by Anna Paige
Then it would be me and her on the antique desk in her office at the back of the restaurant. I’d been wanting to lay her naked body across that thing since the moment I first saw it, and tonight was the night. After all, she still had to atone for her dripping display that morning.
I could practically see her splayed wide across its surface already.
Tease me, will she?
This was going to be fun.
Talia
OKAY, SO THIS time I couldn’t blame being late on Spencer.
This was all on me. The phone had rung as soon as he left and I ended up on the phone with Ali for the better part of an hour, wrapped in a towel and lounging on the bed as we planned our evening out, discussing everything except my previous humiliating call and the fact that I was going to end things with Spencer.
Ali did everything in her power to make me laugh, including sharing stories of Gran’s latest adventures. Apparently, some old coot at the biker bar had grabbed her ass and she laid him out, decked him right there in front of everyone. I was simultaneously shocked and proud.
That little old lady was fierce.
I’d still been laughing when we hung up, Ali assuring me she would pick up my exuberant manager and I at Canary later and instructing me to take a cab to work to avoid needing to retrieve my car. I sent Gina a text telling her to do the same and fell back onto the rumpled bed, replaying the morning in my mind and doing a valiant job of forcing the sorrow from my memories, not wanting to sully it just yet with thoughts of goodbye.
The last few days, I’d been gorging myself on Spencer, taking every opportunity to touch him, kiss him, make love to him. I wasn’t even aware that I was doing it at first. I’d just felt this overwhelming compulsion to be near him. It was so strong that I felt slightly panicky when I would reach for him in the morning to find that he’d already gotten up to start breakfast. It was a rapid flutter in my chest that made me antsy until I could get to him again, touch the soft scruff at his jaw, feel his toned, muscular arms wrapping around me.
I was stock-piling memories because I knew I’d be calling them to mind for a long time to come. I stared into my reflection as I finished my makeup and found that my eyes were once again welling with tears.
Dammit.
I had to stop this.
Spending the night clubbing with the girls would hopefully give me the distraction I needed. I’d try anything to keep from breaking down.
I dressed carefully, wanting to find the fine line between appropriate for the restaurant and chic enough for the club afterward. I went with a simple black wrap dress and the pair of burgundy Louboutin’s I’d splurged on to celebrate Canary’s opening. They’d kill my feet if I worked in them all night, but if I knew Ali, she would be popping in to whisk me away long before closing time. I already anticipated it and called in extra servers just to be sure they weren’t overwhelmed after we took off.
I grabbed a small clutch purse and waited to be notified of my taxi’s arrival.
I didn’t have to wait long, thankfully. The buzzer sounded and I didn’t even wait for them to speak. I just hit the button and said ‘be right down’ as I bolted for the door.
The elevator doors opened and I stepped out, double checking that I had my phone and absently calling out my thanks to Walter, the elderly doorman whom I adored, when I ran straight into someone’s chest.
I stepped back on a gasp, the apology dying on my lips when I realized who I’d bumped into.
Derek.
What the hell was he doing here? The article had been done and submitted a week ago.
Still off balance from our collision, I wobbled on my heels and Derek reached out to steady me, his hands gripping my shoulders. “Easy, Natty. I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“Don’t call me that,” I snapped, pulling out of his grip. “Why are you here, Derek? Our business is done.”
He reached for the messenger bag at his feet, the one I’d knocked from his shoulder when I ran into him, and withdrew a magazine, holding it up for me to see. “I got an advance proof copy and thought you might like to take a look.”
He handed it to me but I didn’t open it. “Don’t bullshit me. You could have mailed this,” I shook the glossy pages at him. “So what’s the real reason you felt the need to deliver it in person?”
At least he had the good sense not to deny having ulterior motives. “Okay, yes, I wanted to see you again but not for the reason you’re thinking.” He glanced over at Walter and lowered his voice, leaning in slightly until I raised a brow and stepped back. “Can I buy you a cup of coffee or something, take you somewhere a bit more private so we can talk?”
“Not happening, Derek. I’ve said all I intend to say and I’m already late for work. So, if you’ll excuse me, I need to be going.” I walked briskly out the door but could hear his footfalls behind me.
I faltered when I got to the sidewalk and looked around.
Shit. My cab hadn’t arrived yet.
“Fine,” he called from just over my shoulder. “I can say what I have to say right here, if that would make you more comfortable.”
I stopped and spun on a heel, startling him back a step. “What would make me more comfortable would be for you to just leave me the fuck alone, Derek. You popping up like this, unannounced, uninvited, it’s not fair to keep doing that. I don’t know how else to make myself clear, and I hate being rude to anyone—ever—but you’re leaving me no other option.”
He hung his head slightly and nodded. “I know I deserve every ounce of hatred you have for me, and I know it’s unfair of me to expect your forgiveness but I can’t help trying. Something inside me has been slowly dying, ten years’ worth of decay and regret, and I don’t know how else to stop this feeling of worthlessness I’ve felt ever since I left you. I regretted it the moment I left and I regret it still. I don’t expect you to ever take me back, I’m not stupid enough to ever think you could see me that way again. All I wanted was to make it up to you, to be able to have you look at me with something other than anger and disappointment.”
He looked up at me then, tears threatening to spill from his devastated eyes. “I know now that it will never happen and I have to find a way to live with that. The only thing I could do to help you was make that article the most glowing recommendation of a place—and a person—anyone has ever read. I hope that I’ve done that. I hope your life is filled with all the happiness I was too stupid to give you. I hope you and Spencer go the distance.” Two fat tears rolled down his face, dripping onto his coat. “It’s pretty obvious he had enough sense to cherish you the way you deserve.”
Maybe it was his erroneous prediction about my future with Spencer, maybe it was my nurturing nature, whatever it was it had me pulling him in for a hug. I actually heard his gasp of surprise when I embraced him and his shoulders shook when I told him I hoped he found happiness, too.
We stood there for long minutes, quietly embracing while each of us fought through a decade’s worth of pain.
Would I be in Derek’s place in ten years? Would I go through the rest of my life regretting ending things with Spencer? It was obvious that I was more in love than I had ever been in my life. Shit, I was standing there comforting the man who had destroyed me as a girl, broken my heart almost beyond repair, and all I could think of was how much I was going to miss Spencer.
What if I was making a mistake? Could I make him so happy that he wouldn’t even notice the absence of children in our lives? Could I be enough? I started to feel a tiny bud of hope blossoming in my chest. Ali’s words of encouragement came back to me then ‘he might surprise you.’ He might want me anyway. I should at least give him the chance to choose, right? The possibility of him choosing to stay made me smile as I pulled out of Derek’s embrace.
The wind picked up as I righted myself and suddenly my face was covered in blond curls. Shit. I should have worn my hair up. I fought against the breeze to tuck it behind my ear and laughed when the tendrils ended
up right back in my face.
Derek reached out tentatively, taking the errant strands and tucking them behind the other ear with much more success than I’d had. We were both smiling, buoyant for the first time since he’d come to D.C. A taxi pulled up to the curb and I nodded to the driver, holding up a hand to let him know I’d be right there.
I was turning back to say my final goodbyes to Derek when a figure across the street caught my eye.
Spencer.
He was standing there with a small blue gift bag in his hand and utter devastation on his face.
Spencer
I WAS FUCKING hallucinating, that was it.
It had to be.
No way was I standing there watching the love of my life in the arms of her sorry-ass ex-boyfriend, right there on the street like they wanted the whole world to see.
Not possible.
My chest burned as I watched them there. Together.
The way his arms wrapped around her and pulled her to him, the heels of her shoes didn’t quite touch the pavement, like any moment he would whisk her off her feet and carry her upstairs to bed.
I felt sick.
Not just the type of sick where you lose your overpriced lunch. No, that would be something you could recover from. What I had was a feeling like being outside myself. Like watching some poor fuck slowly die inside. I looked on, wondering how that pitiful bastard was going to find the strength to either crawl back to his car and slink away or toss himself the five feet it would take to put him into traffic, praying for a goddamn bus to nail him and put him out of his misery.
Soul sick.
The poor fucker wearing my clothes stood there and watched with his heart at his feet as Talia smiled fondly at the man she professed to hate. He watched as she let that son of a bitch touch her face, run his hand through her hair.
And when she spotted the shell of the man who had been head over heels in love with her ten minutes ago, he watched as fear and shame played over her features.
The moment her eyes found me I was sucked back into my body to find that my heart still pounded, my fists still clenched, and my chest still ached so much I could barely breathe. My eyes on hers, I stepped off the curb without as much as a glance at the oncoming traffic.
Her hand flew to her mouth as the sound of car horns pierced the air and she never took her eyes off me, not even when I finally—and miraculously—made it to the curb. Once I was safely across and closing the twenty foot gap between us, traffic resumed with a few stray honks and obscene gestures tossed my way, but I gave it no notice. I was zeroed in on them with a steely determination that blocked out everything else, every other thing on the planet ceased to exist. It was just the three of us. Me, the woman I loved, and the man who still wanted her.
I’d give them one chance to explain this away.
One.
Behind them, a young woman with a stroller exited Talia’s building. She spoke to Talia as she passed and met my eye with a smile. I knew she lived on the third floor, having shared the elevator with her more than once. Her baby—a boy named Caleb—was nine months old and absolutely adorable. He chattered at me every time we saw one another and this inopportune moment was no different. The mother—whose name I couldn’t recall—paused as she passed to let him give a chubby-fisted wave and a few gurgles that she assured me was his way of saying hello.
He was all smiles as he waved his favorite toy at me and made bubbly noises with his mouth. He was the cutest little guy and I was helpless to fight it, I smiled despite the gaping hole in my chest. It occurred to me then that one day he would be in my shoes. Someone somewhere would capture his heart, make him happier than he ever thought possible. They’d give him reason to hope, to love, to dream of being one half of something that would stand the test of time and defy the odds... then shatter him into a billion jagged fucking pieces and leave him in a broken heap on the cold pavement.
Looking at his sweet, chubby face I wanted to do something, say something; shield him somehow. But I wasn’t even able to keep my own heart out of the meat grinder. What good could I possibly be to him?
As for Talia, who I was watching from the corner of my eye, she watched me for a moment with an unreadable expression before giving me her back as she hurriedly spoke to her companion.
I absently chatted for a moment longer with Caleb’s mom and excused myself resuming my trek toward heartbreak, the sense of foreboding pulling me down like quicksand, making my steps labored and slow.
They spoke quietly as I approached, as if being caught in each other’s arms was uninteresting enough that they set it aside to finish their conversation. Making plans for later? Harried ‘I love yous’?
I couldn’t be sure.
Derek’s gaze kept flitting from her face to mine as he spoke to her, looking slightly nervous but not the least bit ashamed.
The wind at my back cut through my t-shirt, chilling me to the bone though it was a comparatively warm day given the unseasonably wintry weather we’d seen in recent weeks. Silly me, I hadn’t worn a jacket because I thought this would be a quick stop that wouldn’t require extended time outdoors.
On the sidewalk.
Watching my world fall apart.
Maybe it wasn’t the wind that left me so cold, maybe it had less to do with the temperature and more to do with the resigned look on Talia’s face when she turned to once again face me. When I was within a few feet, she stepped back and positioned herself at his side, as one might do when trying to present a united front.
United.
With him.
Her eyes held none of the warmth they’d shown just hours before, when she’d been riding me with abandon and professing her love. My Talia, the one I so fervently loved, was nowhere in the expression she showed me on that cold sidewalk. One look into those dispassionate eyes told me what was coming.
It was over.
Just like that I knew. I knew she wasn’t mine anymore, may never have been in the first place, and that thought... that one soul-shattering realization was all it took to level me. I was destroyed before she ever opened her mouth, before she took my fears and brought them to brilliant life with just a few hastily spoken words.
“I’m sorry Spencer. I should have told you the truth before now.”
I managed to tear my gaze from the pavement at her feet, where I fully expected to see my beaten and bloodied heart seeping from beneath her designer shoes, and met her eye. “So, tell me now.” My voice was steady and cold, not nearly as cold as I felt inside but with enough edge to let her know I meant to force her to say the words. There would be no easy way out for her with me.
She swallowed thickly and snaked an arm around Derek’s waist, out of affection or to hold herself up, maybe both. He kept his arms at his sides, probably expecting a fight, one he might just fucking get.
My stare was intimidating as hell when I wanted it to be, and although I never imagined I’d be wielding it at Talia, I found myself unable to contain the dark look I gave her. She swayed for a moment under the heat of my gaze but quickly recovered, using the hand not clutching her ex to nervously smooth her dress. “I didn’t intend to hurt you, I hope you can believe that. But the truth is I never stopped having feelings for Derek. He and I talked things through and I’ve decided to give him another chance.”
For his part, Derek was silent beside her, focusing his stare on her profile as she spoke and pointedly avoiding my gaze.
My voice could have frozen the Potomac when I said, “So you used me to make him jealous after all.”
She nodded and averted her eyes.
“Well, sweetheart, you should have planned better,” I bit out, pushing the rage down low in my belly to be dealt with later. “Or aren’t you smart enough to know that you should always use a lesser man to taunt your ex? Someone sub-par, weaker, dispensable. Instead, you chose a stronger man, a better man, a real man.” I took a step closer and Derek met my eye, though there was no challenge in his gaze. Why wo
uld there be? He’d already won. I stared him down as I continued, daring him to gloat even the tiniest bit as I spoke to her. “And we both know I am all of those things, both in and out of the bedroom.”
Her voice was muted, thick when she said, “Spencer, please. Don’t be crude.”
I barked out a humorless laugh, though I was far from amused. “A little late for that, don’t you think, sweetheart? I thought you loved it when I was crude, graphic, and illicit. You practically swooned when I was forceful in bed, didn’t you precious? You may have faked everything else but there is no way I know of to fake getting that goddamn wet.” I leaned in a little closer, waiting for her to look at me. “You wanted me as much as I wanted you and I would have bet my life that you weren’t faking it when you said you loved me. So, bravo on the acting job. Maybe I should give you Ivey’s number. The two of you could start a training course or something, spread your gift around.”
That one hit the mark and the flare of defiance that turned me on so fucking much flickered across her features. Before I knew it my mouth was on hers, forcefully and greedily reminding her of what she was losing. She was too shocked to respond at first, then gave in and kissed me back for a fleeting moment before feebly pushing at my shoulders until I broke our kiss.
We were both breathless when I stepped away. I took the opportunity to push the gift bag at her and watched as she started to shake her head. Wordlessly, I placed the thin, string handles over her palm and tucked it against her fingers, not taking no for an answer and memorizing the feel of her smooth skin—her hand in mine—one last time.
After taking a moment to gather myself, I got right up in Derek’s miserable face. It was all I could manage not to bash his worthless skull in but I refused to add a trip to jail to the list of the day’s humiliations. His eyes widened so much he looked remarkably like a cartoon character but to his credit, he stood his ground. His gray eyes held an apology I was never going to accept and his stance was anything but defensive. I found it odd but didn’t let it slow me down.