by Amy Polino
Or was there?
Suddenly, she had an idea. It would almost certainly turn out to be disastrous, but she was sick and tired of fighting and hiding. She needed to try something else, something altogether different.
Lonna got up and began opening cabinets and turning on stove burners. She opened the refrigerator and found the eggs, the butter, the cheese. There were some fresh vegetables in the drawer, too, and she soon had a big pile of groceries on the counter and several slices of bread in the toaster. She began to get excited as she busied herself with the cutting board and the chef’s knife, chopping mushrooms and peppers and scallions and mixing them in a big bowl with half a dozen eggs.
The entire kitchen took on a whole new feel as she sped around, pouring eggs into the hot pan, buttering toast, frying bacon and brewing fresh coffee. It took on new smells, too, and they were wonderful. She hadn’t cooked like this in years and she was surprised to find that everything was turning out perfectly.
It wasn’t until she was almost finished and the excitement of her efforts began to wear off that she remembered what the end result of all her hard work was sure to be. Abigail would take one look it and quickly realize how meaningful and hopeful the gesture had been to Lonna. She would then turn up her nose and walk away, scoffing cruelly, muttering that she wasn’t hungry and that even if she was, she wouldn’t eat such slop.
The depression came over her like a big wet blanket, pasting her down. What had she been thinking? Why had she bothered? She was just setting herself up for --
“What’s all this?”
Here it came. Lonna wanted to crawl away and hide. She turned, standing at the sink with a hot frying pan in her hand, and saw Abbie in the kitchen doorway. She was already dressed for school, holding her purse and knapsack.
Lonna tried to smile. “I thought you might like a little breakfast.”
Abbie’s eyes scanned the table, taking it all in. “You made all this?”
Setting the pan down in the sink, Lonna grabbed a dishtowel and began drying her hands. “Sure. Are you hungry?”
Abbie shifted in the doorway, chewing her lip. She had developed the habit of grabbing at her lip-ring with her teeth. “Who did you make all this for?”
“For you. For us. Will you join me?”
“You never cook like this.”
“I rarely cook like this. Sometimes I do. When I get the urge.” She was feeling very anxious, but in a hopeful way. Abbie hadn’t turned her back or ridiculed her yet.
“I guess you had the urge today.”
“I sure did.” She stepped over to the table. “What do you say? Can you spare a few minutes? If you’re not hungry, I --”
“Are you kidding?” Abbie dropped her bags on the floor and stepped over. “I’m starving.”
Lonna was astounded. Of all the scenarios she’d played through her head, this wasn’t one of them. She nervously pulled out her chair and took a seat beside Abbie.
The food was already dished out, and Abbie picked up her fork, pushing the scrambled eggs around inquisitively. “Is there cheese in this?”
“Cheddar. Is that bad?”
“Hell, no.” Abbie scooped a small forkful into her mouth and chewed hesitantly. Lonna also took a bite, leaning back and waiting for the hurtful criticism.
“Pretty good,” said Abbie. She took another forkful, a big one, and gobbled it up.
Lonna felt elated. She’d never expected this. “I’m glad you like it.”
After pausing to take a sip of coffee, Abbie looked over at her. “I’m glad you made it. I was planning on having a bowl of corn flakes.” She picked up her toast and took an enormous bite, chewing ravenously.
“It’s a good thing you’re hungry. I made quite a lot.”
“Don’t worry about that.” She scooped more eggs into her mouth and picked up a crispy piece of bacon. “I kind of skipped dinner last night, so I have some making up to do.” She bit off half the bacon strip and chewed, contemplating Lonna. When she had swallowed and taken another sip of coffee, she asked, “So why did you really make all this?”
“I told you. I made it for you.”
Abbie was shaking her head. “I don’t believe that. You don’t even like me.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Abbie. I do like you. I’m sorry if you don’t believe me, but it doesn’t change the facts.”
Abbie was shoveling in more eggs, chewing contentedly. “You made it for my dad, didn’t you? And he left without eating, or something.” She took a bite of toast.
Lonna was smiling now. She sipped her coffee. “Your father left for work before I even got up. I made this for you.”
“Why?”
“I told you.”
“Because you like me.”
“That’s right. And I know that you love this type of breakfast.”
Abbie paused in her eating. “What, you mean fattening?”
Lonna actually laughed momentarily, something she’d never done with Abbie before. “No, I mean eggs and bacon and toast. I like it, too.” She studied Abbie for a moment. “Jesus, Abbie, neither one of us need to worry about a few extra calories.”
It may have been a trick of the light, but Lonna thought she might have seen Abbie smile. Then she was piling the last of her eggs into her mouth. “That’s true.” The coffee had cooled off a bit and she took a few big gulps. “So let me get this straight. You made this for me because you say you like me and you know I like it. What’s the catch?”
“There’s no catch. I’ve been living here for months now, and...” Lonna paused to take another sip of coffee, thinking about what she wanted to say. “We haven’t exactly been the best of friends.”
“You can say that again.”
“I wasn’t finished. What I mean is, we haven’t been friends, but that’s never been my intention. If it was up to me, we would have been friends all along.”
“I’m not in the habit of making friends with every woman my father sleeps with since chasing my mother away.”
Lonna took a deep breath. As far as she knew, there were a couple of inaccuracies within that last statement. She let it go. “I don’t blame you. But I’m really talking about you and me, not anyone else. And the fact is, I like you, and I want to be your friend. I don’t like us avoiding each other.”
Abbie popped the last of her bacon into her mouth and chewed it up. “Oh, I get it. This is my birthday present from you, isn’t it?”
“You’re birthday is tomorrow.”
“I know, but...” She took another gulp of coffee. “I’m just trying to figure this out.”
“There’s nothing to figure out. Although, now that I know how much you really like these big breakfasts, I should warn you.”
“Warn me? About what?”
“You’re going to be having them a lot more often.”
“I am?”
“Yes. It made me feel wonderful to cook this for you, and it made me feel even better to sit here with you while you enjoyed it.”
“You’re acting weird, Lonna.”
Lonna smiled. “I feel weird.”
Abbie stared at her, finishing her coffee.
“Can I get you something else?”
“No, I’m stuffed.”
“Good. I’m glad you liked it. And I’m sorry about dinner last night. I don’t like the idea of you going to bed hungry.”
“That wasn’t your fault.”
“No, but it still bothered me.”
“My dad is an asshole.”
“I know.”
That time Abbie did smile, but just for a second. Then she stood up. “I’ve gotta get to school. I think I’m running a few minutes late.”
“Can I drive you?”
“No, I’m not that late. It’s just a twenty minute walk.”
“I’d be happy to drive you.”
Abigail picked up her purse and her knapsack. “No, really, I’m fine.”
She looked at Lonna. “But thanks.”
“You’re very welcome.”
“And thanks for breakfast. It was fucking awesome.”
Lonna laughed. “Thank you!”
Chapter 4
After work that day, Lonna stopped at the store to pick up a little gift for Abbie’s birthday, and then spent a half hour grocery shopping. She wanted to replace all the food she’d used for breakfast and stock up on more, as well as get a few things for dinner. It had gone so well that morning she thought she’d do it again right away. If all it took were a few good home-cooked meals to be closer to Abbie, then she’d be cooking a lot more often.
Back in the kitchen, she mixed herself a little drink and began putting things away. She was still in very good spirits from earlier in the day. As she began pulling out pots and pans and chopping onions, she was mildly surprised to find herself humming and moving around with an easy grace, as if she truly belonged. She felt like she belonged. For the first time since moving in, she was actually looking forward to Abbie arriving home.
By the time she was finished with her drink, she had assembled a large Mexican casserole. The dish was filled with chicken, black beans, peppers, onions, corn, salsa, three kinds of cheese and covered with crushed tortilla chips. She slid it into the oven to bake and mixed herself another drink, taking it into the living room where she relaxed for a few moments on the couch.
The atmosphere of the house had changed for her. She knew she was probably reading too much into her stepdaughter’s fragile acceptance of her, but it was at least a start. And if she could feel this peaceful and relaxed in the house, then it had to have at least some significance to it. She’d just have to wait and see if it lasted.
She took a sip of her drink and turned on the TV.
* * *
It was about 40 minutes later when she heard Rick’s car door slam. Lonna sat up on the couch, taking a quick gulp from her glass. At least she didn’t have to worry about his reaction to dinner tonight.
The screen door opened and he walked in carrying his customary empty coffee cup. “Wow. Something smells good in here.”
Lonna nodded. “It should be ready in just a few minutes.”
He sniffed the air, crushing the cup in one fist. “Smells like chicken enchiladas.”
“Close.” She got up and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Rick took hold of her arm and pulled her closer, kissing her on the mouth. “Ooh, my arm,” she whined.
“Sorry.” He released her and she took a quick step back. “How are you?”
“Fine.” She forced a smile. She suddenly didn’t feel like dealing with him. “How are you?”
He shrugged. “Been better. Two of the guys called in sick, I had to bust ass all day. Man, that smells good.”
“I’d better check it.” She entered the kitchen and pulled open the oven door, peeking in. The cheese was bubbling around the edges of the pan and the chips on top were golden brown, just starting to darken. She turned off the oven and grabbed a couple of dishtowels, carefully taking hold of the casserole and moving it onto the counter. As she was closing the oven door, she sensed Rick watching from the doorway.
“Did you make that from scratch?”
“I sure did.”
“My god, does it smell good! I can’t wait to dig in.”
“It needs to cool off for a little bit.”
“I like it hot.”
“We should probably wait a little while for Abbie to get home. She’s usually here by five on Thursdays.”
Rick was surprised. “Really? Wouldn’t it be better to eat in peace? She can always have hers later on.”
Lonna looked at him. She wasn’t sure why, but she was beginning to feel a growing revulsion toward him. She hoped it was temporary, but for the moment it was very real. “I think we ought to wait. It needs to cool anyway, and she’ll be home soon.”
Rick seemed to consider it. He pushed his glasses up on his nose and nodded. “Okay. Five is good. That’ll give me a chance to wash up.” He removed a can of soda from the refrigerator and took it with him down the hall.
* * *
At five o’clock Abbie still hadn’t shown, but Rick wasn’t willing to wait any longer. “What’s the big deal?” he asked. “She usually just storms past us anyway and eats later on.”
“I just thought it would be nice if we could all eat together.”
“It would be nice. And I’m very glad you feel that way. But she’s not here. No sense in us waiting around. Besides, we’ll all be going out together for a nice dinner tomorrow night.”
Lonna nodded, dishing out the food. When she had the table set, Rick sat down and began devouring his dinner. She took the opportunity to finish her drink and mix another one before joining him at the table.
“This is great,” he said. “You should make this more often.”
“Thank you.” She poked at her food, taking a small mouthful. It really was good. She wished that Abbie could have been there to have some. She’d really made it for her.
Rick polished off his entire plate and began scooping out more from the dish. “Maybe we can forget about going out tomorrow night. This is better than anything we’re going to get in a restaurant. Man, look at all that cheese!”
“I’m glad you like it.”
“I love it.” He filled his plate again and went right to work on it.
Lonna took another bite and then a long drink. As she was setting her glass down, Rick’s cell phone began to chirp.
He reached into his front pocket, pulling it out and examining the screen. “It’s Abbie.” He pressed a button and held it to his face. “Hello?” He listened for a few moments drumming his fingers on the table. “That’s fine.” He nodded his head. “Yeah.” After another brief pause he glanced at Lonna. “Alright, you have a nice time. I’ll see you later. Bye.”
“She’s not coming?” Lonna asked. She was startled by the degree of her disappointment.
Rick put the phone back in his pocket and picked up his fork. “She’s got a date. Some guy from school. Well, I’m glad we didn’t wait any longer.” He shoveled more food into his mouth. “Man, is this good!”
Lonna took a long drink. She felt as if all the life had been drained out of her.
Rick didn’t seem to notice. He took a long drink of soda and resumed eating. “Hey,” he said between bites. “Looks like we got the place to ourselves tonight.”
Lonna cringed. “Oh. That’s nice.”
He smiled. “Maybe we can finish what we started this morning.”
“Maybe,” Lonna agreed. “Although I feel like there’s a railroad spike going through my head right now.” She began to massage her forehead, hoping the gesture came off as authentic.
“Oh, no, really?” He was genuinely disappointed. “I could tell something was bothering you.”
“I took a couple of aspirin. Hopefully it’ll pass.”
He jammed in another forkful. “I sure hope so. We’ve got all night.”
Lonna sighed and finished her drink. She got up and began making another.
Chapter 5
The next morning, Lonna woke up to the sound of arguing. The angry voices of Rick and Abigail resonated from the living room, penetrating through the bedroom door and startling her. She sat up in bed, her head fuzzy from the previous night’s overindulgence. Reaching over to her nightstand, she found her glass of water and took a long drink, listening for hints of what was going on.
As soon as she began trying to eavesdrop, there was a loud slam and the shouting suddenly stopped. She got up out of bed and slowly made her way down the hall.
In the living room, Abbie was sitting on the couch, her head down and her eyes closed. She sensed Lonna’s approach and looked up. As she did, a car engine rumbled to life outside and Lonna glanced through the gap in the curtains in time to see Rick’s car pulling away.
“What happened?” Lonna asked.
Abig
ail studied her miserably, her eyes shimmering with tears. She wore only a sheer black nightgown, an open box beside her on the couch. “Nothing.”
“Something must have happened. Are you okay?” She wanted to sit beside Abbie on the couch, but wasn’t sure she’d be welcome.
“Do you really care?”
“Yes. I do.”
Abbie laughed callously. “Oh, that’s right. You’re my friend now.”
The layer of sarcasm within the remark hurt Lonna, but she tried not to let it show. “I’d certainly like to be.” They regarded each other for a moment and then Lonna looked away. When she looked back, Abbie had her head down again.
“Happy birthday, Abbie.”
It was the wrong thing to say. Abbie glared at her. “Gee, thanks. It’s real fuckin’ happy.”
“Please tell me what’s wrong.”
“As if you don’t already know.”
“I don’t. I swear I don’t. I just woke up.”
Abbie swept the box top and tissue paper away from the bottom half of the box with the back of her hand. She then pulled out a thin black cotton jacket and flung it onto the floor. “Thanks for the jacket. It’s just what I always wanted.”
Lonna stared at the jacket. “That’s what your father got you?” She’d had no idea. He’d never mentioned anything to her about a gift.
“He said it was from both of you.”
“It wasn’t. I didn’t even know about it.”
“Oh. Well, then, thanks for nothing. Oh, wait, you made me breakfast yesterday. Swell.” She buried her face in her hands and began to cry.
Lonna took a chance and stepped over the jacket, taking a seat beside her on the couch. She wanted to put her arm around the girl, but didn’t want to risk aggravating her further. “That’s really all he gave you?” She was genuinely surprised.
“Oh, no, not at all,” Abbie said harshly. She rummaged on the cushion beneath her leg and pulled out a plastic Wal-mart gift card. “Happy birthday to me. Fifty buck spending spree at fucking Wal-mart. Maybe I’ll pick up the iPad I needed.” She threw the card across the room and buried her face again.