She lifted the goblet to her lips, breathing in the sweet, heavy scent. At the last moment, she looked into his face, caught something in his eyes. Expectation or guilt— maybe a mixture of both. But she was eager to be on her way. Leave this life behind. There would be time for questions later.
She took a sip; the wine was rich, with a strange but compelling flavor and a slightly bitter aftertaste. She drained the rest and felt the warmth wash through her system, run along her nerves and her veins, filling her with light and life.
She stood unmoving, savoring the feeling. Finn took the cup from her and dropped it to the ground, lowered his head and kissed her.
“I love you,” he murmured, his expression expectant. “I’ll love you for eternity.”
She wanted to respond, but as always something held her back. As though if she didn’t speak the words, perhaps she could keep him. As soon as they were out, then somehow, she would lose him. It was a crazy thought, but it kept the words locked inside her.
He gave her a last long look, then magic shivered through the air, his wings vanished, and he stood before her in human form. “We need to leave. The others will be waiting.”
They made their way back to the village, through the narrow streets to the small house they shared. Marcus was sitting on her leather satchel packed with their clothes and the bits of jewelry Finn had given her in the year they had been together. He jumped up and ran to her, and she hugged him hard. “Are we going on an adventure?” he asked.
“We are,” Finn replied. He bent down, picked up the satchel and flung it over his shoulder, then held out his arms, and Marcus went to him. He’d grown to love Finn as well. He’d been terrified of his own father, with good reason, and had been wary of Finn at first.
Finn picked him up, and together they left their home. The streets were quiet, and they saw no one. She could still feel the wine running through her system.
They were almost there—up ahead, Finn’s brothers and their wives had gathered. Torr, their leader, was married to her half-sister, Soraya. It was through Soraya that she had met Finn when she’d returned to the village after the death of her husband. She hadn’t wanted another man. One had been enough. But she hadn’t been able to resist Finn. On their third meeting, he’d revealed what he was and asked her to marry him, but by that time she was already in love. Though scared to admit it.
A clap of thunder sounded overhead. The sky opened, and a host of angels appeared, blocking out the sun. The beating of a thousand wings filled the air. In seconds, they were surrounded.
“What’s happening?” she asked. Were they friends?
He turned to her, his face stamped with horror. He placed Marcus on the ground and her son ran to her, burying his face against her skirt.
“I never meant for this to happen,” Finn said.
What? What was happening?
Someone grabbed her from behind. She’d been staring into the air and hadn’t noticed the villagers coming up behind them. She looked into their familiar faces and saw strangers, hatred stamped on their features.
She heard Soraya scream as she too was dragged from her husband’s arms.
Finn reached for her, his wings bursting free of his human form. But angels grasped him, pulling him back and away from her. He threw back his head and roared, but there were too many.
“Finn,” she screamed his name as they dragged her away. She lost sight of him as she fought against the hard hands holding her. They’d separated her from Marcus, and she searched for him. Smoke filled the air, and a long, drawn-out scream of pain cut across the roar of wings.
They were intent on punishing her for a crime she had no knowledge of. Maybe just for stealing what belonged to God.
She took a long time to die, clutching Marcus’s still-warm body to her. And all she could think was she hadn’t told Finn she loved him. Now she would never get the chance.
That was the first death. She’d been reborn and died so many times since then, and those lives flashed before her now. And the deaths. Never truly happy, haunted by that first death. Haunted by a love she hadn’t remembered and a guilt that she’d never told Finn she loved him. Always searching for something, or rather, someone.
She sat up, sobbing, her hands covering her face. For a minute, she had no clue where she was. Who she was. And panic threatened to overwhelm her. Then she remembered. The professor. She was in his office. And she opened her eyes, found him sitting on a chair beside the couch, watching her, a frown on his face. “You’re back with us,” he said. “I was worried. For a minute I couldn’t wake you. I thought I’d lost you to the memories.”
She swallowed and shook herself. “I remember.”
“I know. You spoke. So many lives. I’ve never had a subject remember more than one past life before.”
“You believe me?” She had no doubts. But still so many questions.
“You were very convincing. You believed yourself in love with an angel.” He shook his head. “I never believed in God before. Could you have been mistaken?”
She closed her eyes, saw an image of Finn, golden wings spread. “No. He was real. I still don’t know why, though. Why they…killed me. There was such hatred.” Was it all because she’d fallen in love with an angel? Had she died because of that? But she sensed there was more to it. Why had the angels attacked them? What had Finn and the others done to earn the wrath of Heaven?
And her son, Marcus, had died because of her sins. She thought of Jacob sitting next door, trusting her to keep him safe. Was she putting his life at risk by being with Finn?
Why hadn’t Finn told her the truth? Would she have believed him if he’d told her he was an angel? Back then he’d been…angelic. There had been a goodness and a radiance to him. That was gone. There was nothing of the angel left of him now. What had they done to him that day? How had he lived since? She’d come here for answers, and now she was drowning under the weight of all the questions whirling in her mind.
She scrubbed her hand over her face. “How long was I under?” she asked.
“Nearly two hours.”
“Jacob?”
“Don’t worry, Mary is good with children. He’s fine.”
“I have to go.” She searched her mind for a plan. Some way to make sense of it all. She wanted to run to Finn, feel his arms around her, have him tell her everything would be all right.
But there was something she needed to do first. The only thing she could think of right now was making sure that Jacob was safe. Her love for Finn had cost the life of her son. She would make sure history didn’t repeat itself.
The professor made no move to stop her as she scrambled to her feet. She wiped her hands down her jeans. “Thank you.”
“I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. I’m hoping you’ll come back and we can talk some more.”
“Maybe. I don’t know where I’ll be…”
She hurried out of the room. Jacob was kneeling on the floor. Someone had given him some paper and crayons and he was drawing. He looked up as the door opened.
“Mummy been crying,” he said.
“I was just thinking something sad, but it’s gone now.” She crossed to him and held out her hand. “How would you like to go see Papi?”
He nodded, then frowned. “With Finn?”
“Not this time. But I’m sure we’ll see him soon.”
And maybe he would give her some answers. There was also Bella. She’d been her half-sister back in that first life. Soraya. She had presumably died that day as well. Had she also gone through countless lives since? Though she was reunited with her husband now.
First though, she had to make sure Jacob was out of danger. She’d take him back to the place she had always felt safe. To the forest and Papi. She just had to find a way. Afterward, she’d come back. She would confront Finn with what she knew. And she would get her answers.
Chapter 23
She was still searching her mind for a way to get back to Haven as she c
ame down the wide stone steps from the university building. She had a little money, but she was pretty sure it wouldn’t be enough to get her and Jacob back home.
She wasn’t ready to face Finn yet.
Finn, the angel.
Just the thought made her head swim. An echo of those long-ago feelings washed through her; she’d loved him so much. But that had been another life.
Then she remembered him making love to her, the night before last. The intensity of his touch, the feel of him on her, in her, consuming her. It had felt so right, and she knew her emotions had followed her through all the lives that lay between them.
But she wasn’t ready to face those feelings yet, not until Jacob was safe. There was too much that Finn couldn’t or wouldn’t tell her, things he was hiding. With all the secrets between them, how could she trust him with Jacob’s life? With her own, yes, but not with her son’s.
Which meant asking Bella and Phoebe for help was also out. They would presumably go straight to Finn.
Of course, there was always her other grandfather, the senator. But everything inside her shied away from having any contact with him at all. Even his own son had said not to trust him.
She’d call Papi; maybe he could send her some money and they could get the bus. While it might take some time, what difference would a few days make?
“I’m hungry, mama.”
There was a café opposite, and she took Jacob, sat at a table by the window, and ordered him a sandwich, coffee for her, and juice for Jacob. As he ate, she counted her money. She wasn’t sure how long it would take for Papi to organize some funds, but likely, it wouldn’t happen before tomorrow. Hopefully she’d have enough to pay for a cheap motel tonight.
As they came out of the café, Jacob tugged on her arm, and she glanced down at him. “What is it?”
“That man, over there. He’s staring at us.” He pointed across the street.
Her gaze settled on the man they’d met with Finn yesterday. Tall, with black hair and blue eyes. He returned her gaze, then strolled over, coming to a halt in front of her.
“Are you following me, Mr. Dawson?”
“It’s just Dawson. And yes.”
He didn’t elaborate. And she had a feeling that if she asked him directly why, she wouldn’t get an answer. It seemed to be a habit of people here in the big city. So much that wasn’t said. She tried a different tack. “What did you mean when you said I might be the end of your people?”
He shrugged. “You must ask your…man the answer to that one.”
“Finn?”
“Do you have another?”
Actually, she wasn’t sure she had the one. “And what is my life worth?”
“Again, you must ask Finn. I’ve been forbidden to speak of it.”
“By Finn?”
He nodded.
“And do you always do what Finn says?”
“Always.”
He didn’t sound too happy about it. What hold did Finn have over the man? “You don’t like me?”
“I don’t dislike you, personally. I fear the power you hold.”
She gritted her teeth. “I don’t hold any power, Mr. Dawson. Not that I know of. And no one is telling me anything, so you can stop worrying I’m going to do something you don’t like. I wouldn’t know where to start.”
“You don’t need to know it to wield it.”
Why did everyone have to be so goddamn cryptic? She’d go back to the start of the conversation and try again. “Why are you following me?”
He shrugged. “We’ve been ordered to keep you safe.”
“By Finn. You work for him?”
“In a way.”
“What way?”
“We come when he calls. There have been people following you since you left the Storm Lord’s protection.”
“Stormlord’s? That’s Finn’s company?”
He smiled, but the expression held no amusement. “That’s Finn and his friends. The Storm Lords. I’m guessing you’ve met their leader, the Destroyer, by now.”
“The Destroyer?” A shiver ran through her at the name.
“Torrin Stormlord.”
Bella’s husband. She wanted to ask why he was called that, but maybe some things were best not known. He’d been an angel once, and was now known as the Destroyer. But Bella loved him still, that was obvious. And he wasn’t evil. She would have felt it. Nothing made sense.
She took a deep breath and calmed her mind, then reached out with her inner senses and probed the man in front of her. She got no sense of wrongness. Whatever and whoever he was, he wasn’t a bad man.
She made a decision. “I need to take Jacob home to his grandfather,” she said. “I don’t think he’s safe here in the city.” Dawson said he’d been ordered to keep her safe. “I’m not safe in the city. I don’t have much money, but I can get some, and I’ll pay you for your time.”
“Why not ask Finn?”
“He thinks we should stay. But I have a feeling that I need to get Jacob away from here. Once he’s safe, I’ll come back and get some answers.”
“Good luck with that.”
He sounded as though she would need it. “You’ll take us then?”
He thought for a minute. “Do you need to collect anything?”
“No. We just want to go.”
“Then I’ll take you. But there is one condition.”
“What?”
“I need to tell Finn that you’re with me.”
“Can you wait until we are on our way?”
“Let’s go.”
Finn knew as he let himself into the apartment that she was gone. The place had an empty feel. He walked into the bedroom. Her clothes were still there. She’d either decided she wanted to take nothing from here, or she was coming back. Or something had made her run. His head was going to explode.
He was going to tell her. Everything. Give her the choice.
He’d made the decision, built himself up to saying the words, and now she was gone. And he didn’t know how long his resolve would hold.
Fuck.
He punched the wall with his fist. Then forced his brain to clear. He had to find her.
Maybe she’d taken Jacob to visit Phoebe and Sophia. He pulled out his phone and hit their number.
“Phoebe, it’s Finn. Is Rachel with you?”
“I haven’t seen her today.”
“Thanks.”
Next, he phoned security on the front desk. She’d gone out with Jacob over four hours ago.
Where the hell had she gone?
She knew no one in the city except the senator, and she was unlikely to go there.
Why hadn’t he thought to confine her to the building? Tie her up, lock all the goddamn doors. Handcuff her to his side.
That might have taken some explaining. He’d told her the senator was no longer a threat. What reason would he have had to stop her going out? But he’d told Dawson to watch out for her. He would have had someone monitoring the building. He punched in Dawson’s number, but it went straight to voice mail. “It’s Finn. Call me back.”
He stood in the middle of the room, trying to decide what to do next. He wanted to be with her. He needed to be with her, needed to know she was safe. There were things she had to decide.
And there was the smallest chance that she would decide to live. She loved her son. Maybe she would consider it worth the loss of his life and that of his wolves, to stay with the boy.
But he didn’t think so.
He knew her too well.
Which meant she needed to decide what she wanted for Jacob. Whether he would stay with her grandfather at the settlement, or whether she would prefer him to have a different life. His brothers would ensure he was safe. Bella and Phoebe would take care of him.
Or maybe once she heard the truth, she would want nothing to do with any of them. He’d betrayed her by not offering her the choice all those years ago.
Where the hell was she?
He sank
down onto the sofa, scrubbed a hand through his hair. All he could do was wait.
He had no clue how long he’d been sitting there when he heard the sound of footsteps outside, and he jumped up. The door pushed open and he held his breath. But it was Bella who stood there, Torr behind her.
“We heard you were back,” she said as they entered the room.
He pressed his fingers into his scalp. “She’s gone. I don’t know where.”
Bella bit her lip, shifted from foot to foot. Torr wrapped his arms around her from behind, pulled her against him, so she fitted beneath his chin. “Tell him,” Torr said.
She took a deep breath. “I did something, and maybe it was wrong, but she’s my sister, and I know her, and she’s going to either die or be broken by this. If you take Gabriel’s offer, and she lives, then finds out how you sacrificed your life, she might as well have died.”
“My life is over anyway. I’ll never go back to Lilith.”
“Well, if she ever finds out about the wolves—how many have died because of her—she’ll never forgive herself.”
“I know. I was planning on telling her the truth. Giving her the choice. And I know what she’ll choose. Now I don’t know where she’s gone.”
Bella licked her lips. “I might.”
Hope flared to life. If he could just find her, go to her. She had less than a day remaining. Maybe he was wrong to tell her. But he knew her and knew that she would want to know the truth. “Where is she?”
“I’m not sure now. But I gave her something.”
“What?” he asked, trying to keep the impatience from his tone.
“I know we’re not allowed to tell her anything, that it would break the terms of the Covenant. But I thought if she found out herself, then maybe she’d remember, and…” She gave a helpless shrug. “Everything would work out.”
He shook his head, wishing she would get to the goddamn point. “What did you do?” He almost yelled the words, and Torrin’s figure stiffened, but he remained silent. He’d been through this. He probably knew how Finn was feeling and would make allowances.
“I gave her an article on regression hypnosis.”
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