The Rejected Writers' Christmas Wedding

by Suzanne Kelman

  “Good grief,” said Doris. “We’re all going to die!”

  “I sure missed you, Frosty Knickers,” he said, tapping her face with his furry paw. “You, and these girls, and that apple pie. Where’s the little skinny one?” he asked, looking around the group.

  Dan looked down.

  “We’re hoping to find her,” I said quickly. “We think she might be staying at the Nook.”

  “Well, I din’t seen ’er, but I only just came on my shift. Come on, jump in,” he said. “I’ll give you the ride of your life.”

  “Why do I feel afraid?” said Doris as Ethel sucked air in through her teeth next to me.

  Gracie said, “Ohh, I can’t wait! It’s like being Cinderella.”

  We jumped into the sleigh and wrapped ourselves under blankets on the seats.

  Ronald shouted, “Hold onto your britches,” and he took off like a rabid pack of wolves, with snow spraying in every direction.

  “What was the last thing those horses pulled?” shrieked Doris. “A fire truck?”

  He giggled, showing her another gummy smile. “I want to give you your money’s worth,” he shouted back over his shoulder before he encouraged the horses on faster.

  “Where are the airbags?” asked Lavinia desperately.

  “Or the seatbelts?” added Lottie.

  “There’s only one airbag,” snipped Doris. “And he’s driving the sleigh.”

  “I’m holding on for dear life,” said Lavinia, grabbing hold of her twin. “I never thought my very last day would be spent on a sleigh in a fake Bavarian town, being pulled by a crazy reindeer that used to be a tramp.”

  We galloped up the side of the mountain until eventually we reached the door of a little blue-and-white wooden chalet-style building at the top.

  We all got out, more than a little discombobulated.

  “Here you are,” Ronald said, jumping down. “Got ya’ ere safe and sound, din’t I?”

  “I’m not sure we’re either,” said Doris, looking totally rattled. Ethel’s hair was sticking straight up, and her face seemed to be locked in permanent shock. But Gracie just clapped her hands.

  We got off our sleigh and made our way inside. The place was made completely out of logs, and it had possibly been a lodge in a former life. It was echoey and old. Large wool tapestries adorned the walls, as did an extensive collection of dusty German brass instruments. It smelled a little musty as we walked across the creaking floor toward the large oak welcome desk. I couldn’t see any staff, just a map taped to the desk telling people which cabin was which.

  “What do we do now?” asked Annie.

  Suddenly, a man’s face popped up from behind the counter. He had luminous eyes that were magnified by his Coke-bottle glasses. “Welcome to the Nook,” he said, drawn out and solemnly. I felt like I had walked into a funeral home. “How may I be of service?”

  “I called earlier,” said Dan. “I don’t know if you remember me. I think there might be somebody staying here. My fiancée, Flora.”

  “Flloorraa,” the clerk said, emphasizing her name. Then rolling each letter. “Floor-raa. F-l-o-r-a.”

  We all stood there, looking at him. Is he just going to say that over and over again like a parrot? I wondered.

  “Yes, we might have a Flora,” he said, sounding unsure. “Let me look in the book. I can’t read my writing, but I do know I have somebody in cabin four who is female.”

  “Well, that’s a start,” I said.

  “Yes, yes, I have a couple in cabin five and a family of four in cabin two. So I guess Flora is the female in cabin three.”

  “You mean four,” I stated.

  “Yes,” he said, nodding, agreeing with me. “Cabin four.”

  Doris rolled her eyes.

  “Here’s a map,” he said, handing us a scribbling on a piece of paper.

  “Who drew this for you?” Doris put on her reading glasses before turning it around in her hand. “That crazed reindeer out there?”

  We all went outside and tried to find our way about, but the map was of no use. We wandered around for about twenty minutes, getting lost at every turn, until we finally located cabin four. The light was on, and a little red-and-white sign out front with the words “Welkom to zee Nook” written on it swung back and forth.

  Dan hurried toward the door. Lavinia grabbed him by the arm before he made his way up the path.

  “Maybe we should go and knock on the door first,” she said. “Just in case . . .” Lavinia didn’t finish the sentence, but we all knew what it meant.

  He nodded, and Lavinia and Lottie made their way to the door.

  Lavinia knocked on the door and smiled back at Dan, who hopped from foot to foot down at the bottom of the path. They waited, but no one came. She knocked again harder—still no reply.

  “Looks like there’s no one here,” said Lottie despondently.

  Dan looked crushed.

  Ruby grabbed his arm. “Stay strong, man.”

  Lottie started to make her way back down the path but Lavinia stopped in her tracks. She moved back to the cabin.

  Lottie shouted back to her, “Come on, Lavinia.”

  Lavinia ignored her.

  “Lavinia!” repeated Lottie.

  “Shh,” said Lavinia. “Listen.”

  They became quiet, and there it was: just the tiniest—but definite—sound of a cat meowing.

  “I think it’s Mr. Darcy,” said Lavinia.

  Dan couldn’t wait any longer. He raced to the door and pressed his ear against it. As if on cue, Mr. Darcy jumped up on the window ledge, looked outside, and meowed.

  Annie clapped. “It is Mr. Darcy! That means Flora is here somewhere.”

  “Yes, she is,” said Dan, unable to contain the excitement in his voice. “Now all we have to do is find her.”

  We headed back to the chalet building, and the same man’s head popped up again. He acted as if he hadn’t met us before.

  “Welcome, how may I be of service?”

  “We were just here,” said Doris gruffly. “Don’t you remember us? We were looking for Flora.”

  “Flloorraa,” the clerk said again, exaggerating her name. “F-l-o-r-a.”

  “Didn’t we just do this routine?” stated Lavinia impatiently.

  “Yes,” he said. “She is in cabin four. Another group of people just went down to see her.”

  “That was us,” said Lottie.

  He blinked through his Coke-bottle glasses.

  “She’s not there,” said Doris. “Do you know where she might be?”

  He looked down at his book, saying the word Flora over and over again. “Oh yes, actually, I do know where she is—if she’s the one with blonde hair. She booked a six thirty sleigh. She just left.”

  Dan looked exasperated.

  “Can we book the next sleigh?” I asked before the group’s foaming irritation erupted.

  “Of course,” he said. “It will be back in about thirty minutes. What name shall I book it under?”

  “Janet,” I responded.

  “Jaaannettt,” he said, overextending my name as he had Flora’s.

  Doris’s eyes flicked to the ceiling. “Good grief.”

  “I like this guy,” said Ruby. “He reminds me of the folks I hung out with in my serious pot-smoking days.”

  We all lined up in the reception chalet, sitting on hard wooden chairs and waiting for Ronald the Reindeer to return, with Bavarian polka music blaring overhead. It was cold and drafty, and the atmosphere was no warmer in the group. And Martin thought he had the hard end of the deal.

  I called him while we waited and updated him. “How are the twins?” I asked.

  “They’ve both passed out on the bed,” he said. “And it only took fourteen trips on the train to do it.”

  “Are you OK?” I asked, concerned. “I can come back and relieve you if you need me to.”

  “No, you’re fine,” he said. “I’ll call if I need rescuing. Right now, I’m having a whale of
a time. I’m watching golf on TV, and I ordered myself room service—dinner and a scotch, which you can pay for when you get back.”

  I laughed. “I’ll see you soon.”

  “Frosty Knickers!” said Ronald as he clapped eyes on Doris again. “Where are you and your bunch going now?”

  “Back into town,” said Doris sharply. “We need to find Flora.”

  Ronald roared with laughter and slapped his knee. “I thought that was her,” he said. “She was all bundled up—just two eyes above a scarf. I only just dropped her off. What ja’ guys playing, cops-n-robbers?”

  “Did she mention where she was going?” asked Dan desperately.

  Ronald took off his reindeer head and scratched at his greasy hair. “Something ‘bout a coffee shop on the edge of town. Jump in an’ I’ll take you back,” he said with his eyes glistening.

  “Here we go again,” said Lavinia as Ronald sped off with a loud Yahoo! “I didn’t realize I would need my motion-sickness pills for Leavenworth.”

  When we arrived back in town, we didn’t know what end of the main street she was at, so Dan, Doris, Ethel, and Gracie went one way while the twins, Ruby, Annie, and I went the other.

  As we moved at a clip to the end of the road, we saw a sandwich board on the street in front of one of the coffee shops—written on it were the words Poetry Reading Tonight.

  “Bingo,” said Lavinia. “Lottie, Annie, and Ruby, you take one side of the room, and Janet and I will take the other.

  As we walked around, I suddenly spotted a flow of pale blonde hair in the corner. It was her, curled up under one of her thick Victorian coats next to the fireplace, listening to someone reciting.

  I couldn’t believe we had found her. I stepped outside to call Dan.

  Chapter 17

  The Runaway Bride & Another Crazy Sleigh Ride

  As Lavinia approached Flora, she noticed she was curled up like a baby, sleeping soundly. Probably exhausted by all the wedding preparations and the emotional upheaval. Lavinia knelt down beside her and stroked her hand gently.

  “Flora, darling, are you awake?”

  Flora’s eyes fluttered open. She looked bewildered for a second, as if she were trying to remember where she was, and then the realization sent a cloud of sadness that passed across her face. She blinked her eyes, adjusting to the spotlight that was aimed at the stage but still in her direct view. Then she saw Lavinia leaning over her. That made her bolt upright.

  “Are you Lavinia or Lottie?” she asked quickly.

  “Lavinia, darling,” she said. “And you shouldn’t sit up quite so fast. You’ll make yourself dizzy.”

  “What are you doing here?” she said sharply. “How did you find me?”

  Lavinia sat down to join her at the table. “That’s a long story, but more importantly, why are you here?”

  Flora’s face clouded over again, and she looked as if she was searching for the right words. Then she said in the tone of a young child, “I was kind of running away.”

  “Running away?” repeated Lavinia softly. “From what? Happiness? Don’t you want to marry Dan?”

  Flora winced at the sound of his name. “You don’t understand,” she said. “He won’t want to marry me when he finds out the truth. I’m just saving him the bother of all that. I can look like the bad guy, and he can go back to Oregon and be OK.”

  “Well, you do have it all tied up in a neat little bundle,” said Lavinia. “Unfortunately, people don’t always do what we hope for in our own fantasies.”

  “You don’t understand,” said Flora. “I did something terrible; I didn’t tell him the whole truth about my past. I didn’t want him to think badly about me. When he finds out, he’ll never forgive me.”

  Lavinia smiled. “Are you talking about your marriage to Andy?” she said quietly.

  It was as if someone had thrown a bucket of ice water in Flora’s face. She looked totally dumbstruck. “You know?” she whispered.

  Lavinia nodded. “Yes, I know.”

  “So you understand why I had to leave Dan. Does he understand?” she added, eagerly.

  “He doesn’t know,” answered Lavinia. “Lottie and I are the only ones who do. He’s very concerned about you, Flora. He drove us up here to find you.”

  “Dan is here?” she asked with an eagerness she obviously—though poorly—tried hard to hide.

  “Yes, he is,” said Lavinia. “And there’s something else you should know.”

  Lavinia never got any further in the conversation because someone else joined them at the table and whispered Flora’s name.

  Flora squinted up through the blaring spotlight.

  “Dan?” she said breathlessly, like a child waiting for the much-anticipated return of a father. She got to her feet as the person walked forward. The spotlight aimed toward the stage continued to silhouette him in front of them. Flora furrowed her brow. Lavinia squinted, too. Yes, this was a man, but he looked shorter than Dan. Much more squat. It couldn’t be, could it? But it wasn’t until he spoke again that they both knew who it was.

  “Flora, I’m sorry. I am so sorry I did this to you.”

  Flora turned to him. “It was you! You sent me that letter! You were the person who wanted me to send you money.”

  John stepped forward as Lavinia’s eyes acclimated to the light. She noticed he, too, had aged ten years over the past week.

  “Yes, Flora, and I felt terrible about it. You have no idea.”

  Flora was boiling, and Lavinia could sense she was about to spill over.

  “Now, Flora, wait a second. Hear him out. There’s more to this story.”

  Suddenly, there was another set of footsteps behind them. And then the unmistakable voice of Lavinia’s twin:

  “Lavinia, did you find her? I’ve recited all my prayers, and I still haven’t seen her.” Lottie stepped toward the table and nearly collided with John, who was still standing in front of Flora. She, too, was blinded by the spotlight and saw only a silhouette. “Lavinia Marie Labette, don’t tell me you’re sitting here with a man! Heaven preserve us, I leave you for two minutes, and already you’re in trouble.”

  “My darling,” said Lavinia. “I have three of them here with me.”

  Lottie’s outburst and Lavinia’s response could do nothing but lighten the mood. Lottie used her hand to shade her eyes and said, “Well, this isn’t a man at all. It’s John!”

  “Thanks,” said John dryly.

  “You know what I mean,” said Lottie. “What in heaven’s name are you doing up here?”

  “I found Flora,” said Lavinia, eying their young friend, who now sat looking crushed.

  “Praise be to God!” said Lottie, squinting and shielding her eyes again. “Where is she?”

  “Right here next to me.”

  They all took their time to hug Flora and surrounded her at the table.

  “But, John, what are you doing here? I thought you were long gone. How did you know we were coming here or that Flora was here?”

  “I saw Lavinia on the ferry,” explained John. “She tried to convince me to come with her, to tell Flora what happened.”

  “So,” said Lottie, crossing her arms, “that is whom you were with on the ferry. I knew that a man must have fit into your plan somehow.”

  “I’m not a man,” said John. “Remember?”

  “But why did you run away?” asked Lottie as she sat next to Flora. “You’re due to get married the day after tomorrow. We could have at least tried to sort out this mess at home.”

  “You all have to know there was nothing between Andy and me, and we were just really good friends. He needed help, but I never told Dan . . .” Her voice trailed away.

  “Never told Dan! What?” said a voice from behind them. Everyone jumped. They hadn’t heard the person approach the table, but he was plainly silhouetted in front of them now, and by the outline, it was clearly Dan.

  Flora jumped to her feet and threw her arms around his neck and held him tight. He hel
d her for a second, then pulled her out of the embrace.

  “Didn’t tell me what?” he asked again. Lavinia could tell by his tone he was hurt.

  “That I’ve been married,” she said quietly. “And now it looks like I might still be married.”

  Dan jumped back as though someone had slapped his face. He shook his head in disbelief.

  “What did you . . . Married? What do you . . .” He couldn’t seem to get a whole sentence out to make something cohesive. Finally, he said, “Flora? You . . . you . . . are married?”

  Flora nodded. He took another step back from her. This wasn’t going to go well, and Lavinia had had enough of this type of conversation in her own life to see that this young man was on the brink.

  “It’s not the way it sounds, Dan,” said Lavinia, reaching the young couple’s side. “Don’t go jumping to the wrong conclusions. Flora did something in her youth, something that was just a little naive, but haven’t we all done that at some time? I’m sure you did stupid things when you were young.” She babbled on as his face grew red with anger.

  “I once knocked a nest of birds out of a tree,” he said coldly. “But I didn’t get married.” He was now pacing, each step landing harder against the hardwood floor. “I came here afraid you’d gotten cold feet and that somehow it was my fault. I thought you didn’t want to get married or you didn’t love me. Now I find out that you’ve been—that you might still be—married? I can’t believe you, Flora.”

  John jumped to his feet and walked toward the three of them. “Please don’t blame Flora. It’s all my fault.”

  Dan, who hadn’t noticed John, suddenly put two and two together and made ten.

  “You and Flora?” His eyes blazed. “You and Flora are married?” Dan stepped toward John and raised his arm. Everyone, including John, was sure he was going to punch him, but instead, Dan balled up both fists and spat out, “I hope you’ll both be very happy together.” And then he turned on his heels and exited the coffee shop.

  Flora went to run after him, but Lavinia stopped her. “Let him be.” She took Flora by both shoulders. “He’s upset and needs to let off some steam. He’ll be more rational once he’s done that. In the meantime, we need to get you back home. There are an awful lot of people arriving in Southlea Bay for a wedding the day after tomorrow, and no matter what happens, someone has to figure this thing out. Let’s get you packed so we can get back first thing tomorrow morning.”