“I’ll call Dr. Harris in the morning,” I said softly as Neil climbed into bed.
“And call Jason about a B-12 injection,” he added. “And cancel our morning session. In fact, cancel indefinitely.”
That wasn’t a great idea. Exercise helped Neil manage a lot of his anxiety. But now wasn’t the time to discuss it. “I will. First thing.”
Though it was rapidly becoming first thing in the morning, I couldn’t sleep. I left El-Mudad with Neil and went to my office in the loft over the den. I woke my computer and opened a new email.
How could you do this? I typed every letter delivered like a punch to the keyboard. How dare you do this to him. How dare you do this to all of us. Because you love Olivia? Because Laurence says so? You’re a spineless cunt. I keep defending you. I think the best of you after everything you’ve done to me. After you tried to take Neil, now you’re going to destroy my family? I hope you fucking choke to death.
I deleted everything and closed the window without saving it. I’d never meant to send a word of it to Valerie. I hadn’t even put her email address in the recipient slot. I’d just wanted to say it, even if I didn’t dare to say it to her.
She had changed so much. I didn’t even know her well enough to hurt her. The Valerie I’d always known was sneaky and underhanded sometimes, sure. But Neil had never been her target. Everything she’d ever done had been to get closer to him, to have little pieces of control in his life, and maintain some kind of presence as the woman who truly owned him. Now, she’d seemingly moved on, allowed herself to turn on him. Why? Because Laurence—
Because Laurence.
My anger swelled so big it hurt me.
Every sign had been there and for years. It had all seemed normal. Excusable in context. Laurence’s inappropriate possessiveness over her when she’d fallen sobbing into Neil’s arms in Emma’s hospital room. The dramatic loss of weight that had caused hollows around Valerie’s eyes. Laurence’s nastiness toward us and her desperate need to keep the peace that had finally worn away.
The super-short haircut.
So he couldn’t grab it.
She wasn’t going along with Laurence because she agreed with him.
She feared him.
The Office of Child and Family Services closed the case against us in one business week. Neil’s conscience did not. He apologized daily and walked through life as a man humbled by his demons. It hurt my heart every day.
“It’s getting worse the closer we get to visitation,” El-Mudad observed quietly one night as we got into bed. Neil had gone to take a shower and likely couldn’t hear us, but we kept our voices low, anyway. “Is he allowing that to continue after what they did?”
“I don’t know.” I hadn’t brought up my suspicions to Neil, but I needed to. “We could put them off a little while. Say that we have to cancel because my sister will be visiting, and we’d like Olivia to get to know her.”
By sheer, horrible luck, Molly was due to come to stay with us for a few weeks starting Saturday morning. I hadn’t mentioned anything about the CPS visit to her or her mother. We knew we hadn’t done anything wrong, so there was nothing to disclose as far as I was concerned.
I hoped.
“Should you bring it up to Neil?” El-Mudad asked. “Or should I?”
I shrugged, scooching down on the center pillow. It was my night to be in the middle. “Maybe you should. I’ve got too much history with Valerie.”
“I understand.” He got in on my right and put his arm out so I could roll over and snuggle against his chest. “What are the sleeping arrangements when Molly is here?”
I sighed and tickled my fingers through his chest hair. “I’ve thought about that. I don’t want Molly to feel like she has to hide it from her mother, obviously, but I’m not sure Sasha would be cool with the poly arrangement. I don’t want Molly to be forbidden ever to come back, but I also don’t want your girls to have to hide anything from Molly, either.”
“I’m fairly certain Molly will be smart enough to figure things out, even if I were to sleep in my room.” He stroked my shoulder idly. “Children today are far worldlier than in our day.”
“Our day?” I teased him.
“Yes, yes. You’re not as old as I am. I see now why Neil is so annoyed at you pointing that out.” El-Mudad kissed the top of my head.
The sound of the water ceased in the bathroom. I looked up gravely. “Let’s get this out of the way, so we’re not dreading the morning.”
Well, I would still dread the morning. And the next one. And the one after that, until I could bring myself to tell El-Mudad or Neil about my suspicions regarding Valerie and Laurence. My fear that Laurence might be abusing Valerie, whether emotionally or physically, rode around in my gut like a rock. If she was in an abusive relationship, I should want to help. Every moment I waited felt like I was somehow letting Valerie down.
El-Mudad and I sat up against the headboard. I took my phone off the nightstand, and he picked up the remote, turning the television on just in time. Neil strolled out nude and gave us a critical look.
“You’re not as good at acting casual as you believe you are,” he said, rubbing his hair with a towel. He tossed it aside and rounded the bed to pull back the covers. “Something is going on.”
“You may wish to put on pants for this,” El-Mudad suggested.
Neil never liked feeling vulnerable during a serious discussion.
He let his head drop back and sighed in resignation. “I thought we were tired.”
“I am tired,” I assured him. “But I want to get a good night’s sleep.”
“Well, I refuse to put pants on, so you’ll simply have to keep this as non-confrontational as possible,” he grumbled as he settled in beside me.
“We don’t want Olivia to have visitation with Valerie and Laurence,” El-Mudad said flatly.
“And I have a good excuse for why she shouldn’t go this weekend,” I offered.
Neil seemed far less upset than I had anticipated. He simply shrugged and said, “There’s no excuse needed. We’re her guardians. They have no legal right to visitation at all if we wish to deny it.”
“Oh.” I wasn’t sure what to do with that.
“Were you expecting an argument?” Neil looked between both of us. “I assure you, you won’t receive one.”
“Maybe a little bit. Because of the upset that severing ties with them would cause Olivia,” I admitted.
“There’s no reason to sever ties,” Neil said reasonably. “Valerie is perfectly welcome to visit Olivia here. Under our supervision.”
“And Laurence?” El-Mudad asked.
Neil didn’t answer that.
“My only fear,” El-Mudad went on, “is that this might open some room for Valerie and Laurence to object. I’m unfamiliar with the law here. Would they be able to do something to force us to let her go with them?”
“That’s a good point. We need to figure that out before we do anything official. Or even breathe a word of this around Olivia,” I warned them.
“Agreed,” Neil said immediately. “We’ll need distance between any legal proceedings and whatever tantrum Valerie throws over being denied further visitation.”
His words made a lump stick in my throat. “Would it be a tantrum?” I asked, my voice trembling. “Or would it be a woman losing access to her only remaining link to her daughter?”
Neil looked as though I’d slapped him.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “But I’m not. This has gone all wrong. I hate having to do this to Olivia and Valerie.”
“Valerie did this herself,” Neil argued.
“Did she, though? Neil, you know—”
“That this isn’t her?” He repeated the words I’d said so often, and which had been running around my brain for such a long time. “I thought we’d decided that this is the person she is now. That we were both on the same page.”
“We are. But...” What could I tell them? I had no proof. “Y
ou’re right.”
“I’m glad you think so,” Neil agreed. “Because for a moment, I thought there was some sort of gas leak making you defend her. Is there anything else we need to discuss then? While we still have this poorly-timed summit?”
“As a matter of fact, yes. El-Mudad and I have discussed sleeping arrangements for Molly’s visit, and we’ve decided not to hide anything,” I said, brushing my hands together as though I’d done some hard work.
“You two have been busy while I showered,” Neil mused.
“Children can see through dishonesty,” El-Mudad said.
“And teenagers talk about stuff behind their parents’ backs,” I added.
Neil nodded in concession to our points. “Which is important for us to remember with regards to both Molly’s visit and this debacle with Valerie.”
I cuddled up with my head on Neil’s chest, and El-Mudad spooned me. He took Neil’s hand and held it, resting both of them on my hip. “Everything will be all right, my loves. We simply need to have patience and trust.”
“Yes, two things that Sophie and I are known for,” Neil quipped, disentangling their fingers to reach over and flick off the bedside lamp.
With a yawn, El-Mudad replied, “You can be pessimistic right now, but starting tomorrow, it’s to infinity and beyond.”
He meant “onward and upward,” I assumed.
I didn’t correct him; it felt like this would drag out to infinity and fucking beyond.
Chapter Six
Though there were two airports on Long Island that were much closer to our home in Sagaponack, I tended to fly visitors from back home into JFK or Teterboro so they could fly over New York in the helicopter. It wasn’t a weird luxury flex; everyone just really wanted to see Manhattan. It was much more impressive than landing at Islip.
We pulled directly onto the tarmac at Teterboro. Our jet had already landed, and the moment the car pulled up, Molly was headed down the stairs way too fast. As I stepped out, I called, “Be careful, those are steep!”
They certainly helped her build up momentum. She hug-collided into me, her speed reinforced by the heavy backpack she wore, and I tottered back to save my balance.
“Sophie! Your plane is amazing!” She held me at arm’s length. “And you look amazing. Is this how you live? Every day?”
“I don’t go on a jet every day, but...yeah.” I inclined my head toward the Maybach. “I do take a lot of helicopter rides. You wanna?”
Her face fell. “The jet...and now a helicopter...don’t you ever worry about your carbon footprint?”
“Only constantly. Like, all the time.” Oh good. Outside confirmation that our lifestyle actively destroys the planet. The guilt was awful, especially since I would probably be too selfish to do anything material to alleviate it. “Maybe you can give me some pointers about this stuff?”
“I guess that’s fair since you’re giving me pointers about New York.” She shrugged off her backpack and moved to get in with it. Our chauffeur protested by lifting his hand as if to take it and put it in the trunk. I shook my head, remembering how small it always made me feel when I got something wrong about being rich.
And the thing was, Molly was rich now. Whether she wanted to be or not. I refused to let my little sister struggle through her college days in a constant knot of money worries. Plus, if she were going to live within regular visiting distance, she would have to get used to people waiting on her around our place.
“I have to text mom,” she said as the car pulled away. “To let her know I got here. You know.”
“Oh yes. Believe me, I know.” I smiled fondly. Mom still always made me text to let her know I got in okay. She was doing it even when she lived in our guesthouse.
“So,” Molly began, tapping out her message. “I looked up your address on Google Earth. Your house is pretty big.”
“Yeah. Really big. So big, you could even have your own permanent room there if you wanted.” Settle down, Desperate Debbie. I’d been less nervous about moving in with Neil than I was about asking my sister if she wanted me to keep a dedicated room for her visits. “I mean, you don’t have to live with us. It would just be there for you when you wanted to stop by.”
“But during the school year, I’m going to be staying in the dorms,” she said. “And would your kids be like...pissed?”
My kids? “Oh. Oh, well, first of all, they’re not really like, my kids. I’m Olivia’s guardian, but it’s not like I’m her mom or something since Neil is her grandfather. And then Rashida and Amal—”
“Are your friend’s kids,” she finished for me.
“About our ‘friend’.” I made air quotes. “I didn’t mention this part before you came, and I should have. I’m not ashamed or trying to hide anything from your mom or lie to you. It’s a delicate situation.”
“Oh...kay.” She drew the word out with the exact intonation I tended to use.
Genetics was real.
I took a deep breath. “We’re not like a traditional family. Not just because we’re raising Olivia. El-Mudad’s daughters are more like our stepkids. And El-Mudad is more like our husband.”
“You’re polyamorous.” She shrugged. Totally not a big deal.
“Y-yeah. We are,” I confirmed. “You’re handling this really...like it’s normal.”
“It is normal, Sophie. It’s 2019.”
“Well...good. I’m glad that doesn’t make you uncomfortable.”
“I’m not uncomfortable with queer people.” She lifted her backpack and pointed to a yellow, pink, and blue flag button stuck to it. “I’m pan.”
Was that genetic? “Nice. Well, you’re going to a house where there are at least three bisexual people, so you’ll fit right in.”
The drive to the nearest helipad was short. Soon, we were in the air again, Molly with her face practically pressed against the glass as we took a circle around Manhattan.
“There’s the Statue of Liberty! Oh my god, it looks just like in the movies!” She bounced in her seat, and I laughed, remembering exactly how cool my first glimpse of the statue had been when I’d seen it for the first time. Seeing it all the time, I’d become jaded.
Molly's eyes remained glued on the scenery, but her mouth ran a mile a minute.
"You said we could go see a show, right?" she asked, angling her head and raising her eyebrows as if to see as far under the helicopter as possible.
"We can see as many shows as you want," I promised. I just hoped she wouldn't pick something that would make me feel a thousand years old. "We can go anywhere, do anything...the sky is the limit on this trip."
She turned to me. "You don't feel like you have to be nice to me, right? I would think you were cool even if you didn't buy me stuff."
"I know." Maybe not emotionally, but intelligently, sure. "I just remember how quickly starting college went from exciting and fun to an ever-building mountain of debt and horror. Not that you're going to go into debt, but you know what I mean."
"Right, so, the fun and exciting part was when you tried to run away to Japan and met Neil, right?" She wiggled an eyebrow.
"How did you—"
"You wrote a book, dummy. Mom and Renee and Susan all read it." She shrugged. "I wanted to know about you, too."
It hurt my heart that I hadn't known my half-sisters while we were growing up. Susan was just a couple of years younger than me. I hadn't met Renee yet. But Molly was my favorite, and I would have loved to have seen her at Olivia's age.
"Well, you know me, now.” That would have to be enough. “And no running away for sexy adventures. In fact, no sexy adventures at all. Trust me. College is hard enough without dating sucking up all your time.”
Molly gave me a profoundly skeptical look. “Right, I should wait until I establish my career, then ruin it by having sexy adventures with my boss.”
I narrowed my eyes. “You’re on track to become my second favorite sister, you know.”
When we approached the house, Molly rec
ognized it immediately from her earlier internet recon. “Finally! Doesn’t it bug you living so far from the city?”
“Truth be told, no. Call me after a semester with no stars or darkness or silence.” I waited for the soft jolt of our landing and unbuckled my seatbelt. “I didn’t realize how much I missed the quiet until I moved out here.”
Not that our house was exceptionally peaceful. Security was waiting for us with two electric golf carts—one for us to ride in, one for the pilot to toss Molly’s luggage on—and we heard yelling the moment we crested the hill.
One of the disadvantages of not speaking Arabic was that I couldn’t often tell whose side to be on when Amal and El-Mudad fought. I’d tried to learn on my own from an app, but El-Mudad had quickly pointed out that there were so many differences in dialect, I’d be better off taking lessons from him. The problem was, he wasn’t a very dedicated teacher. I only knew the words for my best body parts and the things he wanted me to do with them.
I heard at least one of those words fly angrily out of Amal’s mouth as the two of them shouted full-volume beside her car, in front of the house. Glancing over at Molly, I realized that she was now in the deeply uncomfortable position of watching another teenager fight with her dad. Not exactly the welcome I’d hoped for.
“Hey there!” I called out, willing my jaw to stay unclenched. “Look who’s here!”
El-Mudad and Amal abruptly cut off their shouting match. He looked ashamed, Amal, sullen.
“Molly,” he said with a resigned smile. “I’m sorry you saw this. It isn’t a regular occurrence, I promise.”
Liar, I thought with a quirk of my lips. They fought like two wolverines tied together. “Amal, this is my sister, Molly.”
She nodded to Molly. “Hey.”
“Hey,” Molly answered back.
The start of a beautiful friendship, I was sure. Disheartened, I hopped down from the cart and thanked the driver.
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