"I'm being ganged up on!" she accused, but she did sit down. She took her phone from her bag. "But I'm calling Laurence. I'll put him on speaker."
"No, baby." Rudy gently took the phone from her trembling hand. She let him.
"We need to be able to address our problems without Laurence here," Neil said, sitting on the chaise beside her, his body angled toward hers as she stared straight ahead, her jaw visibly clenched. "Because Laurence is one of our problems."
"I have no idea what you're talking about." She stood and moved away from Neil to pace between the door and the far wall, a bundle of pure, nervous energy. "Laurence is my husband."
"But do you want him to be?" I spoke up.
She whirled on me, an easy target for her hurt. "Don't you ever question my life again."
"The way you've questioned ours?" El-Mudad's words came out in a raw tumble. I put my hand on his arm. He couldn't lose his temper now. He knew that, but a reminder was in order.
"He's right. You and Laurence have certainly felt at liberty to criticize us. Now, we need to discuss what's happening in your home," Neil said.
"We know he hurts you." Rudy's words ripped the scab off the festering wound between the three of them. It had to have come directly from him. I saw that now.
Valerie tried to laugh it off. "You don't seriously believe that."
"You've got bruises on your upper arm," Rudy replied calmly. "I saw them when you tried on that Versace blouse the other day."
She swallowed. "It must have been a trick of the light."
"Then roll up your sleeve," he replied.
She tossed her hands up. "You can't just take my word?"
"No. Not anymore. Not when other people have noticed." Rudy's eyes cut to me.
Valerie followed his gaze. Hers narrowed on me. "Oh, I see. This is your doing."
"I'm the one who brought it to Neil and El-Mudad's attention, yes." And I wouldn't apologize for it. Even if she couldn't see now that it had been out of concern for her, maybe one day she would.
"I'm embarrassed and very sorry that I didn't see the signs," Neil said, his voice hoarse with emotion. "But once Sophie pointed them out, I couldn't ignore this. I'm afraid for you, Vee."
"Don't you call me that!" She raked a hand through her short hair.
Short hair that had always been long before.
"Your hair," I said quietly, knowing I was about to open up a can of shitstorm. "You keep it short now. So he can't grab it."
Her lips parted on a breath.
"The bruises," Rudy added. "The falls. Honey, we're not stupid. And we love you."
"Oh, yes. I know how much Sophie loves me. And El-Mudad. They're practically overflowing with love for me," she jabbed a finger toward me, pacing furiously once more. "That bitch will not rest until she destroys me."
Neil shot to his feet.
I held out my hand, merely warning, "Don't."
It didn't matter now if Valerie threw harsh words at me. I could bear the brunt of her anger because I knew that once it was gone, she'd have to face the truth.
"I know you don't like me," I began. "I can live with that. But I can't write you off. You're in trouble, Valerie. As much as we clashed before, I never thought you'd call CPS on us. I never thought you'd try to hurt Neil that deeply."
"I was concerned!" Her delivery was forceful, but her performance was weak.
"You weren't concerned," Neil said, calm once more. "He was angry."
She didn't say anything. Her eyes darted helplessly to each one of us in turn.
Neil went on. "You've never had a problem with polyamory. You've never morally objected to anyone's sexuality or relationships. That isn't who you are. So, why now?"
Tears rose in her eyes. "Olivia."
"No," he denied her kindly. "We raised Emma with our values and attitudes toward love and respect. You know that if she were alive today, she wouldn't have a problem with our relationship with El-Mudad. She wouldn't see a deviant lifestyle. She would see the family that we are. And I know you do, too."
"People change, Neil." She didn't sound quite as confident as before. "Laurence and I have talked about this a lot. He says—"
Neil cut her off. "If I wanted to hear what Laurence thought, he would be here."
Oh, no. I wanted to press my fingertips to my temples to quell the headache building there. We couldn't afford for Neil to lose his cool now. He was one of two people in the room who had any chance of reaching her.
Softer, he asked, "What do you think? I want to know how you feel about the situation. Without Laurence's input. Tell us what you object to."
"Well, I..." She closed her mouth, then opened it again. Nothing came out.
Rudy stepped in. "Let me tell them what Laurence said about Neil."
Valerie shook her head. "I shouldn't have said anything. I told you that in confidence. If Laurence found out I'd shared that..."
She went silent at the realization that she'd offered evidence.
"What is it, Rudy?" I asked, already dreading the answer.
Rudy didn't have to tell us; Valerie stepped in. "I made an off-handed remark about how jealous Laurence is of Neil, and Rudy has blown it completely out of proportion."
"You told me that he said if it weren't for Olivia, he wouldn't ever allow the two of you to be on the same planet together," Rudy corrected her. "Don't twist what happened. You were shaking and scared, and you told me you were afraid he would do something to Neil."
Bile crept up my throat. "What?"
"How could you have kept this from us?" El-Mudad demanded of Rudy. "Was Neil in danger?"
"No," Valerie insisted. "I would never have let him—"
"If that were true, why were you so afraid?" Rudy turned to Neil. "I'm sorry. I didn't know how to tell you and still keep her safe."
She laughed in disbelief. "Listen to yourselves. You're all behaving as though you're in a soap opera! It's ridiculous!"
"We're trying to help you," I interjected. "You can deny it all you want. You can get angry, and you can yell at us, and you can be as hurtful as you like, but in the end, deep down, you know we're here because we care about you."
"What a lovely cliché," she said snidely.
"Like that. Lash out at us. Call me a bitch. A gold digger. Threaten me. Do whatever you need to do but please, please just admit that what Laurence has done to you isn't right." It felt as though I hurled words against a brick wall. Valerie and Neil had so much in common; unfortunately, it was all the infuriating bits of their personality. Her pride and her stubbornness just wouldn't let her say what we all knew.
"Was it your idea to call CPS?" Neil asked her.
If there was one person on earth she couldn't lie to, he stood before her now. She nodded, but a "no," escaped her lips. She cleared her throat. "No. It was Laurence."
"And did you want that investigation opened?" El-Mudad asked. "Did you want them to go to Olivia's school and ask her intrusive questions? Did you want my daughters to come home to find the police there?"
A single tear rolled down her flawless cheek. "Of course, I didn't."
"Then why didn't you stop him?" Neil asked.
And now, there was no other answer she could give. She bowed her head. "Because I was afraid."
"Of Laurence," Neil clarified.
She answered with a short nod as her face crumpled.
"Come on, baby," Rudy said, putting his arm around her shoulders. "Come on, let's sit down."
"I'll get you some water," I said, spying the wet bar in the corner. I dashed over and found Evian in the wine refrigerator. She didn't look at me when I handed it to her, but she took it.
"Why is Laurence so angry at Neil?" El-Mudad asked. "I don't have all the history here, and this doesn't make sense to me."
"Valerie is still in love with Neil." There was no sense pretending we didn't all know it. At least, Neil and Rudy and Valerie and I did. I had a suspicion that El-Mudad hadn't quite accepted it as fact.
He had no choice but to when Valerie lifted her head. "It's true."
Neil turned away, staring out the window at the deepening twilight.
"Can you imagine what that's like, Sophie?" Valerie asked, her tone hard and bitter. "Can you imagine what it would be like to have had Neil's love and lose it?"
My throat went dry, but I managed to say, "I would die."
"You wouldn't," Neil said, quick to absolve himself.
I took a deep breath. "You're right. I wouldn't. But Valerie, there was a time when Neil was willing to choose death over staying alive, living his life with me. He was willing to walk out on me that way. So, I think I know a little bit of the hurt you've gone through all of these years. I know we talked about it before, when Neil and I were getting married. And I know that for things to work out the way you wanted them to, I would have to be shattered. I can't imagine that desperation."
But I had seen it—years before, standing on the sidewalk in front of a baby store.
I started again. "I met Elizabeth once. Just once. We ran into her when we were buying a present for..." I didn't want to conjure up thoughts of a happier time when the most significant conflict between Neil and Valerie had been over who could buy Emma the most baby presents. "She was upset to see us together. Really, really upset. And I thought to myself, I could never be that woman on the sidewalk. Ever. I could never get over Neil."
"Well, I'm glad you had that enlightening experience," Valerie said, the words like bitter venom.
"What I'm trying to say is, I don't hold it against you. Loving Neil, I mean. You can't control who you love." I paused. "Just like nobody here is going to hold it against you that you love Laurence."
"Do you love him?" Neil asked, never turning away from the window. When he did finally face us, his throat moved with a swallow. "Is that what this is about?"
"I love him," she said with a short nod. "But I'm so afraid of him."
"Is that why you didn't stop him from calling CPS? Because you love him? Or because you were afraid of him?" Rudy asked.
After a long moment, she admitted, "Both."
Neil paced with his hands in his pockets. "I know you. And I know how you love. Fiercely, protectively. But you would never allow someone to harm Olivia. And you did. So, was it loyalty to your husband that caused this acrimony? Loyalty given freely, out of deep love for him?"
She didn't answer, hanging her head and covering her eyes with one hand. Rudy rubbed her back and leaned over to kiss the top of her head. "We didn't come here to ambush you. I promise we're not here to yell at you or shame you. But you need help, baby. He's not good for you. And I'm afraid I'm going to lose you."
"We all are," I added. "Despite everything, I would be...destroyed if something happened to you. Especially if there was a way I could have helped prevent it from happening."
"What could you do?" Valerie demanded, looking up with a sarcastic smile. "Do you think you can wave a magic wand and make him disappear from my life? I have nothing, Sophie. All of the bank accounts are in his name now. Everything I own is his. The house, everything. He convinced me to sign all of it over to him after Emma died, so he could manage things for me while I grieved. And I was so relieved to have someone to lean on, someone who wanted to look after me and care for me. I'm not even sure I can legally walk out of the house with my own clothes without it being a robbery."
"I'm sure that's something that can be dealt with later. Right now, we need you to be safe," Neil said.
"It's impossible. I tried to leave once. The first time he..." she shook her head, her features crumpling with shame. "How did I let this happen?"
"You didn't let it happen," El-Mudad said firmly. "This was done to you."
He always seemed to know the crucial differences in language that passed us by in difficult moments.
"Right now, you have to decide if it's something you want to undo," Neil added.
She shook her head. "I know I should want to leave."
"There's not a handbook for how to feel in these situations. But suppose my experience watching people go through stuff like this has taught me anything. In that case, it's that none of the feelings anyone has are neat and tidy when it comes to domestic abuse." She didn't need to know that my "experience" was primarily based on Lifetime movies and papers I'd read in required college courses. "You don't have to stop loving him. You don't have to stop wanting to be with him. But you can stop being with him."
"Do you believe your life is in danger?" Neil asked her.
"Be honest," Rudy said, in a tone that suggested he already knew the answer.
She nodded slowly. "Maybe not right now. But I do think that one day..."
"Then it's better if we don't wait," Neil said before she could finish. "Because you have no idea when that day will come. And when it does come, it will be too late."
"What am I supposed to do? If I try to leave him, he'll do something. I don't know what. Kill me?" She laughed bitterly. "I'm afraid that my husband will kill me. That's who I am now."
“We can get an ex parte order,” I said, feeling very knowledgeable about the process. "You don't have to tell him you're leaving. He won't even know you've filed for the order."
She gave me a withering look that cut me to the core. “Do you know what my husband does for a living? The connections he has?”
"The connections don't matter. Keeping you safe is what matters." Neil spoke with the conviction of a man who knew he could command the universe, and it would obey him. That was one of his most significant personality flaws, but at the moment, it was reassuring.
"Could she stay with you?" El-Mudad asked Rudy. "You have security downstairs."
"And he likely has friends with badges who could skate right past them." Neil cursed under his breath. "The penthouse?"
"That's less secure than my place," Rudy said.
A horrible thought lit up my brain and I hated myself so much in that moment. But I loved myself, too, because it was brilliant. "The guest house. She can stay in our guest house."
The idea hung there for a moment, all four of them staring at me as though I'd just bitten the head off a live chicken.
"What?" I asked, crossing my arms defensively. I couldn't believe I was arguing for Valerie, Valerie of all people, to come live at my home. "We have full-time security. They've seen Laurence; they’ll know him on sight. We can post extra guards around the guest house grounds."
"And it would never cross Laurence's mind that Vee would be there," Rudy said, slowly coming around to the idea.
"You'd be closer to Olivia," I offered as if I needed to sweeten the deal somehow. "You could come to see her every day if you wanted to."
“You’re asking me to move into the guest house owned by the man I’ve loved for over thirty years so I can get over the heartbreak of yet another failed relationship.” She looked away, scoffing at the offense. “Perfect. This is perfect.”
“Vee—” Neil began.
She cut him off. “I didn’t say I wouldn’t do it.” She covered her face with both hands, repeating, “I didn’t say I wouldn’t do it.”
Neil cast a glance at El-Mudad and me; I’d never seen him so conflicted. My heart leaped into my throat at the sudden fear that he was about to say something terrible like he'd always loved her, and he wanted to be with her instead of us. When would that fear go away? I hated that it would rear its head now when we were supposed to be helping Valerie.
Of course, it didn’t help when Neil got down on one knee in front of her. He placed a hand on her shoulder. “I’m asking you, as a man who’s loved you for over thirty years, albeit not in the way you wanted me to...let my family help you. Not because we harbor ill will or want to humble you. Because we share a daughter and a granddaughter. Because you deserve far more happiness than what you’ve been given. And I had no small part in that.”
She sniffed and raised her head, her eyes rimmed with red. “I’m so afraid, Neil.”
When she threw her
arms around his neck and sobbed into his shoulder, my heart ached for a much different reason than before. Seeing Valerie so vulnerable emphasized how alone she was. I didn’t want that for her.
“You don’t need to be afraid,” El-Mudad said softly. I’d never heard him speak to her so informally. Like me, he harbored unfounded, but not entirely illogical, jealousy toward Valerie. Now, though, he was as comforting as he’d been when he’d come to me in the wake of Neil’s suicide attempt. “You helped Sophie when I could not be here for her. We can return the favor.”
“And you helped me the first time Neil O.D.ed,” I reminded her. “You didn’t have to do that.”
She lifted her head to face El-Mudad and me. “What you two must think of me.”
“I don’t think anything,” I said.
She smiled a little through her tears. “Yes, you do.”
I nodded in agreement. “But nothing I think about you makes me want you to suffer or be vulnerable to abuse. And I promise we’ll leave you alone. I won’t be knocking on your door every day for gossip. You’ll never even see me.”
“Thank you,” she sniffled, accepting a Kleenex from Neil. “That does make me feel better.”
Okay. She could be a bitch to me this time, and I’d let it slide.
“We have ‘round the clock security,” Neil told her. “And I’ll add more. You won’t be in danger from him. And you can stay here for as long as you need. Before the divorce, after it, during, we will be here for you. All you need do is ask.”
Rudy cleared his throat. “The first step, however, is getting the hell out of your house before Laurence comes back.”
“I have so much...stuff…” Her eyes went wide with panic. “Emma’s baby photos, her clothes...what if he does something—”
“When does he get back? Do we have time to hire movers?” Neil asked, and I knew without a doubt that if there weren’t time, he would load and drive a truck all by himself.
“He flies in on Sunday night.” Her shoulders sagged in defeat. “And I’m so overwhelmed.”
“Don’t be, baby,” Rudy said firmly. “You’re going to get what you need and be safe behind the walls of Neil’s ridiculous compound before the plane even touches down.”
Sophie (The Boss Book 8) Page 24