By the time morning arrived, I decided he was right. Not completely, but partially.
I feared losing everything that I had spent a lifetime unknowingly searching for.
Chapter One Hundred Fifty-Six
Sandy
Eddie finished chewing her food and set her hamburger down. “So, what did the doctor say? You went to the doctor today, right?”
“Oh, yeah.” I alternated glances between her and Smokey. “Everything looks good. It’s a kumquat baby. That’s what she said. Bigger than a grape, but not as big as a little bitty lime. It’s got lungs and a brain and everything. It’s just hard to believe. It’s exciting.”
“The baby’s healthy? You’re healthy?” Smokey asked.
“Yep. Good for another four weeks. She said no more stress, though.”
“Hopefully all that’s behind us.”
It had been two weeks since detective Watson stopped by, and not one word had been mentioned about the matter since. The one time I had asked, his response was that it was nothing to worry about.
I had no idea if it was nothing to worry about, or something I simply needed to try and forget. Either way, I wasn’t concerned. I trusted Smokey to keep Eddie and me safe from all the things that threatened to split us apart.
“I’m sure it is,” I said.
“That’s exciting,” Eddie said. “It’s weird to think about, though. A kumquat. That’s crazy.”
I took the last bite of my hamburger. “Mmhhmm.”
“Damn,” Smoky said. “You’re done already?”
“I was starving.”
Eddie slid the platter across the table. “Eat. You’ve got to feed the baby.” She pointed toward the hamburgers. “Maybe it’s twins.”
“Oh, don’t say that,” I said. “I can’t even…”
“That would be awesome,” Smokey said. “Twins?”
“I know, right?” Eddie chimed.
“Wait.” I looked at them both. “Neither of you are carrying them, giving birth to them, or breastfeeding them. Twins would be insane.”
Eddie shot Smokey an excited look. “Insane and freaking awesome.”
I grabbed another burger and shook my head. “No twins.”
“Did you tell her?” Eddie asked.
Smokey shook his head lightly, as if trying to dismiss her question.
“What?”
He raised both eyebrows and shook his head.
I looked at Eddie. “What?”
She looked at Smokey.
I scowled at each of them. “What?”
“I had a dream,” Smokey said.
I took a bite of my new burger. “And?”
He shrugged. “Twins.”
I took another bite. “So.”
“Sometimes his dreams come true,” Eddie said.
“What?” My eyes shot to Smokey. “Really?”
“I don’t know. There’s been a few that were questionable. Nothing to worry about.”
I took another bite of my burger, swallowed it, and then studied him. “Are you serious?”
“About the dream, or about worrying about it?”
“About the dream.”
He nodded. “I had a dream the other day. A boy, and a girl. Twins.”
I sighed. “I sure hope not.”
“I sure hope so,” Eddie said.
“So do I,” Smokey agreed.
He motioned toward my plate and laughed. “Want another?”
I looked down.
My plate was void of any food.
I hadn’t realized it, but I’d eaten the other burger already. “Holy crap,” I gasped. “I can’t believe it.”
They looked at each other and chuckled.
“It’s not twins,” I said.
“Still hungry?” Smokey asked.
I shrugged. “Not really.”
I was, though.
“Are you sure?” Eddie asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “I’m okay.”
She picked up her burger, and took a bite. “This is so good,” she said over her mouthful of food. “Better than In-N-Out.”
Smokey took a bite. “It’s cooked just right, too. Great job, Ed.”
“Thanks.” She took another bite and then looked at me, and shook her head in disbelief. “Mmmm.”
I looked at the platter.
There were four left.
I reached for one. “Maybe half.”
I took a bite.
It tasted so good.
Smokey stood, opened the refrigerator door, and pulled out the horseradish sauce. “Here.”
I pulled the top half of the bun off, covered the top with sauce, and took a bite.
Oh my God.
I was in heaven.
I took a bite, and then another. Before I knew it, the burger was gone and I was licking my fingers.
“Three down.” Eddie nodded her head toward the platter. “Three to go.”
I shook my head. “I’m done.” I patted my stomach. “I’m stuffed.”
“When we get done with dinner, I’ve got ice cream and brownies,” Eddie said. “But you’re probably not hungry, are you?”
“You got ice cream?”
She nodded. “Neapolitan, and Rocky Road.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe a little brownie, and like a tiny scoop. Not much, though.”
Smokey and Eddie looked at each other and did the high-five thing.
I rolled my eyes.
Twins.
The thought of it was the most ridiculous thing ever.
That night at midnight, when I was sneaking another burger and eating ice cream with a fork, I began to wonder.
As I sat on the floor with a burger in one hand, and the tub of ice cream between my legs, Eddie snuck in behind me.
“Boo!” she whispered.
I all but jumped out of my pajamas.
She sat down beside me and took the fork from my hand. “Still thinking it’s only one?”
With a mouthful of burger, I looked at her and nodded.
She poked the fork into the ice cream and then looked at me. “You’ve almost killed this.”
With my mouth still full, I responded. “I know.”
She shook her head and laughed. “Either way, I’m really excited.”
I took another bite. “Me, too.”
After digging around in the tub for a minute, she managed to excavate another bite from the matter stuck to the edges.
She poked the fork in her mouth and placed the empty container between my legs. She nodded toward my burger. “I won’t tell if you won’t tell.”
I raised my hand. “Girl power.”
She slapped her hand against mine. “Girl Power.”
I poked the last part of the burger in my mouth and savored every morsel of it, closing my eyes as I chewed.
“What in the fuck are you two doing?” Smokey snarled from behind us.
We both jumped, me so high, the cardboard ice cream container shot from between my legs and slid across the tile floor.
I spun around, swallowed my food, and shrugged one shoulder.
He glanced at the empty platter, and then looked at the ice cream tub. “Well?”
There was no sense in lying, so I told him the absolute truth.
“What do you think,” I said with a shrug. “I’m feeding the twins.”
Chapter One Hundred Fifty-Seven
Smokey
It had been a month since Tank came up missing, but there were no missing person’s reports, no nosey ATF agents poking around, and no arrests. Convinced the investigation was over, and he simply went to harass someone else, I exhaled and began to live my life the way I saw fit.
P-Nut was right.
I was scared.
Not of Tank, or of the thought of resolving the issue with him.
But I did fear two things.
Snakes, and making the commitment to marry. As easy as it was to come to terms mentally with the thought of doing it, and as much as
I wanted a family, I simply couldn’t develop the courage to ask Sandy any more than I could pick up a snake.
So, I decided to do what it was that I spent a lifetime suggesting others do.
Face my fears.
“Be a badass piece when we’re done,” he said.
I looked down at my chest. “Got three solid days in right now. Been tough to hide this fucker.”
The tattoo artist stopped. “Hide it?”
I nodded. “It’s a surprise.”
“How the fuck you hide a full chest piece?”
“It isn’t easy, believe me.”
He positioned the needle over my stomach. “Ready?”
I clenched my jaw. “Go.”
The needle, a four-pronged shading rig, dug into my flesh.
The blue ink of the snake’s belly was an aqua color, and reminded me of the ocean. It was the one place I could always find solace, regardless of what was going on in my life.
As the needle tore away at my tanned skin, and replaced it with a permanent ink, I felt like I was gaining one thing, and losing another.
The artist drilled into my skin until the needle ran dry of the ink, and then he’d dip it in the well, and start the process again. The pain was almost intolerable, but I wouldn’t give up for any reason, I knew that much.
What I gained from the completed tattoo would last a lifetime.
With each drop of ink, my fear was slowly rising from my soul, leaving me feeling cleansed.
I gained a torso covered with my greatest fear.
A snake.
I would never again fear the most repulsive creature created by God. In fact, it would become part of my very being. I wasn’t facing my fear, I was embracing it.
I was becoming it.
The pain shot through me like an electric shock. Every muscle in my body tensed. The third of three solid days of tattooing, and my skin resembled hamburger.
But, it was the only way.
I closed my eyes, took my mind to thoughts of raising another child, and of Sandy and I walking along the beach with all our children at our side. Playing in the waves, and finding seashells, we’d walk the coastline for hours to find the perfect spot to set up for the day.
If our baby was a boy, he would grow up to love the ocean, respect, it, and probably be a surfer.
If our baby was a girl, she’d grow up to be just like Eddie. Strong, resilient, and bold.
“Have a look, Boss,” he said.
I opened my eyes. “You done.”
He wiped a towel across my stomach. “I think that’s it. Never seen that before.”
“What’s that?” I asked.
“Fucker falling asleep when he was getting drilled on the chest.”
I shot him a look. “What time is it?”
He glanced at the clock. “4:00.”
Somehow, I’d lost four hours. I slipped off the side of the chair, turned toward the mirror, and looked at my reflection.
The snake started at my belt, and ran all the way to the top of my chest. According to the artist, the design was a Chinese theme, and was considered a symbol of healing, rebirth, renewal, and protection.
It may have all been in my head, but I felt different already. I was sure of it. I nodded at my reflection. “Fucker’s perfect.”
“Appreciate it.”
He cleaned the tattoo, covered my torso in plastic wrap, and then I put on my shirt.
“Can I leave this shit on for, say, an hour or so?”
“No problem. When you remove it, be sure and wash the plasma off. You’ve got plenty of ink, you know the drill.”
“Just got one more stop to make,” I said.
“Where you headed?”
“Exit 3B off the 8. Friars.”
He nodded, but I doubt he knew where I was going. “Gotcha.”
I walked through the door, and looked up at the cloudless sky. It was a beautiful day to be a new man – a man who faced his fears – and that was exactly what I was.
A new man.
Who was fearless.
Chapter One Hundred Fifty-Eight
Sandy
Smokey, Eddie and I were going to dinner at a nice restaurant in San Diego with Cholo and Lex. I was so excited to be enjoying an evening with another couple, and spending time with a friend who was only a few weeks more pregnant than me was a lot of fun.
Lex and I compared our belly size, our moods, doctor’s recommendations, and even our likes and dislikes with food.
I stared down at my belly as the water sprayed against me. Now at 13 weeks, I was starting to show. Seeing the growth was the best part of the pregnancy so far.
Eddie bought some board books, and gave them to us as a gift. When we were in bed, Smokey read them to the baby, often creating additional bits and pieces as he saw fit, and making the story his own. He said the reading sessions would cause the baby to get used to his raspy voice.
That way there would be no surprises after the birth.
Living with Smokey and Eddie was, by far the highlight of my life. Part of me had an expectation that one day it would all end, because it was simply too good to be true. The thought of not having it was extremely unhealthy for me, and I knew it.
So, when those thoughts came, I’d always talk to Eddie, and she would tell me how much I meant to her, and to her father. She explained that it was difficult for Smokey to express how he felt, because he, too, feared losing me.
In the end, it seemed Grayson and I were far more alike than I originally thought.
Two people who met, got pregnant, and then, at least one of them fell in love. It was a fairy tale if there ever was one, but it was put together with our timeline, not one from most fables.
It was my happy ever after.
And, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I got out of the shower, dried off, and put on my robe. When I came out of the bedroom, I about had a heart attack.
A real one.
“Oh my God!” I shouted. “What…”
I stood and stared.
Against the far wall, Smokey stood, shirtless, wearing only jeans. From his chest, all the way down to his crotch, a huge colorful snake was tattooed.
It was one of the sexiest things I’d ever seen. In facg, it sucked the breath from my lungs, leaving it difficult for me to breathe.
“What. Oh my God. What. I thought you hated snakes?” I stammered.
“Do you like it?”
I sucked in a breath. “Uhhm. It’s. yeah. I like it. It’s uhhm. It’s super hot. I uhhm, Dear God. I though nothing could make you hotter. But. Uhhm. Yeah.”
He cocked his head to the side. “Do you think it’s sexy?”
“Uhhm. Yeah. Like. I wanna fuck you right now.”
“Ahem,” a voice said from my left.
I glanced to my side. Eddie was sitting on the side of the bed.
What the fuck?
I was embarrassed, but more than anything, I was shocked that she was sitting on our bed. The entire ordeal seemed weird, but I dismissed it to her probably admiring Smokey’s new tattoo.
“What are you…I uhhm.” I shrugged innocently. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay.” She grinned. “I like it too. Just not quite as much as you, obviously.”
I looked at Smokey, swallowed, and then let out a sigh. “I uhhm. I need to get dressed. And if you want that to happen, you’re both going to have to go somewhere else.”
He shook his head. “Two things. First of all, since when do I leave when you get dressed?”
“Since you got that tattoo,” I said. “If you stay, we bone. If we bone, we’ll be late. So, you gotta go, mister.”
I looked at Eddie and cocked my head to the side. “Sorry Eddie.”
She raised her eyebrows. “No big deal.”
I looked at Smokey. “What’s the second thing?”
“Neither of us are going anywhere,” he said.
I wrinkled my brow. “Huh? I’ve got to get ready.”
He pushed himself from the wall, walked up to me, and looked me over. “We need to talk to you.”
The tone of his voice was different. It wasn’t angry, but it wasn’t happy, either. I scanned my memory for anything I might have done, and short of eating the rest of the hot dogs, came up with nothing.
“Both of you?”
He nodded.
“Okay.”
“We have a question,” Eddie said.
I looked at her. “Uhhm. Okay.”
She looked at Smokey. “You first, or me?”
He shrugged.
I looked at her.
She met my gaze, let out a sigh, and scratched her nose with her cast. “I need to know something,” she said dryly.
I cinched my robe. “Okay.”
“So do I,” Smokey said.
Eddie cleared her throat. “Me first.”
“No, me first,” Smokey insisted.
Eddie looked at Smokey. “At the same time?”
He cocked his head to the side. “Sounds good.”
“On three?” she asked.
“I like four better,” he said.
I was lost. And scared. They were acting weird, and neither of them seemed overly happy.
Smokey lifted my chin until my eyes met his. “Pay attention,” he demanded.
“I’m trying to,” I said.
Eddie hopped off the edge of the bed and stepped beside Smokey.
“Ready?” he asked.
She nodded and slipped her arm around him.
Simultaneously, they spoke. “One.”
“Two.”
“Three.”
“Four.”
Smokey’s eyes widened. “I love you with all my heart. Will you marry me?”
Eddie grinned. “Will you be my mom?”
My face went flush. I stumbled, and almost fell, but Smokey caught me.
I looked at Eddie.
A tear rolled down her cheek. “Please?”
I nodded eagerly. “I uhhm.” I looked at Smokey and wiped my cheek. My dream was now a reality. “Yes, I’d love to be your wife.”
I looked at Eddie and opened my arms. “And, yes. I’d be honored to be your mother.”
The three of us embraced in a hug.
After a long embrace, Eddie leaned away, reached inside her cast, and pulled something out. “You almost forgot this, dork.”
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