A Moment of Weakness: Book 2 in the Forever Faithful trilogy

by Kingsbury, Karen

  “Tell me.” She smoothed back a lock of sweaty hair from his forehead and wrinkled her nose. “Hmm. Shower time right after dinner.”

  Ty laughed. “Pretty slimy, huh?”

  “I’d say.” She laughed, too, as she wiped her hand on her jeans.

  Ty flopped to the ground and ripped off his shoes and ankle braces, scattering them about on the floor. As he did, Jim rounded the corner, briefcase in hand, and stopped, taking in the mess. A scowl spread across his face.

  “Haven’t I told you not to throw your stuff around the minute you get in?” His voice was loud. Not angry, like Jade had heard it get lately, but heading that way fast.

  Ty’s smile fell, and immediately he jumped up and collected his things. “Sorry.”

  Jim turned and began stomping up the stairs. “You’re always sorry. Let’s see some action behind it.”

  “Yes, Dad.”

  Jade craned her neck and saw that Jim was out of earshot. Then she pulled Ty close again and rubbed a hand over his damp back. “Don’t let him get you down, buddy. He’s just had a hard day.”

  Ty nodded and Jade saw the sadness in his eyes. “He always has a hard day.”

  “I know. But give him a few minutes, and he’ll come around.”

  “Okay.” Ty carried his shoes and bag toward the stairs.

  “Wait a minute.” Jade was careful to keep her voice low so Jim wouldn’t think she was contradicting him. “Tell me what happened first.”

  Her son’s eyes filled with adoration, and Jade knew that whatever else she had to do, whatever sacrifices she had to make, they paled in comparison with the joy this boy brought her. Theirs was a good life, and maybe one day things between her and Jim would change, and they could have the marriage she longed for. Until then, she would never go to sleep feeling sorry for herself. She had Ty and a precious relationship with God. In all the ways that mattered, it was more than Jade had ever hoped for.

  Ty talked fast when he was excited, and he was reeling off sentences one after another. Whatever had happened it was important to Ty, and Jade listened intently, keeping her eyes glued to his.

  “And so I made five rebounds and six inside shots, and no one on the team’s ever done that in practice, and Coach Benson said I’d be starting forward at the next game, and—” he took a breath—“next year I know I’ll be a starter at Woodbridge and then for Riverview. We’re gonna be state champs, and then I’ll go to Arizona or Kansas or Duke, and after that probably fourth, maybe fifth round in the draft, and then …”

  Ty was breathless from the story and Jade smiled. He’s so full of life, so like his—

  “The draft?” She was playing with him.

  “Come on, Mom, you know. The draft. The NBA draft. As in pros … professional basketball …” Ty rolled his eyes and flashed a heart-rending grin at her. He headed toward the stairs again and shrugged. “Girls! What do they know. But I still love you, Mom.”

  “Love you more.” She watched him disappear and uttered a silent prayer that Jim’s recent moodiness wouldn’t harm her son.

  Ty was upstairs changing when Jim came down. Something about his clean jeans, new navy pullover, and the fresh splash of cologne he wore caused a tremor of anxiety that shook Jade’s soul. He came to her, looking up and down her body but never once making eye contact. Then he pulled her to him, nuzzling her neck with his mouth. As he did, he grabbed her bottom and worked his hands up.

  “Jim!” Jade pulled away and turned to stir the vegetables on the stovetop. “Ty’s on his way down.”

  “So. When’s that ever stopped me?”

  What was wrong with him? Was Channel One really the only problem they were facing?

  She pushed away her thoughts as he came up behind her, moving his hands wherever he wished. Jade kept her eyes on the dinner and hoped Jim would lose interest. She wasn’t worried about what Ty thought. He’d seen his parents kiss before, and certainly Jim could move his hands in an instant if they heard Ty on the stairs. But something had changed in Jim, and she was almost afraid to find out what.

  “Feeling prudish, are we?” Jim sneered at her and grabbed a pop from the refrigerator.

  Jade could feel her cheeks growing hot. Lord, why can’t he ask me about my day like he used to? “No, it’s just that …”

  Jim narrowed his eyes at her. “It’s a real shame, Jade. Such a waste.” Jim walked away and popped the top on the can.

  She glanced at him over her shoulder and opened the oven to check on the meat loaf. “What?”

  “God gives you the body of a goddess—” he took a swig of the drink—“and all the desire of a cold fish.”

  Desire wasn’t a problem when Tanner and I—

  Immediately Jade banished the thought. I’m sorry, Lord. That wasn’t right. But I won’t have Jim talk to me that way, not now or ever. She pulled the meat loaf from the oven, set it on the stove, and spun around to face her husband.

  “What’s with you lately? It’s like.” she struggled to contain her frustration. “It’s like you’ve turned into someone else.”

  They locked eyes, and his were filled with meanness. He shrugged. “Maybe I’m finally letting you see the real me, Jade. Or maybe I’m tired of playing games for your attention.” He tossed her a sarcastic glance. “Besides, it’s your loss.”

  “I’ve never been cold to you and you know it.” Jade didn’t want to fight, but Jim’s comment wasn’t fair. She made herself available as often as Jim wished. But here, now, in the kitchen while she was cooking dinner, she wanted to be treated with respect. Help me, God. Is that too much to ask? What’s happening to us?

  As far as it depends on you live at peace with everyone.…

  The Scripture came to mind again and Jade mentally agreed. She moved closer to Jim, put her arms around his neck and kissed him long and slow, desperate to make things right between them again. “Is that better?”

  Jim smiled at her and studied her a moment. “Much better.” He kissed her back and his voice softened. “You’re so beautiful, Jade. I’m sorry.… I know I haven’t been myself lately.”

  Jade nodded and silently thanked God for the guidance he’d given her.

  “Hey.” Jim nuzzled her neck more gently. “How ’bout a quickie before we eat? The bathroom, maybe, or the hall closet?”

  She heard Ty galloping down the stairs, and Jade raised an eyebrow as she wriggled from Jim’s grasp. “How ’bout we eat while the dinner’s still hot.”

  Jim pulled away, took another swig of his drink and made his way to the table. “Don’t run on the stairs, Ty. I’ve told you that before.”

  Ty rounded the corner, slowed to a screeching halt and walked to the table. “Sorry, Dad.”

  “ ‘Sorry, Dad,’ ” Jim mimicked. “ ‘Sorry, Dad … sorry, Dad.’ Is that all you can say? You need to remember the rules, boy, is that clear?”

  Ty took his spot at the table, and Jade’s heart broke for him. He was probably dying to talk about basketball, and he was just a boy, after all. He’d been so excited he probably could have flown down the stairs and not realized it.

  Dinner was strained despite Jim’s earlier apology, and Jade prayed her husband would lighten up so the evening wouldn’t be completely ruined. Times like this she wondered what deep thoughts Jim was thinking. Why hadn’t she gotten pregnant those early years of marriage? And could he possibly know Ty wasn’t his.…

  No, it wasn’t possible. Jim would never have kept that kind of suspicion from her. He would have found some way to use it against her. Jade stared at her plate. The meat loaf was dry, and she chewed a piece until it felt like rubber in her mouth. The meal passed without a question or comment from Jim to Ty, and Jade silently grieved for her son. She knew he craved his father’s attention, but there was nothing she could do to change Jim’s shortcomings as a father.

  For the most part, it was the same way Jim treated her or anyone in his life for that matter. The problem was simple: No one was as important to Jim Rudolph as
he was to himself. Especially lately.

  When Jim was finished, he pushed his plate back and exhaled loudly. “Best meat loaf in town.” He patted his stomach and smiled at Jade. “Hey, how did your meeting go today?”

  She shifted and moved her food around on her plate with her fork. He seemed so content right now, she hated to answer him. She was sure he wasn’t going to like what she had to say. “It was fine. We talked and we prayed.”

  His smile faded a notch. “Well, you always do that, right? What did you ladies talk abo—” His smile disappeared. “Jade? What was your meeting about today?”

  Lord, help me say this right. She looked up and met his gaze, knowing she couldn’t lie. “Channel One.”

  She saw how hard he was working to stay neutral. He didn’t seem to want to fight any more than she did. With a sigh, he looked down at the table. “Who brought that up?”

  “Well, Jackie …”

  His eyes came back to meet hers. “And you?”

  She didn’t answer. Instead she begged him silently to let it drop, to try to understand.…

  “So you joined the discussion.”

  She nodded at the flat statement.

  “And I’m guessing you didn’t stick up for Channel One.”

  Swallowing hard, she fingered her fork. “No.”

  The disappointment in his eyes pierced her. “Jade, I thought we talked about this. I thought you were going to drop it like I asked you to?”

  Jade stared at her nearly full plate and remembered several times in the past month when Jim had made a point of asking her to stay out of the Channel One situation. “No … we’ve, uh, done a lot of research.…” She looked up, willing him to understand, to hear her out. “It’s not a good thing, Jim. I could tell you—”

  He cut her off when he slowly pushed his chair back from the table. His tone was low—and full of hurt—when he spoke. “Do you know what’s happening at work? The teachers are practically plotting your downfall. And they keep asking me what’s wrong with you, why you’re so focused on destroying education in our community.”

  “I’m not—”

  He shook his head, stopping her. “You know what I keep asking myself, Jade?”

  She sat in troubled silence, staring down at her clenched hands in her lap. Finally she shook her head and whispered, “What?”

  “Why you’re so focused on destroying me.”

  Before she could reply, he stood and moved across the dining room. Grabbing his keys from the countertop, he glanced back at her. “I haven’t asked that much of you, Jade. Just that you support me, as my wife. That you show me I’m as important to you as one of your little crusades. That’s all.” His face twitched, and she had the horrible feeling that he was fighting tears. But that was ridiculous. Jim didn’t cry. He never cried.

  He gave a heavy sigh, his fingers clenching and unclenching on his keys waving his hand at her. “Instead, you seem determined to humiliate me. To make me look like a fool.”

  Jade glanced at Ty. The boy hung his head and kept his eyes trained on his plate as he dragged his fork back and forth through his vegetables. Protect him, Lord. Don’t let him be the victim in this. “I’m sorry, Jim. It isn’t about you or your job at Woodridge. It’s about keeping our kids safe.”

  “Safe! Fifteen minutes of television each day isn’t going to harm those kids. They watch five hours at home. What’s the difference?”

  Jade was desperate to diffuse the situation.

  “Let’s not talk about it right now, okay?” She met his eyes and then glanced toward Ty. The boy seemed to understand his mother’s unspoken message, and he excused himself from the table. When they heard him close his bedroom door, Jim leaned back against the counter.

  “How do you think it makes me feel, Jade? I spend my day defending evolution and teaching kids to think for themselves, and the other teachers snicker because they think I’m married to the most extreme religious fanatic this side of the Columbia River.”

  “I’m sorry, okay. I’ll see what I can do.” Jade forced a smile, anything to keep their argument from escalating. Lately when Jim got angry, she sensed a near violence beneath the surface. As though he wanted to throw something or smash his fist into a wall. The anger was further proof that something was very wrong with Jim.

  Is he sick, Lord? Frightened? Or is it me? Have I really humiliated him? I never meant to.…

  Whatever was happening with Jim, it scared Ty, and Jade knew later that night she would need to console the boy before he would feel secure enough to get to sleep.

  Jim stared at her, and she saw something in his face she couldn’t ever remember seeing there before: hopelessness. “You’ll see what you can do?” He shook his head. “Don’t make empty promises, Jade. I think you’ve given me enough of those, don’t you? We both know what you’ll do. You’ll get your oh-so-righteous and oh-so-worried group together and get Channel One removed from the school. You have a way with these things, Jade. But this time you’re going too far. I’m warning you …”

  Jade wasn’t worried about his threat; she was worried about their marriage. Her fight against Channel One came from deep inside her. Something in her soul would shrivel and die if she were to pull out of the battle now. She was driven to be involved, make a difference. It had been the same way anytime she witnessed an injustice. She thought of Shaunie and Kelso General Hospital and how her passionate plea had saved the children’s wing.

  If only her husband could understand what moved her.…

  Tanner would have understood perfectly. He’d have been fighting alongside her. Just like he’d wanted to fight for religious freedom back when.

  Jade shook her head to clear her mind. Where were all the memories of Tanner coming from, and why now? With all that was happening between Jim and her, the last person in the world she should be thinking of was Tanner. She said nothing as Jim flung his jacket over his shoulders.

  “I’ll be late.”

  “Where are you going?” For the first time, Jade didn’t care what his answer was. If Jim was determined to keep leaving like this, then she would spend a quiet evening alone with Ty. But the pattern stirred an anxiety that had been building in Jade for weeks.

  “The Sports Page … that okay with you? Maybe you’d like to start a sidewalk boycott against the place. They serve alcohol, you know.”

  Jim’s tone was still angry, but he had lost interest in arguing with her. Now it was obvious all he wanted was to leave.

  Warning bells rang in Jade’s mind. What if he isn’t meeting teacher friends? What if the signs have been there all along and I’ve refused to see them? “Meeting anyone special?” She tried to keep her voice casual, but inside she felt another stab of fear.

  Jim smiled sarcastically at her, and Jade’s heart grew heavier. This isn’t how you want our marriage, Lord. Loveless, faithless.… I’m losing him, Father. Help me, please.

  “Why on earth would I want to meet anyone special when I have such a loving, tender wife at home?” He uttered a short, harsh laugh, and the sound of it made Jade feel sick to her stomach. “You’re such a good little Christian wife. Don’t you worry about a thing, Jade; I’ll come home tonight like I’m supposed to.”

  With that, he disappeared out the front door.

  When the sound of his car grew faint, Jade picked up the phone and dialed Jackie Conley. “Hi. I only have a minute.” Jade kept her voice low. She didn’t want Ty to hear her conversation. “About what you said earlier … what did you want to tell me?”

  Jade heard Jackie sigh on the other end. “This isn’t easy, Jade. But I think you should know.”

  The fear in Jade’s gut grew. “What? Is it about Jim?”

  “Yes.” Jackie hesitated. “Scott thinks he may know why Jim’s taking this Channel One thing so hard.”

  “I’m listening.” Jade began clearing the dinner dishes, hoping they would cover up the sound of her voice since Ty was still in the next room.

  Jackie hesita
ted. “Jade … I wish I could be there to tell you in person.…” She paused again. “Scott says Jim’s been spending a lot of time with Kathy Wittenberg. She’s new on staff—assistant administrator and part-time health teacher.”

  Relief made its way over Jade. “That’s nothing new, Jackie. Jim spends time with a lot of teachers.”

  There was a moment of silence, and instantly Jade had the feeling there was more to the story. Jackie drew a deep breath. “Kathy’s the one who wrote the grant for Channel One. It was her idea, her project from the get-go.”

  A clearer picture was taking shape in Jade’s mind. “So Scott thinks Jim could be trying to discourage me from getting in Kathy’s way.”

  “Well, there’s something else.…”

  “What?”

  “Kathy and Jim are on a committee—not sponsored by the school, mind you—whose primary goal is to stomp out the voice of the religious right in our schools. They literally earmark parents like you and me and do their best to thwart our efforts.”

  Jade thought of the time her husband had been spending away. “Does the committee meet after hours?”

  “Yes.”

  A cloud of desperation descended on her, and she made her way to the nearest chair. Nausea rose up in her stomach as she considered Jackie’s words. A committee designed to stomp out the voice of the religious right in public schools? It sounded like something from a science fiction novel or a third-world country. And Jim is involved?

  “Jade, one more thing …”

  “I’m listening.” Jade was leaning over the table, struggling to regain her bearings.

  “When I say Jim’s spending a lot of time with Kathy, I mean a lot of time. An awful lot of time.”

  Another realization came over Jade. “You don’t think …”

  “Well, Scott didn’t come out and say they were having an affair, but …”

  “Kathy’s married, isn’t she?” Jade pictured the blond at Jim’s office. She was intelligent and sophisticated, a bit hard around the edges. Not pretty enough for Jim. Jade couldn’t picture her husband falling for her.