I couldn’t speak or move. I was frozen solid with fear. I had no idea what he would do next. Samantha came into the kitchen and asked for a glass of milk. I went to the fridge and served it to her. Before she left the room, Danny intercepted her and picked her up. She immediately shot me a glance of panic.
“Do you know that your Mommy is a b----?” He asked. She immediately stiffened up. She’s only three and a half, but she’s seen so much over the years that she knew a battle was coming. “Tell Mommy, she’s a b----,” he turned her towards me and pointed. “Tell her! Say it…you’re a b----.” My poor little girl, fear was written all over her face.
“It’s okay, baby, say it.” I said trying to assure her.
“You’re a b----,” she whispered and began to cry.
“That’s my good girl,” he said as he put her back down. He pat Samantha’s head and she ran back into the living room crying. “You see how you affect her? Now she’s crying and it’s all your fault.” He is such a jerk.
I just stood there waiting for the punch or the kick. I began to mentally brace myself to be slammed. He sat there staring at me, shook his head, then got up and walked away. He just got up and went to our bedroom. I didn’t know what to do with myself, should I start cleaning the kitchen and wait to see if he comes back to beat me? I decided to stay right where I was. I didn’t do anything. I just stood there waiting. He was acting so strangely. If he hit me, it would be all over with, but this type of behavior was nerve racking.
After a few minutes, he came back out, dressed and ready for the club. “Why don’t you call Jenny and have her come over and watch Samantha for a couple of hours tonight and join me down at the club? The gang hasn’t seen you in a while and I think it would be great if we had a night out together. I have to play, but in between sets we can dance and blow off a little steam.”
“I don’t know,” I hesitated. It’s been several years since I’d gone to any club. He always kept me secluded and I couldn’t understand or even trust his inviting me.
“Are you telling me ‘No’?” he quipped.
“No, dear, I’m not. I’ll be there.” I responded quickly in agreement.
“Make sure you’re there before our first set,” he said walking towards me. I couldn’t help but cringe, as he got closer. It was an automatic reaction. “Oh, don’t worry honey, if I was going to hit you, I would’ve already done it.” He bent in, grabbed me and kissed me passionately on the lips. I tried to relax, but I couldn’t read his behavior and it was scaring me. What’s he up to?
He headed for the door, turned around and said, “Oh, if you ever check in on me again when I’m playing with my daughter, I’ll kill you.” He paused and shot me a devious smile. “I’ll see you in an hour…oh, and wear the red dress,” he said before leaving.
I was trembling out of fear, so badly that I had to sit at the kitchen table for about ten minutes just to calm down. After breathing a sigh of relief, I cried. Samantha came into the kitchen and put her arms around me while I sobbed. “Its okay sweetheart we’ll be out of here soon,” I said comforting my little girl.
I left as soon as Jenny came. The guys would be playing their first set in about fifteen minutes. So I had to get moving. I didn’t want Danny to have any reasons to get angry with me. Maybe something good would come out of his appointment at the treatment center Monday, but this is only Friday and a lot can happen between now and then. That’s if he really has an appointment on Monday. As I pulled up to the club, I made sure that my clothes were just so. Danny can turn on me over anything, so I needed to make sure that I looked perfect.
He immediately caught my glance as I walked in the door. I walked over to the band member’s table, said my hellos and then sat down. Danny came over, kissed me hello, and then disappeared into the crowd. The club was packed and I was a little apprehensive as to how I should behave. The waitress came over and I ordered a drink. I also informed her that I would not be accepting any drinks from anyone other my husband, Danny. She looked a little surprised and stated that she didn’t know that Danny was married. I assured her that he was.
There were so many people and lots of girls all over. I couldn’t find Danny anywhere in the crowd. I felt like a fish out of water. A couple of years ago, I would have made my rounds, saying hello to all I knew. Look at me now, I can’t believe how stupid and out of place I feel. I’m so insecure and have no confidence whatsoever. I couldn’t even look at anyone passing by straight in the eyes. I had to look down at all times. Every once in a while I would see Danny speaking with someone, of course it was always a girl, and it never was an ugly girl. Just stay put, Marilyn. Just make nice with the girlfriends here at the table and try to enjoy yourself.
Soon the guys began their first set. After a few songs, Danny waved me over and the band began to play Brown Eyed Girl. While he sang to me and to, probably five other girls on the floor, I put on my ‘he’s singing to me, little ole me’ look on. I wished that he’d only had eyes for me during the song, but I guess beggars can’t be choosers. When it was over, he gave me the cue to get back to the table. At least I was seen. Now the entire bar knows that Danny has a wife. The bar was quickly beginning to get crowded and many more girls were going up front dancing exclusively for the band members. Every once in a while, I’d smile and nod politely to the girls at the table. I tried to make conversation and would say a word or two to them, but it’s been so long since I’ve been out that I didn’t know any of the new girlfriends. With the exception of Danny and the other band members, I knew nobody in the bar. I felt very alone. On the norm, I would have Jenny and Paul here to keep me company. Even having Tina here would have been a good thing. I haven’t heard anything new about her disappearance and she’s been gone for quite a while. I wish things could have been better between us, but she left before we could straighten things out.
When the guys finished the first set, Danny came over and was surprisingly attentive. He ordered us some drinks and we danced to a few songs while the DJ played. I made sure that I didn’t make eye contact with anyone. When we were sitting at the table, Danny actually paid attention to me when I spoke. He was even his old octopus self. It’s been so long since he’s treated me nice, that I’ve forgotten how to act. I’m kind of excited that we might have a decent time tonight. Please Marilyn, don’t get your hopes up, it always goes sour and he could turn on you at any minute.
One of the band members came over to the table and whispered something to Danny. He excused himself and made his rounds before returning to the table. His friend Chris was with him when he returned. They conversed and I listened. I didn’t look at Chris, and Chris didn’t look at me. It was a great thing. After a while, Thomas and Mike even showed up. At least now I had someone I knew to talk to. Danny was being very generous with the booze.
After a while, Danny went with the guys up for their second set. Mike’s girlfriend showed up and they disappeared on to the dance floor. Chris ventured into the crowd of women, thank goodness, and Thomas, well, he stayed with me at the table. All the girlfriends of the band members went out on the dance floor. I could tell that Danny was feeling pretty good at this point. He was totally oblivious that I was there. I watched him flirt with several girls that he apparently knows pretty well. He didn’t even care that I was sitting there watching him. My husband is a jerk!
Thomas began talking and broke my gaze from Danny. “So, Marilyn, how are you really doing? It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you. How many years has it been?”
“I don’t know, probably close to three years.” I glanced over at the stage and watched my husband bend down and kiss some girl. Idiot! I turned back to Thomas and blurted, “So, how have you been?”
“I’ve been good. Just working my life away. I bought a house in Lindenhurst,” he hesitated and continued, “just keeping myself out of trouble. To tell you the truth, I haven’t seen Danny in a couple of years. Mike and I just came in here for a night cap when we saw you guys.”
“I’m glad you came over, because I was dying of loneliness,” I said glancing over to the stage again. Danny was totally preoccupied with his little girly friends. “I thought that you’d be married or something by now,” I questioned, noticing how good he looks. I always knew that Thomas was one of the nice guys, but I never noticed how good-looking he is. He’s always so sweet and polite. I don’t know what I was thinking of when I let him get away. I was so busy chasing the hottest one that I let go of the nicest one. Stupid. Look at that fool husband of mine up there. He’s making a love connection right in front of his wife. This is the man that I picked. Foolish. I turned back to Thomas, “So tell me, is there a special someone in your life?”
“No, there’s no one special. I’ve kind of been out of the dating scene for a while. Well…” Thomas hesitated and then continued, “To tell you the truth, there is someone special in my heart, but she’s in somebody else’s life. We met several years ago and I’m still pining over her. I’ve silently been in love with her and she doesn’t even know that I’m alive. I just can’t seem to get over her, so I just concentrate on work and school.” Thomas began squirming a little.
“Is this girl someone I know?” I asked curiously. Who is this stupid girl that she can’t see how sweet he is?
“I’m not telling you who it is, because it’s not important. She’s married, so her and I could never be an item...ever.” He began to look so sad suddenly. “Trust me, it’s better that nobody knows anything about her.”
“Come on, tell me who it is,” I begged. Who could it be? “Okay, if you’re not going to tell me her name, then tell me what she’s like. What made you fall in love with her?
He sat back thinking for a moment and then began, “The first thing I noticed about her was her beauty. She’s thin, has beautiful hair and big brown eyes. When she smiles, she kicks my butt. After getting to know her, I fell in love with her heart, but most of all her loyalty. She is a very loyal person and that really turned me on to her. No matter what friends and family do to her, she remains loyal and faithful to them, even if they totally don’t deserve it. Let me give you an example of how loyal she is. Her husband cheated on her with her best friend. And she forgave him. She even forgave her girlfriend. She is just incredible.”
I smirked and said, “She sounds like either a very stupid girl who puts up with way too much crap or she’s just too good to be true.” Personally, this girl sounded like a loser and I think that he deserves better.
“She’s really a good hearted person and I think that she just puts up with the cards that she’s been dealt. Her husband’s not that great a guy, but he’s my friend so I stay away. It’s just better that way,” Thomas said, looking away.
“Well I’m glad that she’s married because, Thomas, it sounds to me like you deserve so much better than this girl. You deserve a girl who is totally into you. Not someone who is obviously in love with another guy, a guy who just so happens to be her husband. Where did you meet her?” I asked, getting annoyed, because this girl was really getting under my skin. I haven’t even met her and I don’t like her, who ever she is.
“We met about four years ago on the beach. But, I think that I’ve painted you a really negative picture of her. You have to understand, she’s beautiful, both inside and out. She’s fun loving and is the kindest girl I’ve ever met. Most girls are only thinking about themselves and they’re usually trying to find a guy who has money or makes good money. They want someone who will sit them in the seat of luxury. When I met this girl, I knew that she was perfect. Of course, she wanted a guy that made good money and would be able to give her a good life. But money wasn’t the sun, moon and stars for her. She wanted love. And when she met her husband, she thought that she found love. He’s good looking and charismatic. She fell head over heels. I didn’t even have a chance.”
I felt a twinge of jealousy emerging from within me. Stop it Marilyn, you’re married, for goodness sakes. “Who is she?” I asked, again out of curiosity. Who had made such an impression on this guy, that he was still pining over her almost four years later. I could see that he was visibly uncomfortable talking about this girl, but I had to know who she was. I looked away to avoid making eye contact with Thomas and began watching the band play. I was feeling a little jealous and I didn’t want him to notice.
After a short pause, Thomas blurted out, “It’s you, Marilyn.”
What? Did he just say my name? My heart skipped a beat and I slowly turned my glance back over to him. I was visibly caught off guard and very surprised. Contain your excitement, girl. “Thomas, I…I,” I replied hesitantly, not knowing what to say. I didn’t want to smile, but I couldn’t stop my heart from beating a mile a minute. All these years and days that I suffered. Does he even know how much abuse I’ve taken? And Danny, how do I get away from him? I was so blind. Thomas is the one. Keep your composure, Marilyn, because you don’t deserve him.
“I’ve been in love with you since forever. I could never get close to you, because of Danny’s insane jealousy. And besides, there’s that unspoken loyalty code, friends just don’t date each other’s girls. Guys just don’t do that to each other, and from the beginning, Danny let all of us know that you were going to be his. Under no circumstance were any of us to go near you. You remember how pissed he got at Mike’s party that one summer. And at the time, you guys weren’t even official yet,” Thomas paused and looked away.
I was totally beside myself. My goodness, I picked the wrong guy. If only I’d reciprocated Thomas’ pass that night long ago. Life would have been totally different for me now. I wouldn’t be living the life of misery that I’m living. “Thomas, I’m so flattered. I don’t know what to say.” Be still, my heart.
Thomas kept his glance to the dance floor and continued, “That night at Mike’s when we danced was the best night in my life.” He paused and glanced back at me. “I’ve dated other girls here and there, but no one compares to you. None come even close. I’ve tried loving other girls, but I feel nothing. Every time I tried making love to another girl, all I could think about was you. Most of the time, I can’t even complete the job, because I felt so guilty for cheating against my own soul. The girls thought that I was an impotent freak with a problem. When I’d tell them about you, they couldn’t understand why I was still in love with you. They’d tell me to get over it and move on, but I just couldn’t.” Thomas’ eyes pierced love right through me. I could see that his love for me has been a curse all these years. He continued, “I love you so much, that it pains me to think about you with Danny all these years. When you got pregnant with Samantha, I wanted to kill him. She should have been ours. I truly hated him for having you.” His facial expression flashed his distaste and hatred for Danny.
“I’m so sorry,” I said with my heart hurting for him. Marilyn, you so don’t deserve him.
“Over the years, all I could do is watch. Every time I saw you, you looked so sad. Some times I could see that your spirit was broken. But, according to Danny, married life was great, and you were always either tired or sick. Every time it was a different excuse. It took a while, but I soon realized that he didn’t really love you. There were all these girls. He always had a floozy or two on his arm. When we were in the clubs, he’d disappear for hours with these girls. And there was Tina. They were screwing around since way before you guys got married. You just don’t understand how much this has infuriated me throughout the years.” Thomas quickly glanced at the stage and then back to me. “Do you remember a couple of years ago when I dropped by your apartment? You were pregnant with Samantha.”
Oh my, he knew. I nodded my head “Yes” and looked into Thomas’ eyes. He was in so much pain. All these years he knew how bad Danny was and couldn’t say anything. Not a word. He was sincerely speaking from his heart and was telling the truth. Now I know the absolute truth. Thank you, Thomas, for confirming my suspicions of Danny’s numerous affairs.
“You weren’t expecting me that day and I saw
the bruises that you had on your arms. You were so nervous, pacing back and forth, looking out the window. That was the first time that I realized that Danny was physically hurting you,” Thomas said as his eyes began to swell. “That night I confronted Danny about the bruises and he, like always, tried weaseling around the question, but I persisted until it came to blows. Danny and I got into a big fight. I mean we threw down some serious fists. His abusing you was so inexcusable that I couldn’t help wanting to punch his lights out.”
I remember that night like if it was yesterday. Shaking my head, I said, “Danny had mentioned that you and he had gotten into an altercation, but he wouldn’t tell me what it was about. I didn’t push the issue, because if I had, well, he would’ve gotten really angry and accusatory.” I looked down at the table, suddenly feeling ashamed.
“Marilyn, please tell me that he has stopped hurting you,” he asked. His face was so full of feeling and compassion.
“It’s my fault most of the time. I’m so stupid and sometimes I work his nerves. A lot of times when he’s been drinking, I just don’t know how to shut up. I have to learn to just leave him alone.” My response was so programmed that I even heard how stupid I sounded. I sounded like a Stepford Wife.
Counting the Days Page 14