Holly made no comment, just sat there, staring at her hands now clasped in front of her.
“The last time we talked, he hadn’t gotten any leads, and I’m not much help because I can’t remember where that Amish farm even was.”
Holly lifted her gaze to meet his. “You’re not the man I thought you were, Jim. You’re not to be trusted, and I want you to leave—now.” She pushed her chair back and dashed from the room.
Leona’s hand shook as she sank into the wicker chair on the front porch and read the letter Eli Raber had given her when he’d stopped by the house on his way to town a few minutes ago.
Dear Leona:
After my conversation with Abraham yesterday, I realized that I would be hurting you if I stayed here any longer. And it wouldn’t be right for me to ask you to leave your Amish faith in order for us to be together. So I’ve decided to return to Washington and make peace with my dad and try to sort things out.
I came to Lancaster County in search of something from my past, but since I didn’t find what I was looking for, I guess the Lord said no to my request. As much as I’ve come to love you, I don’t see any way for us to be together.
I’m praying that God will heal your hurts and give you the desires of your heart. I’ll never forget you or your family, and I’ll continue to pray that your dad’s memory will return. Even if that never happens, please remember these words from Romans 8:28: “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”
You must learn to forgive and trust God again, Leona. It’s the only way you’ll ever have any real joy or peace.
Fondly,
Jimmy
Tears welled in Leona’s eyes and blurred the words on the page. Jimmy was gone, and he wasn’t coming back. He loved her, yet she knew that because he was English and she was Amish they could never have a life together.
Despite the fact that, for so many months, Leona had been afraid to fall in love again, it had happened, anyway. She’d fallen in love with Jimmy, and now he was gone.
She gripped the edge of the chair and squeezed her eyes shut. There’s something in Lancaster County that is linked to Jimmy’s past, but I have no idea what it is. If Jimmy really loved me, why didn’t he feel free to share it?
Suddenly, a thought popped into Leona’s head, and her eyes opened. “I need to speak with Abraham Fisher. I need to find out exactly what he said to Jimmy that made him decide to leave.”
Abraham was on his way to the barn when he spotted a horse and buggy pulling into the yard. He waited to see who it was, and when the horse stopped in front of the hitching rail, Leona Weaver stepped down from her buggy.
He lifted his hand and waved. “It’s a nice, warm Saturday morning, wouldn’t ya say? A real pleasant change in the weather, which means spring is just over the hill.”
“I need to speak with you,” Leona said, making no reference to his comment about the weather.
Leona’s furrowed brows and puckered lips let Abraham know something was amiss. “What is it? Are you here about your daed? Is Jacob okay?”
“Papa’s the same. I came to speak with you about Jimmy Scott. I’d like to know what you said that made him decide to go back to Washington.”
“He went home, huh?” Now that’s a relief.
She nodded.
Abraham kicked a small stone with the toe of his boot. “There ain’t much to say. I told him how things were, and that’s all.”
“What exactly did you say to him?” she persisted.
“Said I’d talked to your mamm and that she was worried you might do something foolish and get yourself shunned.”
Leona shook her head. “Mom ought to know me better than that.”
“Jah, well, I thought I knew my oldest daughter, too, yet she ran off with Virginia Meyers all those years ago because she couldn’t face what she’d done. That hurt our whole family.”
“I’m sure it did, but Naomi did come back home.”
He gave another stone a swift kick. “I also told that young fellow that I couldn’t stand by and watch my good friend’s daughter throw her life away on some Englisher who can’t keep his hands to himself.”
“Jimmy’s a decent man. I was only helping him get a splinter out of his hand, and I—I don’t feel you had the right to chase him off.”
“The Englisher does not belong here, plain and simple.” Abraham headed for the barn, and a sense of irritation welled up in his soul when he realized Leona had followed. He stopped inside the barn door and whirled around. “Your daed’s been my best friend for a good many years, and there’s no way I could watch some fancy, young know-it-all wreck the lives of everyone in your family.”
Leona’s chin trembled as she stared at the ground. “Our lives were wrecked the day Papa fell from that ladder and lost his memory.”
“That’s not true. Jacob’s learned to do many things since his accident. Arthur told me that your daed’s painting skills are almost as good as they were before he fell.”
“Who do you think taught Papa how to paint again?” Leona lifted her gaze, and Abraham saw tears shimmering in her eyes. “It was Jimmy, that’s who.”
He moved toward one of the mules’ stalls, hoping she might take the hint and head for home. He felt sorry she was upset, but he couldn’t deal with that right now.
Once more, she followed him. “I understand your concern for my daed, but Papa needs Jimmy’s help. Can’t you see that?”
“My concern isn’t just for Jacob. I’m worried about you getting hurt or maybe shunned.”
Leona sniffed and blotted the tears that had splattered onto her cheeks. “I would never do anything to bring shame to my family. There’s no reason for you to be worried.”
“Sorry I’m late, Papa,” Jake said as he entered the barn. “I know you wanted to start plowin’ the south field before noon, but Elsie’s got the morning sickness real bad, and I didn’t want to leave the house ’til her mamm showed up to help with the kinner.”
Abraham shrugged. He was glad for the interruption. Maybe Leona would go home now and this discussion would end. “I haven’t got the mules hitched up yet, anyhow,” he said, looking at his son.
Jake glanced at Leona with a look of concern. “You okay?”
Her only reply was a quick nod.
“What brings you over here this morning?”
“I needed to speak with your daed about something.”
Jake looked at Abraham as if he expected him to say something, but Abraham just stood there.
“How are my girls doing in school these days?” Jake asked, turning back to Leona.
“Just fine. They’re both eager to learn.”
“Won’t be but a few months, and the kinner will be out of school for summer break,” Jake commented.
“That’s true.”
Abraham cleared his throat. “You ready to help with the mules, son?”
“Sure, Papa, but if you and Leona aren’t done talkin’, I can bring the mules out on my own.”
“I think we’ve said all that needs sayin’.” Abraham looked at Leona. “Isn’t that right?”
She nodded, turned, and rushed out of the barn.
What time is it? How long have I been here? Jim rolled over to the edge of the couch and shielded his eyes from the ray of sun streaming through the living room window. “Holly,” he moaned. “I miss you, Holly. Why’d you have to turn your back on me when I needed your love and understanding?” He thumped the small pillow lying half under his head. I wonder if she’s sorry for leaving what we’d begun. I wonder if she regrets sending me away.
A car door slammed somewhere outside. At least he thought it was a car door. It could have been coming from the TV. No doubt he had left it on last night when he’d passed out on the couch after downing too many beers. He’d been drinking pretty hard for the last several days. Or had it been weeks since he’d told Holly about the kidnapping?
&nbs
p; Jim’s head felt fuzzy, and his body felt like someone had used him as a punching bag. His mouth was dry and tasted like he’d been chewing on a dirty sock, but he didn’t care. Jim didn’t care about anything anymore. Two days after he’d made his confession to Holly, Ed had walked off the job, saying he was tired of covering for Jim.
Jim wasn’t sure how long it had been since he’d gone to work, but that didn’t matter, either. He had lost his wife, his son, and now his girlfriend, so what difference did it make if he lost his business?
Clump, clump, clump—he heard heavy footsteps on the porch. Who’d be comin’ here so early in the morning? At least he thought it was morning. It could be afternoon, for all he knew.
He heard the front door click open and tried to sit up, but a sharp pain sliced through his head, bringing him back to the couch. “Who–who’s there?”
“It’s me.”
Jim squinted at the man who stood a few feet away holding a suitcase in one hand. “Jimmy?”
“Yeah, it’s me.”
Certain that he must be dreaming, Jim squeezed his eyes shut.
“I’ve wasted enough time in Amish country, and I’ve come home, Dad.”
Dad? Jim opened his eyes and blinked a couple of times. Either he was in the middle of the best dream he’d ever had, or Jimmy really had returned home. He grabbed the edge of the couch and managed to pull himself to a sitting position, but his stomach rolled, and his head spun like a top. “Oh, I—I feel sick,” he moaned, letting his head slip back to the pillow.
Jimmy set his suitcase down and moved over to the couch. “Do you need me to get a bucket?”
“Beer. Get me a beer.”
Anger boiled in Jimmy’s chest like a raging sea. He’d given up on his mission to find his real family, said good-bye to the woman he loved, and driven over two thousand miles in four days to make things right with his dad. And for what? To find him like this?
“I’ll get you some coffee, but no beer,” he said, shaking his head in disgust.
“Beer. I need some beer.”
“What you need is a swift kick in the pants.”
His dad released a pathetic whimper. “You’re right. I need to be punished. I’m a louse. The lowest of lows. . .the scum of the earth.”
“You won’t find any relief from your pain talking like that.”
Dad gave no answer, just turned his face toward the back of the couch.
Jimmy grimaced. What made me think I’d be able to make peace with this man who can’t even make peace with himself? “I’m going to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. I’ll be back as soon as it’s ready,” he muttered.
No answer, just a muffled snort.
Give me the wisdom and strength to deal with this, Lord, Jimmy prayed as he left the room. And show my dad what he needs to do to make things right.
As Leona helped her mamm hang their freshly washed clothes on the line, Ginger ran about nipping at the laundry basket and trying to steal the clothes that had yet to be hung.
“Get away now, you little rascal,” she scolded, nudging the pup with the toe of her shoe.
One of the barn cats streaked past, and Ginger took off like a streak of lightning. Leona chuckled despite her dour mood, and her thoughts went immediately to Jimmy as they often did when she saw the puppy he had given her.
Ever since Leona had read Jimmy’s note saying he was leaving Pennsylvania, she had grieved her losses and struggled with bitterness because of the things she and her family had been through in the last year. She’d thought she was coping better, but after Jimmy left, it seemed as though her wounds had been reopened and would never heal. She knew she couldn’t continue to pine for a love she could never have, and she realized that she needed to get on with her life and try to strengthen her faith somehow. But that was easier said than done.
Leona also knew she had spoken out of turn when she’d questioned Abraham about what he’d said to Jimmy. When she’d seen him at the general store a few days ago, she had apologized for her sharp words. Abraham had accepted her apology but said he felt they were all better off now that Jimmy had returned to Washington.
Maybe Abraham’s right, Leona thought as she reached for a pair of her daed’s trousers. If Jimmy had stayed in Lancaster County and continued to work for Arthur, I would have suffered every time I saw him, knowing we couldn’t be together.
The same day Leona had spoken with Abraham, she’d also visited with Mary Ann in Abby’s quilt shop. When she’d told her friend how she felt about Jimmy leaving and mentioned that her faith had weakened to a point where she could hardly pray anymore, Mary Ann had reminded her that it wasn’t good to let disruptions and disappointments control your emotions or keep you from worshipping God. Leona hadn’t argued. She knew Mary Ann was right.
One of the hardest parts about Jimmy being gone was that almost every day Leona’s daed asked for Jimmy, wondering why he didn’t come around and worried that Jimmy might be mad at him. Mom had explained several times that Jimmy had gone home to Washington, but Papa still kept asking and sulking around like he’d lost his best friend.
Leona glanced over at her mamm, who’d been busy hanging sheets while she did the clothes. “I’m wondering what God has in mind for our family,” she said.
“ ‘And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose,’ ” Mom quoted from the book of Romans. It was the same verse Jimmy had mentioned in the letter he’d written Leona.
Leona clipped a shirt to the line. “That verse really confuses me, Mom. Everyone in our family loves God, and look how things have worked out for us. Papa still thinks he’s a little boy, you’ve been having trouble with your blood sugar lately, and I’m en alt maedel schoolteacher pining for a love I can never have.”
“You’re not an old maid, and you shouldn’t be pinin’ for someone who doesn’t share your faith,” Mom said with a shake of her head.
“Jimmy may not be Amish, but he does have a strong faith in God.”
“That may be, but since he’s English and you’re Amish, there can be no future for you together.”
“I know. There’s no future for me with any man.”
Mom clicked her tongue. “I wish you wouldn’t talk that way, Leona. Don’t you think it’s time you quit grieving for Ezra and get on with your life?”
Leona shook her head. “I’m just guarding my heart from getting hurt again.”
“There are no guarantees in this life,” her mamm said. “I think when the right man comes along you’ll realize it’s time to set your fears aside and trust God in all things.”
“I’m finished with the clothes now,” Leona said, feeling the need to change the subject. “So, I’d better head out to the barn and get my buggy horse. I want to get to the schoolhouse before any of the scholars show up.”
“You’re right. You wouldn’t want to be late, and I’m about done here myself.” Mom drew Leona into her arms and gave her a hug. “I love you, and I’ve been praying that God will give you many good things in the days ahead.”
Leona blinked to keep her tears from spilling over. “Danki. I want that for you, as well.”
“I–I’ve missed you, Jimmy.” A tide of emotions welled up in Jim’s chest as his son handed him a third cup of coffee.
“I’ve missed you, too, Dad.”
“Why don’t you have a seat and tell me why you’ve come home?”
Jimmy flopped into the rocking chair across from the couch with a groan. “I finally came to my senses.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means I’m home where I belong. Going to Pennsylvania was a waste of time. I never should have left home in the first place, because I didn’t find my Amish family and probably never would have even if I’d stayed and kept on searching.” Jimmy looked around the room as though he was seeing it for the first time. “Guess I’ve been gone too long. Everything looks odd and almost surreal to me.�
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Jim could relate to that feeling. He’d spent most of his waking hours the last few days feeling as if he were in a dream. And when he hadn’t been awake, he’d been in a drunken stupor. “I—I wish I could turn back the hands of time and put you back on the picnic table where I found you.”
Jimmy stared at the unlit fireplace. “I came to the conclusion that I didn’t belong there, and yet a part of me wanted to stay.”
“Why didn’t you then?”
“I left to protect her.”
“Who?”
“Leona.”
“The bishop’s daughter?”
Jimmy nodded slowly. “I’m in love with her, Dad.”
“How does she feel about you?”
“According to Abraham Fisher, Leona loves me, too.”
Jim frowned. “Then what’s the problem?”
“I’m the problem.” Jimmy touched his chest. “I’m English. She’s Amish.”
“You’re not really English. You were born Amish, and—”
“I know that, but I wasn’t raised Amish; I don’t know if I could ever convert.” Jimmy released a deep sigh. “It wouldn’t be right for Leona or me to give up the only way of life we’ve ever known in order to be together.”
“Why wouldn’t it be? I know plenty of people who’ve made huge sacrifices in the name of love.” Jim didn’t know why he was saying these things. He really didn’t want Jimmy to live in Pennsylvania or join the Amish faith. He’d been hoping his son would come home, and now that he was here, he was saying things that might cause him to leave again. “I’m sorry things have turned out this way,” he said. “If I just hadn’t taken you from that Amish family when you were a baby, you would know where you belonged. You might even be married by now, or at least engaged to the woman you love.”
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