbuttoned her dress, slipped it off and let it fall to the floor. He rolled down each stocking, hastily removed all her underclothing, and pulled her nightgown from the drawer.
“I’m not sure why I’m putting this on you—it won’t stay on long.” He winked. He slipped the nightgown over her head, then disrobed himself, and put his nightshirt on. “I'm not sure why I’m putting this on either,” he grinned. “For modesty’s sake, I suppose.”
He gently lowered her into a lying position, and pushed her over to the far side of the bed before crawling into the bed, and taking her into his arms. He held her and rocked her for a while, then pulled just far enough away for him to study her face.
“I want to take a mental image of you to carry in my mind.” He kissed the end of her nose.
“How long does Doc think you’ll have to stay in Sweden?” she asked.
“He doesn’t know, but he’s going along to bring back what he learns there, as well as to assist me. I’m hoping he's a fast learner and we can return to finish the treatment here.”
“That would be wonderful, Alex.” She hugged him to hide the tears threatening to flow. She wanted to break down and cry, but she couldn’t let him see how upset she was. She slyly wiped her eyes behind his back and swallowed the lump in her throat.
“Promise me one thing,” he said.
“Anything,” she answered.
“Write to me as much as you can, because I don’t think I can survive this separation, otherwise.”
“I promise.” Nora swallowed hard to keep from shedding tears. His eyes looked so desolate. She wished he would turn off the lamp so he wouldn’t see her tears if she failed to hold them back.
“I gave you the address of the institute where the treatments will be given. Use that address, because I’m not sure where Doc and I will be living,” he instructed. “Start writing to me as soon as I leave, so when I arrive I’ll already have word from you.”
“I promise,” Nora pointed to the window. “Look, Alex, the moon is lighting up our room. I think you can turn off our lamp.”
“Darling, you know what moonlight does to me. I hope you’re feeling romantic because this night has to last us a long time.” He turned off the lamp.
“Then, we better get started.” She put her arms around his neck and kissed him.
Their expression of love was frenzied, but unhurried. Nora did not shed tears until later when she heard Alex’s soft snoring. She then silently cried herself to sleep.
20
After a tearful farewell to Alex, Nora sat down and wrote her first letter to him.
“Dearest Husband,
It’s only been a few minutes since you left, but I miss you already…” the letter began.
Evelyn’s health began to fail. She became weaker, and started to push her food away. Nora felt powerless to help, and she sent for Dr. Weissman. He came to the house, checked her thoroughly, and just shook his head. Outside Evelyn’s room he said, “It won’t be long, Nora. Spend as much time with her as you can.”
Nora sat with her mother during the day, reading to her or singing to her. She even tried to interest her in a game of Checkers. Evelyn refused the game, but seemed to enjoy the stories and music. What her mother seemed to love the most was when Nora reminisced about the old days, back in Uniontown. She smiled at each memory. “Tell me again about the time you followed your father to the mine,” she’d say.
While Evelyn slept at night, Nora roamed the house that seemed so much bigger after dark. As soon as the sun went down, she started to feel Alex's absence more deeply. The pain ripped through her as she p
aced from room to room. The house was too quiet, and now she had no one with which to sit and talk to about the day, no warm body to cuddle up to at night. She felt lost. She tried reading, but couldn’t concentrate. She thought maybe she’d bring out her knitting. She hadn't knitted anything in ages, but she decided that knitting a scarf for Alex might make her feel closer to him.
One day, about a week after Alex’s departure, Sarah announced that she had a visitor. Nora couldn’t imagine who could possibly be visiting, but since her mother was asleep, she put her knitting down, and walked downstairs.
She was stunned to see Nathan sitting in the den, sipping a cup of tea, and she marveled at the efficiency of her maid and cook.
“Hello Nathan," she greeted.
He stood until she took a seat across from him. “I came to see Alex, but your maid said he'd left for Sweden already. I had hoped he’d at least have said goodbye. Hey, I thought you were going with him.”
“My mother had a heart crisis, so I couldn’t go. She took ill a week before he had to leave, so we were busy tending to her, getting situated in the house, and hiring servants and it was time for him to leave before we knew it.” Her voice broke as she fought back tears.
“I’m sorry to hear about your mother.” He looked at the sparkling double rings on her left hand. “I see you two are married. Congratulations.”
Nora thought he sounded sincere. “Thank you,” she said, still fighting back tears. Just talking about this with Alex’s brother made her feel the pain of missing him.
“If there’s anything you need while he’s gone, send me a message.” He scribbled on a piece of paper. “Here is my address.”