And it was fucking inconvenient.
Would it make a difference if he kissed her? Just one more time.
He stepped back, cupped her face, lowered his head, and took her sweet lips in a deep, drugging kiss. She tasted of honey and lemons and exotic spices, familiar even after so long. Intoxicated, he deepened the kiss. For a few seconds, she kissed him back, and he felt the sweet slide of her tongue against his, her body pushing closer, so the fullness of her breasts pressed against his chest. Her belly against his cock until his balls ached, and he thought he might go insane if he didn’t get inside her.
It took a moment to realize she was no longer kissing him back, her body stiff in his arms as she tried to pull away.
His mind screamed No but he loosened his hold and forced himself to take a step back. She blinked up at him, her face a mask of confusion, her swollen lower lip caught between her teeth.
“I can’t…I don’t…it’s not right. You’re not my husband. I’ll be shunned if they find out I touched you.”
“They’ll never know.” God, did he sound desperate. Probably.
“I’ll know. This is wrong. I’m grateful to you. You saved my life. But it’s wrong.”
He wanted to howl. To pray. Just once again to hold her in his arms, lose himself in her body.
Instead, he turned away, shoving his hands in his pockets and staring at the sky while he fought to bring his body under control. Breathing in and out. Just existing as he had for so long.
He’d betrayed her once. And he didn’t deserve her love. He’d always known that.
The thought calmed his raging body. And he turned back to her.
“Let me take you home. And then I’ll leave. You’ll never see me again.”
Chapter 5
Rachel cast him a sideways glance as they walked in silence. He seemed so…sad. He turned his head and returned her gaze, and she looked away quickly.
Her mind was a raging turmoil.
Who was he? What was he?
She had seen him change from a wolf to a man. What sort of being could do that? Nothing from God, she was thinking. And she had allowed him to kiss her. But that wasn’t being honest, because she had kissed him back, and it had felt like nothing she had ever experienced. She was a widow, had been a married woman. She had enjoyed her physical relationship with Joseph, but it had never been…passionate. He’d been her friend first, and they had both been so young and had known nothing, both virgins on their wedding night, as it should be. They’d learned together, with a lot of hesitation and fumbling. It had been slightly awkward, and she always had a strange, underlying feeling as though it was wrong to feel pleasure in the act. With Joseph. As though he shouldn’t be in her bed, despite the fact he was her husband.
She suspected that Finn Stanton wouldn’t fumble.
And even that thought was so wrong.
Maybe the Elders were right, and she needed to take another husband. There were many at Haven who would have her. She was the Pastor’s granddaughter. She was not unpleasant to the eye, or so she’d been told. She’d proved herself fertile. But she’d been putting it off. The men were all good, but none had felt…right. And Papi had humored her. He loved her, she knew that. And he liked having her look after his house, so it wasn’t entirely unselfish.
Another quick glance.
He moved with an easy grace, though there was a tenseness to his figure as though he held himself in check.
They were nearly back at the house. He’d said he would leave her, and she would never see him again. At the thought, something twisted inside her and she had no clue why. He was not one of them. Everything about him was different, even if you didn’t take the wolf thing into account—she was trying not to think of that—it was too far beyond the realm of belief. His clothes, his hair, his attitude. The way he had kissed her.
Don’t think about it.
Would he stay if she asked?
And where had that thought come from? She was going crazy.
A shout came from up ahead, and he halted, stopping her forward momentum with a hand on her arm. “Wait.”
“Rachel.” The shout came again. Papi. And she brushed off the stranger’s hand, picked up her skirts and ran forward. Her grandfather stood on the porch of the house, two of the other elders with him. A look of…relief crossed his face as he saw her, and he hurried down the steps. His eyes widened as he took her in and she realized what a sight she must make with no cap, her hair down her back, her apron damp and filthy. Not to mention the strange man following her.
Papi looked from her to Finn. “Who is this, Rachel?”
Finn stepped forward and held out his hand. “I’m Finn Stanton, sir.”
“Pastor Yates.” Papi peered at the hand, then stepped forward and took it. A frown crossed his face as he made contact, and his gaze sharpened. “Who are you, Finn Stanton?”
“He helped me, Papi,” she said. “There were two men in the forest. I don’t know what they wanted, but they had guns. I ran, and they followed. I fell into the river and Mr. Stanton pulled me out.”
“Are you all right, child?”
She nodded.
“I have some evil news. And you must be strong.”
She swallowed, a sense of foreboding washing over her. “What is it?”
“They have taken Jacob.”
For a moment, the words made no sense. “What? Who?”
“Two men. They visited the school. They had guns. The teacher didn’t know what to do, and she had to think of the other children. They said he wouldn’t be harmed.”
She shook her head, trying to make sense of this. Her whole body trembled. They had her son. A hand touched her gently on the arm, strength flowed through her, and she could think again. She looked up to find her grandfather staring at her, a frown on his face. She was allowing a strange man to touch her. But it seemed unimportant when someone had taken Jacob.
“Come inside, child. You need dry clothes; you’re shaking. We’ll find him. We have to believe that God will look out for him.”
He was her son. She should be looking out for him. She didn’t trust God.
The thought brought her up short. But where had God been when her mother had drowned? When her husband died? Why had God let this happen?
She followed Papi inside. She half expected Finn to disappear, but he shadowed them into the house. No one tried to stop him, though they gave him a wide berth while casting him wary glances.
It occurred to her that if those men in the woods had taken her, she might be with Jacob now. Instead, she had no clue where he was, and he’d be alone and scared. But it took only a moment to realize the thought was stupid. When Finn had come along, she’d been drowning, the men too far away to help. If it wasn’t for Finn, she would be dead. And no help to Jacob at all.
Someone handed her a blanket, and she wrapped it around her shoulders as Papi hustled her to the sofa in the parlor. Someone else handed her a mug of hot tea, and she cupped it in her hands. They all looked so scared, as though they expected her to break down at any moment. But she wouldn’t. She had to be strong for Jacob.
“Mr. Stanton,” Papi said, “I’m thinking it isn’t coincidence that finds you here today. Perhaps you would tell us who you are and how are you connected to these events. Do you know who has Jacob?”
“No, but I can make a guess.”
He stood just inside the door, and she peered at him over the rim of her mug. “Who? Tell me? We have to get him back.”
“You recently had a visit from Senator Danvers.”
“How do you know that?” Papi asked.
“I work for a company that was employed by the senator’s son, twenty years ago, to locate his wife and child. We’ve been sending him regular updates since that time.”
“You’ve been spying on us?” Papi sounded more interested than upset by the thought. But then Papi was sure in his goodness. He had nothing to hide. They had never kept outsiders from Haven; he just preferred
to live among people who shared his beliefs.
She remembered the other times she had seen the golden wolf in the forest. Over the years, all through her childhood. At times of stress or other changes in her life. After her mother died, when she’d married, Jacob’s birth, when she was widowed. She’d thought of the wolf as some sort of guardian angel.
One thing was for sure: Finn Stanton was no angel.
There was a hardness to him, a sense of age and dark deeds in his eyes. Though she perceived no hint of evil. Maybe a sense of…ambiguity. Both good and bad. And, of course, there was the fact that he could change into a wolf.
Werewolves were the stuff of legends, though he had said he wasn’t a werewolf.
“No more than was necessary to fulfill our brief,” Finn said. “But it came to our attention that Rachel’s father had died recently. Because of that we were monitoring the senator’s movements.”
That didn’t make a lot of sense. Surely with the death of her father, his company’s employment would be terminated? But something else occurred to her. “You think Senator Danvers has Jacob?”
“I don’t know for sure, but I would guess that’s the case. It’s too much of a coincidence.”
She closed her eyes for a moment as she remembered their meeting. “He asked us to go and live with him. In Washington, DC. I said no, and he was angry.” But a sense of relief was loosening the tight knots inside her. If the senator had Jacob, at least he was safe from harm. She didn’t believe he would be hurt. He might be scared, but he’d be safe until she could go and fetch him. The relief was followed by rage. She gritted her teeth. “He took my son?”
“The senator has a reputation for ruthlessness,” Finn said. “And maybe he’s not thinking too well right now. His only son died recently. Maybe he sees you and Jacob as a chance to get back a little of what he’s lost.”
“He has no right.” If the senator had been in front of her now, she would have beaten him senseless. How dare he? And that was another startling thought. She’d never wanted to do violence to anyone in her life. “I have to go to him.”
“They came with guns,” Papi said. “You think they will let him go so easily? And they came for you as well. Maybe they will keep you both.”
“They can’t keep us against our will. That is not the law.”
“He is an important man. Maybe he believes he makes his own laws.”
She’d always sensed the evil in him. Even as a child. She could well believe that he would hold Jacob against her will. Maybe he even believed he was doing the right thing. That Jacob’s life would be better than here at Haven. But by what measurement? “So what am I to do? I have to get him back. He’s my son.”
All the times she had failed to show her love to Jacob returned to haunt her. She’d been scared in case she lost him. And now that very thing had happened. And maybe Jacob was somewhere, believing she didn’t love him enough to come for him. “I have to go to him.”
A tear welled up, slipped down her cheek.
Finn appeared in front of her, hunkered down, took the mug from her fingers, and held her hands. She heard the indrawn gasp from one of the elders, but couldn’t make herself pull free as strength flowed from the point of contact.
“I’ll get him back for you,” Finn said.
She gazed up at him, blinked to clear her eyes. “Why?” Though that wasn’t the important question right now. “How?”
“My company has a department that specializes in kidnap scenarios. Once we’ve confirmed that Jacob is with Senator Danvers, we’ll do whatever is needed to get him back to you. And we’ll make sure the senator never bothers you again.” A thread of ruthlessness ran through his words, but in that moment, she didn’t care. Senator Danvers had brought this on himself.
“We have no money to pay you with,” Papi said.
She held her breath. Was that why? Did it all come down to money?
“I don’t need payment.”
“Why?” Papi sounded confused and well he might be.
“Rachel’s father paid in advance. There are funds to cover the work.” He released her hands and straightened, took a step away. At that moment a car horn beeped outside the house three times. “That’s my ride,” Finn said.
How had anyone known where he was? As far as she was aware he hadn’t made any calls, and she was pretty sure he didn’t have a phone on him. Her head was spinning with everything that had happened. She didn’t want him to go, but she needed him to find her son. And anyway, there was no way he could or would stay here. This was no place for someone like him. But, still, she didn’t want him to leave. She felt safe while he was close.
She clamped her lips shut so she wouldn’t beg him to stay. But at the last minute she had to speak. “Take me with you.”
“Rachel!”
That was Papi, shock clear in his tone.
“I should be there,” she said. “When they find Jacob.”
She looked up at Finn, but his expression was closed. “I can’t take you with me,” he said, and his words held a finality she knew would not bend, and something inside her broke. He didn’t want her. Was rejecting her. And the thought was crazy, because they hardly knew each other. “Does anyone at Haven have a phone?” he asked.
“No. The nearest phone is in town,” Papi replied.
“Then I’ll send someone as soon as we have news.”
He wouldn’t come himself. That’s what he was saying. Without another word, he turned and walked away. As the parlor door closed behind him, a sense of loss swept over her so strongly that she swayed.
She would never see him again. And in that moment, she couldn’t comprehend the idea. She shoved off the blanket, jumped to her feet, and ran after him. Ignoring the shocked cry from her grandfather.
“Finn.”
But when he paused and turned at the front door, she had no clue what to say. In the end, something totally unexpected came out. “Who is Damaris?” She had no clue where the question came from, but realized it had been in the back of her mind since he’d woken.
Shock flared in his face, but he didn’t answer.
She pressed on, curious now. “You spoke her name when you woke.”
He shook his head. “Just a woman I knew a long time ago.”
“She looked like me?”
He glanced away for a moment. “You remind me of her in some ways.”
“Where is she now?”
“She’s dead. Long dead.”
There was such pain in his voice, in his eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry as well. More than you can ever imagine.”
She swallowed, stared at him, imprinting his face on her memory for the days and years to come.
And then he was gone, and she had to fight the urge to run after him, plead with him to take her with him, to never leave her.
Senator Jeremy Danvers eyed his head of security with irritation. The job should have been easy. How hard could it be to extract one woman and one child from a place so backward they didn’t even have a telephone to call for help?
“So,” he said, “you’re telling me you failed because of a few dogs.”
“They were wolves, Senator. I tell you, I heard them. Wolves in the forest.”
“You saw these wolves?” Of course they hadn’t seen the goddamn wolves. But then his men were hardly in their natural element out in the goddamn forest.
“No, sir. We went back when Jason didn’t call in. We found her hat thing. And there was blood on the track. She’s dead. So are Jason and Micky. If not, they’d have called in by now.”
He banged his fist on the desk and reined in his temper. Why the hell hadn’t she just come with him when he’d asked? He blamed her for all this trouble. What woman would choose that life over all that he’d offered? He’d always considered her a little simple. Even when she’d been a young child, before her mother spirited her away, there had been something not quite right about her.
At least they had t
he boy. And perhaps it wasn’t such a bad thing if the mother was out of the picture. Though she had been part of the deal, and he wasn’t sure how his new partner would take the news of her death.
He’d been approached a couple of days ago. A woman, who’d said she was interested in donating to his campaign and who’d provided proof of some serious amounts. In exchange for his cooperation in a small matter. A “small matter”—that had been what she’d called it.
He’d been planning a trip to visit his great-grandson anyway. This had just brought things forward. The deal was, he needed to get Rachel and Jacob away from that godforsaken place and to Washington, DC. No more than that. He had no clue why and his new partner hadn’t seen fit to tell him. He had to admit he was curious, but not curious enough to push the matter.
He’d presumed Rachel would come around. When she saw the material things he could offer her and her son. When she realized that if she ran, she would only be brought back. And if she ran again, maybe he’d put her somewhere she couldn’t run from.
“I want to be sure. Reach out to our contacts in the police. I want a warrant issued for her arrest—I don’t care what for. Get the locals to go visit the place as soon as possible. I want proof of death or the woman in custody.”
“Yes, sir.”
He sat down at his desk and drummed his fingers on the smooth wood. Then switched on the monitor. The screen came to life, showing a bedroom. The boy sat on the bed, his knees pulled up, arms wrapped around them. Still dressed in the clothes they had taken him in, so he looked like some sort of weird little freak. He made a mental note to make sure the new nanny changed his clothes to something more fitting.
The boy stared straight ahead, though he didn’t look scared. That was good. If his plans worked out, he was looking at the future president of the United States. He didn’t want a wimp.
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