by Lee Goldberg
I don’t know what unsettled Monk the most; the discovery that his trash was mixed with everybody else’s, or the realization that the key piece of evidence he needed was buried somewhere under tons of garbage.
I tried to reach the captain at the station, but was told that he and Disher were at the scene of a homicide on Mount Sutro. The officer manning the phones knew Monk and me, so he gave us an address on Lawton Street and that’s where we headed.
The rows of tightly packed apartments clung to the wooded slopes of Mount Sutro like mussels on a wharf piling, a tide of thick fog lapping up against them. As we wound up Lawton, the street curved and I glimpsed the massive base of Sutro Tower above the roofline in a shadowy blur that could just as easily have been a mirage.
The three-story apartment buildings climbed the mountain in steps, forming a stucco corridor through the trees, with the forest on one side and the cliff on the other. A dozen police vehicles were parked in front of one of the buildings, creating a bottleneck on the narrow street, not that it really mattered. We were the only traffic on the road, if you don’t count the squirrel that leisurely crossed in front of us.
I found a space two blocks up from the crush of police cars and we walked downhill to the apartment building where Stottlemeyer and Disher were working a murder investigation.
The building was a charmless, architecturally featureless block of human cubbyholes constructed in the seventies to provide basic shelter and a view of the asphalt flatlands of the Sunset District and, on the rare clear day, the Pacific Ocean beyond.
The activity was in a spartan, ground-floor apartment with a view of the building across the street. I couldn’t see the point of living way out here, away from everything, for the opportunity to look out the window at another generic apartment.
The interior was every bit as bland and unremarkable as the exterior. A subdivided, eight-hundred-square-foot box. Off-white walls. Off-white countertops in the kitchen. Off-white linoleum on the floors. Brown carpet. White popcorn ceilings.
The victim was a man in his forties, who was now lying faceup on the entry-hall floor with a neat little bullet hole through the Ralph Lauren logo on his blue dress shirt. He went into the afterlife in a state of astonishment at his demise, his dead eyes still wide-open in permanent surprise.
I’m not a detective by any stretch, but even I could tell by where the body had fallen that he was shot by whoever was behind the door when he answered it. There was a crocheted pillow discarded beside his body with a hole blasted through the center, the cotton stuffing frosting the dead man like snow.
Simply walking into the crime scene seemed to revive Monk, snapping him out of his garbage-induced stupor. Seeing the corpse had the opposite effect on me. I didn’t shut down, but I felt awkward and depressed. Awkward because I didn’t really belong there and I didn’t have anything to contribute and I was always in the way. Depressed because there was a dead body in front of me and, even though I didn’t know him, anytime I see a corpse I can’t help thinking that whoever he was and whatever he did, someone loved him. The dead always reminded me of Mitch and of the suffering I felt when I lost him.
But I felt something else this time, too. Fear. It was like a barely audible hum, but it was there. It was irrational, of course. The killer was long gone and I was surrounded by armed police officers. But the atmosphere in the room was still electrified by the recent violence.
Maybe my fear was a visceral, instinctive reaction to the smell of blood, to the scent of cordite. Murder was in the air, and every one of my receptors, physical and psychological, was picking up on it.
Between my awkwardness, my sadness, and my fear, I was feeling pretty uncomfortable. I wanted to run right back to the car, lock the doors, and turn up the radio until the music drowned out what I was feeling.
But I didn’t. I soldiered on. Brave and stalwart, that’s me.
The officer at the door told us that Stottlemeyer and Disher were in the bedroom. As we made our way through the apartment, Monk stopped to study the body, examine the matching living room and dining room sets, and squint at the framed prints on the wall. I felt like I was in a hotel room instead of someone’s apartment.
Stottlemeyer was standing in front of the open closet, where four perfectly pressed pairs of slacks and four matching Ralph Lauren shirts were hanging.
Disher was in the bathroom looking at the medicine cabinet, which was filled with wrapped bars of soap, shaving cream, cologne, and razors.
“Hey, Monk, what brings you down here?” Stottlemeyer said.
“I think we may have a breakthrough in the Breen case,” Monk said.
“That’s great; tell me about it later,” Stottlemeyer said. “I’m busy here.”
“What do you think happened?” I asked him. Now that we were away from the body, I was feeling a little better. I could almost forget someone was murdered here. Almost.
“Looks to me like a professional hit,” Stottlemeyer said. “The dead man is Arthur Lemkin, a stockbroker. Maybe he was skimming funds or somebody didn’t like the way he invested their money. There’s a knock at the door; Lemkin opens it and gets popped. Nobody heard a thing. The hit man used a small-caliber gun and a pillow to muffle the shot. Very slick, very simple.”
“We need your help,” Monk said.
“Monk, can’t you see I’m working a crime scene here? One murder at a time, okay?”
Monk shook his head. “This really can’t wait.” “This was a guy you would have liked, Monk,” Disher said, emerging from the bathroom and leaving the medicine cabinet open behind him. “He kept himself real clean and wore identical shirts every day. And have you seen the rest of his apartment? Everything matches, all nice and symmetrical.”
“Not really. The paintings on the wall aren’t quite the same size.” Monk turned to Stottlemeyer. “Captain, please, all I need is for you to take a few minutes to listen to what I have to say and then a few more minutes to make a phone call or two.”
“I need to gather the evidence here while it’s fresh,” Stottlemeyer said. “You know how important the first few hours in an investigation are. Give me a couple of hours and then we can talk, but not now.”
“His wife killed him,” Monk said. “Now can we move on?”
Stottlemeyer froze. We all did.
“You’ve just solved the murder,” said Stottlemeyer in such a way that it managed to be a statement and question at the same time.
“I know I should have solved it five minutes ago, but I’m a little off my game. I’ve had a rough morning,” Monk said. “You know how it is.”
“No, Monk, I don’t,” he said wearily. “I wish I did, but I don’t.”
“How do you know his wife did it?” Disher asked. “How do you even know Lemkin has a wife?”
“Because he wouldn’t need this love nest if he didn’t,” Monk said.
“Love nest?” Stottlemeyer said.
“It’s a place used only for having affairs with women who are not your wife.”
“I know what a love nest is, Monk. What I don’t know is how you figured out that’s what this is.”
I didn’t know, either.
“All the furniture is rented—that’s why they are matching sets—plus I saw the tags underneath the pieces.”
“You looked underneath the furniture?” Disher said.
“He does that everywhere he goes,” Stottlemeyer said.
I knew that was true. In fact, I’d even seen him do it at my house. There might be something under there and he can’t stand not knowing. What if there is lint building up? The thought was too much for Monk to bear.
“The big clues are the clothes and the toiletries,” Monk said. “Lemkin kept four matching pairs of pants and four shirts in the same color so he could change into fresh, clean clothes after each illicit rendezvous without his wife knowing he’d ever changed clothes. He stocked up on soap and cologne because he was careful to take every precaution to make sure that she’d nev
er smell another woman on him.”
I should learn to trust my own instincts, or at least how to interpret them. From the moment I walked into the apartment, it felt like a hotel room to me. But I hadn’t bothered to think about what had given me that impression. Monk did. He was acutely aware of the things that we took for granted, that we saw without seeing. That was one of the differences between Monk and me. Here’s another: I don’t have to disinfect a water fountain before taking a drink and he does.
“Okay, so he was having affairs,” Stottlemeyer said to Monk. “How do you know it was his wife who shot him and not some outraged husband or spurned lover or a hired killer?”
“All you have to do is look at the body,” Monk said, and headed for the living room.
We all followed him. As soon as I saw the corpse, all my trepidation and discomfort came rushing back, hitting me with a wallop. That low hum of fear increased in volume.
But Monk, Stottlemeyer, and Disher crouched beside the corpse as if it were nothing more significant than another piece of furniture. Whatever I was feeling, they were immune to it.
“Lemkin was shot once in the heart,” Monk said. “Why not the face or the head? He was shot in the heart because of the heart he broke. You can’t ignore the symbolic implications.”
“This isn’t a high school English class,” Disher said. “This symbolism stuff is a stretch even for you.”
“Not when you notice the killer also took Lemkin’s wedding ring,” Monk said, pointing to the band of pale flesh around the victim’s ring finger. “It was obviously for the sentimental value.”
“Or the cash value,” Disher said.
“Then why didn’t the killer take the Rolex, too?” Monk said, motioning to the big gold watch on the victim’s wrist. “There’s more. The killer used a small-caliber gun, traditionally a ‘woman’s weapon.’ And look at what the killer used for a silencer—a crocheted pillow. Something she knitted during all those hours he left her alone to be with other women. The unintended symbolism is practically a confession.”
I was suddenly aware that I was crouching, too. All the awkwardness and discomfort I felt before was gone. In trying to understand Monk’s reasoning, I’d begun to see Lemkin’s corpse the same way that they did: not as a human being, but as a book to be read, a puzzle to be reassembled, a problem to be solved.
“My freshman English teacher was right: The C I got in his class did come back to haunt me.” Stottlemeyer stood up and looked at Disher. “Find Lemkin’s wife, Randy. Charge her with murder one and bring her in.”
“Yes, sir,” Disher said, and hurried out.
Stottlemeyer turned back to Monk and smiled. “So, Monk, what was it you wanted?”
We stepped outside, and Monk spent the next ten minutes explaining to Stottlemeyer how he figured out that we needed to find Lucas Breen’s overcoat and where he thought it might be now.
“You want to search thirty tons of trash for an overcoat that may have been tossed in one of the Excelsior garbage bins,” Stottlemeyer said.
“I’m sure that it was,” Monk said. “If we don’t recover it now, before more trash is added to the pile and it’s all hauled to the landfill, we never will.”
“A search like that is going to require a lot of people and a lot of man-hours. I don’t have the authority to approve that kind of expense. I’ve got to take the request directly to the deputy chief and make a case for it.”
“Can you do that now?” Monk said.
“Sure, it’s not like I’ve got anything on my plate at the moment,” Stottlemeyer said. “You took care of that in the apartment.”
“It was nothing,” Monk said.
“I know,” Stottlemeyer said. “I can’t tell you how inadequate that makes me feel. Sometimes I’m not sure whether to thank you or shoot you.”
“Did you know they don’t have a zone nine?” Stottlemeyer shot a quick glance at me, then looked at Monk and tried to appear genuinely surprised. “You’ve got to be kidding.”
“I was shocked, too. All the trash just gets mixed together; can you believe it?”
“That’s difficult to imagine,” Stottlemeyer said.
“It’s a breach of the public trust,” Monk said. “There should be an investigation.”
“I’ll be sure to bring that up in my discussion with the deputy chief,” Stottlemeyer said. “Wait for me at the station. I’ll meet you there as soon as I’m done with him.”
16
Mr. Monk Shakes His Groove Thing
We waited in Stottlemeyer’s office. I browsed through a well-thumbed old copy of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue that came with 3-D glasses. It was either that or last month’s Guns and Ammo. Monk busied himself reading the open case files on the captain’s desk.
I put on the 3-D glasses and opened the magazine. Dozens of supermodel breasts burst out of the pages at me like cannonballs. It was startling. I tried to imagine what my breasts would look like in 3-D instead of 1-D. I doubt anybody could tell the difference. There’s nothing remotely D about my bosom.
Disher came into the squad room escorting a handcuffed woman I assumed was Mrs. Lemkin, even though she didn’t look anything like I imagined she would. Since her husband was stepping out on her, and she was spending her time crocheting, I pictured her as a homely, pale woman in a plain dress with her hair pulled back tightly in a bun. But Mrs. Lemkin wasn’t like that at all. She must get out a lot for jogging and aerobics, and she knew how to wear makeup (a skill I’d never mastered). She was clearly proud of her trim body and showed it off in a sleeveless T-shirt and tight jeans, her long black hair tied back in a pony-tail that she looped through the back of a pink Von Dutch baseball cap.
Our eyes met for a moment, and what I saw in hers was pride, anger, and not a hint of remorse.
Disher handed her off to a uniformed officer for booking, then motioned for me to come out to talk with him.
“Was that Mrs. Lemkin?” I asked.
“Uh-huh,” Disher said. “We found her sitting at her kitchen table, in front of her laptop, going on an eBay buying binge.”
“What was she bidding on?”
“Porcelain dolls,” Disher said. “Nothing like shopping to ease the pain of gunning down your husband.”
“She didn’t look like she was in much pain to me.”
“Maybe it’s because of the glasses,” he said, motioning to my face.
I had forgotten I was still wearing them. I took them off and grinned to hide my embarrassment. “I was just reading some of the articles in Sports Illustrated.”
“Those glasses certainly help the words spring off the page, don’t they?”
“And a lot of other things too,” I said. “If these glasses worked on all magazines, I bet men would read a lot more.”
“I certainly would,” Disher said. “I meant to tell you back at the crime scene that I did that favor for you. Joe Cochran was one of the firemen who got hurt last night.”
I know this is a cliché, but it felt like my heart dropped down to the floor. I guess people use that expression a lot because that’s the only way to describe what bad news feels like. Tears started to well up in my eyes. Disher must have noticed, because he quickly spoke up again.
“He’s fine, he’s fine,” Disher said. “It was just a mild concussion and a few bruises. They sent him home this morning.”
I was relieved and wiped the unspilled tears from my eyes, but I still felt a tremor of worry. What would happen the next time he ran into a burning building? Would he be so lucky? That was his job, and if I kept seeing him, I would have to get used to it.
“Thank you,” I said. “I really appreciate it.”
“By the way,” Disher said, lowering his voice to a whisper and opening his notebook, “his record is clean, no arrests or outstanding warrants, but he does have three unpaid parking tickets. He’s never been married, at least not in this country, but he lived with a woman three years ago. Her name was—”
I interrupted him. “You ran a background check on Joe?”
Disher nodded proudly. “I figured as long as I was checking his health, I’d check out everything else.”
“I don’t want to know about everything else.”
“But everything else is who he is.”
“Which is why he should be the one to tell me about it,” I said. “Or I should discover it for myself.”
“That’s taking a big risk, Natalie. I’ve been burned too many times,” Disher said. “I never go out on a date anymore without knowing everything about a woman.”
“That’s why you don’t go out on dates anymore,” I said. “Every relationship needs a little mystery. Discovery is half of romance.”
“That’s the half I don’t like,” Disher said.
I made him rip out the pages that contained the details of Joe’s past from his notebook and tear them up. Disher wasn’t pleased but I didn’t care. Even though I wasn’t the one who snooped into Joe’s past, I felt guilty for violating his privacy.
Disher looked past me and noticed, for the first time, what Monk was reading. He rushed in and snatched the case files from Monk.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Disher said.
“Passing the time,” Monk said.
“By reading confidential case files of open homicide investigations?”
“You didn’t have the latest issue of Highlights for Children,” Monk said. “You really should renew your subscription.”
“We never had one,” Disher said.
“I love to spot the hidden objects in the drawings,” Monk said to me. “It keeps me sharp.”
Disher started to put the files back on the desk one by one.
“Wait,” Monk said and pointed at the file in Disher’s hand. “The gardener.”
“What?” Disher said.
“The gardener is the killer,” Monk said. “Trust me on this.”
“Okay, we’ll keep that in mind,” Disher said dismissively, set the file down and started to put down the next one.