by Devin Sawyer
“You’re very good at this,” I acknowledge and try to ignore the closeness of our bodies, and the way he smells of rich sandalwood.
“Yes, well, you can thank Emily for that. Even Finn and Grant weren’t required to take ballroom. We felt ridiculous.”
“I guess, you have to put it to use at times like these. Finn and Grant never planned to run for senator as far as I know.”
“Yes, well, at least in this moment, I don’t hate that we had to go anymore.”
I don’t know what to say to that, so I just keep moving with him, shifting effortlessly and gliding across the room. I look around, hoping to find Reece. I spot him still chatting with the gentleman from earlier and I smile over at him, seeking reassurance. I notice his father’s eyes also watching us and a memory from many years ago of his voice over speakerphone talking to Lawson about me flashes through my mind. Lawson squeezes my hand as if to pull me back to reality and I look over to him and find him smiling at me.
“You haven’t changed much, you know?” he says.
“I think I’ve changed more than you realize. You certainly have your fair share of differences.”
“Some things in life call for it,” he says without explanation before turning me, effortlessly, into a spin as the song comes to an end. As the music fades, he pulls me in close and I feel his warm breath on my ear. “Thanks for the dance, Farah.”
He squeezes my hand one last time before letting go.
CHAPTER 15 – PAST
I had sex with Lawson Calhoun. No, correction. I’ve had lots of sex with Lawson Calhoun. My body still aches from the week we’ve had exploring each other. I’ve barely left his apartment other than to go to class. The chemistry we have is mind-blowing. The second he puts his hands on me it feels like time slows down and speeds up at the same time. I’m acutely aware of everything happening to me and I get lost in it. I haven’t felt this way ever before and it’s scaring the shit out of me.
As I exit my last class of the day, I have every intention of heading back to my dorm. Cher has been bugging me all week to drop the details on her, but the truth is I don’t know what to tell her other than I’m obsessed with him. After our Thanksgiving evening together, I’ve been trying to put my trust in Lawson a little more, but admittedly it’s been easier with most of the school shut down and many people gone for the holiday. We holed ourselves off from the world and laid naked in his bed most of the weekend. Just thinking about the way he would run his hands down my bare spine while lounging in the nude, watching TV is leading to thoughts I shouldn’t be focused on while in public. My phone pings in my back pocket.
I miss you.
I can’t stop the smile from forming on my lips from his text.
It’s been 4 hours. Control yourself!
Why would I do that when I could lose myself in you. Come over.
I really am not sure if my body can take another ravaging. I’m sore between my thighs and I doubt if I go over there if we can keep our hands to ourselves. I didn’t see him in his usual spot in between my classes today and knowing he is home already, I can only assume he skipped.
Going to run by my dorm, have dinner with Cher. Can come over later if you want. I force myself to keep a little distance and it’s time I catch Cher up on everything as well.
I want, is his only reply.
I find Cher lying on her bed but the second she realizes my presence, she pops up to a sitting position. “Spill, I want to know everything.”
“There’s nothing to tell. I met his family. We hung out. We had sex…” I barely get the word out.
“NO!” she gushes.
“Uh, yes?”
“How was it? Amazing? You haven’t been back here in a few days.”
I’ve only known Cher for a few months now but she’s the closest thing I’ve had to a best friend since Tula when I was seven and living in Turkey. So even though I’ve never shared details of my sex life with anyone before I can’t help but trust her.
“It was…” I ponder on how to describe it. “…electric. We have a chemistry I’ve never felt before.”
“EEEEeeeee.” A squeal comes from her side of the room and knocks me off balance.
“Jesus, Cher. Contain yourself.”
“Let’s go to dinner. I haven’t eaten yet and I need a reason to keep you with me long enough that you won’t just go running back to him for the rest of the week until I can get all the details from you.”
I thought I had just given her all the details? “I already told Lawson I wouldn’t be by until later,” I let her know.
She drags me to the food hall and we both get the spaghetti dinner with a salad.
“Good, you’re eating carbs. You probably need it for the stamina.”
I roll my eyes at how dramatic she can be. This woman is going to be somebody’s family practitioner one day.
“Speaking of your overall wellbeing, you guys, uh, did use protection, didn’t you?”
“Oh my God, Cher. Yes, okay? Can’t you just be like a normal friend who asks about my feelings and shit?” At least that’s what I think girls do.
“Right. Of course you did. So how are you feeling?”
“Good. Things are good. And I’m happy.”
“That’s very straightforward of you.”
“What? That’s how I feel.” I try to justify my description.
“Happy? Two weeks ago you guys were screaming at each other outside a house party. Now you’ve met the parents and had sex. This is a major transition.”
“…and we’ve talked about those things.”
“And?” she questions.
“And he swore he wouldn’t ever cheat on me but said that the flirtatious behavior was likely going to continue to be a part of a charming persona he will always have to put on.”
“And you’re okay with that?”
“Yes. No… I don’t know. I want to be. He sounded really convincing at the time. I think it’s just going to take time to adjust to it and have everyone get used to me.”
“And if you don’t? If they don’t?”
“Then we will decide to go our separate ways. We’re giving it a try.”
Cher doesn’t look convinced. Her eyes are furrowed, and I can tell she wants to say something else but reins herself in. This is what I get for picking an equally strong-minded woman to be my friend. Well, I didn’t really pick her. She fell into my lap, or my dorm, rather.
“Then tell me how his family was. The Calhouns are a pretty prestigious family.”
“They were pretty down to earth, I was a bit intimidated at times, but I think it went well. Lawson and I didn’t exactly tell them we were dating, but I think they could tell we were more than just friends. I like his brother a lot, he hung out with us for the night.”
“Ooh Royce, what’s he like? He looks equally as stunning as Lawson but in a more relaxed, down-to-earth kind of way.”
“It’s Reece. And yeah, I love him. He hung out with us that night and he was super down to earth and just easy to be around.”
“Are you two talking about Lawson Calhoun’s family?” The blonde from the other night, Brittany, or Jessica or whatever her name was, at the party stops at our table and sits down, uninvited.
I think Cher’s face looks more shocked than mine and I wouldn’t put it past her to put blondie in her place.
“Yeah, we are. And you are?”
“Tiffany. I’m one of Lawson’s friends.” She reaches her hand out to shake our own in an annoying uppity way. We both shake her hand.
“Oh, I think I know you,” she says to me as she shakes my hand like a dainty princess.
“She’s Lawson’s girlfriend. That’s why we were discussing his family. She met the family over the holiday.” Cher offers on my behalf.
“Oh, I didn’t realize Lawson had a girlfriend,” she says singingly.
Horse shit. She saw me with him last Thursday and he’s been doing a decent enough job at the PDA around campus as w
ell. Everyone in the law circle knows who I am. I’m not even bragging. I hate how high profile we have to be but it’s the truth. I’ve pissed off every woman on this campus and town who had future dreams of being the senator’s wife. I have a target on my back.
“You’re not his usual type,” she says condescendingly. “But I’m sure Lawson is too good of a man to have a real type.”
I’m stunned and don’t even know how to respond to the kind of ridiculous childish behavior she’s displaying.
“Look, Brittany.”
“Tiffany,” she corrects.
“I appreciate your sudden interest in Lawson but my relationship details with him are private. So if you don’t mind, I’d like to continue to have dinner here with my roommate.”
“Oh sweetie,” she says, reaching over and patting my hand on the table. “Nothing in Lawson’s life is private.” She stands to walk away and the gleam of superiority in her eyes is evident. “And you may want to watch your carbs. I’ve seen Lawson leave girls for less than being overweight.” She turns and walks off in the other direction. I actually laugh at her petty remark, but Cher is more fired up than I am.
“She’s not an ounce overweight, you nitwit, and she needs her carbs because he’s been busy screwing her brains out!” Cher yells this as Tiffany continues to walk away and now has our entire side of the food hall staring. A warm embarrassed blush creeps up my neck as I stare back into the judgmental eyes glaring our way.
“Sorry,” Cher says suddenly aware. “Let’s get out of here.”
I’m more than happy to grab my tray and dump it on our way out. Cher and I walk back to the dorm and she assures me all this will have blown over soon and provides a long-winded pep talk about how I’m not overweight and to not let anything the bratty twit just said get to me. Back at the dorm, I pack a bag and text Lawson that I’m about to head over to his apartment.
Cher gives me a hug before I leave, sensing my frustration with the scenario. “This is part of it. It might die down some, or you might have to adjust. You already know that.”
“Doesn’t make each encounter any easier.”
“No. It doesn’t. But, just know I’ll be here to back you up to any shit talkers. And I’ll even try to be less public about your sex life in the future.”
This pulls a laugh from me. “Thanks.”
~
When I arrive at Lawson’s, he’s standing at the screen door waiting for me.
“I heard you made quite the scene in the food hall today,” he hollers out at me as I grab my overnight bag from the car. Damn, word travels quick.
“Ugh. Don’t remind me! I would like to amend that Cher made a scene, but also that you can blame your lovely friend, Tiffany, for instigating.”
When I make it up the steps, he pulls me inside and plants his warm lips on mine. His tongue prods the seam of my lips, and I part them, letting him in. Suddenly the irritation washes from me, and I let Lawson take me over. He drops my bag and closes the door behind us, never allowing his mouth to stray from mine. His one free hand roams my waist, hips, and ass. He walks me back into the door.
“They still hate me!” I exclaim. “I thought you said they would back off once we were together.”
“Well, you’re beautiful.”
“Pretty sure that’s not why she hates me.”
“Women don’t hate you just because you’re beautiful. They hate you because you dare to be both beautiful and powerful. The two together are dangerous. All she wants is to be a rich housewife, and next to you, she looks pathetic. I’ll talk to Tiffany and ask her to back off.”
I would prefer if you just never spoke to her again, I think to myself, but decide not to mess with the playful mood he’s in as he moves his lips to the crevice of my neck.
“I would love to end up back in your bed naked again, but I really could use a night off,” I explain hesitantly.
“Whoa! Don’t let me interrupt!” Grant announces, walking into the kitchen. I hide my mortified face in Lawson’s chest.
“Oh, hey honey, did I mention Grant got back in town?” Lawson jokes.
“Never mind me. I’ll be in my room all night, with headphones on. I have a test tomorrow. What kind of batshit crazy professor plans a test for directly after Thanksgiving?” he asks before leaving the room without giving us the chance to respond.
I chortle into Lawson, still embarrassed but amused. Lawson’s friends, while immature, and stupid rich, don’t seem to pass any judgment on me whatsoever. It’s one of the few people involved in Lawson’s life that I feel that way around and I wonder if they face the same scrutiny from their friends and family.
“HEADPHONES ARE IN,” we hear Grant’s muffled yell through his bedroom door down the hall.
“Movie or studying?” Lawson returns his grinning face to me.
“Both?” I reply.
“How ‘bout this, I will quiz you with my old flash cards during commercials.”
“Perfect… wait, don’t you need to study?”
“Na, I had someone send me the notes from class today. I already read over them. Easy as pie.”
“Fine, but I hope you didn’t skip class today because you were worn out over our strenuous weekend,” I say with implication.
“Please, darlin’. I’m not even close to worn out.” He waggles his sexy brows at me. “But it sounds like you might be.”
“No,” I lie.
“No? Then you won’t mind if we ‘study’ in my room.”
“I think we should stay out here, where the lighting is better, and the TV is larger.”
“Uh huh. That’s what I thought. Come here, you.” He hauls me into him and picks me up, along with my bag.
Lawson quizzes me off and on for the better part of two hours. When my brain feels like Jell-O and Lawson is convinced that I know every answer by heart he finally gives in and lets me watch Grey’s Anatomy reruns as a reward.
“So what was Turkey like? Do you remember a lot of it?”
“I remember some of it. For a child it was great. I went to a good school and had a lot of friends and we would play after school and then Mama would always have a snack waiting for us. Mom and Dad would take me to the markets on the weekends and I could pick out my favorite foods and Dad would always let me have something extra. Sometimes it was new shoes or a coin purse. It was a very tight-knit community where we lived.”
“You sound like you miss it.”
“I miss what I remember, but I have a feeling it would be different to return as an adult.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Mom and Dad, they were always stressed out about something, and whispering in hushed angry tones at each other, thinking I couldn’t hear. I didn’t always understand, but I knew something was going on. There was a lot of government change happening when I was a kid. I didn’t understand it then, but I get it now. And with my mom being married to an American, I think it was dangerous for them. There was a lot of turmoil with the politics and the economy when I was young even though the country was actively pursuing the U.S. as an ally. After my grandma died, my mom finally agreed to leave and come to America. She left behind the rest of her siblings, her nieces and nephews, and we moved to Georgia to be close to my dad’s family. I think it’s probably best that we left. The relationship between the two countries is always rocky. Turkey is better located to make allies with other countries like Russia or China and because of that, I think the U.S. is always in a bind about how much support they should provide Turkey and what their worth is to this country. With my mom married to my American dad, it would have been a nightmare to be over there still.”
“The way you talk about it makes it seem so different than when my father talks about it. His stance has always been more aggressive, and he doesn’t believe they are a necessary ally. But the way you say it makes sense. The U.S. is fairly removed and far away. I’m sure we are even labeled as the evil western empire. Do you think we can ever regain true civility?
A real allied relationship?”
“I don’t know the answer to that,” I tell him honestly. “I’d like to think it’s possible and necessary, but I don’t have the answers to how someone would go about that. I think you would need leaders on both sides that are willing to fight for the greater good.”
“Well, if it makes any difference to you, I’d like to think I would fight for that.”
His confession makes me smile and a warm sensation fills me, knowing that I’ve helped someone to see a different perspective. That’s supposed to be what politics is about. I lean into him and kiss him, letting my tongue taste his own and explore his mouth.
“That is so sexy,” I tell him.
“If I knew it would get that kind of reaction from you, I think I would have let you convince me that first day in advisor’s lab when we were setting up your classes.” I giggle at that.
“I thought you were a stuck up, pretty-boy snob that day,” I reveal.
“… So you thought I was pretty?” he asks, and I shove him playfully. “I thought…” he begins. “That I had just laid eyes on the woman of my dreams.” I roll my eyes at him. “I’m serious,” he says in a tone that tells me he isn’t being playful anymore. “You were, naturally pretty, not caked in makeup, and you were smart. It didn’t take me long to figure that out, and I immediately wanted to lay claim to you. Mark you and make you my own.”
“Is that what you’ve done now? Marked me as your own?”
“That’s exactly what I’m doing, and plan to keep doing. You are mine, Farah Taylor and I think you just might always be because I…” He stops to clear his throat, and I can tell he’s suddenly a bit nervous and I find it remarkably cute, as I assume it’s a rare occasion the cocky Lawson Calhoun gets nervous. “…I am crazy about you. I don’t exactly say that to just everyone, or anyone, so try and take it for what it is.” He brushes back his hair and tries to play it off coolly,
“Alright… now that’s really sexy. You can take me to bed now,” I tell him and throw myself in his arms. He turns off the TV and picks me up carrying me to his room and briefly yells, “Keep those headphones in, Grant,” as we pass by his room.