“Uhhm. Let’s see. Uhhm. Can you hear me? Blink your eyes if you can hear me,” I babbled.
He blinked once.
I almost peed my pants.
“Okay, once for yes, twice for no. Do you know where you are?” I blurted.
After a short pause, he blinked twice.
“Do you remember what happened?”
He blinked twice.
“Do you know who you are?”
He blinked once.
“Do you know who I am?”
He blinked once.
Thank God.
My mind was racing, and my thoughts were all jumbled. I realized I needed to call for a doctor, and let all of the fellas know he was awake, but I deeply desired at least a few seconds alone with him. I wanted to be the one who told him what happened. I wanted to be the first person he actually spoke to, even if it was in a manner that was unconventional. For this particular moment, I was selfish, and I needed to be alone with him.
“You were at a meeting, and a man pulled up in a car with a gun. He had a beef with a former Marine friend of yours. He pulled the gun, and you dove in front of it. He uhhm, he shot you. But you saved the life of your Marine friend, and probably Axton too,” I softly sobbed.
He stared at me for a considerable amount of time, and eventually blinked his eyes once.
“I should probably get a doctor,” I blubbered as I wiped the tears from my cheeks.
He blinked twice.
“Uhhm, everyone’s downstairs in the cafeteria. You want me to call them up here?” I whispered.
He blinked twice.
“Okay…uhhm.”
I stood nervously and considered what to say. Instead of speaking legibly and intelligently I simply began babbling. “I know this might sound weird or creepy, but I hope not. I realize you’ve only been gone for two days, and I don’t really see you every day anyway, but knowing you were actually gone, like out of town gone, I uhhm. I’ve missed you. Like a lot.”
He blinked once.
He must be delirious.
“You missed me too?” I asked as I pointed to my chest.
He blinked once.
How quickly things change. I now had a new best feeling I had ever felt. And I was feeling it at that moment as I stood and admired one of the most interesting men I had ever met. Without speaking, and full of emotion, I stepped to the edge of the bed, leaned over, and kissed his forehead. As I slowly stood, I gazed into his eyes.
And he blinked once.
Chapter Sixty-Six
TOAD
As we all must have something to believe in, it comes as no surprise that the majority of people on this earth believe in a God of their choosing. And, as humans, at some point in time we develop doubt. An event or situation in our life which we feel is beyond acceptable for a higher power to place before us causes us to question his very existence.
I no longer wonder, I know.
For an immeasurable amount of time, in a place words can’t accurately describe, I existed. In his presence, and under his care, I remained until I was released back through the tunnel onto earth.
There was no fear, no feelings, no time, and no material existence.
Not certain if I would ever describe it as a spiritual existence, I felt strangely comfortable. I was there. Not a spirit, apparition, or ghost, but me. When I returned, I returned with knowledge and an understanding that I had either lived a life acceptable to God or he was far more forgiving than I would have ever imagined.
“How’s the pain today?” A-Train asked.
“Unbearable, but I’ll manage,” I responded.
“Well, the doc said it’s a pretty painful recovery.”
“He’s sure as fuck right, this is awful,” I said.
“Be a lot better if you’d take your pain medication,” he said.
I shook my head and sat up in the recliner as I ratcheted the back into a more erect position. “I’m not getting strung out on that shit. It’s been two weeks, I don’t need it. I’ll be fine.”
“Well, only you know how much pain you can stand. If you need it, I’ve got it in the kitchen,” he said as he placed a bowl of oatmeal and some ham on the table beside the chair.
I looked down at the plate and nodded my head. “Appreciate it.”
“Eat that shit. The fellas will be over here before long, maybe we can sit out on the back deck and enjoy the sun for a while before it gets too damned hot,” he said as he walked toward the large glass doors that opened onto the back deck.
As he parted the blinds, the sun filled the room. I turned toward the windows and shook my head. “It’s too fucking early for all that light, Brother. Damn.”
“The sun’s up. Anyone sleeps past sunrise is either a lazy motherfucker or a criminal. Get up and eat your chow,” he grunted.
Leaving me in A-Train’s care was probably the best choice the fellas could have made. Without a doubt, he wouldn’t cut me any slack, would make sure I ate properly, slept plenty, and didn’t get depressed about my slow recovery. To be honest, I knew I would never become depressed. I did, however, look forward to the arrival of the upcoming weekend. If for some reason it didn’t happen, I may slowly sink into a mild state of aggravation. Not having my phone left me without a means of communicating with all of the people who were important to me. Knowing Sydney was scheduled to spend the weekend with me kept me sane, at least for now.
“So, what day is it,” I asked as I reached for the oatmeal.
“It’s fucking Friday. Yesterday was Thursday, remember? You sure you don’t have mild brain damage?” he said over his shoulder as he walked into the kitchen.
“I couldn’t remember, I was hoping it was, though,” I said as I spooned the oatmeal into my mouth.
“Slow down, you’re eating that shit like a starving hostage. You know it doesn’t matter when you get done with it, Sydney won’t be here until late tonight,” he said as he sat down on the couch.
“I know, I just need to eat and get showered before the fellas get here. I can’t believe you three live next to each other,” I said as I placed the empty bowl on the table and grabbed a piece of ham.
“Dekk’s as good of a fella as any Marine you’ll ever know. Hell, after he got his first big paycheck, he built a new fucking gym and these three houses. Crazy fucker donated the money to build a school too, right behind us. It’ll be a while before his son’s ready for school, but when he is, it’ll be right there,” he said as he pointed toward the back deck.
As I bit into the ham, I heard the lock on the front door turn. Surprised, I turned to face the door. It opened, revealing Ripp, a drop-dead gorgeous brunette, and a little girl. After the door was wide open, and they were inside the house, Ripp turned around and knocked on the door.
“Time to wake the fuck up,” he hollered.
“Michael Allen Ripton,” The brunette snapped as she nodded her head toward the little girl.
“He never knocks,” A-Train explained as he stood from the couch.
“Toad, this is my wife Vee, and my little girl Jessie,” Ripp said as he slowly walked into the house with the little girl holding his hand.
“Nice to meet you,” I said as I stood.
I wiped my hand against my sweats and began walking her direction. As she gripped my hand and shook it, she nodded her head and smiled.
“Pleasure’s mine. And thank you for your service. After getting to know A-Train, I’m a softie for a Marine. I’m just glad you’re finally out of the hospital,” she said.
“So am I,” I agreed. “And if it wasn’t for your husband here, the guy who shot me would still be running around shooting people.”
“Oh, believe me,” she said, coughing out a laugh as she spoke. “Pulling that guy out of the car and beating the crap out of him was nothing…”
“Why do you say that?” I asked.
“Believe me, he’s done far worse,” she said.
“Mind if I tell him?” A-Train asked.
“Not at all,” Vee responded.
I lowered myself into the recliner and grabbed my half-eaten piece of ham. As I relaxed into the chair, Ripp sat down beside A-Train and sighed.
“You see, you and Ripp are a lot alike.” A-Train paused and exchanged glances between Ripp and I. “What I’ve learned about Toad since he’s been here is that you two are damned near twins.”
“How you figure, Bro?” Ripp asked as he propped his right sneaker onto his left thigh.
“Well, Toad’s lived his life as a whore, just like you. He’s spent his days fucking women and has never been in a relationship with one. Swears he doesn’t mistreat them, because they sign on for his sexual punishment when he gives them some long stretched out speech about how he’s only fucking them, and never going to actually love them.” A-Train paused and glanced in my direction.
I rolled my eyes.
“Sound familiar?” A-Train asked as he glanced toward Ripp.
“I’m taking her onto the deck,” Vee sighed as she picked up the little girl.
“Ain’t no shame in fuckin’ bitches. I spent a long time fuckin’ a whole bunch of ‘em,” Ripp said. “But when I met Vee, it was all over.”
“That’s not exactly what I was going to tell him,” A-Train interrupted.
Ripp’s face contorted and he threw his hands in the air. “What the fuck was you gonna tell him?”
A-Train stood and walked to the loveseat across from the couch. As he sat down, he responded. “I was going to tell him about your court battle. You know, how you had a life changing experience, and after it, how you recovered.”
Ripp shook his head and pointed at me. “He got fucking shot, dude. I just had some asshole pull a gun on me.”
I took the last bite of my ham and waited anxiously for the story.
“Let’s hear it,” I said as I relaxed into the recliner.
“Well, this is kind of personal, and I know it goes without saying, but this stays here,” A-Train explained as he leaned forward on the couch.
“Did you forget who the fuck you’re talking to?” I snapped.
“Just had to say it, Brother,” A-Train responded.
“My girlfriend, Katie, is Ripp’s sister. She got raped a while back.” He hesitated and took a shallow breath.
“Damn, I’m sorry did…” I began.
He raised his hand in the air. “Just let me finish.”
I nodded my head and swallowed heavily. To me, the thought of someone raping a woman wasn’t much different than what the child molester did to the children. I’d line up every rapist and do the same thing to them I did to the child molester. There was no place on the earth I lived in for anyone who did those types of things to women and children. Frustrated at the thought of A-Train’s girlfriend and Ripps’ sister being raped, I sat quietly and waited for the rest of the story.
“So this was before she and I were seeing each other seriously. Ripp finds out what happened, and he takes off in his car damned near like he did the day you got shot. Hell, we had no idea what was going on, because although Katie told him, she hadn’t told anyone else. Ripp goes to this guy’s house, and knocks on the door. At this point, he’s got it in his mind he was going to toss this asshole in the trunk and haul him to the police station.” A-Train paused and turned toward Ripp.
“Let me tell it, Bro,” Ripp said as he moved his shoe from his thigh, rested his elbows on his knees, and leaned forward.
A-Train nodded his head. “Fine, tell it.”
“So there’s the version I told in court. Ripp paused and looked around the room. “And the real version. This is the real version.”
“This fuck-bubble raped my sister. We’re all at Sunday dinner at my folk’s house, and she gets upset and jumps up from the table in tears. I went to see what was wrong, and she told me what this guy did to her. I hopped in my car and hauled ass to this fucker’s house. You see, I knew this fuck-tard because he used to date her. When I knock on the door, he opens it with a fuckin’ Glock in his hand. And, because he thinks he’s got ol’ Ripp right where he wants him, he admits to raping her and a few other girls. Now I don’t know all this whappitty-whap gun snatchin’ shit you Marines know, but I been in a fight or two.” He paused, flexed his biceps, and kissed each one independently.
“So I hauled off and hit this fuck-nugget with a right cross to his forearm. The pistol falls to the floor, and I get this asshole in a choke hold and start choking him out. Now, although I was originally goin’ to take this piece of shit to the police station, at this point, takin’ him anywhere is the furthest thing from my mind. I squeeze a little harder, and a little harder,” he hesitated and stood from his seat.
“And snap! I break this prick’s neck like a twig,” he said as he turned his palms up and widened his eyes.
“You broke his neck? You fucking killed him?” I asked as I sat up in my seat.
He raised his eyebrows and nodded his head. “Deader’n a fuckin’ mackerel. Right there on his porch. So I sat down beside him, pulled my phone out of my shorts, and called Vee. I said, you better get ready, ‘cause we’re headed to court. I just killed a motherfucker.”
Somewhat dumbfounded, I shook my head.
“Vee’s a heartless bitch, so I knew everything was gonna be fine. So, they arrest me and charge me with murder. And when we go to court, she makes fools of these bastards, and I get found not guilty. She’s the best fucking attorney in the great state of Texas,” he explained.
“Wait, she’s an attorney?” I asked as I tilted my head toward the deck.
“Sure as fuck is. Damned fine one too,” Ripp said.
A-Train stood from his seat. “Alright, so my point was going to be this…”
“I realize I don’t know what you’ve been up to since I saw you last, but there’s no one, and I do mean no one who was more of a whore than Ripp. And now? He’s found the woman of his dreams, and he’s happier than ever. You have any regrets, Ripp?” A-Train asked as he gazed Ripp’s direction.
“Fuck no, dude. You know that,” Ripp said as he sat down.
“So, there’s nothing to be afraid of. If you want to get to know this girl, get to know her. And if you’re afraid of being in a relationship, don’t be. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be, and if it’s not, it won’t.” A-Train said.
As I attempted to sit up in my chair, a sharp pain shot from my shoulder through my neck. My broken clavicle continued to remind me it was going to be a long time before I would be able to ride again; yet another fear in my list of many.
“Let’s say she feels the same way I do, but I don’t even know if that’s the case. Let’s just say it is. Well, I’m afraid I’m going to fuck it up. I’ve never done this, and hell I hate to say it, but I might not even be able to perform. I’m telling you, my head’s a wreck, Brother. For the last five years or so, I couldn’t even get my cock hard unless I was tying some bitch up or choking her. Being in a real relationship might not ever work,” I explained.
Ripp slapped his hand against his knee, and turned to face me. “Bro, tell me about it. I couldn’t even get it up if I wasn’t getting’ rough with a bitch. My cock wasn’t interested if there wasn’t some really good shit goin’ on. Now? Shit, it’s weird, but now I’m good to go. I think it’s all about when you get comfortable with someone. I’m comfortable with Vee, so it’s all good.”
“Let’s just say I’ve had the same concerns. I think you’ll find just about every combat Marine has. I don’t have them any longer, and I’ll leave it at that,” A-Train said.
“I don’t know, I hate to think about going after this chick, getting up to the plate, and I don’t even have a fucking bat to swing,” I groaned as I leaned forward in the chair.
A-Train laughed as he picked up the plate from the table beside me. “Well, I can tell you this for sure. Damned near every man on this earth sooner or later settles down with a woman. It doesn’t make you less of a man to let a woman into your life or heart. Your fears are valid
, but I’m afraid they’re probably a little inaccurate. If I were to guess, I’d say you’re afraid of change. Don’t be. Regardless of what your one percenter brothers tell you, having a woman in your life doesn’t make you a pussy. Two of the meanest, toughest motherfuckers to ever grace this earth are Dekk and Ripp, and they’re both married with kids. And ol’ Ripp here still gets in a fist fight damned near every time he swallows a couple beers.”
“True story,” Ripp said.
“Did settling down with Vee change who you are?” I asked.
Ripp stood, shook his head and walked to the kitchen. After grabbing a beer from the refrigerator, he opened it, took a drink, and walked back to his seat.
“Let me ask you a question, Bro,” he said.
“Alright,” I responded as I attempted to get comfortable.
“If you go out in the country and find a wolf, bring it home, and feed it Purina Dog Chow, will it turn into a good pet?” he asked.
“I doubt it,” I responded.
He shook his head and tilted the bottle of beer toward me. “It sure won’t.”
He tipped up the bottle and drank about half the beer in one gulp. As he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand he continued. “I’ll tell you why. Because no matter what you do with that wolf, he’ll always be a wolf; and you can’t ever change that. We are who we are, Bro. You’ll always be you. Adding a woman to your life just means there’s going to be someone there by your side to enjoy watching you be yourself.”
I sat and gazed at Ripp. A matter of weeks before, I had judged him based on his clothing, choice of shoes, and bold in-your-face presence. Hell, until A-Train introduced him, I wasn’t even willing to give him the satisfaction of having me shake his hand. Now that I had taken some time to get to know him, it was apparent he was as solid of a man as any of my brothers in the club. Although he had a different approach than most, the advice he provided seemed to make perfect sense.
I just needed to determine if Sydney was as interested in getting to know the real me as I was in having her do so.
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