by Avery Lane
Perhaps it was the idea that she was still worried Evan might try something. That if he was still following her, he’d know that Gabriel wasn’t around this time. And if he did decide to break in, that he might terrorize her or assault her when Riley was responsible for the safety of someone else. And not just anyone, but Gabriel’s frail, defenseless mother.
And it didn’t help that Margaret was having a bad day. The kind that made her sit motionless. The kind that meant she wouldn’t be able to run on her own should she have to.
Riley expressed some of these concerns to Gabriel before he left, and he reassured her that they lived in a fortress. He pointed out every security camera in the house and all the various devices that secured every point of entrance. Then he armed the house with the alarm system before reiterating that his phone would be on and the ringer on high.
After the first thirty minutes without him, Riley realized something in the midst of her anxiety.
Here she was again.
Completely reliant on someone else.
Utterly unable to be on her own without issue.
How had the strides she made in her months following Evan’s departure been so quickly reversed? Had she made any progress at all if it meant it could be so swiftly revoked?
But her circumstances were unusual though, weren’t they? Stalkers aren’t an everyday occurrence and crazy ex-husbands aren’t something you do more than once.
Right?
Riley reasoned she wasn’t reliant on Gabriel, though. They weren’t even dating anymore. They were just friends. She was dependent on him for housing until she figured things out, but that was really it. Their walks to and from work – that was just a nice perk. A normal thing that friends did.
She didn’t need those things. They were just…there.
Though Riley’s room was on the second floor, she brushed her teeth in the bathroom next to the ground floor bedroom where Margaret now stayed. It was easier for her to avoid the stairs and have access to everything she needed.
Riley kept the door open, her ears perked up to listen for Margaret’s movements through the sound of her toothbrush. Margaret hadn’t eaten yet today. Refused to. Riley hoped that she could get Margaret to put something in her system considering how skinny she had gotten.
As she rinsed out her mouth, Riley made out a change in the ambience.
Before, the only sound that permeated the ground floor was the soft brushing of the yarn that Margaret was winding. She did that sometimes, even in her “bad state” she seemed to like winding and unwinding her yarns.
But now, there was the tiniest hint of a whimper.
Riley wiped her face, rushing to Margaret’s bedroom. She half expected to see Margaret had fallen – her greatest fear. That she’d look away for a second and Margaret would do something to hurt herself.
But she was right where Riley left her.
Margaret sat in her armchair by the window, looking out on the street as she continued to wind her yarn. The whimpers continued, making her thin lips shake. Riley approached carefully, peering out the window with her.
There was nothing notable there – just their small front yard and empty, tree-lined street. The branches swayed gently in the night breeze.
“What’s wrong?” Riley asked, quietly. Margaret wouldn’t turn to her, so she looked at her face through the reflection of the window. There, Margaret’s eyes moved to meet hers. Riley could see a clarity that wasn’t there before.
“Nothing’s wrong dear, why would you ask that?” Her voice was clear again, the same way it was on her good days. Riley smiled, wondering if Margaret had just been struggling to get some words out. Margaret returned her smile.
“Would you like something to eat?” Riley asked.
“No, I’m not hungry,” Margaret shook her head. “I just ate.” Riley continued to smile, although that wasn’t true. Gabriel had said to let Margaret believe what she believed as long as it wasn’t hurting her. It was just easier to deal that way.
“I was going to have some dessert,” Riley lied. “Maybe you want some? Cookies? Cake?” She had learned that Margaret liked her junk food. Although Gabriel was concerned for her general health, Riley thought it was better to get her to eat anything at all if it came down to that. Margaret’s eyes squinted, mischievous.
“Okay,” she replied. “Cookies, then. But don’t let Little Gabey know, okay?”
“Of course not,” Riley laughed
“He’s had too much today,” Margaret said, pushing herself up from the chair to follow Riley out of the room. “I don’t like to dictate what he can and can’t eat, but that boy loves his sugar and diabetes runs on his father’s side.”
“I’ll make sure to watch him,” Riley joked.
“Thank you for caring for him, Jujube,” Margaret replied, suddenly serious. “You are so good to him. That’s why he loves you.”
“Oh,” Riley blushed. She wasn’t sure what to do with that information. How Margaret had gleaned such a fact was beyond her. There was rarely a moment that Margaret was alone with Gabriel now that Riley had moved in.
In the kitchen, Riley opened the refrigerator to find the white bakery box of cookies and cake that she had bought for Margaret a couple days before. She took the box out, placing a couple butter cookies and a cupcake on a small plate and presenting it to Margaret.
“How’s that?” Riley asked. “Enough?” She smiled a teasing smile. Margaret giggled with delight, taking the plate from Riley before picking up a butter cookie. She bit into it, eyes crinkling with happiness as she savored it for a moment.
“You know, he’s always loved you,” Margaret said, brushing some crumbs from her lips.
“Did he?” Riley laughed. She felt awkward despite the fact that she liked hearing this.
“He’s had a crush on you since he was a kid,” she continued. Riley frowned. She remembered Gabriel’s instructions to play along, but Margaret had again clearly steered somewhere far away.
“Who did he have a crush on, Margaret?” she asked, hoping she had found a way to get her to clarify without contradicting her.
“You,” Margaret replied.
“Who…do you think I am?” Riley asked, carefully. Margaret blinked.
“Jujube,” she said with a frown.
“Um…” Riley stared. She figured it was better just to give it up and go along with it again. “I had no idea he felt that way!”
“Oh, for sure,” Margaret said, chipper again now that Riley was back on board. “He always liked red hair, you know. But now, all he can talk about is you! He comes home from school and he asks about you right away.”
Riley wasn’t sure what to say now. Margaret wasn’t in the present day, that much was clear. But what was she talking about? Where exactly was she? It wasn’t possible that Gabriel had a crush on her when she was a kid. He was almost six years older than her. Hypothetically, if Gabriel had a crush on her at any point in his childhood, it would make him a bit of a freak. Especially because he was seventeen when he last lived at home, which meant Riley was eleven, but looked six.
“What school does Gabriel go to?” Riley asked.
“Purchase. It’s just a couple hours from here.”
Purchase. It was a state university near their hometown. Margaret was referring to when Gabriel was in college.
“Why does he ask about me when he’s home?” Riley continued, feeling the hairs on her neck stand on end.
“He’s just curious,” Margaret shrugged. “Curious about where you are. He had no idea you were here the whole time!”
“I…” Riley shook her head. She had never met Gabriel as a child, right? He had confirmed that himself. But had they met? She was still in middle school when Gabriel started college. She was a junior in high school when he graduated.
“Boy, he would go on and on about you,” Margaret laughed. “He would say you were his dream woman. That he wanted to marry you. And he always got along with your mom so he would be happ
y to be her son-in-law.”
“Okay, I get it” Riley said, firmly. Her tone was different enough to throw Margaret off. She felt immediately guilty.
Riley knew that nothing Margaret said really meant anything. She was confusing her timelines, living in multiple decades at once. But Riley would be lying if she said she wasn’t thoroughly freaked out.
Gabriel wasn’t some pedophile creep, was he? He was into her now. Maybe he had mentioned it to Margaret and she just mixed it all up.
Actually, that made sense. That made perfect sense. She didn’t know much about dementia, but that was more than likely.
Right?
26
“What’re you doing here?” Judy exclaimed as Riley opened the front door.
“Hello to you too, mother,” Riley replied.
“Not that I’m not ecstatic to see you, but I’m just surprised,” Judy said as she stepped inside. She was holding a bag of groceries in one arm and dragging a suitcase with the other.
Uh oh, Riley thought. A surprise visit. She swallowed hard at the thought of having to live under the same roof as Judy again.
“She lives here now,” Margaret said, sneaking up behind them. Judy was so excited to see Margaret in good shape, that she threw her arms around her friend for a tight embrace, ignoring what she had said altogether.
Gabriel widened his eyes at Riley, waiting for Judy to realize.
“I guess my mom called her this time because I didn’t,” he whispered. “I would’ve warned you. What are we going to tell her about your situation?”
“I don’t know,” Riley sighed.
“Let me put my stuff in the guest room and I’ll be right back out,” Judy said, setting down the groceries and hurrying towards the stairs. She moved much faster than any seventy-one-year-old should.
“Wait, wait!” Riley protested, but Judy had already disappeared up onto the second floor.
As Gabriel carried the groceries into the kitchen, Riley stood helplessly, looking towards the stairs as they waited for it all to dawn on Judy.
Then, Judy came rushing back down.
“Wait, did Margaret say you…live here now?” she asked, narrowing her eyes at Riley.
“Yes…” Riley replied, reluctantly.
“Is that true?”
“Yes.”
“Why…?” she raised an eyebrow as she crossed her arms. Immediately, Riley was sent back to her childhood. It had been ages since Judy dared to take this stance with her daughter. Riley heaved a sigh, figuring she should just explain.
“Evan took the apartment back,” Riley said. “He kicked me out. Well, not actually. He wanted me to stay, but I couldn’t.”
“So he wants to get back together?” Judy asked. “Isn’t that a good thing?”
“No, because I was the one who ended it,” Riley replied. It was a detail she had kept from Judy, knowing full well that an interrogation would follow. It was much easier for her to believe that the split wasn’t Riley’s decision. There was just too much to explain.
To her surprise, her mother decided to spare her.
“So I guess we’ll be roommates this weekend?” Judy asked, clapping her hands together.
“I’ll sleep on the couch,” Riley replied.
Judy and Margaret chattered happily over their mise en place as they continued to prep the ingredients for the chicken pot pie they had planned to make for dinner. Riley was thankful her mother had reverted to the minimal-questions mode she had taken on in the last ten years, opting for the occasional judgmental glance in lieu of an onslaught of personal interrogations.
She sat on the couch, flipping through her phone looking for some sort of city event happening this weekend, just so she could have an excuse to get out of the house and away from her mom. Riley wondered if Sierra would be free to join her.
Gabriel quickly caught onto what she was doing.
“It’s rude if you leave,” he said, quietly. “Your mom’s really excited about us eating together.”
“I can only take so much of that woman at a time,” Riley whispered. “It’s only a matter of time before she’s pressing me on what’s going on with Evan and I’ll be forced to tell her that he’s gotten violent and there’s no chance of things getting better and then she’ll freak the hell out and try to micromanage my life again.”
“You have to give her some credit,” Gabriel said. “She’s already pretty restrained, considering.”
“That’s because she doesn’t know what you know,” Riley huffed. “And I’d like to keep it that way.”
She thought again about what Margaret had said the other night when Gabriel was out. Riley had wanted to mention that to him, but she couldn’t figure out a way to ask it without sounding like a paranoid freak. In the moments before she fell asleep, she wondered if Gabriel had for some reason secretly stalked her when she was in high school.
“Are you sure we never met in high school?” Riley blurted out. Gabriel didn’t detect the accusatory tone in her voice.
“We weren’t in high school at the same time,” Gabriel replied.
“I mean when I was in high school,” she said. Her voice was a bit aggressive, she could hear that. She was feeling a little less inclined to protect Gabriel’s feelings now that he was siding with her mother.
“Not that I can remember,” Gabriel said, his brows furrowed. He looked like he was actually trying to recall. Maybe he was just a good actor. Maybe he had planned how to react to all these incidents. Only then did the question strike him as odd. He looked at Riley with a quizzical expression. “What’s going on?”
“Your mom said that you would come home from college asking about me,” Riley said. “But I was pretty sure we had never met.”
“I don’t think I did that,” Gabriel frowned. “Maybe I asked how Judy was because I knew your mom and knew that she was my mom’s best friend. But I would just be making conversation.”
“She said you had a crush on me back then,” Riley continued. “That you were always into red hair.”
“I didn’t know you back then,” Gabriel replied. “And wouldn’t you have been like twelve or something?”
“Something like that,” Riley said, flatly.
“So what are you talking about?” He looked genuinely confused. It was almost kind of sad to see this hulk of a man with a perplexed puppy dog face.
“I don’t know anymore.”
“Don’t let the things my mom says get to you,” he said. “She’s said some…weird things since all this started. Everyone says it’s pretty typical of dementia. She might’ve grabbed stuff from headlines or television. She doesn’t know what’s real anymore, and therefore, neither do we.”
“But so far anytime she’s done something like that, we’ve figured out that she’s just jumped back into a different time of her life, right? So I just thought she was referring to something I didn’t know about…”
“She definitely mixes up what happened when,” Gabriel agreed. “But I definitely didn’t have a crush on you then because I didn’t know you and you were a child.”
“That’s what I thought…”
“But…” Gabriel raised his eyebrows. “I did maybe mention to her that I have a crush on you now.” He smiled at her, brushing her hair behind her ears. “And I really, really do like red hair.”
“My hair is auburn.”
“I like all shades of red,” Gabriel replied. “Even the shades your face is turning now.” Riley pressed the back of her hand to her warm cheeks. Gabriel laughed, cupping her jaw in his hand. She smiled, though she didn’t want to. She wanted to continue with her skepticism, to be on high alert. But she was realizing more and more that with Gabriel, there wasn’t really anything to be suspicious of.
27
Judy and Margaret baked the pies in individual servings. They used small, oval-shaped ramekins, blanketing the filling with a buttery homemade crust that had a heart-shaped cutout in the middle.
It was exactly how J
udy used to make it for Riley and it was one of the best memories she had of her mother. She felt a tinge of pain in her heart.
Maybe Gabriel was right that she had been too rough on her mother. Riley was sure Gabriel wished that his mom had the ability to carry about as Judy was able to. Perhaps she was taking their time together for granted.
But it was a bit different with her and Judy. Gabriel grew up with two parents and two siblings. Whether the love and attention Margaret paid to him was good or bad, it was equally divvied up among the others.
Judy’s concentrated love and attention was suffocating to Riley. It was just the two of them, always. They were both pretty much friendless hermits that only ever had the other one to look at. It was definitely Judy’s fault for not branching out beyond Margaret or finding work that took up more of her brain space. All her energy was so Riley-focused – so determined to make her happy and perfect that it only served to do the opposite.
No matter what Judy’s intentions were, it had thoroughly messed Riley up. And even into adulthood, Riley felt an intense pressure just being around her.
But now, in this setting, it was kind of nice.
Judy’s attention was split among everyone, evenly. Perhaps a little more attention was paid to Margaret, knowing how brief her moments of clarity could be. As they sat around the dining table, the four of them felt like a family. Two adults. Two “children.” This was the setup that Riley had always craved. The nuclear family. Their fathers weren’t there, but that feeling of wholeness was present.
She always wondered why Judy never dated again. She had said that her father was the love of her life, that there was no one else in the world meant for her after she lost him. But she had lost him so early. She was only forty. Nowadays, in New York, it wasn’t even unusual that women were still single and never married at forty. And yet, back then, Judy had just…given up.
It’s not like Riley didn’t feel sympathy for her mother. It’s just that she had limitations with how understanding she could be, especially when her own life was at stake.