“I do, Gideon. But I can’t have you,” she said with a shaking breath.
She watched his jaw clench and then he was kissing her. Hot, open mouth, both of his hands in her hair, knocking her bun loose.
Faye gripped his waist, clinging to him to keep herself upright. She kissed him back. There was no way to resist it. His kiss made her brain stop and her heart race.
Gideon was trying to prove a point, while Faye was trying to savor it. It had to be the last between them. It didn’t matter if he ever kissed her again. Or if he kissed her every day. To protect her heart, she would have to treat each one as the last one she’d ever get. Because that was the reality of falling for a Kindred.
Faye broke the kiss, taking a step away from him.
“Fuck!” Gideon barked, putting his hands on the back of his neck.
“This is just physical attraction. It will fade,” she said quietly.
“Is it? Because I honestly can’t fucking tell. I feel you, here,” he said, ripping open the buttons on his white dress shirt. His exposed tan skin was smooth and muscular and Faye swallowed against the lump that appeared in her throat.
It wasn’t his chest she was looking at, though. It was the mark that shone on his skin just above his heart. A triple spiral design that shimmered against his flesh. The colors moving through the rainbow as the light moved over the design. It was his mark. The one that he was born with and would pass to his mate when he found her.
She would carry that mark like a trophy. She would wear clothes that showed it off. Proclaiming her the beloved mate of a devoted Kindred. Faye had always thought they were beautiful from a distance. No one would ever get to close enough to view them. At least not someone that wasn’t in a Clan.
“I feel you here; my heart hurts when I worry about you.”
“I think you are confusing that symbol with the ever-changing emotions of a human. That mark of yours is for your mate. How do you think I would feel looking at it every day knowing it didn’t belong to me? That I couldn’t be the one to show it off and proclaim myself yours. I would feel that loss every day if we were together. It would hurt me, and eventually it would hurt you.”
Gideon cupped her face in his big hands. “We can figure out a way.”
“No, Gideon, we can’t. You’re a good man. You’re kind, and generous, and I think we can be friends if you just put aside this infatuation. It’s because I was sick and needed someone. Your kindness is confusing you. Just give it a little time. I promise the feeling will fade. I’ll be back to normal and you will think about me when you watch bad movies.”
Gideon shook his head. “You talk about ignoring me so easily.”
Faye gasped, her heart clenched in her chest and she felt the immediate welling of tears in her eyes. “How could you say that? I’ve never felt this way about anyone. It kills me that the first time I do, I can’t do a damn thing about it. It sucks and I’m angry.”
Gideon kissed her again and damn it if she didn’t kiss him back. They kissed for a moment before Gideon quickly pushed her back and moved his body to stand between her and the door.
A knock sounded as the door swung open.
“Get out!” he barked at whoever was behind him.
“Oh gawd,” Faye gasped as the door slammed shut.
“It was just Sabrina,” he explained.
“I have to go.”
“Faye, I still want to see you later.”
“Why? So we can keep torturing each other?”
“Because we aren’t done here.”
Faye didn’t want to argue with him anymore. Her lips were swollen and her panties were embarrassingly damp. She was happy to leave because no matter her words to him, her body was betraying her. Gideon knew it too.
Leaving the office, she didn’t stop to look at Sabrina, she just grabbed her cart and went back to the basement without finishing the rest of her rounds.
There was a bag sitting on her desk when she arrived. Inside was chicken soup and a sandwich with a bottle of flavored water.
He had been thinking about her. He’d taken care of her again. A woman like her could not let herself fall into the trap of ever expecting someone else to take care of them. That wasn’t the life she had been handed and it wasn’t the life she would ever have.
Sitting down, she ate her sandwich as the tears fell down her cheeks.
Chapter 23
How she got through her classes was miracle. Faye was exhausted. She had been trying so hard to tell herself that it was all mind over matter. That she’d started the day feeling fine and there was no reason that should change after a few hours. But her body was sore; her mind was mush, and her heart, well, that was in a constant state of flux. Her feelings for Gideon were building minute by minute. She fought with herself, listed all the reasons she couldn’t be with him. They were all very practical and logical reasons. He was too much for her. Too good looking, too rich, too smart. Even the fact that he was Kindred didn’t fit with her. But she wasn’t surprised that her heart wasn’t listening. Spending so many days with him had given her a glimpse of the real man.
He was thoughtful, sometimes bossy and he was fierce in a good way. She overheard conversations when he would leave his office door open. Business calls could be harsh and she would have hated to be on the other end of his anger.
She also heard calls with his mother. They were sweet, funny conversations that made it impossible for him to hide the love in his voice.
What he’d said to her in his office earlier. Those kisses. They were so good that Faye couldn’t help but think that she would burst into flames if they ever went beyond a touching of lips. Her body was on a slow burn with him and it wouldn’t take much for her to explode.
She’d found Anson waiting for her when she clocked out. He was friendly and kept up a steady stream of conversation while they drove to her school. He escorted her in and stood sentry by the door, eyeballing everyone that went by.
He told her that Tucker had Gideon and they were going to make a showy walk out the front of the apartment building to give the photographers something today, hoping it would keep them off her back.
Another way Gideon was looking out for her.
As class wound down, Faye bundled up the work she had missed knowing she’d have to catch up on it quickly or it would drive her crazy. Luckily, she had two more days to recover before their lab class. She didn’t feel like wrestling a hundred-pound dog when she wasn’t at her full strength.
She never got the Chihuahuas.
Anson was waiting for her after class, and cupped her elbow, offering her a subtle support to lean on as they walked to the car. A black town car with pitch-black windows waited for them and Faye was grateful for the privacy they offered. It meant she could feel cocooned and protected from the outside world.
Holding the back door open, Anson helped her inside. The door shut behind her as she noticed she wasn’t alone.
“Faye,” Gideon said, his eyes warm and roving over her.
“Gideon! I didn’t expect you here. I thought we were meeting for dinner?”
“This is us meeting. I’ve been giving the paparazzi a slip the last few hours. We should be good for the evening. Are you up for dinner? You have circles under your eyes,” he observed.
“Tired, but I think that is expected. I’ll sleep well tonight.”
“Then we will eat quickly and get you back home.”
Home, not her home, his, she thought. He’d slipped into this easy speech and she wanted to correct him each time he did it. But then she also didn’t want to sound ungrateful. “I’ll take that,” she said, leaning back against the seat.
Looking forward, she could feel Gideon’s eyes on her. She wanted to look back; it was so tempting.
Trying to stay strong, she pretended to look out her window. That was until she felt Gideon’s hand close over hers that was resting on the seat.
Flicking her eyes back to his, she didn’t bother hiding her sur
prise.
“I needed to touch you, it’s been a long day,” he said simply.
What was she supposed to do? Rip her hand away from his? No, that wasn’t going to happen. The best thing for both of them was to figure out how to get herself back to her own place in the next few days. Paparazzi or not.
Gideon knew he shouldn’t have reached for her hand. But it was resting on the leather, looking small and cold. Or maybe that was all in his head. He wasn’t lying about the circles under her eyes. Her pallor was waxy and he should have taken her straight home.
But he’d told her he was going to take her out and he didn’t want to go back on his promise. He saw her hesitate when he took her hand. He saw the entire battle wage in her eyes. He also saw her give up the battle of the handholding, but not the entire war.
He knew he had no reason to keep her. When he left the office there were only two photographers, both fairly pleasant and only took a few pictures. He hoped that the fervor was dying down.
Then again, that meant that he wouldn’t have any reason to not let her return to her shoebox of an apartment. She deserved better. He knew that without a doubt. Faye Dixon deserved a soft, well cared for life.
He wanted to be that person for her. When she talked about her heart getting broken, he could feel his starting to crack. He couldn’t tell her that it would be forever. There was no way for him to know if his mate was out there for him or not. What if his mate was planned for him when he was eighty or ninety?
Was he supposed to wait all those decades to be happy? Or could he spend that time with Faye?
He didn’t know the answer to that and it bothered him. Life had been black and white for him. Now it was too many shades to count.
He’d arranged for dinner in a private room at a Moroccan restaurant he liked. Faye could relax in a pile of pillows next to a low-slung table with food that could be eaten by hand.
Now he was rethinking his plan. By the looks of her, there was a good chance she would fall straight to sleep.
“Faye?”
“Yes?”
“I heard you earlier. Please don’t think I didn’t. I just haven’t figured out what to do.”
Faye looked at him with eyes so full of pain that he sucked in a breath.
“I don’t think this is one of those situations where either of us is going to come out unscathed. We let emotions get in the way and now we have to pay the consequences. It will hurt for a little while. But it will fade like most things do.”
“So what happens tomorrow?”
“I think that if you don’t mind, after dinner you should drop me back by my place. If you want to leave someone, I don’t mind, but I don’t think it’s necessary.”
“And your clothes?”
“They weren’t really my clothes, Gideon.”
“They are now,” he growled.
“Fine, I’ll get them at some point. Let’s have dinner and then say our goodnights. Tomorrow can be like it was before.”
“Do you really think that we can ever go back to the way we were?”
“No, but we have to try. For both our sakes.”
Gideon clenched his jaw and didn’t say anything further. His negotiating skills were failing him. Mostly because he knew she was right. There wasn’t going to be a happy ending. Not for either of them.
Chapter 24
Faye was feeling sleepy. She was resting against a stack of burgundy and red tasseled pillows. Her stomach was full of apricot chicken and rice with olives. They were finishing dinner, sipping on aromatic tea and eating figs and cheese. She’d never had this kind of food and she was so glad Gideon had given her this chance.
They hadn’t talked much during dinner. Discussed cuisines, Gideon mentioning a trip he took once when he was younger and how he got lost in a bazaar in Morocco. Other than that, they just kept each other company.
It felt like they were both dragging out the meal, neither wanting the evening to end.
But it did have to end.
“I think I’m done,” she said. Faye was talking about the meal, but she knew he understood the full intent of her phrase.
“Let’s get you home,” he said flatly.
She watched as Gideon pulled out his phone and sent a message. “I’m having Tucker bring the car around front.”
They paid and by the look on the waitress’s face, Gideon must have given her a good tip. Based on the smile it was a great tip.
Gideon offered Faye his hand to help her up and she accepted. He let it go the minute she was standing. It was his sign that he was accepting their situation. It hurt Faye like she expected it to.
As they walked to the door, Gideon placed his hand so lightly on her back, she barely felt it.
Standing at the door was Tucker. “Sir, I think we need to wait and decide on another exit strategy. I don’t like this. There isn’t anyone out there, it’s too quiet.”
“But it’s clear now?”
“Yes, sir. I still suggest we figure out a different plan. The car is out front, but as I said, I don’t like the calm.”
“I’m really tired, Gideon. Can’t we just rush to the car? I’m sure no one cares that we were eating dinner.”
Gideon looked back and forth between the two. It wasn’t far to the car, a simple sidewalk. He didn’t want Faye out any longer than necessary. Choosing her comfort over the desire of his security, he chose Faye.
Pushing open the door, Gideon held it open and Faye stepped through.
She hadn’t gotten more than two steps out onto the sidewalk, her eyes scanning and finding Tucker at the car reaching for the handle of the door, when a flash blinded her.
She jerked as she heard voices start calling out, “Faye! Gideon!”
The flashing continued as Faye felt herself being picked up and carried. She expected to be shoved in the car, but there were men and women with cameras blocking the way. Tucker was trying to use his large frame to block their cameras and shove them back.
Gideon carried her around the corner and down an alleyway. She was abruptly put down beside a smelly dumpster, her back up against the brick wall of the restaurant.
“Stay back,” he growled at her.
Faye looked up to see the profile of Gideon’s face in the streetlight. It was the angular face she remembered, but now it was sharper. His cheekbones were more pronounced, the line of his nose fuller, spreading to his face. Around his hairline, she could see dark spots on his skin. If that wasn’t shocking enough, he had his mouth open, slick fangs gleaming in the light and fine whiskers stretching from his cheeks.
Gideon was half-shifted. She’d never seen a Kindred like that. Their animals, sure, during Halloween humans always knew which houses to visit to see different animals.
But half-shifting meant anger; it meant a barely controlled anger. Gideon was furious.
He was guarding her, protecting her from cameras and people that meant to exploit her. It wasn’t like they wanted to harm her, but that wasn’t how Gideon was reacting.
Faye held her breath as she heard the sounds of footsteps getting closer. Gideon let out a low terrifying growl as the footsteps stopped. The flashing started and Faye realized they were getting pictures of Gideon in his half-animal state. It was probably better than anything they could have hoped for. Those pictures could make those people more money than they made in a year. It was the holy grail of pictures.
Gideon made a move like he was getting ready to lunge. Faye couldn’t let that happen. She couldn’t let them get a picture of him losing control even more. She also didn’t want him to hurt anyone for her sake.
Looking down, she saw his hands were open and protruding from the tips of his fingers were long black claws. They looked so very dangerous. Faye couldn’t let him do something he’d later regret.
Reaching up, she slid her hand into Gideon’s, tucking hers palm to palm with his. She threaded her fingers through his, the fur around his hand soft against her skin. She whispered, “Gideon? Plea
se don’t.”
As her hand slid past his claws and cupped his palm, she felt a heat sear between them. His hand clenched around hers and his face swung around to stare at her. Bright yellow eyes were all she could see. He stood frozen, his chest rising and falling like he was panting.
She couldn’t help but try and remember his face that way. He was the most beautiful man she’d ever seen, fangs and whiskers included.
“Gideon, let’s go.” Faye didn’t care what photos they got. They already had more than they had bargained for.
Gideon shook his head like he was trying to realize what she was saying. His focus went back and forth from their clasped hands to her eyes and back down again. Gideon squeezed her hand tightly, like he wasn’t going to let her go. He glanced back quickly to the people down the alley that she couldn’t see.
Gideon looked back to her and picked her up into his arms. “Face down,” he ordered.
Faye tucked her face into his coat and held onto his lapels tightly. She felt him walking, heard the clicking of the cameras and could almost feel the flash of the lights against her skin. It was mere moments before she found herself in the back seat of the car.
The tires squealed as Tucker pulled away from the curb. Anson was in the front seat, both men stonily silent.
“Gideon?” she said quietly. She was sitting on the seat, but Gideon had her in his embrace. He was panting and his eyes were closed. Faye didn’t attempt to free herself from his grip. He seemed scared, or still angry. Whatever it was, it wasn’t like him at all.
“Shhhh.”
Faye didn’t know what to make of that. He wanted her quiet? Was he mad at her? She didn’t have anything to do with those people waiting for them. She could feel the anger radiating from the front seats. The two bodyguards weren’t saying anything either.
Faye decided to stay quiet. She kept her eyes on the most obvious threat even though she could never think of him like that. Gideon’s eyes were closed, his clawed hands holding hers tightly. He was breathing in and out, big breaths that should have sucked all the oxygen out of the car.
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