by Amy Polino
There was a big industrial-sized refrigerator directly behind me, and when she pressed into me it caused me to back up against it. So there I was, pinned between the refrigerator and Dianne, completely covered in funnel cake batter.
I smiled at her. Or, I should say, I was still smiling at her. “Hi,” I said quietly. My heart was racing.
“Hi,” she answered. Then she gently slid her arms around my waist. Her body was pressed so firmly against mine that it seemed to mold itself to my every curve. It was amazing how well we fit together like that, and it sent shivers of arousal through me, almost to the point of making my head spin. I could feel her warm breath on my lips, and the look in her eyes was one of pure need. I thought she was going to say something then, but I was wrong. What she did is move her head forward and press her lips to mine. My heart was pounding so hard I thought it was going to break through my ribcage. Her lips were as soft as velvet, despite being speckled with funnel cake batter, and before I knew it we were really, truly kissing.
Dianne pressed against me even harder, and at the same time encircled me further with her arms, drawing me as close as possible in a heated embrace. I lifted my own arms then, feeling as if I were in some wonderful dream, and wrapped them around her. I literally felt the world fall away around me as Dianne became everything there was. It was just me and her and the heat from her body and feel of her silky lips on mine. As her tongue slipped into my mouth I gasped, feeling something like liquid fire shoot through my most sensitive area.
This was a kiss! Those boys knew nothing, and neither had I. Kissing Dianne was by far the best thing that had ever happened to me. I held her tighter, loving the feel of her in my arms. She was so soft and so gentle, and so sweet. She was everything I ever wanted, and so much more.
She was perfect.
We kissed for a long time, standing there in the little back room while Sara and Michelle played around with the money. It’s impossible for me to know how much time went by. It was the direct opposite of my experience in the backseat of Brad’s car; there, I’d lost track of time because I was blocking it out; here, I lost track of time because I was living for the moment and loving every second of it. Holding her in my arms and kissing her made up for all the pain I’d ever felt and filled me with an almost palpable feeling of love and hope.
When she finally pulled her mouth from mine, we were both gasping for breath. Our smiles were finally gone, replaced by expressions of admiration and wonder. Then she leaned forward again and kissed the tip of my nose, which somehow seemed even more erotic to me than the deep, passionate kisses we had just shared.
She smiled again, very tenderly. “Thank you for that, Amy. I’ve been wanting to do that for a really long time.”
Her words made me almost melt. I was completely transfixed by her, my whole body thrumming with love and happiness. “Thank you,” I whispered. “I’m so glad... you did.”
When she heard that, she was beaming. “Really?”
I nodded. “Of course.” I pulled her closer and hugged her, not able to help myself. I never wanted to let her go. The wet, sticky batter squished between us and oozed to our feet.
She hugged me, too, and then kissed my ear. She whispered into it: “You like me?”
I had to swallow and take a deep breath before answering. When she leaned back slightly and looked into my eyes I nodded. “Maybe a little bit more than just like.”
She kissed me again, on the mouth. She seemed very happy with my answer. “I like you, too, Amy. A lot.”
I felt myself flush with heat. “I’m glad you do.”
“Oh, I do.” She kissed me again, and again. Then she smiled brightly and pressed her pelvis against mine, very suggestively. She pressed it hard and swayed her hips back and forth, the friction causing me to grow wet. “Do you want to... be with me?”
I nodded, unable to speak.
She moaned with happiness and squeezed me in a tight hug. “Oh, Amy, I’m so glad! I wasn’t sure if you did.”
“I do,” I told her. I held her, my entire body brimming over with love for her. I’d never felt anything so absolutely pure.
We held each other for a few moments, and then she kissed me again. “You want to come over to my house tonight? My parents are asleep already. You can sleep in my bed with me.”
I almost fainted at the thought of it. There was nothing in the world I’d rather do. I nodded again. “That would be... wonderful.”
“Oh, Amy! You’re such a little angel.” She kissed me again, making me moan. “I wish I’d asked you sooner.”
“Me too.”
She laughed at that, and then took my hand. “Come on. We’d better clean up before they come back here looking for us.”
“Okay.” It was a good idea. We’d really made a mess, and we still had to finish washing the buckets and mixing more batter. It would take a good hour.
“God, I can’t wait to get home tonight!” she said. She was still holding my hand. “I’m going to make you feel so good!”
I wanted to tell her that she already had, but I think she knew.
Chapter 3
I ended up following Dianne home that night. She lived closer to the park than I did, so it only took us about fifteen minutes to get to her house. It was just before midnight and, like she’d said, her parents were already asleep so I didn’t have to sneak in.
It was a small, one-story house in a lower middle-class neighborhood, a lot like the one I lived in. There was nothing fancy about it; it was cozy and filled with well-worn furniture and budget-priced appliances.
There were a bunch of leftovers in the refrigerator from her parents dinner, fish and vegetables and rice, and Dianne made us each a nice plate and heated them up in the microwave. She also got us a couple of bottles of her father’s beer, which was nice. I’d never had beer before, and it turned out I liked it a lot. We sat at the kitchen table to eat and kept smiling at each other and giggling, knowing we were going to be climbing into her bed together in just a little while. It was extremely exciting, and I was very well aware at the time that it was the best day of my entire life, at least so far.
After we ate, I made a quick call to my father. I knew he’d be sleeping already, but I wanted to let him know I was staying over at Dianne’s so he wouldn’t freak out in the morning when he realized I hadn’t come home. He mumbled that it was no problem, and I said goodnight and hung up the phone. Then Dianne grabbed my arm and began pulling me down the short hallway.
“Time to get ready for bed!” she whispered excitedly.
My heart was fluttering wildly as she led me into the bathroom and closed the door behind us. She locked it and then grinned at me, turning and putting her hands on my hips. She gently backed me up against the towel rack.
“I’m so glad you’re here!” she said softly.
“Me too.” We had washed up with a hose behind the funnel cake stand and changed out of our uniforms in the locker room, so we were nice and clean. Dianne looked so beautiful standing there in the little bathroom, and she was so close. I could see every little detail of her face under the bright light, and my heart wanted to melt with the pure, tender love I felt for her.
She leaned forward then and gave me a soft, sweet kiss on the mouth, very brief. It sent my pulse soaring, and I reached up and encircled her with both arms.
Dianne smiled and hugged me closer, at the same time claiming my mouth with hers. She drew me into a deep kiss, causing me to tremble with passion. I wanted her so bad! She was all I thought about from morning till night. She pressed herself against me further, sliding her tongue into my mouth and causing me to moan. I sucked on it as I held her, slipping my hands under her shirt and rubbing them up and down over her smooth back. Then her thigh pressed between my legs and she began stroking me with it, through my jeans.
I gasped into her mouth, causing her to break the kiss. “Sorry,” I muttered.
She was smiling. “Don’t
be.” She eased up, taking a small step back. “We’ve got all night, Amy. All summer.”
Those last two words sent a surge of dread through me. She had mentioned when I first met her that she was moving to California at the end of August to begin attending college at Berkeley. It didn’t mean much at the time, but now it filled me with foreboding. She had quickly become the most important thing in the world to me. Was she really going to disappear in just one month? It was too horrible a thought to even consider. I tried to block it from my mind as I nodded and watched her reach for her toothbrush.
She brushed her teeth quickly, smiling at me in the mirror as I waited patiently beside her. I had my arm around her waist, feeling like the luckiest person on earth just for being there with her.
When she was done brushing her teeth she handed me her toothbrush, without rinsing it off. She was grinning happily. “Your turn!”
I took it from her, almost in a daze. “You want me to... use your toothbrush?”
She nodded and stepped behind me, slipping her arms around me and hugging me from behind. She nuzzled her face into the hollow of my neck and kissed me below the ear. “I want to share everything with you,” she whispered. “You’re like a dream come true.”
The love I felt for her then was almost enough to knock me down. I wanted to say the same exact thing to her, because it was true. The fact that she felt the same way I did made it so much better. Not able to speak, I slowly squeezed out some paste onto her toothbrush and slipped it into my mouth.
Dianne kissed my neck and rubbed her hands all over my abdomen as I leisurely brushed my teeth. The feel of her toothbrush in my mouth and the knowledge that it was hers, combined with the soft caresses of her hands over my body sent shivers of joy through my blood. I became so aroused I could hardly breathe. Then her hand moved down further and her fingers were slipping into the front of my pants.
I leaned back into her, my heart racing as I forgot all about brushing my teeth. She squeezed me tighter with one arm and slid her hand all the way down into my panties. I could feel her fingers brushing through my short, trimmed pubic hair and they just kept moving lower and lower. Then she was touching me where I wanted it the most, and I gasped again, swallowing most of the toothpaste in my mouth.
“Relax,” she whispered. I could feel her tongue licking the side of my neck as her fingers delved deeper, sliding over my swollen folds and then entering me.
“Oh, Dianne,” I moaned. I was already so close to the edge that it didn’t take much for her to send me over. As her thin, gentle fingers found my little nub I sucked hard on her toothbrush and pressed myself further back into her embrace. I felt my orgasm, my first one with Dianne, my first one that mattered, roaring down on me like a tidal wave. My muscles contracted against her sweet little fingers and suddenly I was moaning loudly, unable to help myself. She held me as I quivered, the spasms twisting through my depths. It was the most wonderful thing I’d ever felt, to come while in Dianne’s arms.
When the pulsations had finished working their way through me, she turned me around and pulled the toothbrush from my mouth. She kissed me.
“How are you, sweetie?”
I smiled. “I think I’m in love.” I couldn’t help it. It just came out.
Dianne giggled and kissed me again. “Wash your mouth out, Amy. I want to take you to bed now.”
* * *
Like with Brad earlier, I’m not going to go into all the details of what happened between us that night. I’m trying to give you a feel for the important parts of my past, and Dianne was the single most important part. Let me just say that that was indeed the best day, and the best night of my life, all things considered. The things I experienced that night, and the love I gave and received were the most joyous I could ever even contemplate. We didn’t get to sleep until after 3am, and when we awoke with the sunlight flooding in through the windows, we continued where we left off.
* * *
The next few weeks of my life were almost pure bliss. I didn’t even feel like myself anymore. Dianne had made a new person out of me, and I was happy all the time. We went everywhere and did everything together. We even slept together every single night. My father wasn’t interested enough to care, and Dianne’s parents were always asleep when we arrived and gone by the time we awoke. On the weekends she stayed with me. My father was aware of her presence, but unaware of what we were doing in my little twin-sized bed. It was very crowded with the two of us, but I loved it that way. I loved Dianne, and I loved my life with her. Everything was so incredibly perfect that I knew it would all end up falling apart.
It had to. Nothing that good ever lasts.
When the end of the summer came around, and we finished our last day at the funnel cake stand, a heavy cloud hung between us. I tried to talk her out of moving away to California, as unfair as that would have been to her. She was already registered out there and ready to start college the very next week. Her father even had her tuition paid, and she already had an apartment secured with a roommate she hadn’t met yet. Her life with me in New Jersey was about to end, and there was nothing I could do about it.
She tried her best to comfort me. She felt terrible about leaving me, too, but I could tell it wasn’t quite as bad for her. She’d had two girlfriends before me and would undoubtedly have more after, whereas for myself I didn’t see much of anything in the future. She promised that we’d keep in touch and get together any time the opportunity arose. She’d be coming back for Christmas, she said, for a whole week, and she went on and on about all the wonderful things we’d do together. It sounded great, but I knew it would probably never happen. She was leaving, and things would never be the same.
My depression came back strong before she even left. I cried whenever I wasn’t with her, and even some of the time I was. I tried to stop loving her, but that was impossible. She meant more to me than anything, including myself.
I tried to think up ways I could go with her. She wasn’t opposed to this, but I was only sixteen and that presented too many problems. Besides, as uninterested in me as my father was, he still loved me and would never agree to just let me leave like that. I would have to run away, and I don’t think I was ready to do that. I kept seeing myself as being a dead weight around Dianne’s neck, dragging her down and getting in the way of her education.
No, it was over. I felt it in my blood.
I said goodbye to her the day she left. She was getting a ride to the airport from her mother, and I hugged her fiercely, telling her I loved her and crying my eyes out. I was crying so hard I was shaking. She tried to console me, but it did no good. I stood there and watched the car drive away, feeling sick and hollow and alone.
When I’d lost my mother I didn’t think anything could ever be worse.
This was worse.
It felt like my soul had been ripped out and murdered.
Chapter 4
That next school year was reminiscent of the ones I experienced following the loss of my mother. I was completely isolated, my mind almost numb with despair and misery. I had no interest in anyone or anything. I somehow drifted through the days and did as little as possible in order to pass my classes. Something inside me didn’t allow me to give up entirely, but the effort I put into my schoolwork was so minimal that it was hard to really consider it effort at all.
I thought about Dianne all the time. We did stay in touch online, but she sounded so happy and excited about her new school and her new roommate and her new friends that it broke my heart to even read the things she told me. She was no longer mine, and it hurt. I tried to feel happy for her, but I really only felt sorry for myself. I know that’s a bad reflection on me, but it’s the truth. I barely said anything when I responded to her messages, too ashamed to tell her what I was going through.
When Christmas approached and she emailed me, saying she wasn’t going to be able to come home after all, it didn’t surprise me. In fact, I was kind of relieve
d. She’d already been hinting about a new girlfriend, and I knew I wouldn’t stand up to someone she met in college. Our time together was over and done, despite how much it still meant to me. I carried her with me in my heart, and always will, still loving what we once had even though it could never be again.
By the end of that school year I think I was finally starting to get over the whole thing. I was still depressed all the time, and still ignoring everyone and everything around me, but the love I had experienced with Dianne had taught me that there was a better way than the way I was carrying on with things, the way I was merely existing, and I thought that maybe I ought to try a little harder to snap out of it. I started to look at people again and pay more attention to what they were doing and saying. The boys didn’t interest me at all anymore, and I knew they never would. It was the girls I was paying attention to now.
Unfortunately, there were only a few girls I knew of at my high school who were lesbians, and I didn’t like any of them. I mean, I didn’t dislike them, but I didn’t like them, either. Two of them were very masculine, loud and aggressive, which I didn’t like at all, and the other one was very ugly. You might think I’m shallow for saying that, but I’m just telling you the truth. Dianne had been so amazingly beautiful and so loving and sweet, I knew I’d never find another girl like her. I had been spoiled. Of course, it was possible that there were other girls in my school who were lesbians and I just didn’t know it, but that didn’t help me any.
I began to feel a very strong attraction to several of the girls I’d known casually for years, even though I knew they were straight. There were lots of beautiful girls and sweet girls if you included all the straight ones, but again, it didn’t do me much good. I stared at them anyway, and fantasized about them, too afraid to speak my feelings. I was so lonely and wanted a girlfriend so badly I couldn’t think of anything else.