Why did she think Phoebe was referring to something other than not waking her son? When they went back to the sitting room, Finn and Cade were talking quietly. They glanced across as she entered.
“He’s fast asleep,” she said. “I decided to leave him.”
Finn searched her face and then nodded.
They took the stairs up one flight to the apartment where she was staying. They didn’t touch, but she was totally aware of his tall figure next to her. By the time they reached her door, she felt about to explode. She was so new to this. Maybe he didn’t want her after all. Maybe it was a figment of her imagination. Apparently, widows could be delusional. Or so the Elders had told her. Another reason why she should marry again. But she couldn’t imagine marrying any other man. Couldn’t imagine kissing, touching, lying with another man.
Only this one. She just hoped that words wouldn’t be necessary, because she had no clue what to say, and she might die from embarrassment if she had to try and articulate how she felt at that moment.
Her hand shook as she reached out to open the door, and he took it in his and lowered it gently to her side.
“Rachel?”
She stared up into his face. It looked like she was going to have to speak after all. Was he going to say goodnight and leave her at the door? But she didn’t think so. Not from the heat in his eyes. “Yes?”
“Do you want me?”
She swallowed, then nodded, and the heat flared hotter. She realized that he’d been in no way sure of her, and it made her feel a little better about her own fears. They were in this together.
“Then I am yours,” he said. “Forever, if you want me. But for this night only if that’s all you can give.”
He cupped her face with his big hands, lowered his head, and kissed her. As his lips touched hers, she was filled with a chill of déjà vu. As though she had stood like this before. At a crossroads. And the direction she’d chosen had changed her life. And that of those around her.
This decision would change her forever. Irrevocably. Once she had given herself to this man, there would be no turning back. But she wouldn’t back down now. Couldn’t. She wanted this more than she had ever wanted anything.
Finn pushed open the door and she followed him in, stood just inside the room, unsure of what to do, how to do it.
With Joseph, she’d made love in the darkness of their bedroom, fumbling beneath their clothes. She had an idea there would be no fumbling with Finn.
She looked up and found him watching her, a smile on his face. As though he, too, had given up his worries for the night.
“I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do,” he said as he shrugged out of the black jacket and tossed it on the back of the chair.
She gave a helpless lift of her shoulders. “The problem is, I don’t know what I want you to do.”
“You’ve been married. You have a son.”
“This is different.” At least she hoped it was different. Some inner sense told her that making love could be so much more. She needed it to be more. If she was going to break the rules she had been brought up by, she wanted it to mean something.
“We’ll take it slow; just tell me if I do anything you don’t like.”
“What if you do something I do like?”
He grinned, looking suddenly younger. “Tell me that as well. Just don’t ever be scared of me.” As he spoke, he pulled the tie free and tossed it next to his jacket, opened the top button of his shirt, then ran his hand through his short hair. “Why don’t you sit down?” He waved at the couch. “I’ll get us a drink.”
She’d thought he would take her straight to bed. But now he was in here with her, he seemed to have relaxed, slowed things down. She wasn’t sure she wanted things slow. She wanted him to kiss her again. Kiss her so she forgot all her fears and doubts.
But she did as she was told and sank down onto the couch, kicked off her sandals, and curled her legs under her. He came back with the bottle of champagne and two long-stemmed glasses. After setting them on the coffee table in front of her, he opened the bottle, the cork making a crack as he pulled it free. She jumped at the sound. A reminder of that afternoon when someone had shot at her. She’d almost managed to forget. Now she added it to her list of things to think about tomorrow.
He poured the wine, handed her a glass, and sat down beside her.
“Drink,” he said.
The word stirred something in her mind.
She raised the glass to her lips. The liquid was sharp, icy cold, and delicious. She emptied the glass, and he poured her another while his remained untouched on the table. He reached behind her and released her hair from the combs that held it in place, and threaded his fingers through the long strands. Tingles ran through her, and she shivered, though the room was warm.
As he stroked the pad of his thumb over her lower lip, her mouth parted. He moved on, his hand caressing the curve of her shoulder, along her arm, and everywhere he touched, heat flared to life, shooting along her nerves, settling in her belly. She swallowed the last of her wine, and he took the glass from her limp fingers and placed it on the table. He kept hold of her hand, his fingers stroking the sensitive skin of her palm, and the last lingering doubts dispersed.
Finally, when she thought she couldn’t take much more, he rose to his feet. “Come to bed.”
And this time she had no doubts. She allowed him to lead her into the bedroom. He halted beside the big bed and stood looking down at her.
“You are all I ever wanted.”
He slipped the dress from her shoulders, and it tumbled to the floor, pooling around her feet and leaving her naked except for the scrap of lace covering her sex. She’d never stood like this in front of anyone. Not in her entire life. But she felt no shame. Just a sense of rightness. This was how it was meant to be between a man and a woman. His gaze wandered over her, leaving a trail of fire. Her breasts swelled, her nipples tightened, and a little pulse started between her thighs. She’d never thought her body could react like this.
He scooped her up in his arms, laying her down on the mattress. Then he straightened.
She watched as he unfastened his shirt, tugging it free of his pants, shrugging out of it, and dropping it to the floor. His skin was pale, his chest broad, the muscles of his stomach clearly defined. He was so big, and another shiver ran through her. His hand went to his waist and he unfastened his belt, then hesitated.
“Please,” she said. “I want to see you.”
He searched her face for a moment and then nodded. He kicked off his shoes and quickly stripped off his pants, and he was entirely naked, and totally glorious, and more than a little terrifying.
He was already hard, rising from a nest of blond curls, standing proud, long and thick, against the ridged muscles of his abdomen, flared at the head, flushed with blood, way bigger than she had ever thought a male organ would be. She came up on her elbows and stared. Would it even fit? No way had Joseph been anywhere near as big.
“It’s not going to work,” she said.
“It works. Believe me.”
“No, I…” She shook her head.
He came down beside her. “Trust me.”
She closed her eyes for a moment, before giving a small nod.
His hands slid into her hair as he came down over her, holding his weight on his elbows. For long moments, he stared down into her face, then he lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her as she’d been longing for him to do all evening. His mouth parting her lips, his tongue pushing inside, filling her. His lower body pressed against her, and she could feel the scalding heat of him against her belly. Her body shifted, as if it knew what to do, while her mind was a blank. Her thighs parted, allowing him to move even closer. She was melting inside, all heat and wetness.
He kissed her throat, his lips hard against her skin, caressing her pulse point, and she felt the graze of his teeth. Then lower, over her collar bone and the tops of her breasts, and anticipation built inside
her. He licked her nipple, and heat shot through her, down into her belly and between her thighs, and a low moan escaped her throat. She had never known anything could feel like this. How could it be wrong?
He sucked her nipple into his mouth, stroking her with his tongue, suckling, and the rhythmic movements awoke a memory inside her. Her hips lifted to match the ancient rhythm. He moved to her other breast, and her back arched, pushing against his mouth.
He shifted down the bed, his mouth moving lower, dropping kisses on her stomach. Then lower still, and shock held her immobile. She wanted to stop him, and at the same time she never wanted him to stop. Would die if he stopped. Her fingers gripped his hair to push him away, only to hold him closer as his warm breath teased the curls at the base of her belly. His hands slid down her hips and underneath her to cup her bottom, and hold her up for his kisses.
Her legs automatically went to close, but he was lying between them now. So she shut her eyes and gave herself up to the sensations coursing through her.
She hadn’t even known such a thing was possible. He kissed her inner thigh, then higher. She could feel the hot, wet heat of his tongue sliding against her sex, slipping between the swollen folds, licking her, tasting her as though he would devour her, and she was powerless to stop him. He found the entrance to her body, pushed inside, and her muscles clenched around him. Then he moved out of her, shifting his attention higher, and suddenly she was out of control. He kissed the sensitive bundle of nerves, stroked her with his tongue. She couldn’t move, she needed to tell him to stop, but the words were locked in her throat. He was kissing her there as he had kissed her mouth, using his tongue and teeth, and she closed her eyes, focused on nothing but the sensations between her legs.
Heat coalesced in her belly. Something was building, growing, swelling, tingling, burning out of control. Then he sucked her into his mouth, and she exploded into a million glittering pieces.
She was hardly aware of him moving up over her body, then his hand stroked her cheek. Her eyes flew open, and she stared up at him. He was looking down at her with wolf’s eyes, stormy gray, ringed with black. Some small part of her mind warned her that she should have been scared at the fierceness of his expression, but she slid her fingers into his hair and pulled him down to her for a kiss.
She tasted herself on his lips.
Then she felt him at her core, his tongue thrusting into her mouth as he pushed inside her. Her spine arched as he filled her, and her head fell back. For a second, she panicked; he was so big, and the sensations bordered on pain. Then he was deep inside her. Raising his head, a savage smile of victory curled his lips. “Mine,” he growled low and dark. Slowly he pulled out of her, and pushed back in. The sensation sent ripples of residual pleasure rushing through her body He repeated the move, and this time, her body welcomed him. Her legs wrapped around his waist, and she held him to her, fighting him as he made to pull away, dragging him back to her with each inward thrust of his hard body.
He rotated his hips against her, pressing on that sensitive spot, and the pleasure built again. Almost too much. She would die from the pleasure, and she broke again and was falling, spiraling through the shattered pieces of herself. She felt him come inside her, and he was there with her, wrapped around her, and they were flying.
Chapter 17
When everything had gone to shit, and he’d awakened in the forest in human form, with Rachel beside him, he’d known he’d very well fucked up totally, and failed her a second time. At the back of his mind had been the hope—that if everything was finished, then he could just have this time with her. This closeness. But now, though his body was momentarily sated, his mind screamed that it wasn’t enough.
Losing her the first time had broken him. Turned him into a creature of destruction, wanting only revenge against those who had taken her from him. Which he counted as just about everyone from Heaven and Earth.
Now, he was scared. Terrified that the darkness would take him again. He lay in the dim light and watched her. She lay on her side, facing him, her black hair a midnight cloak around her shoulders, her breasts peeking through, her lips red from his kisses and slightly parted.
She blinked open her eyes—he’d thought her sleeping—and her mouth curved into a slow smile.
“I never thought I could feel like that. Thank you.”
“My pleasure. You should be sleeping.”
“Time enough to sleep when you’re dead.”
A shiver ran through him. “Why do you say that?”
“No reason. It was something my mom used to say. She told me she got it from my dad. She reckoned he wanted to experience everything. It made her sad, but she knew he would never have been happy at Haven.”
“And she wasn’t happy out in the world.”
“Actually, I think she came back mainly for me. She loved my father, but she was scared of my grandfather’s power over him. And apparently, I was a strange child. I didn’t fit in. While she loved my father, she loved me as well. Maybe we all have to make choices.”
“You don’t believe that love conquers all?”
She considered the question. “Perhaps. But people do terrible things in the name of love. Love should never be selfish. Maybe I believe that love is really when someone else’s happiness means more than your own.”
She was so wise. She always had been.
If he had asked her all those years ago, to take the Elixir voluntarily, would she have agreed to spend eternity with him? Eternal life would have meant watching her son die, then his sons… She’d never actually said I love you to him. But he’d always been certain of her love. Right until the end, when he’d heard her scream his name, and he’d known he’d failed her, and betrayed her, and he didn’t deserve her love.
He shook away the memory. The truth was, he’d been a coward without the guts to ask her to spend eternity with him. So he’d lied.
Her hand touched his cheek and warmth flowed from her touch. “Don’t look so sad. Tonight is not for regrets.”
“I’ve done so much I regret, and spent many years trying to balance out the bad stuff. But I’ll never regret tonight.”
She smiled. “You sound so fierce.”
He reached for her then, pulled her beneath him. Her legs parted, and he settled himself over her. He was already hard, and he found her unerringly. His hands slid into her hair, and he held her while he lowered his head and kissed her deeply. Then he sank into her, and he was home.
This time he made love to her slowly and deeply, and by the time they both came together, she was sobbing his name.
And afterward, she fell asleep in his arms and he held her close. He rarely slept, but a sense of peace washed through him, and her rhythmic breathing lulled him to sleep.
And he was back in the past.
Finn could see her standing by the ridge of ochre rock that marked the end of the settlement and the beginning of the desert. She was dressed in a dark-red tunic, her long black hair flowing down her back, her green eyes flashing bright. She loved the sun, and her skin was golden. All over. She liked to make love on the sand of the desert with the hot sun heating their bodies. Not that they needed heat. They produced enough to spontaneously combust. She was smiling and looked carefree. A completely different woman from the one who had returned from her husband’s people just over a year ago. She’d been closed off, sad, almost broken.
He was doing the right thing.
And when he eventually told her, she would understand. But they hadn’t had long enough together yet. She still wasn’t sure in his love. She’d been betrayed before. He just needed time. And that’s what he was giving them both.
He held the golden goblet in his hands as he landed beside her.
“What have you brought me?”
“Wine,” he said, handing her the goblet with its priceless contents. “Flavored with sunshine to warm you for the journey ahead.”
“We’re still leaving?”
He nodded. “Are yo
u ready to go?”
“Everything is packed. Marcus is waiting for us. I’ve told him we’re going on an exciting trip.”
At the last moment, a frisson of doubt prickled over his skin, and he almost snatched the goblet from her and dashed the contents to the ground. But he held himself still, unable to take his eyes from her as she lifted it to her lips.
“Drink,” he said.
Her wide mouth curled into a smile as she leaned toward him and sipped the liquid. Finn couldn’t tear his gaze from the movement of her throat as she swallowed, and some of the tightness drained from his muscles. His golden wings spread in triumph.
No going back now. Right or wrong, the deed was done.
“I love you,” he said. “I’ll love you for eternity.”
They had betrayed the laws of Heaven in stealing the Elixir, but he had no regrets. He would gladly forsake Heaven if that was the price he had to pay to be with Damaris. She was his own private heaven here on Earth, and he knew his brothers felt the same about their wives.
He took the goblet from her fingers and dropped it to the sand at their feet. Cupping her beloved face in his hands, he kissed her.
The sharp, bittersweet tang of the Elixir clung to her lips, and a shiver of unease ran through him. He shook it off. There had been no other way. “We need to leave. The others will be waiting.”
He stood for a moment willing his human guise into being, then took her hand in his and led her back through the village to the small house. Marcus was waiting in the living area, perched on top of a leather bag containing all their belongings. He looked excited and jumped up and ran to them, hugging his mother. He looked so like Damaris, with his black hair and green eyes. “Are we going on an adventure?”
“We are.”
The streets were quiet, most people at their midday meals, but he couldn’t free himself of the need to hurry, and he lifted Marcus, held him with one arm, took Damaris’s hand and hurried her through the streets. He had arranged to meet his brothers at a clearing on the edge of the village. The theft would be discovered soon enough; they had to be away from this place before that occurred.
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