Counting the Days

by Hope Riverbank

  “I promise, mom. I’ll tell him soon,” I said visualizing her words about my being in a body bag. Not going to happen.

  Moments later, Danny came back with a small bag. “I just wanted to show you how happy you’ve made me,” he said as he handed me a jewelry box.

  I really hate it when he does the thoughtful husband thing. Every time, it’s the calm before the storm. I could see my mother behind him struggling to contain herself. I forced a smile on my face and said, “Honey…you shouldn’t have…you’re so silly.” I slowly opened the box and gasped when I saw the diamond studded earrings. They must have been at least two carats total weight. I looked up in disbelief at my husband. He was so proud of himself, that he had this childish grin on his face. My heart sank stirring feelings I haven’t felt in a long time. I knew it. He could be nice. I looked intently at his eyes and he was so cute when he wanted to be. “Thank you,” I said melting. What else could I say? I was dumbfounded. He leaned in and kissed me. Was I jumping ahead of myself by thinking about leaving him? He could change, couldn’t he?

  My mother came over and looking at the earrings, commented just above a whisper, “They’re beautiful. Where’d he steal them from?” She then turned to Danny with disgust and said, “Such a thoughtful gift.” She helped me put them on and then said, “Well, I better get going. The floor was busy last night, so I’m really tired and need to get some sleep. Got to work again tonight.” She stood up and put her sweater on. “I’ll come by later and check in on you. Think about what we talked about,” she said looking over her shoulder at Danny. “I think that we could make the baby’s room very chic. Okay, sweetie?” She started for the door, “You have a good day Danny,” she said and walked out.

  Danny turned to me and swiftly grabbed me by the neck. “What were you two really talking about earlier?”

  I began choking and coughing as he tightened his grip. I tried pulling his hand off me, but I was still too weak and he was just too strong. I struggled to say a few words and he loosened his grip a little. “We were talking about medical stuff. The doctor thinks that I’m high risk and my mother is worried,” I managed to say hoarsely. He let go. I immediately grabbed my throat and gasped frantically for air.

  He leaned in and got in my face. “That better be all you talked about,” he threatened and then left the room. I wept as I caught my breath. I pressed the call bell and the nurse immediately came in. I motioned for some water.

  Later that evening, I informed my mother of my decision to go home with Danny and make things work. She begged and pleaded. During the night, she came in with scores of statistics showing that victims of domestic violence don’t live if they don’t get out. The information was overwhelming, but I know that if I give Danny a chance…he’ll change. I know that he loves me and having this baby will change everything. Look at the gift he gave me…he never did anything like that ever before. He will change. I know he will.

  The next morning the doctor told me that he was discharging me. He told me everything that I needed to do, like exercise, diet, appointments, vitamins, etc. He said that I needed to make an appointment at Stonybrook as soon as possible. He said that they would give me a prescription for some prenatal vitamins and that the physician at Stonybrook would set me up with appointments for a sonogram and lots of other stuff. He handed me an itinerary with all the hospital info and numbers on it. After the doctor left, I called my mother’s unit and told her that I was discharging. Then I called home.

  “Hello,” a female voice said groggily. Who in the world? Did I dial the wrong number? I hung up and redialed the number again.

  Again the female voice answered. I must be having a bad dream. “Who is this?” I asked.

  “Hold on,” this familiar female voice said. I could hear the female frantically trying to wake my husband up. “Danny, wake up. I believe its Marilyn.” She knew my name. Who could it be? Think girl, the voice sounds familiar to you.

  “What the heck did you answer the phone for,” Danny responded in a whisper. After a few moments of under his breath cursing, Danny finally got on the phone, “Hello.”

  “Who was that? What are you doing with a woman alone in my home?” I quipped angrily and without giving him a chance to answer I continued, “You must truly be out of your mind. How dare you? I’m in the hospital pregnant with your child and you’re in our bed with another woman.”

  “Marilyn, it’s just Tina. She came by this morning with some coffee. That’s all. Calm yourself down,” he replied calmly.

  Tina? Coffee? I felt a little ashamed, but was still very suspicious. “It didn’t sound like you were up having coffee. It sounded like you both were sleeping. I heard Tina trying to wake you up. I wasn’t born yesterday, you know. Besides it’s 7:30 in the morning. All the years I’ve known Tina, she never gets up earlier than 12noon.” How dare she bring my husband coffee when I wasn’t there? What did she think she was doing? Playing house? Yeah, that must be it, she was playing house with my husband. “You tell Tina, that I’m going to kick her behind from here to Hades when I get my hands on her.”

  “Marilyn, calm down. We are not in bed,” he said matter-of-factly, “besides as head of the household, if I decide to have female company…I will. You have no say in what I do and who I hang out with. Besides, you’ve been gone a few days and you know I don’t like sleeping by myself.”

  What was he saying? Was he admitting to having her sleep over? “What exactly are you saying Danny? Are you saying that Tina stayed the night?” I asked furiously. Man, I wished I could reach through that telephone line and wring his neck at that very moment.

  “No, that’s not what I’m saying, I’m saying that you need to mind your own business and stop giving me a hard time about everything I do,” he said. His voice was beginning to sound rancid.

  He must be losing his mind or something. “Mind my own business? Are you telling me that you’re not my business? You’re my husband and I have the right to question what and who you do!” What does he think? He’s still single or something and doesn’t have to answer to anyone.

  Danny growled, “No, I don’t think so. I’m going to say this once and only once. I answer to no one. If I choose to be with more than one woman, you will not say or do anything about it. I did not, nor have I, nor will I sleep with Tina or anybody else. So just drop this. This discussion is over.” He paused and took a few breaths and asked, “Now what the heck did you call me for?” he asked angrily.

  “I’m discharging today. You need to come and get me,” I said trying to contain my hysteria. “Make sure you get that whore out of my bed immediately before you catch something from her,” I said and then hung up. After putting my face in my pillow and screaming, I wept for what seemed like hours. I always knew he was not the nicest person, but regardless it still hurt and my heart was truly broken in two.

  Sometime during the time I was weeping, my mother came in and sat down next to me on the bed. I explained to her what had happened. She was so good. She listened and refrained from saying any derogatory comments about my Danny. It was quite nice to have her listen without being judgmental. All she said was “Honey, I wish that you would please reconsider your decision to stay with this man.”

  “Mom, before the eyes of god, I have to give my marriage a chance. I have to give Danny a chance to change his ways. I know that having this baby will change him. I know it will,” I said trying to convince myself more than I was trying to convince her. “Besides, mom, I believe him. I know that Tina would never sleep with him. We grew up together for goodness sakes.”

  “Oh sweetie, I wish you weren’t so naïve,” she said moving my bangs from my face.

  Mom helped me get dressed and ready to be discharged. The nurses came in and gave me some paperwork to sign. They informed me that they had set up an appointment for me to meet with the OBGYN at Stonybrook in three weeks. They also gave me a bottle of prenatal vitamins. When they left the room, my mother followed. As I packed my stuff, my m
other discussed some things with the nurses outside my room door. I didn’t bother trying to listen, because nothing they talked about would convince me to leave Danny.

  When my husband arrived, my mother went into protective mode and greeted him with a slap across the face. She laced into him about everything, the bruises on my legs and arms, his not letting me seek medical attention early, and this morning with Tina answering our phone. She was great, but I had to be the supportive wife. So, I backed all my husband’s responses.

  Danny started with his usual arrogant self, acting all haughty and self-righteous. I watched as my mother had the upper hand in this unusual pissing contest. It was pretty funny to watch. Danny denied to the gills and my mother laid out every accusation she could think of. When my mother was finished talking, Danny was like an abandoned puppy-dog with his tail between his legs. It was too ripe…Priceless.

  Shortly thereafter, the nurse came in and informed us that I was free to go. My mother walked with us to the hospital entrance, kissed and hugged me good-bye. She gave Danny a glance of admonition and then she left. That would be the last time I would see my mother for several years to follow. Danny, who just had hot coals heaped on to his head, took me home in silence.

  Over the next few weeks, Danny was the doting husband. He opened doors and would help me with my seat. He was gentle, kind and sweet. He minded his P’s and Q’s. He used the words, please and thank you. He even apologized when he did something stupid. Half the time I stood with my mouth wide open. For weeks, I was awestruck and very much dumbfounded.

  He would do things around the house. I mean, he would clean and repair things. I’ve never seen him clean anything in the entire first year of our marriage. He also bought a lot of take out so that I wouldn’t have to cook. He didn’t want me to do anything and he actually didn’t let me do much. I felt totally like a fish out of water. I couldn’t figure out what he was up to. He didn’t even go out with his friends, nothing. On the nights that the band played, he would be home really early. It was really nice, but let me tell you, I was a little scared, because he was being too nice.

  1334 Days Left

  Three weeks passed by quickly, it was time to meet my new doctor. Danny pointedly let me know that he was going with me to watch my every move, that is, in a husbandly kind of way of course. When we arrived at the clinic, he was the model husband. At one point he even put his hand on my belly as if he expected it to do something. I barely showed and I was nearly five months pregnant. All I had was a little pouch of a belly. The nurse called me in and took all my vitals. Danny, of course, followed us around like a little puppy dog. When she finished, she sent us back to the waiting room. Shortly thereafter, the nurse called me again, but informed Danny that the doctor wanted to see me alone first and they’d call him in later. Danny gave the nurse his Cheshire cat smile and nodded his head, but I knew that he was seething inside. Even though he had a smile on his face, he was still able to shoot me a glance of caution before I went in.

  The doctor was really very nice. He joked around a lot, which made me feel totally at ease. At first, I didn’t understand why he wanted to see me alone and than I realized why. The doctor seemed overly concerned about the bruises he had read about in my records from Huntington Hospital, and even though they were pretty faded by this time, he talked about them a lot. I did the assurance thing with him and told him that I’d fallen while my husband was away, that the bruises didn’t hurt and were finally going away. He asked if anyone had inflicted them on me and I, of course, lied. I once again repeated my story about falling to him. I could tell that he didn’t believe me, but he couldn’t prove otherwise so he dropped the issue. He informed me that, since I had a problem with bruising, he agreed with the findings of the report from Huntington Hospital and confirmed that I was high risk. He wanted me to come in every week to see him until the baby was born. We conversed a little more about my condition and then he sent the nurse to get Danny.

  When Danny came in, his eyes were wide and a little wild. The doctor brought out a special stethoscope machine and we got to hear the baby’s heartbeat. It was the most incredible sound I’ve ever heard in my life. The beat was fast and very strong…it was amazing. The doctor told Danny and I the dos and don’ts that would have to be followed due to my being high risk. Danny had lots of questions and seemed to listen intently to all the answers. On the way out, the nurses set us up for an appointment for a sonogram and then we left.

  On the way home, Danny said nothing. For thirty minutes he was dead silent. I knew that it was going to be a very long evening. When we arrived home, he exited the car and walked quickly to the door where he stood waiting for me. I walked slowly up the walkway eagerly anticipating the explosion that was destined to occur.

  As I neared Danny, I braced myself for the worst. He opened the door, motioned for me to walk in first, and so I did. I took a deep breath as I stepped through the doorway and I exhaled when he didn’t hit me. He closed the door behind him and stood silently in front of it waiting. Then he dropped the bomb and asked, “So, did you enjoy it?”

  A frightful chill ran up my spine. “Enjoy what?” I questioned shaking my head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, turning to face him. This obviously was the wrong question to ask, because he was instantly on top of me. I could see in his eyes that he was infuriated beyond reason. Within seconds he had me down on the ground. My head hit the floor so hard that I began seeing stars. His face was so close to mine that our noses touched. Total fear ran through my veins and I couldn’t figure out, what on earth, I could have done that would make him so angry with me. I immediately became defensive and began to beg off, “I didn’t do anything, Danny. I swear.” I couldn’t feel if the back of my head was bleeding or not. It sure felt like it was…there was moisture and it was throbbing so hard. The pain indicated that a major headache would shortly be coming on.

  With a smirk on his face he asked, “Did you enjoy that doctor touching you?” He was so angry that he was speaking through his teeth.

  “No!” I quickly quipped. “He just examined me to make sure the baby is all right. That’s it. I didn’t feel anything sexual.” I couldn’t believe he was doing this. I was confused and had to concentrate real hard to get my thoughts together, so I quickly reiterated, “Danny, it was just an examination, I swear…I didn’t feel anything.”

  “Liar!” he screamed at the top of his lungs. I shuddered out of fear and turned my face away from him. “I know you were turned on by him. I could see you flirting with him and the way the two of you were joking around,” he paused and forced me to look at him. “I know your kind…you like to get off on other men.”

  This was absolute craziness…absurdity. I don’t understand his line of reasoning. I began to swear up and down, begging and pleading with him to believe that I had not enjoyed any of the examination, but it was obvious that my pleas fell on deaf ears. “Danny, please, you know that I love you and would never enjoy the company of another man,” I said in a panic, hoping that he would believe me and let me get up.

  “You are so full of it. You’re such a hoe. I know you can’t help it…its part of your nature. It’s in your blood. Your LATINO heritage and upbringing…besides I know that you hate me and would do anything to embarrass me.” He looked at me with his crazed eyes and continued, “I know that you enjoyed it and I’ll prove that you’re lying,” he said as he began tearing at my dress.

  As I struggled to get away from him he ripped my dress open and putting his face in my panties, he began to sniff around my privates. All the while he was screaming obscenities at me. I begged forgiveness and pleaded that he let me go. I tried to get up and he pushed me down, slapping me, hard. He told me to be quiet before I disturb the whole neighborhood. I was literally stunned…I couldn’t believe that this was happening to me.

  “I know that you enjoyed his touching you down there,” he seethed. “Tell me, did you have an orgasm?” With each question he pause
d, and with every shake ‘no’ of my head, his voice rose, “Did it feel good when he put his fingers inside of you? Did you moan with pleasure like a prostitute? So tell me, did you guys do it on the exam table? Come on now, you can admit it. I won’t hurt you.” He fought hard to regain his composure and added with a smile, “I promise.”

  “No…I swear, Danny, I didn’t feel any pleasure from his touching me,” I retorted loudly and tried again to free myself of him. He was crazed beyond reason. I’ve seen him angry, but never like this. I’ve never seen him crazy like this before either. He looked like an insane man. Danny was not there…he was gone and for the first time I was afraid for my life. “Danny, please…don’t do this. I beg of you. You’re hurting me,” I cried, hoping that he would come to his senses and let me up. “Please stop…you’re going to hurt the baby.”

  He quickly put his hands around my throat and growled, “How dare you think that I would hurt my own child. You did this to the baby. You’re the one who enjoyed the touch of another man.” He smacked me across the face and threatened, “Now you’re going to see that having sex with another man will cost you.” With that, he grabbed my panties and ripped them off. He savagely violated my privates and pain seared through my body. It felt as though he was tearing my insides out of me. My screams came from the very bottom of my soul.