- Can I see her?
- Sure.
The sales guy goes to the back room and comes out in a minute holding…an exact copy of my Ava when she was a puppy! A tiny, sweet, little, cutest ball of fur, with sad big brown eyes, shivering in his hands. My first question is:
- Did they leave the deposit? Because I’m not leaving the store without her!
Luckily for me, they didn’t, but even if they would, I was so loaded with cash that I would have paid the double price to take my little sweetheart home. It took the sales man five minutes to prepare all the papers for me.
- Ok, sign here and here… Congratulations, you are a parent now!
- Thank you!
I smile at him and get a free puppy bed, puppy T-shirt, bag of dry food and the toy she liked. But I don’t even care about all that. I’m holding her close to my heart and keep hearing his voice: “You are a parent now!” Yes I am. I am a mommy now. And I promise myself I’ll be the best mommy my beautiful baby could possibly have.
_______________
R. and I are laying in bed and talk about our plans for the day. His phone rings. He always gets a lot of calls in the morning from his customers, so I play with my puppy and let him talk. After a couple of minutes he says:
- Do you know who just called?
- Who?
- Dr. Berkovich, that veterinarian I was telling you about. I made a sign for him a long time ago and now it needs some service to be done.
- Oh wow, it’s great!
- Yes, it is. I told him that we have a doggie we wanted to fix long time ago, so he said we can bring her today!
At the doctor’s office Eliana did what she always did the best: played a scared victim. While he was checking her before an operation, she completely froze and kept looking at us with her big brown eyes: “Mommy, daddy, they are torturing me, why don’t you help me?”
- What an actress! – I smile.
R., my big scary Italian mobster, couldn’t stand the sad eyes and walked out “to make a call”. Dr. Berkovich found Eliana healthy and scheduled the operation for the next day. I had to take her alone since her daddy wouldn’t be able to see the scared eyes when she would get her shot and start going to sleep. After they took her to the surgery room, I went home and was waiting for the call from Dr. Berkovich. The phone finally rang.
- Ok, Milana, the operation went well and Eliana is resting now. But we had some surprises on the way.
Oh, no. My heart sinks. It’s always bad news when the doctor says “surprises”.
- What is it, doctor?
- Well, she had a really bad urinary infection. Couple more days and it would have burst.
Oh my God!
- Is she ok now?
- Yes, she is fine, everything’s out, so she’ll be back to normal very soon.
On my way to the clinic I thanked God a million times. And a million more times after Dr. Berkovich showed me a picture of my puppy’s uterus that was taken out. Instead of a healthy, pink flesh, I saw a thick brown something, that looked everything, but normal.
- I took such good care of her! How could she get that?
- That’s not an outside infection. She underwent some hormonal changes in her body, which are very uncommon for the dogs of her age. Usually, seven-eight year old dogs get that when they are reaching their menopause.
- Can she get it again?
- No, everything’s out now. Don’t worry.
It’s been three days since her operation and I watch her being so playful, running like crazy and jumping at me like nothing even happened to her, and I thank God every minute for saving my baby. Just like He saved me so many times before and after.
_______________
I was trying to heal my broken heart not only with canine therapy. They say the best way to forget about the previous relationship is to quickly jump into another. They are wrong, because that’s exactly how I got into my “stupid-in-between” phase, also known among my friends as “the DJ phase”.
One warm April night, when I was waiting for the van to pick me up after I finished my shift at the club, drunk, happy and rich after VIP rooms, I was approached by our club DJ Zed, or how everybody called him, Izzy.
- What’s up? – he jumped in a chair next to me smiling uncontrollably.
“Did I give him his tip? I think I did. God, I’m so drunk!”
- Everything’s up, - I smile back. If you’re a dancer, you’d better be nice to all DJs, because they are the ones who are responsible for the music you will dance to every night. – How’s it going?
- Good, good. You’re Milana, right?
- Yep, that’s my name.
- Is that a real name?
“Oh God! Not you too asking me that question!”
- Yes, it is, why?
- Just asking. Where do you live? Brooklyn?
- Nope. – Every single customer who heard my Russian accent immediately assumed that I lived in Brooklyn. – I’m from Staten Island.
- Staten Island? – Izzy genuinely surprised. – Wow, you don’t look like a Staten Island girl.
- What do Staten Island girls look like? – I’m laughing.
- Well, they are all acting like they better than anybody else, you know? And you seem to be very sweet.
“I’m always sweet after five apple martinis, four Bellini’s and several shots of Patron!”
- Thank you, it’s nice of you to say.
- You know, you must be really sweet, all those guys really love you. I have to mark girls’ names, you know, when they go to the room, so I wouldn’t call them on stage. You were the leader tonight.
- I guess, - I smile. Another reminder of how much money I made tonight is always nice.
- Do you wanna ride home?
That was unexpected. I knew that most of the girls in the club didn’t like Izzy since he always thought of himself as of a great DJ, one of the David Guetta league, who, unfortunately, was stuck in a NJ strip club. So he was bitching a lot, let’s put it this way. I didn’t have any conflicts with him, so I didn’t really care about him. I also knew that he didn’t like strippers and never went out with girls from the club, so a ride home offer was a big surprise.
- Sure, why not?
It’s still better to talk to him for a half an hour than to be jammed with other girls in a van and listen to their gossip and discussion of whose customer did what in the room.
Chapter 12
I was seriously thinking of moving out. But for now I separated myself from my so-called family by moving from their house to the guest house, as my not yet potty trained new puppy was a good excuse for that. Seriously, if I’m working five days a week and come home at around four in the morning, there is no way I’ll be getting up at nine and walk your crazy dog who charges after everything she sees, lady! And the argument that I’ll go back to bed after I walk her won’t work either. It’s Ari’s dog, not mine. I bought a Chihuahua so I don’t have to walk her. Needless to say, aunt Anna wasn’t too happy about this change. Ari was in Canada visiting his new girlfriend, and now him being there, and me moving back to the guest house and declaring my independence, left her all alone in the house.
I’ve finally had enough. She was saying that I was ungrateful. She let me stay in her house for two month when I didn’t really have money to pay her. Yes, but I paid it all back, number one; number two, if I were you, I would let my niece live in my house for free. I was her personal slave for almost a year, working and taking care of the house at the same time. You forgot how to wash the dishes since it was only my responsibility. You charged me for gas taking me to Brooklyn! Seriously?! I’m taking a cab from now on so I don’t have to listen to your bullshit on the way. You want to clean the leaves in your back yard? Hire the Mexicans! I’m done with being a Cinderella, I’m playing the Evil Queen from now on!
I was so fed up with aunt’s preaching and trying to get money out of me, that anything that kept me away from her, was good enough. I was going to
Brooklyn to spend my day off with Mikky; I was going to Staten Island Mall for the whole day just to stay away from Anna. And I agreed to go out with Izzy as it was a better option than to “cook family dinner” with my aunt and then listen to “all the mistakes I’m making in my life”.
_______________
After fifteen minutes in the car with Zed, I realized that I will probably need alcohol to tolerate him. He was nervous, he was trying to joke and some of his jokes were even funny, but I knew right away, it won’t work out.
Zed took me to some fancy sports bar in New Jersey and we watched the match between some undisputed champion and some other guy. I’m not into boxing at all, but my steak was good and my fourth champagne was doing the trick – Zed started to look somewhat decent. He had some friends over there who were constantly saying what a great DJ Zed is and how he’s going to make it after he releases his new album. His “fan base”, as Zed called them. After we left the sports bar, Zed called them over to his car and let them listen to the new track that he was currently working on. It was so-so, but they were all very impressed and I was smiling politely as well.
After the bar we went to some fancy night club also in Jersey, with valet parking and a dress code. My champagne started to fade away and I was really glad that we went to the bar and I ordered my apple martini right away. It’s funny how alcohol makes you put up with situations, tolerate people and not to feel too bad about it. It’s the alcohol that keeps Mikky’s current relationship going for over six months with a guy who she can’t stand when she’s sober. But he gives her a job position, pays for her school, buys her presents and takes her on vacations. And that’s why Mikky always carries a little bottle of Poland Spring filled with Martini Vermouth whenever she goes out with him. Indeed, alcohol is one of a girl’s best friends.
Even though I knew right away that nothing good will come out of the relationship with Izzy, alcohol made me think that maybe for some time it will at least take my mind off my break up with Michael, my living situation and what shall I do next with my life.
It’s not good when you know everything about a person on your first date. And only after several hours of being with Zed, I knew exactly what kind of person he was. He was quite a mediocre 40-year-old DJ with a bunch of insecurities but with even bigger bunch of ambitions of a 17-year-old. Don’t get me wrong, I love and respect it when people pursue their dreams, but when by 40 you don’t see any progress in your career field, maybe you should at least admit that you are not that good? Or at least stop shoving it in people’s faces.
On our second date Zed wanted to show me his house and I got stuck there for almost two hours while he was showing me how he was writing his music. He made me listen to all his tracks that sounded pretty much the same; he was explaining me the difference between the timing of the intro and something else and stopped only when I asked him to take me home because it was getting close to a midnight and I haven’t seen my puppy for a long time. Staying sober for so long in Zed’s house was a bad idea, I got that very soon. Some details that I probably wouldn’t have noticed if I were drunk, I saw very clear now. Posters of Arnold Schwarzenegger in a gym that looked like it was very rarely used; little notes from “help yourself” books everywhere, like “follow your dreams”, “stay positive”, “meditation is the key to success” and stuff like that. Big poster of Zed all over the wall next to the stairs, folders with clothes right on the floor instead of in the closet, leaking faucet… But he was so crazy about me, maybe I’ll give him a chance. But we’ll have to start in a bar of course.
_______________
Oh, Zed was crazy about me indeed! He was texting me constantly, leaving voicemails and even video messages when I wouldn’t pick up the phone. He was getting all mad in the club every time I would go to the room with a customer and I don’t know why, but I was getting more and more regulars, and one night Deena even had to tell them who goes after who to the room, while I was happily counting my Franklins without even leaving the VIP.
I was trying to make my schedule that way so our working days would be different, which meant that our days off wouldn’t coincide either. I figured if I saw Zed only once a week, he wouldn’t annoy me too much. I hoped he wouldn’t. I was so far away from my mommy and granny, and talking on the phone with them was the only love that I was getting. I was so unfortunate with my personal life and so sick and tired of my abusive aunt, that having someone who was in love with me felt nice for a change. Even though I had no feelings in return whatsoever.
When Zed would give me a ride home after my shift, he would always play his music, ask me my opinion and talking of how he will get famous very soon after his album comes out, how he will take me away from this business and how he never wanted to marry no one but wants to marry me. I was always very drunk, smiling and just nodding to everything he was saying. One of the habits I picked up while dealing with my customers.
_______________
I was having tea with Mikky today when she said:
- I’m so ready to break up Craig right now!
- What did he do now? – I laugh.
Mikky has two boyfriends, but both of them are absolutely worthless according to her.
- That’s what he sent me after I gave him a link to the French restaurant that I wanted him to take me to.
Mikky shows me her iPhone. I look at the picture and start laughing.
- A Groupon coupon to a Russian place?
- Not just a Groupon coupon, baby! A Groupon coupon with a 50% discount! Can you imagine?! And now he’s wondering why I’m not talking to him!
- Wow! – I say. – Just…wow! I think he was lying about his nationality. He’s not Italian, he’s one hundred percent Jewish!
Mikky is laughing.
- He so is!
Mikky met Craig at work. He would come every week to see her and would take her to the Blue Room for two or three hours, spending ridiculous money on her and sometimes other girls. When Mikky first spoke to him, she was very surprised to find out that he was an accountant. What kind of an accountant could spend three to four thousand a night? So Mikky thought that he was lying. After a while she started to really like the guy.
- I don’t know what’s wrong with me! – she was saying while arranging a fruit platter for us. – I seem to always fall for the wrong guys! Do you remember Tony?
Oh yes, I remembered Tony all right! Always high on cocaine, he was acting like a crazy monkey in public, taking Mikky to strip clubs and making her do dances with twenty different girls. Once he even took her to his house and made her stay downstairs with his brother while Tony’s unsuspecting wife and three daughters were upstairs with him. That was enough for me to draw some conclusions about the guy, but Mikky was so crazy in love with him that she wouldn’t listen to anybody.
- Of course I’m upset he slept with that girl, she was saying one night in the club while we were putting our make up on… but it’s just sex. He explained everything to me, he has no feelings for her like he has for me. Just sex.
- Ok. – I’m not arguing and not trying to convince her to leave the guy and never come back. After all, I was in her shoes not that long ago, when my fiancé was begging me to stay saying the same exact words. Just sex, no feelings! Yeah, right! I will never fall for that again. – Whatever makes you happy, baby. I just hope you know what you are doing.
That night I did very well. I stayed in the room with my customer almost all night, but when I came out, I saw Mikky crying in the dressing room.
- Sweetie? What happened?
She’s drunk and hysterical.
- He’s an asshole! I swear to God, I’ll never forgive him after what he did this time!
I’m giving her Kleenex after Kleenex.
- What did he do now?
- He took both of us to the room, me and Stina.
Stina was one of the dancers in the club and the girl who Tony “only had sex with, no feelings”.
- Okay? – I’m rubbing
her back trying to comfort her.
- We all got wasted and started making out, me and Stina got undressed…and then he said: “Oh, let’s all go to the hotel, I’ll talk to the manager”.
- What an asshole!
- Yes. – she whimpers. – So I had to say yes and then he went to talk to Philip so he would let us go, and… I was waiting for them at the bar and he just left! Left with her!
- I’m sorry, my baby! – I held Mikky’s head next to my chest and gently rubbed her hair… but it’s all for the best. Now you know what kind of a guy he is and you won’t be back with him, will you?
- Of course I won’t! I swear, I won’t! That’s it! Never again! Never, ever again will he hurt me, never again!
I take a sip of my hot, delicious tea that Mikky and I both recently got addicted to, and smile.
- Yeah, you do fall for the wrong guys! – she laughs and I finally ask the question that’s been torturing me the whole evening.– So you decided to start going out with Craig?
- Yeah… I think I’ll give it a shot. I know that nothing good will ever come out of it, but I haven’t had sex in three months and now I’m super horny!
- Get the Rabbit! – I laugh.
- Shut up! It’s easy for you to say with all the crazy marathon sex you have with R.! The question now is how should I nicely give Craig a hint that I would love to meet him outside the club for the money he pays me in the room?
It’s been three month after they started going out, and Mikky still can’t believe the degree of Craig’s “cheepness”. The guy who would spend three and sometimes even six grand a night at the Blue room, couldn’t afford a speech development specialist for his two year old son. He complains to Mikky about the mother of his baby, what a big spender she is and how she “wastes” $500 a month…in a pharmacy.
All this made me think about the whole “strip club addiction” again. Some men get so dependent from it, from the feeling that their miserable life is worth something, that somebody waits for them and loves them, that they prefer to interchange their real life, with all the kids and unhappy wives, to this sublimation of life. After all, us girls are much better therapists than all the doctors with their degrees, we are always here for you and we’re almost naked.
The New York Doll Page 7