Chapter 4
A month later a lot of things changed. Aunt Anna and Ari took us to live in their guest house in Staten Island after Ari came back from his trip and saw the room where we lived. Now we were working five days a week and still tried to attend school at the same time. It was hard, but at least we were getting our salary at the end of every week and that was enough for now.
Every day we were getting up at 6.30 am, taking a train to the ferry, taking another train to school in Manhattan, skip the last class, catch another train, go to work to Brooklyn, take a train to the ferry, take a train to our station from where Ari would pick us up and drive us home. Then Julie would stay at the guest house and we would have dinner at Ari’s house, walk Tonya in the park and have sex before aunt Anna came home. On weekends I would sleep over at Ari’s room and I couldn’t be happier waking up with the boy I was in love with, in a king size bed instead of a mattress on the floor in the tiny, dirty room in Bensonhurst.
While being happily in love with Ari, my friendship with Julie however started to get shaky. I’ve never lived with a roommate before Julie and never after, and therefore I never knew that it’s quite difficult to compromise and share the space with the other person.
When I was getting ready to leave Russia, I remember having this conversation with my mom about living together with Julie. I was very optimistic about it, after all we’ve been friends for so many years, I stayed overnight at her apartment so many times and she was the most wonderful hostess ever. We liked pretty much the same food, we shared the same views on the apartment design, we both loved shopping, working out and “Sex and the City”. So I remember telling my mom that Julie will make the most perfect roommate ever! But maybe it was me in some situations, maybe it was her, maybe we just couldn’t work it out as friends living together, but our “roommateship” was coming to an end, and not a happy one.
It all started with small conflicts: I want to use a frying pen and it’s dirty in the sink after Julie didn’t wash it since yesterday. First of all, I’m the biggest neat freak that you will possibly meet. I can’t stand dirty dishes with grease and oil just sinking there, it makes me sick, that’s why I always wash dishes right after I eat. Julie didn’t mind just leaving them there for a day or two, just because she didn’t feel like washing them at the moment. Second of all, it doesn’t matter to me whether I rent an apartment or I own it, since I’m living there for a certain period of time I consider it mine, so I treat it like mine. When we just moved in my aunt’s guest house, I washed it all single handily, using Windex and Bounty only, I washed every single surface in the house, including the bathroom. Meanwhile Julie would take her make up off and leave the perfectly clean sink all messed up, one more thing that was driving me nuts! I actually can’t even recall a single time when she would help me with the cleaning or laundry. Cooking somehow became my responsibility too, of course if I didn’t want to eat Julie’s macaroni and cheese after we would come back from work. And while I was doing my best trying to make a cute little nest for us to live, she would watch TV, listen to Jennifer Lopez and get annoyed by the intimidating presence of Tonya, who like any other animal would feel her fear and try to bite Julie at any chance she had. I would lie if I say that it wasn’t amusing me.
My aunt though rewarded all my nest-making efforts by inviting me over more and more often to have family dinners together and pretty soon I was spending more time in my aunt’s house helping her with cleaning, walking Tonya and cooking, than in the guest house. One of the reasons was Julie’s constant whining about how she hates Staten Island, how long it takes to get to school and come back from work, how far the stores are (even though aunt Anna would take us shopping every time she went to the supermarket) and how she’s afraid of sleeping alone. On weekends, while I was tanning by the pool, she would go to Manhattan in one hundred degrees heat and just walk around the city all day. I didn’t mind; at that point the further we stayed from each other, the better it was.
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Our life together came to an end one hot August night, along with our new career. It turned out that not all Americans are such sweethearts as we imagined before and for me it was quite a discovery that people here will fuck you too, just like in any other country. With the smile on the face, but they certainly will.
Our new boss Martin decided to get rid of some of his employees, including me, Julie, our co-worker Stan and another older lady whose name I don’t even remember. More than that, Martin decided to get rid of us without paying and since we had no work contracts or any rights in this country at all, there was nothing we could really do, except for feeling pissed and hoping that karma will get him someday.
Later on Stan, who we became good friends with while working, explained to me why Martin did what he did. It turned out that the little law firm he was running was doing not such legal things and that’s how Martin and his lawyers were making pretty good money. It all started with us, the “phone people”, who were calling potential clients (every day Martin’s lawyers were bringing us lists of the names and phone numbers, and I still have no idea where they were getting this information from) and explaining them what our law firm was doing. It’s funny, I still remember our little speech we were supposed to give to every client: “We are looking for mistakes in your mortgage agreements, for example when the banks illegally set your fees higher than it’s set by the government, and then we just take them to the court and basically we sue banks for you”. Sounds really stupid, but it worked perfectly well for people with major problems, like those whose houses were already marked for “foreclosure”. And these poor people would come to Martin and his lawyers, hoping that the firm will somehow help them save their houses, but what Martin would do is tell them that in their case there is no hope and then offer them a certain sum of money, explaining that it’s still much more than they would get if their house would be sold by the bank (which of course wasn’t true), and that’s how he would get dirt-cheap houses and then sell them for a tripled price.
After Stan told me the whole story, I felt awful that I was the part of the whole scheme, even though I didn’t know what was going on and was genuinely trying to help people. You know, it was really hard to listen to their stories eight hours a day, how they lost their job, how they returned from war partially disabled, how their husband or wife died, how their lost their investments… Some of them were crying and asking me for advice, asking what should they do. And I was promising them help. It makes me really sad to think that their own fellow Americans were using them for a quick profit. And that was probably my first time when I agreed to finally open my eyes and admit that this country is not as pink and happy as I used to think living in Russia. My first big disappointment. But now, after seeing all the good and the bad, I’ll still keep on saying that America really is pink and happy, it’s just some people like Martin make us believe that it’s not.
Back in Staten Island I had hysterical Julie, calling her mom and complaining how life is unfair and all people are mean, and aunt Anna who was trying to figure out what to do now. She said that I could always help her with the real estate business and she will teach me what to do so I can work with her and make money for a living. I knew nothing about the real estate business, but nevertheless agreed since I didn’t have any other choice. My aunt was paying a pretty big mortgage herself and since her husband was away and Ari’s first steps in business weren’t successful either, Julie and I had to pay her rent for a guest house so she could make her ends meet. That’s why I needed any opportunity I could have to find the new job the sooner the better.
Aunt Anna invited us over for a tea to talk about Martin and help us out with our nearest, not so bright future. I felt ashamed of Julie who was acting very defensive the whole time and just kept accusing everybody and everything around. Aunt Anna even tried to call Martin and ask him to pay us, but ended up yelling at him and calling him an asshole. Yes, my aunt has that Russian-Jewish short-tempered si
de of her that doesn’t make her look good in some situations. Right after that Julie burst into tears again, screamed that she couldn’t do it anymore and that she had enough of this country, smashed her cellphone on the floor and stormed out of the kitchen. For a second I thought that my aunt would go after her and smack her nicely for almost crashing her marble kitchen floor, but she just said “wow” and started cleaning. I knew though that by the end of the month Julie will have to find a new place to live; looked like aunt Anna didn’t feel like putting up with Julie’s constant drama. I’ve had too much too.
Chapter 5
September came but it didn’t seem as beautiful as shown in the movies about New York. Instead of bringing the so much awaited coolness and relaxation, it only brought coolness between me and Ari. Of course I never pictured our future together, didn’t think that eventually we would get married and have kids, but just like it happens when you are in love with somebody, you still hope deep inside that this person will be with you forever.
Since we were related, we never declared ourselves a couple neither to aunt Anna, nor to any of the family friends. Everybody thought we had that cool brother-sister relationship everybody wish their kids would have. But it still came as a shock to me when during the big Rosh-Hashanah family dinner our friends brought over a girl for Ari. She was very pretty, a typical Ukrainian beauty with a thick braid and nice body. Somehow I found myself sitting at the other end of the table, while Ari was serving his new date. I couldn’t taste the lobster, I couldn’t talk to nobody; all I wanted was to wake up.
- Ari, Tonya has to go for a walk, can you take her, honey?
My aunt’s question brings me back to reality for a few seconds. Ari doesn’t want to go as always, but he still gets up and comes back with Tonya on a leash. And then my nightmare goes on when aunt Anna brings the coat for the Ukrainian girl, the same coat that I used to wear while walking Tonya with Ari. Three of them, Ari, the girl and the dog are leaving. Same picture like every day, but instead of me there is another girl, and Ari’s taking her to the park where he used to kiss me. Our park that since that day meant only me and the dog that somehow also became my responsibility and which Ari dumped just like he dumped me.
We had never been official and Ari just slipped out of that relationship like nothing ever happened. He didn’t even have to break up with me and I couldn’t yell “how could you do this to me?” to his face as I had never been his girlfriend and he didn’t owe me anything. And there I was, brokenhearted, lonely, with my family on the other side of the ocean, no job here, no future, trapped in my aunt’s beautiful house that soon became a true golden cage for me.
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Ari’s girls never lasted long and the Ukrainian one was soon replaced by an American one, Isabelle. This time he wasn’t even hiding it from me and when my aunt and I would come back from work, we would find them having tea in the kitchen or leaving for a party with friends.
I was now working five days a week at aunt Anna’s real estate office, half of the day making phone calls and making appointments for her, half of the day driving around and showing apartments for her. I didn’t have a salary there and my only money would be ten percent of a deal that she would make. And since we were only renting and not selling, it wasn’t enough even to pay for food.
That’s how I got myself so deep in debt with my aunt that she could do whatever she wanted to me: make me talk to the customers who were unhappy about something; make me clean the whole house and wash the dishes for everybody, even Isabelle, who just left to the movies with Ari. From the sweet and welcomed niece I soon became a full time servant, a Cinderella whose only purpose was to please her mean step mother.
That fall was probably the most stressful of my entire life. Aunt Anna would leave me all alone at the office while she was having a dinner with Ari and Isabelle.
- Keep making calls, it’s only 8.00 pm. They don’t go to sleep till 11, so call all these people from these lists.
- I don’t think it’s appropriate to call this late, Anna…
- Don’t be silly! In America it’s appropriate to call till 11, so get to work. I’ll be back soon.
I was cold. I was hungry. Of course I didn’t call anybody at that hour and besides what was the point? Of all the calls that I made and gave her the information on, she would blow them all off for her own appointments given her by her boss or the ones that were left on her voicemail. I felt like she just wanted to keep me busy all the time, making sure that I’m not just eating her bread for free. One day she made me walk block after block somewhere in Brighton area, going into building after building and asking supers if they had any apartments available. Meanwhile she was sitting in the car and talking on the phone with her mother or her friends. I never forgot that day. In one of the buildings I just sat on the floor and thought, what was I doing with my life? How did it all happen to me and what should I do now? How long is it all going to last and who’s going to come and save me this time? And what if nobody will, what do I do then? Go back home to my old self? Try to find happiness there? Take antidepressants for the rest of my life? Or just kill myself?
Suddenly this thought felt so comforting that I realized: one day I will hit the rock bottom when I know that I can’t fight anymore. And then I’ll release myself and will be free forever. All this will end. But till I get to that point I still have to suffer some more. And that liberating thought about death as a way out somehow made me get up and keep going. I still had the strength to keep on fighting, because the worst thing didn’t happen to me yet.
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October. Days are very short now and it got colder out. Every morning I have to get up early to walk Tonya out. I hate going to the park now, it’s all foggy and wet, and the stupid dog goes nuts every time she sees the other dog. Releasing my frustration on her and being very harsh with the leash, I learned how to control her.
Feeling sorry for my unsuccessful realtor career, Ari asked Julie’s ex-boyfriend Isaac’s parents to get me a job at the Kings Highway cosmetics store they owned. Sales was something I knew and I started doing really good pretty soon. The owners were very happy with me and I was happy not to drive around with my aunt and not to do annoying chores at the office that weren’t even leading anywhere.
Every day at 2 p.m. I was having my lunch from McDonalds and while eating I would often call my mom to tell her how wonderful I was doing. At that time those little lunch breaks were the brightest moments of my days. My relationship with my aunt on the contrary, wasn’t bright at all. Since I didn’t make much money at work, she asked me why wouldn’t I find some babysitting job for the weekends too? I knew from the very beginning that no one will ever trust their baby to an illegal immigrant with no recommendations in America, but just to please her, I found some babysitting site with different jobs that of course weren’t suitable for me at all. Needless to say, aunt Anna didn’t believe me and was sitting right next to me while I was scrolling them.
- Stop right here! This one is just perfect. It doesn’t say anything about recommendations! – she pointed out at one of the posts.
- Yes, but it says that they need a nanny who’s going to live with them five days a week. And I have my job…
- Oh, what kind of a job is that? The job can be only called a job when you are making money.
- It’s in New Jersey.
- I’ll drive you, don’t worry! And it also says “single father”, who knows, maybe he’ll fall in love with you and you’ll get married? Wouldn’t it be great?
She acts so enthusiastic that I got it right away: she wants to get rid of me. I’m no longer welcomed in this house now that Ari has a new girlfriend and doesn’t spend much time with me and I don’t bring her enough money to pay the rent. Is this my rock bottom now? Something inside tells me “no”. Not yet. I’m going to stay here till she literary kicks me out with my suitcases. And until then I’ll have to hold on for a little longer.
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November. It’s Ari’s girl number three for this season, but instead of crying my eyes out in my pillow at night, I grin at her while all three of us are drinking tea in the dining room. She’s a dentist and she speaks little Russian since her parents are the Russian immigrants, just like Ari’s and just like Ari she was born here so we all are speaking English. She’s not even pretty, unlike the previous two, and I know she won’t last too long. Ari’s already so bored of her that he makes fun of her right in front of me, saying that she has to learn how to dress nicely, “like Mila right here”, since I had what Ari called “the Russian swag”. He makes her drive home alone and stays with me in the dining room.
- So how’s work doing, sissy? – he’s smiling very charmingly at me, like nothing ever happened between us.
- It sucks. As usual. Not the job though, just the salary. – I smirk. – Your mother isn’t too happy with me.
- Oh, forget about her! She’s getting on my nerves all the time too.
- I know she does, but you are her son and I am practically nobody to her. It’s a little bit different. If I was bringing her the money, she would be much nicer to me.
Ari looks at me for some time and then says:
- I could get you a go-go dancer job, you know? If you want of course.
- Go-go dancer? You mean a stripper?
- Well, not exactly. You don’t have to get undressed. You just dance in your bikini.
- And I don’t take my bra off?
The New York Doll Page 3