by Cara Villar
He heaved a major put-out sigh. “Fine,” he grumbled, as if baffled with the obscure behavior of women.
Again, fidiot.
I beamed. “Excellent.” I slapped his shoulder. “Now get out of my way.” I shoved past him and turned to close the door. Then stopped and looked up at him. Always looking up… “Oh, one more thing.”
He spun on his heel and gave me a heated once over, his gaze so intent it was practically a grope! “Hmmm?” he rumbled. And damn if my inner muscles didn’t clench in anticipation.
I shook it off and gave him a sexy, saccharine smile. “If I ever find you in my rooms again without an invite, I’ll throw you, and however many lieutenants you have, out the nearest window. Clear?”
I slammed the door in his face.
13
Coming awake was a slow, sluggish toil through incoherent dreams, laced with the reality of my memories, that disappeared from my mind the instant I tried to recall them. They were distorted and out of sequence, blending together and pulling apart until something completely different emerged, making me doubt, even in my dreams, what I knew to be true. But like all dreams, all I could do was watch, speaking and moving how the dream willed, reacting in ways that were as irrational as what my mind was showing me.
By the time my eyes opened, I was so haunted by my unremembered dreams of death, loss and horror, that I just lay there, unable to move, unable to pull myself completely into reality. Unable to forget and discern truth from lies. My upper torso, arms and head felt as heavy as boulders, and for a brief moment, I panicked. The weight pressing me down felt vast and overwhelming. I had to move, and I was terrified to do so.
Rolling onto my back, I shut down my feelings completely as I stretched, yawned and…snorted. Goddamn room still stinks of dog. I rubbed my face. Nothing quite like the scent of Werewolf to bring you crashing back to reality. My eyes itched and my head throbbed. I rolled again and reached for my phone. Six forty-seven in the evening. Damn…I must have been seriously tired to have slept over twelve hours.
So why did I still feel so weary?
Focusing my bleary gaze on the little flashing red light on my blackberry, I scrolled to messenger and pulled up Jade’s messages, and grinned.
Jade: Hey chic! Guess what I found?
Jade: Hellooooooooo?
Jade: You’re not dry-humping again are you?
Jade: Okay fine, I’ll tell you. I found your… DEBT!
My smile dropped. Shit. My debt. I thought she’d forgotten that. My fingers flew across the keys as I replied.
Me: OH NO YOU DIDN’T!
The reply was almost instant.
Jade: Oh yes I did. You thought I’d forgotten! A decade don’t mean shit lololol.
Me: Grrrr. Lol all you want. I’ve avoided it this long.
Jade: Not much longer, chic. Not much longer.
I tossed my phone on the bed and got up. Public humiliation was the least of my problems, but definitely one I wasn’t planning on adding to my plate o’ shit any time soon.
Blah.
Pulling on some charcoal slacks and a baby blue polo-shirt that hugged all my curves and brought out the blue in my teal eyes, I brushed my hair and fastened half of it back into a dull silver clip, leaving the rest to cascade down my spine. I brushed my teeth and washed, padding around my room in my socks, collecting my phone and iPad and Ambrose’s folder, before purposefully slipping my surprisingly sore feet into some plain black DC’s I dug out of my duffel.
Standing before the mirror, I assessed my presentation, and wondered if I was subconsciously dressing to please Felix. Not that he’d notice. His mind was bound to be elsewhere right. I bit my lip. Am I crushing on a Vampire? I considered the question seriously for a moment, a crease marring my brow. It needed no consideration, really. Well, shit…I think I am.
Spinning on my heel, I refused to do the girly thing and think too hard about it. There were too many important things to be done before I, or he, ever considered going steady. Jeez. Mental facepalm. Did I really just think ‘going steady’? What am I? Fifteen? As I grabbed my hotel key card and waltzed out the door in search of Felix’s room, I shook my head. Jeepers, crushing really does lower intelligence.
Wandering down the corridor of numbered doors, I kept going until Felix’s distinct scent was centered at one in particular. Not that far from mine, but far enough away, hopefully, for him to not have heard who had paid me an unwelcome visit that morning.
I shivered anew at the potent manliness of the Alpha hottie. Seriously, why did he have to be so damn delicious?
I’m obviously insane.
I knocked on Felix’s door before I went too far with those thoughts either. Obviously, the day was going to be a day of not thinking about any male. Boys are nothing but trouble, Willow, Mother had always said. Oh boy, I bet she never knew how right she was.
The door opened, and a glassy-eyed maid came wandering out. I frowned as I took in her mussed blonde hair and giddy smile. A pair of hose was dangling from one hand, her shoes from the other. The top couple buttons of her uniform were undone, revealing creamy flesh and ample cleavage. She had the distinct after-glow of being well debauched.
And she had a hickey.
Giggling, she staggered past me, and wondered back down the hall towards the elevators. I watched her until the elevator bell pinged. Then I walked into Felix’s rooms and closed the door.
There was a tight knot in my chest, and my throat felt tight.
Was I hurt?
Yes. Yes, I was. And really goddamned angry. Crushing on a Vampire? Idiot with a capital F. But it was only an almost-kiss. It didn’t mean anything. Nothing whatsoever. To me or…to him.
Ouch.
“Felix?” I called out softly, my voice hoarse. I took in the room almost exactly the same as mine, only toned in blues instead of creams, as I set my bits and pieces on the table by the couches. “Felix? Where—” I cut off and cocked my head, the soft sound of the shower filtering through the blood pounding in my ears. I hope it turns him lobster red. I blinked several times, and scowled at myself.
Tears? For a Vampire? For a male? Come on, Red. You’re better than that. I am, dammit!
I rubbed at the ache in my chest as the maid’s flushed cheeks and satisfied smile flashed through my head. Ick, I thought, feelings suck. It wasn’t even a real kiss, for crying out loud. What did I care that he did more with the maid? Why did I care that it wasn’t me who was invited back to his room to be debauched, instead of abandoned in a corridor, weak-kneed? Damn him, why did I care?
Because I’m an idiot.
You’d think after three centuries I’d stop butchering my innards with emotional baggage, but no-o-o.
I plopped down onto the couch, willing him to hurry up with his damn shower. The sooner we got down to business, the sooner I could go. In less than twenty-four hours that damn Vampire had nearly brought me to tears twice. What the hell was wrong with me? So damn over-emotional where once I was clear-headed. I did my job and went home. This was just a job. Once done, I’d go home. And probably move. To Italy.
Hmm, Italy…
Just as I was contemplating buying a villa on Lake Como, the shower chose that instant to switch off. My whole body stiffened as I waited for Felix to appear. Hastily, I spread out my iPad and the Ambrose file, and pretended to be doing some work when he finally emerged from the bathroom, flooding the room with the scent of damp heat, coffee and spices unique to him.
I was just feigning making links between the distinct list of Ambrose victims when he leaned on the back of the couch and nipped my ear. It was the last thing I had expected, and the last thing I wanted at that moment. The maid leaving his rooms in the fashion she had taken all my contented feelings and shoved them in a turbine, shredding them and leaving nothing but a painful knot of disappointment and anger in my chest.
I leaped up and spun to face him, rubbing my ear, suddenly even more furious that he could make me feel special, and then w
orthless, and still expect me to want to play. Well, I’ll give you three guesses where he could shove that idea, and the first two don’t count.
Felix stared at me in surprise as I glared at him and rolled my shoulders, my skin prickling with disgust. Disgust at him and disgust at me. I felt dirty from his casual nip, and I wanted to punch him for it. It didn’t help that he looked all edible in nothing more than a pair of low-slung jeans, his tattoo swirling over pearlescent skin made for licking.
“Red?” he asked, cautious as he took in my expression, and no doubt, my scent. Vampires’ sense of smell isn’t as strong as a Weres, but it was good enough. My anger was perfuming the air, which was fine, if not for the flowery residue of pain floating under its surface.
“Let’s get to work,” I said, gingerly sliding back down onto the edge of the couch. “And put a shirt on,” I added, returning to my email that I had no idea what was about.
Felix’s brows shot even higher. “Are you okay?” he asked, and I gripped my iPad harder.
“Yes,” I said. “Just want this case over with.”
He exhaled a heavy sigh, rubbed his damp hair, wandered over to the bed and snatched up a shirt. “Fine.”
Pain blasted through my chest. “Have you spoken to Osiris?” I asked through gritted teeth. Do not cry do not cry do not cry do not cry…
“Yeah, this morning. He’s going to contact The Commission and has told us to do what we must.” Felix dropped into the single seat and watched me avoid eye contact.
I wondered idly if he’d purposely left his shirt gaping just to goad me. Wanker. Then I considered his words. The Commission. They’d hired me a couple times over the last few decades for minor jobs they wanted kept hush-hush. I’d never met with them face-to-face, only with their representative, but from what I was able to glean from said-representative, The Commission were fate-ordained Immortals with the ability to work objectively to rule over the rest of the Immortal race. They were revered, respected and were, apparently, the oldest of our race.
“So he hasn’t given us any instructions on what to do next?” I asked, flicking meaninglessly through my iPad, considering the elevation of importance the job had just taken.
“No. He has left that to our discretion,” Felix murmured.
“Very well, then.” I looked up and met his far too canny gaze. “I think for our next step we need to go to Natasha’s home and place of work to ransack her files.” I kept my voice neutral and my face blank. If he’d rather take giggling maids into his bed instead of me, it could bloody well stay that way. “Do you know where she lived?”
“Yes,” he replied slowly, eyeing me. “Ambrose’s people may have already ransacked her place to ensure she had nothing on them.”
“I can probably get blueprints for her workplace,” I said, mind spinning with calling in some IOU’s. “As long as I know where exactly she worked in the building, I can get us in.”
“Without being detected?” He rubbed his face. “Never mind. I know where her desk was, so I’ll go with you.”
Hell, no.
“It will be easier on my own.”
“No.”
“Excuse me?” My brows shot up in outrage, my hands fisting. “I don’t understand. Either you think I’m capable, or I’m just here as an accessory.” My lips thinned at the mere thought. Just some pretty thing to keep up appearances. Pretty things called ‘Wendy’. I grimaced.
“I know how capable you are, Red, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to let you go into the corporate building of a known sociopath alone.”
“You’ve known he was a sociopath way before I came along and let others work for him.” It was a low blow, and he physically flinched. His face went utterly cold, his jade eyes sharp and icy. I ploughed on. “This isn’t my first time and it won’t be the last. I don’t need you to protect me, Felix. All I need you to do is let me do my job.” I slapped the Ambrose file shut and piled it on my iPad.
“Red.”
“Let’s go to her home. See what we can find.” I stood and turned for the door, suddenly and ridiculously angry, like the petty hurt from the maid and his almost-kiss were feeding it. Funny, isn’t it, how foolish pain can make you? You lash out before you even know you’re going to.
I should really get out of here before I say some
“What is wrong with you?” Felix suddenly demanded, rising from his feet, his face furious.
I kept walking.
“What the hell has brought on this goddamned bloody attitude all of a sudden?”
“I just want this case over with.” I reached for the door handle.
“Yeah, you said that before.” He grabbed my wrist and spun me around. “And I still think its bullshit.”
I yanked my wrist free with such force I slammed my back into the door. Felix was quick to close the remaining space. Damn. Pinned. Again.
“There’s nothing wrong with my attitude,” I snapped. “Wanting to get to work isn’t an attitude.”
He slammed his hand against the door panel beside my head. “Bollocks!”
I flinched.
“Something’s pissed you off. I won’t work with you if you’re going to lie to me!”
My brows shot up again and I gave a bitter laugh. “You won’t work with me?” Cheeky, scurvy bastard! “I’m the one who shouldn’t work with you!” I bellowed back. “Look at what you’ve done to me so far!” I started to count off on my fingers. “You made me drink from you.”
“You needed it.”
“You called me Wendy.”
“It suited you.”
“And made me where heels.”
“For the job.”
I stomped my foot. “And you almost kissed me.”
He sneered. “Didn’t feel you pushing me off, pet.”
“And then went to bed with the fucking maid!”
My raised voice seemed to ring in the silence that followed my words. Felix looked startled, taking a step back. My cheeks heated and my lips thinned at the inadvertent omission and all that it implied. And no, those implications were, unfortunately, not lost on me.
Jealous, much? Shuddup!
“So that’s what this is about?”
“Jesus H. Christ.” I spun for the door and managed to open it an inch before Felix’s hand slammed it shut again. My complete and utter humiliation had me squeezing my eyes shut, my ears practically on fire.
“You think I’ve been with the maid all day?” His voice was soft, coaxing, his breath brushing my temple.
My spine tingled with awareness of just how close he was. My mind flashed briefly with how good he felt on the plane, but the strangling force of my stupid, emotional hurt feelings trumped it like a bug.
“Let me out,” I demanded. Pleaded.
He ignored me. “This evening, I called room service for fresh towels, and figured I might as well feed while room service was here.” His free hand slid over my hip and squeezed. It burned. “The maid…had other ideas.”
“Let me out.” I stiffened at his touch, at his words. I didn’t want to hear it. As long as I didn’t have to hear it, it wouldn’t hurt. Well, at least not any more than it already did, but it would make me cry. And like hell was I going to cry in front of him.
“I entranced her, implanted a memory, and sent her out.” Slowly, as the words sank in, my eyes opened. I didn’t see the door right in front of me, my mind consumed with the image of the maid as she left.
“Her hose?”
“She took them off all by herself,” he murmured, his thumb brushing under the hem of my polo shirt, smoothing back and forth over my bare skin.
“Her hair?”
“I did that. Buns always look so neat and uptight.”
My forehead bumped the door. “Did you unbutton her uniform too?”
His quiet chuckle was warm and rumbled against my spine as he pressed in close. “I fed off her, turned around to get her a tip for the towels, and when I turned back, she was half-naked. I just stoo
d there with my mouth open before I even thought to re-arrange her memories.”
He could be lying, I thought, but knew he wasn’t. Something hummed in my bones that told me he spoke true. And yet, the phantom pain was still there, the residual dull ache in my chest, the nausea in my stomach. God…I can’t do this again. The gentle, resolute promise of loving someone forever, even the mere possibility, had been ruined for me. Forever was a long time for me, and I could pretty much guarantee that I was going to have to mourn all over again. Oh, Glenn…
Sighing loudly, I banged my head repeatedly against the door. I felt so bloody hot with embarrassment; I probably clashed with my own hair. I also felt really bloody stupid. I’m a grown woman, better off than most for the fact I’ve lived so long; you’d think I’d know better than to feel played by a man. And yet, if anything, I’m more naïve than the average woman who only lives one lifetime.
I’ve spent my entire immortal existence not getting close to males out of some guilt-induced, self-castrated, inner-shrine to a dead man. So, yeah, I admit it. I was in over my head with Felix. Hell, I was in over my head with Vince. The only male I allowed in my life was my super genius tech-guy who was also my best friend Jade’s twin! What the hell did I know about being courted? I could flirt because I use it for hunting, but anything more than that, and I was…lost.
I squeezed my eyes shut again and took a deep breath. Now or never, Red.
“Did you know,” I started softly, barely above a whisper. “I was married once.” The thumb brushing my skin stopped.
“No. I didn’t know,” Felix replied gently.
I nodded my head. “I was mortal then. We were young. We’d been in love with each other our whole lives.” Nothing could ever compare to that kind of love, or that kind of pain. Glenn had been my best friend. I loved him with the entirety of my young, idealistically foolish heart, as only a young woman can. When he died, something inside me had died with him. It’s an empty space inside me now, a hollow space, and a void. It’s cliché to say it, but that’s how it feels. Nothing would ever fill it, I’d come to realize. Nothing will ever be able to replace the one and only love I’d ever known.