by Terri DuLong
He nodded. “Yes, and now that they’re here I can tell them. I made reservations at Marliave in Boston.”
“Marliave? Did you, Dad? That’s my favorite place. You took me there for a birthday lunch when I turned ten.”
“That’s right. I did and knew it was your favorite, so I thought it would be the perfect place to celebrate your Sweet Sixteen.”
My hand trembled as I reached for my coffee cup. Marliave. The place where I’d told Grant over dinner that I was pregnant with Orli. In the last twenty-four hours my past seemed to be on a collision course with my present.
I yawned as Grant pulled into the space in front of his building.
He reached over and patted my knee. “Tired? I promise we’ll have an easier day tomorrow.”
“No, no. I’m fine.” I got out of the car and followed Orli and Grant into the building.
It had been a full day, but a very enjoyable one. After visiting with Molly, we had lunch at the Barnacle overlooking the harbor in Marblehead, followed by the coastal drive that Orli had requested. On the way home we stopped for pizza at a little place in Danvers Square.
“I’m going to go call Laura,” Orli said, heading to our room. “She won’t believe the amazing day that we had.”
I glanced at my watch and saw it was already seven. “My mother still hasn’t called about her doctor’s appointment today. I’m going to give her a call,” I told Grant as I settled myself at the kitchen counter.
“Would you like some wine?”
I nodded as I tapped my parents’ number on my cell. “Yes, please.”
I was surprised to hear my father answer. “Dad? How’s Mom doing? How’d her appointment go today?”
“Josie, hi. Well . . . ah . . . we’re still not sure what’s going on. The doctor arranged for a scan on Friday.”
A scan the day after Christmas? This didn’t sound good.
“What exactly do they think it is?”
“Well . . . it’s too soon to get concerned. We’ll know more on Friday, I think. Your mother’s resting.”
I felt a shiver of fear crawl up my back. “Is Maggie there? Let me speak to Mags.”
“Okay, and Josie, I hope you and Orli are having a good time.”
“We are, Dad. Let me talk to Mags.”
“Josie, sweetie.” Maggie’s voice came across the line.
“Mags, what’s up with my mom?” I knew Maggie would be honest.
I heard her let out a deep sigh. “Josie, honey, the doctor suspects that your mother could have uterine cancer.”
28
I disconnected my call with Mags and stood in Grant’s kitchen as if I were slowly waking from a dream. This couldn’t be possible. My mother hadn’t appeared sick, I thought and then my mind quickly shifted from that of daughter to that of nurse. I knew that sometimes with gynecological cancers there were very few symptoms.
“Everything okay?” I heard Grant say before he saw the look on my face. After placing the wineglasses on the counter, he came over to scoop me into his arms. “Are you okay, Josie?”
I fought to hold back the tears ready to spill out of my eyes and whispered, “They think my mom could have cancer of the uterus.”
“Oh, Josie. Oh, God, I’m so sorry.”
I felt his hand on the back of my head and I pushed away from his chest as I swiped at the tears still threatening.
Taking a deep breath, I said, “Don’t say a word. I don’t want Orli to know right now. She doesn’t need this special time ruined.”
Grant nodded and squeezed my hand. “We’ll talk later. Here, have some wine.”
A few minutes later Orli came out of the bedroom full of excitement from talking with Laura. “She said Clovelly is doing fine. She went over to feed him and visit twice today. Is it okay if I have some ice cream, Dad?”
“Of course, help yourself.”
I took another gulp of wine and felt Grant’s eyes on mine.
Orli spun around as she removed a carton of Rocky Road from the freezer. “Oh, did you call Nana? What happened at the doctor?”
“Yeah, I did. Well, they’re not sure what’s going on. She’s having more tests on Friday.”
“Oh, that’s good. I bet it’s not serious,” she said as she began spooning ice cream into a bowl.
I attempted to hold on to my daughter’s optimism as the three of us passed the evening playing gin rummy. If Orli thought I was unusually quiet, she didn’t say anything.
She got up from the kitchen table and stretched when we finished the second game. “I’m going to shower and then read in bed before I go to sleep. What’s up for tomorrow, Dad?”
“Well, it’s Christmas Eve so how about if we go out for brunch late morning and then spend the day decorating the tree? I’m going to make my famous shrimp scampi for dinner, so it’ll be a nice quiet day with just the three of us.”
“Cool,” Orli said, bending to kiss Grant’s cheek. “Gram’s tree was gorgeous, but I was hoping we’d decorate one here too.”
Orli kissed me good night and headed to the bedroom.
“How about another glass of wine?” Grant asked.
“Sounds good,” I said, and curled up at one end of the sofa.
Thoughts of my mother kept swirling in my head. I wanted to think positive. I really did, but this was one of those times when a little bit of knowledge could be dangerous. From my nursing experience I knew that people didn’t always get the happy solutions they longed for.
“Here ya go.”
Grant passed me the wineglass before settling beside me.
“To your mother,” he said, touching my glass with his. “To her good health.”
“Thanks.” I took a sip and then rested my head against the sofa. “I’m worried, Grant.”
He reached for my hand and gave it a squeeze. “Of course you are. That’s only natural.”
I took another sip of wine. “God, I’d be the first one to say my mother can be such a pain in the ass. But . . .” The tears that I’d struggled to hold back earlier now escaped, and I felt myself being wrapped in Grant’s arms.
“Shh. It’s okay. It’ll be all right.”
I felt his hand stroking my back as I attempted to get control of my emotions.
“It’s so damn scary,” I said against his chest.
I felt his head nod. “I know, but as a nurse you should also know that many times the problem is something simple. Something benign that has an easy fix.”
I sat up and took a deep breath. “Right. I know you’re right. Thanks, Grant.”
I took another sip of wine. “Oh, your mom took me aside and told me about the surprise birthday party she planned for Orli on Christmas day.”
He smiled and nodded. “Yeah, she knew I wanted to have the special dinner Sunday evening for the three of us, but she wanted to celebrate Orli’s birthday too.”
“She said she’s baking Orli’s favorite raspberry velvet cake and they have birthday gifts for her to open. That’s really nice. And Jeff, Melissa, and Dirk will be there to help her celebrate.” I paused for a second before saying, “Just like a real family.”
By the time I headed to bed an hour later, I realized two things—I was very grateful that I’d been with Grant when I got the news about my mother, and there was a distinct possibility I was falling in love with him all over again.
I woke the following morning to find the weather predictions had been accurate. Pulling aside the bedroom curtain, I saw white, fluffy snow falling from the sky. There was very little accumulation, and the cars in the parking lot had just a dusting of what looked like sugar.
Orli was still asleep and the clock read 6:45. I put on my robe and crept quietly out of the room. I was surprised to see Grant already sitting at the kitchen table, bent over the newspaper with a coffee mug in front of him.
He looked up and smiled. “Good morning. Sleep okay?”
“Surprisingly, yes. I think the wine helped.” I filled my own mug with coffee and
joined him. “How about you? Are you sleeping okay with us in the house?”
“Better than I have in years. This being alone isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be.”
Grant was probably right. I had Orli at home, but his house was completely empty.
“Hey, the weatherman was right. There’s a bit of snow out there.”
“Yeah, although I don’t think it’s going to amount to much, I think Orli will be happy.” He took a sip of coffee, and I instinctively knew there was something he wanted to tell me. From the very beginning we’d had this magic gift of almost knowing each other’s thoughts.
Sure enough, a few moments later, he said, “You know, Josie, there’s something I wanted to discuss with you. I know you have a lot on your mind with your mother, but while Orli’s still asleep, I thought I should tell you.”
I leaned forward, my eyes glued to his face. “What is it?”
He cleared his throat before saying, “Orli has told me something and she’s quite nervous that it might cause you to be upset.”
What the hell? “Just tell me, Grant.” I felt my annoyance notching up.
“Well . . . she was wondering . . . if maybe she could finish her senior year of high school up here.”
“What?” What the hell was he talking about? Orli told me everything. We’d never had secrets and yet . . . she was considering something like this and had never told me?
“She hasn’t mentioned anything to you because it’s just something she’s thinking about. So she wanted to tell me first, and I think she wanted me to pave the way with you.”
I knew I’d probably lose Orli when she set off for college, but that was over a year away. I’d had no idea that I could be losing my daughter as soon as the coming spring.
I shook my head. “I don’t know what to say. No, she’s not said a word about this to me.” I blew out a breath. “Why the hell would she want to do this? I don’t understand. I thought she liked living in Cedar Key. She has loads of friends there. Why on earth would she want to leave and complete her senior year at a strange high school? I don’t get it.” My initial surprise was now beginning to turn to anger.
“I’m not sure either,” Grant said. “She didn’t give me a reason why. She only said it’s something she’s giving some thought. I’ll let you handle it, Josie. It’s up to you whether you want to mention this to her.”
Once again, Grant deferred to me. Something he had done from the moment I’d told him that I was pregnant. I felt a sliver of selfishness creep through me. Despite the visits, the holidays, the phone calls, Grant had never really been allowed to spend long periods of time with his daughter. Had I been too selfish with Orli, wanting to keep her all to myself? I thought of my mother and questioned the fine line between being a control freak and being independent.
“So . . . how would you feel about that, Grant? How would you feel about taking on a teenage daughter full time? Would you want her living here with you? Having a kid around can certainly cramp somebody’s single lifestyle.” I knew I sounded bitchy, but I couldn’t help it.
He waited a few moments before answering. “First of all, despite what you might think, I don’t have a single lifestyle, Josie. Sure, like you, I’ve dated a bit here and there, but there’s only been . . .” He cleared his throat. “I have a very boring life.” A smile crossed his face. “If Orli made the decision to live here with me, and you agreed, then yes, of course, I’d love to have her. But I wouldn’t go against you. She means the world to you. I know that. But Josie, just don’t forget . . . she means the world to me too.”
I nodded and remained silent.
29
Somehow I’d managed to put aside my concerns about Orli and had enjoyed the spirit of Christmas Eve.
On the drive to Grant’s mother’s house the next morning, my cell phone rang and I answered to hear my mother say, “Merry Christmas, Josie. I hope I’m not interrupting the festivities.”
“No, no, not at all. We’re driving to Molly’s house. Merry Christmas, Mom. How’re you feeling?”
“Actually, quite well. Give me a head’s up . . . have you said anything to Orli?”
“Not really.”
“Okay. Good. No sense ruining her time up there over something that might turn out to be nothing.”
I had a million questions for my mother, but Orli’s presence in the backseat prevented me from asking. “So you and Dad are having a good Christmas morning? And Mags is there?”
“Yes, yes. She’s here. I made eggs benedict for breakfast. We’re enjoying some coffee on the patio.”
“Who’s going with you for the testing tomorrow?”
“Your father is. Mags is going to spend some time visiting with Jane.”
“Promise to call me as soon as the tests are over and you leave Gainesville?”
“Yes, I will. But Josie, it’s probably going to take a while before we have any results.”
If they were rushing the scan, I had a feeling they’d also rush the results.
“Listen, honey, I’ll let you go. Wish Grant and Orli a Merry Christmas from all of us here and give them our love. I’ll call you tomorrow. Promise.”
I disconnected the call and let out a sigh.
Grant reached across the seat and squeezed my hand. “Everything okay?”
I nodded and turned around to face Orli, who had been listening to music on her iPod. “That was Nana. She wished you a Merry Christmas and sent her love. To you too, Grant.”
“Oh, good. Is she feeling okay?” Orli removed the earbuds.
“Yeah, fine. She’ll have those tests tomorrow and then we’ll know more.”
I took a sip of coffee and looked around Molly’s dining room table. It had been such a great morning and afternoon. When we’d arrived, Jeff, Melissa, and Dirk were already there. I was astonished at how much my nephew had grown in the few years since I’d last seen him. He was a tall, good-looking young man, and it was obvious that he and Orli enjoyed each other’s company. They’d been talking nonstop since we got there. It was good for her to have a relationship with her only cousin.
I glanced across the table, where Grant and his brother were discussing something political and Melissa and Molly were talking about a segment they’d seen on the Today show the week before, and I smiled. This was nice. The entire day had been nice—exchanging gifts by the tree, enjoying a turkey dinner, and now lingering over dessert and coffee. It made me realize all the holidays that I’d missed with Grant’s family. All the closeness and various events. All because of a choice that I had made sixteen years before.
“Any more coffee? Pie?” I heard Molly say, and I shook my head.
“None for me. Thanks. I’m stuffed.” I took the last sip of my coffee.
Melissa followed Molly into the kitchen, and a few minutes later they returned with Molly carrying a candlelit cake and both singing “Happy Birthday.” All of us joined in, and I saw the look of surprise and delight on Orli’s face.
Molly placed the cake in front of her granddaughter, and Orli quickly blew out sixteen candles.
“Oh, wow! Thank you. I had no idea you were doing this . . . but I’m glad you did,” she said, causing all of us to laugh.
“Did you make your wish?” Grant asked.
Her glance went from her father to me, and she nodded. “Yes, I did.”
She then opened gifts of bath products, books, and a lovely gold necklace from Molly.
“Your mom and I are giving you your gift on Sunday,” Grant said.
“Oh, good. I like spreading out my birthday over a few days.”
Dirk laughed. “Doesn’t look like you missed out celebrating your day right after Christmas, cuz.”
“Not in the least,” Orli assured him.
Following birthday cake and more conversation around the table, I glanced at my watch and was surprised to see that it was already seven.
Molly got up to begin removing plates and glasses, and Melissa and I did the same. We fol
lowed her to the kitchen, and I had to smile because the three of us seemed so in sync. Molly began filling the dishwasher, Melissa was covering leftovers with plastic wrap, and I continued cleaning off the table.
When I walked back in, Molly said, “Oh, Josie, I wanted to ask you. Do you think it would be okay if Orli spent the night with me Saturday evening? I know Grant has lots of plans, but I’d love to spend some time alone with her.”
“Of course it’s okay. I know Orli would love that. We’re driving her to see the campus at Emerson on Saturday, and we could drop her off here on the way back.”
Melissa looked up from covering the cake. “Emerson? That’s great. So she’s going to be going to your alma mater?”
I leaned against the counter and shrugged. “Still not sure. This really just came up over the past few days, but yeah, I think she’s strongly considering it.”
“Even though it’s still over a year away, I know I’d love having my granddaughter so close,” Molly said.
Little do you know, I thought, there’s a possibility you could have her very close by the time this school year ends.
Following the cleanup we found the guys watching a football game in the den and Orli and Dirk playing a game of Monopoly at the dining room table. It was refreshing to see two young people playing an old-fashioned board game rather than glued to some tech device.
“Tea, coffee, or a drink in front of the tree?” Molly asked.
“Tea would be great,” Melissa said.
“Same here,” I said. “Let me help.”
She shooed us into the sitting room. “No, no. You gals sit and gab. I won’t be very long.”
I chose my usual armchair, and Melissa took a spot on the sofa.
“Molly sure does an exceptional job with the tree, doesn’t she?” I said.
“She does. We come here pretty much every Christmas, so I never bother to put one up at our house. Not that I’m complaining.”
I let out a chuckle and nodded. “Yeah, it’s a lot of work, but with both my mom and Molly, it’s a labor of love.”
Melissa reached over and patted my knee. “I’m so glad you’re here with us this year, Josie. I’m really happy you came.”