A sigh brought Grandma Jo a foot closer. “Ti isn’t Annie. If you keep letting pride blind you from seeing that, then she’s not the only one who’ll lose.”
“You don’t get it. You can’t lose what you don’t have.”
“Look at me.” She turned him toward eyes of compassion he didn’t want to face. “It’s time.”
“For what?”
“To let go.” She nodded. “You’re allowed to hurt, Drew. We all are. It’s okay to grieve for the life you thought you were supposed to have. Fall to your knees, if you have to. Cry, yell, do whatever you gotta do to release the heartache.”
She grasped his hand. “But there comes a time to stand up again. To breathe deeply and choose the life that’s right in front of you.” She squeezed his fingers. “Ti didn’t just blow into your world on accident, sugar. She’s been part of the plan for your life all along.”
Some plan. Look what it’d cost him.
A motherly glint tinged her eyes. “All those mornings, feeling like you’ve been yelling to an earless sky . . . You think you’ve been chasing God for answers, but He’s been the One after you. Waiting for you to be ready.”
“Ready for more pain?” Count him out.
“For you to trust He makes all things new.”
Lightning flashed outside the window as the sound of the water hitting his mug filled the quiet space. “Maybe He asks too much.”
“No more than what He gives.” Grandma Jo’s bracelet clinked against the counter. “You just remember what your daddy taught you. Sacrifice doesn’t build character. It reveals it.” Leaving the impact of Dad’s words behind, she shuffled out of the room.
Cooper took her place before the bell had a chance to chime. He reclined against the counter on his forearms. “And Grandma Jo’s words of wisdom strike again.”
“I’m not in the mood, Coop.” Drew took a cautious sip of his steaming drink.
“Annie’s as beautiful as ever, isn’t she? And just as piercing.”
Apparently, Drew was the only brother who’d learned caution. Cooper would back away from Drew right now if he knew what was good for him.
Instead, Cooper plowed through the tape Drew’d strung around the demolition zone Grandma Jo left in her wake. “You know, I used to think you and I were romantics. Both sitting around, clinging to the past instead of moving on.”
Drew’s knuckles whitened around his mug handle.
“Then Ti came along—”
“Don’t.” Drew didn’t need another lecture, especially from him.
Cooper pushed off the counter. “All this time, you wouldn’t admit it, but you wanted Annie to come home, didn’t you? You wanted things back the way they were when you were kids. For life to go the way it was supposed to.” He pointed at the door and shrugged. “Now’s your chance. She’s here. You wanna try another round? Go for it. I’ll be here when it all falls apart again.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Drew banged his mug down to keep from slamming it in his brother’s nose.
“Yeah?” Coop edged forward. “I know you lost yourself when Annie left. I know you gave up everything that used to drive you. Buried yourself in this old shop, like you could freeze time, trying to take care of everyone and everything but yourself.”
Teeth clenched, Drew squared his shoulders. “One of us had to be the responsible one.”
“You’re not Dad.”
Drew got up in Coop’s face, grasping at control. “At least I’m trying.”
“Trying to what?” He equaled Drew’s intense stare. “Be someone you’re not?”
Thunder clamored outside, the war inside Drew raging even louder. “You think I should be more like you instead? Gallivanting around as America’s favorite bachelor. Just forget the shop and jump on any whim that blows my way?”
“Ti wasn’t a whim. You can lie to yourself, hoss, but I watched her tear off that armor you wear to convince the world you’re not broken—that you’ve got everything together without anyone’s help.” His voice softened. “She brought you back to life—”
Drew chucked his spoon on the counter. Pulse pounding, he jerked an arm in front of him. “Take a look around, Coop. This is my life. Past, present, future. Right here. Nothing else.”
“No. It’s Dad’s.”
“And I’m the son failing to honor it.” Drew’s hands drifted from the back of his neck to his sides. Dad had taught them to persevere, provide for their families, and build a legacy of security, not loss. Drew’d let him down on every account. Risking hope to change that had only magnified it more.
The truth burned. “You know what it’s been like to spend this last year, fighting to keep his shop from closing? You have any clue what it’s like to sit with your baby girl in the hospital, knowing you can’t pay her bills.” He advanced. “Don’t talk to me about the future when—”
“Stop it!” Reddened cheeks and bleary eyes shot up from behind the front counter.
“Maddie?” Hadn’t she left with Grandma Jo?
“Stop fighting. Both of you.” Tears streaming, she darted for the door.
“Sea Monkey, hang on a sec. I didn’t mean—”
For the fourth time tonight, the door swung behind yet another serrated piece of his heart.
Chapter Twenty-eight
Sabotage
Like a piece of driftwood trapped in the waves, Ti staggered against the cool sheets of windy rain hammering from all sides. The raindrops stung, but no worse than the truth she was trying to outrun. Every effort she’d made to do right by Drew had fallen short. Bringing Annie here was her last chance at helping him find what was best for him and Maddie. And that failed, too.
The part of her wishing she could’ve been enough burned with her lungs the harder she ran to Livy’s apartment. Up two flights of stairs, Ti fled inside and backed against the door. Stillness pressed in from all four corners of the empty room until the echoes she’d worked so hard to shut out this whole time broke through with full force.
“She’s not worth it.”
“Do yourself and every guy you’re with a favor. Remember who you are.”
“He ain’t gonna go for a girl like you.”
Voices pummeled. She had to move. Had to regain the control she’d lost in Drew’s shop at hearing him tell her to leave. She knew that was best, knew he deserved more. But the slightest glimpse of feeling whole with him now laced every fractured piece of her with an all-consuming hatred of her past.
She yanked her suitcase up from the floor and dumped dresser drawer after drawer into it. The overhead fan pulsed above her, sending an assault of memories crushing against her sternum with the gravity of how real they still felt—the body weight on top of her, the smell of sweat, the ragged pain of robbed innocence.
Waves of nausea continued to roll in, despite the hand clutched to her stomach as if she could block it.
Anxiety slammed against her temples. She shoved away from the dresser and turned to her art supplies and the need for escape. The pounding of rain outside shot her gaze to her camera instead. No. Running to art wouldn’t make it better. Nothing would.
The room closed in on her. Grabbing only a rain jacket, Ti bounded outside and straight into someone around the doorframe.
Livy grabbed her by the arms. “Whoa. Slow down.”
“I’m sorry. I can’t.” Ti pushed past her.
“Can’t what? What’s going on?”
Livy’s voice trailed down the staircase as Ti ran into the rain.
Across the street, Jamie and his buddies huddled under a golf cart with brews in hand and raucous laughter competing with the storm’s constant rumble. Something inside her prodded her to them, calling her to the identity she knew best.
Scenes with other guys crashed into moments with Drew. “I know this isn’t home, but you’re safe here. With me.”
He was home. The only one she’d ever found. And lost. She couldn’t go back to a hollow second place now.
>
Shaking in restraint, Ti searched the grounds until she spotted Livy’s beach cruiser. She swiped it from the bike rack and pedaled with all she had in her. Past the general store. Beyond the last hotel. Windy rain lashed at her, but she didn’t slow.
When the tires breeched the beach access ramp, Ti dropped the bike and tore through the wet sand to the waves raging against the shoreline. The cold water’s first strike drew a sharp intake of breath. She held it in as white foam climbed her calves.
“You think you can just walk away?”
Stop. She covered her ears. Behind the charcoal shadows, a glimpse of a bleeding sun cast warm colors across the ocean. She kept pushing, needing to keep the sunset in reach.
Grainy water beat into her thighs. Voices struck with the waves, one after the other, ending with Grandma Jo’s. “He’s got a way of working out the unexpected. Even when we think He’s forgotten us.”
Forgotten.
The yearning for a father’s protective embrace collided with the emptiness left from a stranger’s callous touch. Ti craned her head to the dark heavens and banged her palms against the top of the water. “Why weren’t You there for me? All those nights in my bedroom. Where were Your plans then?”
A clamor of thunder echoed her cries. “Where were You?” She yelled louder. Again and again until the rain drained her tears and the rage of the storm surrendered to a whisper of memories rivaling the nightmares: Laughing at sleepovers in the safety of Cass’s home, writing music under the bleachers at school, singing with the only one who knew how to make it okay.
Scenes with Cass blurred into ones alone creating art. The passion that watching The Joy of Painting had awoken, the beauty she’d uncovered the first time she looked through a camera lens, the peace she’d found breathing life across a canvas.
Rain coursed from her hair into her lashes. She blinked through them, too frozen to look away from an answer she hadn’t expected to receive. All this time . . .
Sand caved under her feet, her grasp wavering with the tide. Waves rocked her balance.
Arms closed around her. Livy dragged her out from the water and onto the sand under the lifeguard’s tower. “Blimey, Ti.” Livy searched her face. “You okay?”
Hunched on her side, Ti gave her a weak nod. Livy released a sigh of relief, cradled Ti’s head, and rubbed circles over her back. And for what felt like hours, Ti simply held on.
The storm blowing across the water continued to battle, but with each slow breath, the one inside her gradually began to calm.
She hugged her knees to her chest. Though the sun might’ve faded, the truth she’d been too scared to admit never would. “I love him.”
“I know.” Livy twisted Ti’s wet hair over her shoulder. “It’s a lot easier to give love than to accept it.”
Ti sniffled through a smile. “When’d you become so wise?”
“Since I had no choice.”
Damp gusts of wind blanketed Ti’s goose-bump-covered skin. Liv stroked Ti’s arm as though debating saying more until a shaky exhale finally turned into a pained whisper. “I have a son.”
“You what?” Ti sat up, fumbling for stable ground.
“I found out I was pregnant the year you left London. And don’t bother asking who the father is because, truthfully, I don’t know.” Livy stared ahead, whether from shame or regret, Ti wasn’t sure. “The glamorous life of a model.”
Yeah. The parts no one saw. Liv didn’t need to go into details. Those days were branded in Ti’s memory along with all the others.
“Murray told me to terminate or leave. That he couldn’t afford to bust the summer photo shoot.” She flicked a shell across the sand. “Heartless prat.”
That was one name for him. Ti covered a ragged moon-shaped mark left on her forearm from one of their fights. Bruises healed. Scars didn’t.
“I couldn’t go through with it, but I couldn’t be a mom either. My modeling career was over. I had no way to provide for him. No clue how to take care of a baby.” She twisted the belt on her apron. “So, I came home, stayed with my parents until delivery, and then gave him up for adoption.”
Ti rested a comforting hand on her knee. “Liv, that took a lot of courage and sacrifice. There’s no shame in that. Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“Guilt. Pride. I don’t know. It’s been two years, and it still feels so raw.” Her belt unfurled, her emotions with it. “I send money every month. It’s not much—and his parents never asked for it—but it makes me feel like I’m still connected to him, you know?” She ran a finger under her nose. “That’s probably stupid.”
“It’s not stupid. You’re a better mom than you think.”
“I just wanted him to have the best life he could.” Livy lifted her head. “His parents are good people. I know he’s loved and taken care of. But sometimes, I can’t help wondering if I made the right choice. How different things would be if I’d given it a chance.”
No wonder she’d said not everything was black and white. She may have relinquished parental rights under different circumstances than Drew’s ex, but Livy must’ve empathized with her.
Head down, Ti scraped the sand out from under her nails. “You think I was right to contact Annie?”
“I think it should’ve been their call.”
“Meaning, I overstepped my bounds.”
“More like you keep sabotaging the things you think you don’t deserve. From someone who’s done the same thing, believe me, I know.” Liv turned a broken shell upside down in her hand. Smooth, liquid-like colors ran into each other without beginning or end. “Who you are isn’t what holds you back, Ti. It’s who you think you’re not.”
Ti stared across the tumultuous water and into what she couldn’t hide anymore. “I’m scared.”
Liv leaned an arm into hers. “Then it’s a good thing you’re not in this alone.”
Barks echoed behind them. They both turned toward Drew’s Jeep roaring up the beach. Cooper hopped out of the passenger’s seat, his face a sheet of white against the dark sky.
Livy helped Ti to her feet. “What happened? What’s wrong?”
Through the Jeep’s rain-coated windows, a glimpse into the driver’s side showed Drew with his hands gripped around the wheel and Jasper’s paws propped on the dashboard.
Cooper raked a hand through his hair.
Heart rate jumping, Ti bounded forward. “Coop, if you pause a minute longer, I swear, I’m gonna—”
“It’s Maddie.” He looked from Livy back to Ti. “She’s gone.”
Chapter Twenty-nine
Choice
The windshield wipers smeared a blurred view of Ti striding toward the Jeep. Drew gripped the wheel harder. Why he bothered, he’d never know.
Ti yanked the door open. “Move over.”
His stare jumped to the center console and back. “Excuse me?”
She unbuckled his seat belt and waved him to the passenger seat with the flick of her hand. “You’re in no position to be driving. Now move.”
Even with her hair a tangled mess and makeup in streaks, she upheld enough New York grit to usher Drew out of the Jeep without argument.
Around the bumper, he slid into the passenger side, set Jasper in his lap, and clicked his seat belt in. “Why are you soaking wet?”
“Not important.”
Livy and Cooper hopped into the back seat. “She decided to have a date with the ocean.” Liv swung her door shut. “That’s why.”
“You did what?”
“Not now.” Ti punched the gas and gunned it off the beach. “Did you make sure Maddie wasn’t with her friend Winnie?”
Drew leaned an elbow on the door panel and braced his forehead against his hand. “Yeah, along with anyone else I could possibly think of.” Even the last people he wanted to talk to.
Ti veered onto the street. She kept her eyes on the road, but the slump in her shoulders said she was reading his thoughts. “And Annie?”
Despite how soft
ly she said it, the hurt and concern in her voice reverberated throughout the car like distant thunder.
“She’s at her parents’ house.” Drew stared out the side window. “Maddie’s not there. I checked every room myself to be sure.” Annie’d lost his trust a long time ago.
Why did she have to come back now? Of course Maddie would be upset. He banged his hand against the armrest.
Ti brushed a consoling touch to his knee, comforting him without condition. The knot already seizing his throat scaled up another notch. He grazed the side of his finger against hers, needing her through this more than he understood.
Cooper landed a solid grasp on Drew’s shoulder. “It’s not the first time Maddie’s overheard us fight. She probably just needed a little space. I’m sure she’s fine.”
Ti snapped off the wipers. “What were you fighting about?”
About Drew not wanting to admit how much he loved her.
He sent a thanks-a-lot glare at Coop. Now wasn’t the time to get into it. They needed to concentrate on Maddie, not him.
Drew rubbed at the familiar throb of guilt building between his eyes. “I was blowing off steam about everything. The shop, trying to honor my dad, not being able to afford her medical bills.” All the taffy in the world couldn’t relieve the tension of thinking he caused Maddie to blame herself for any of this.
Ti whipped the Jeep to the left, tires screeching.
“Easy.” Drew palmed the dashboard and restrained Jasper from falling into the floorboard. “Where are you going?”
“I think I know where she went.”
“What? Where?”
The Jeep skidded around a curve. “Did Lenny come and pick up your boat yet?”
“He’s coming Monday. What does that have to do with anything?”
She gestured to the ominous sky. “It’s lightning right now.”
“Yeahhh . . . ?”
Ti jerked them to a stop in front of his buddy Jacob’s house.
Begin Again (Home In You Book 2) Page 23