by Kit Tunstall
His shoulders straightened. “I guess I’m just too dumb, being a soldier, to completely psychoanalyze a stranger in the course of an afternoon.”
I shook my head. “She’s manipulative and vindictive. She already hates me.”
He frowned. “I don’t believe Kassandra could hate anyone, but if she did, you’ve certainly given her enough reason to.”
Despite my best intentions to try to maintain my temper and get through to him in a logical fashion, my voice emerged with a definite undertone of rage. “She glared at me the moment I saw her in that damned house. She doesn’t want any competition.”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “You’re the one sounding jealous and clearly not wanting the competition. You’re letting your insecurities cloud your perception. Just give her a chance.”
I refused to turn to Jamar, not wanting to draw him into the argument as a way of supporting myself. I was pretty shocked when he opened his mouth without even a second of hesitation.
“I think Shane’s right, sugar. You’re just stressed out, and you’ve gotten used to being our queen. She’s not going to supplant you. We’re just trying to help her out.”
I moved away from Jamar and climbed off the bed, angrier than I’d been even a few minutes before. I marched to the door, knowing if I stayed we’d just end up in a screaming match that wouldn’t help anything. I’d tried to warn them, and they weren’t ready to hear it. They were just going to have to learn a tough lesson on their own, I decided, as I opened the door.
Shane didn’t speak to me, but Jamar called, “Where are you going, Lyss?”
“Somewhere else for a while. Just for tonight,” I added, wanting them both to know I hadn’t given up on the relationship. I just needed a chance to calm down, and they could use the same. I hoped a night apart might actually drill some common sense into their heads, but I doubted it. They weren’t yet able to see Kassandra for who she was, and by trying to insist they do so, I was just alienating them.
I’d be wiser to back off and let her true colors show all on their own, and though it was a sound plan, I wasn’t certain I could carry it out. The idea of sitting by quietly while she spun her manipulations and tried to cast me from my throne, to borrow Jamar’s analogy, seemed weak and pathetic—all the traits I’d been working so hard to shed.
I returned to my office bedroom, recently claimed, and was surprised to find Han waiting for me. It was nice to be able to lie down and sink into his embrace. My body came to life as it touched him, and more importantly, he soothed the anger stirring in me. I laid my head on his chest as we squeezed awkwardly onto the twin-size mattress that provided little protection from the floor.
“I’ve been meaning to take over an office for a room,” said Han as he wrapped strands of my hair around his fingers. I still hadn’t gotten up the nerve to cut it, though I knew I needed to. “I think there’s an air mattress in the supply room. This looks like as good a room as any. Why don’t I go get the mattress, and we can be more comfortable?”
I shook my head, just burrowing closer to him. “I just need you to hold me for a while first. It’s been a long day.”
He sounded grim when he spoke, caressing my head in gentle strokes as his fingers twined through my hair. “It’s going to get longer until she’s gone.”
I lifted my head to look at him. “How is it you can see through her when they can’t?”
He shrugged. “I used to know a woman like her. She didn’t look anything like her, but Selena was a piece of work.”
“How did you know her?”
For the first time, he looked vaguely uncomfortable. “Like a dumbass, I was going to marry her. I was young and dumb, and she twisted me inside out and manipulated the hell out of me. By the time I proposed, I’d stopped speaking to my best friend of twelve years, I rarely saw my family because Selena claimed they were mean to her when I wasn’t around, and I was even preparing to leave the Corps at her behest.”
“What stopped you?”
He continued caressing my hair as he spoke, his lips quirked in amusement, though he was still clearly discomfited. “If I hadn’t given in to the romantic impulse to sneak into her hotel room the night before the wedding so we could have another night together, I would have stood at the altar and married her, fucking up at least a few years of my life, if not forever.”
“What did you find in her room?”
“Who,” he corrected coolly. “Her bachelorette party had included several strippers, and she’d decided to take two of them for a test drive. She tried to claim nothing had happened, but they were all naked. When I didn’t let her convince me it was all innocent, she pulled out the waterworks and claimed they had raped her.”
I shuddered as I imagined the poor dancers, and what must have been their horrified reactions to hearing the allegation. If Han hadn’t realized she was full of it, her lie could have destroyed two lives. “You didn’t believe her?” I had to be sure.
He snorted. “I might’ve been a dumbass when it came to Selena, but I wasn’t a moron. It was obvious it had been consensual, and she didn’t care as much about me as I did about her. It was like a moment of clarity, and I saw her actions in a new light. She might have loved me in her own tepid way, but she was more interested in controlling me and molding me into the husband she wanted than she was in having me as a partner. Every manipulative action she’d done had led to that point, and I almost stepped willingly into the noose.”
“At least you figured it out before it was too late.”
“Mostly. I lost my best friend. He wouldn’t see my point-of-view and couldn’t understand how I’d let her manipulate me to start with. The friendship couldn’t be revived. At least I made up with family and canceled my plans to leave the Corps. I left her to deal with all the bullshit of canceling the wedding last-minute.
“Of course, being the drama queen that she was, she didn’t bother to notify anybody or cancel anything. She showed up at the altar and stood there, waiting for her groom. To this day, I’m not sure if she thought I would yield and show up, or she was just playing the victim role. Either way, I caught hell for jilting her at the altar, and I was too much of a gentleman to reveal to most people exactly why the marriage didn’t take place. I was trying to be a nice guy and protect her image.” He snorted again as he shook his head. “Like I said, fucking dumbass.”
In a way, I found his story hopeful, because he’d eventually realized the kind of woman Selena was. It also was depressing though, because he’d come awfully close to falling into the other woman’s trap as well. If he hadn’t seen with his own eyes just what she was capable of, he would’ve married her and been miserable in a short amount of time. It could have taken him years to realize what she was, if he ever did.
The idea of being stuck with Kassandra for years induced a quiet panic. I’d probably end up killing her within weeks if she didn’t leave or settle down.
I was mostly bluffing. Mostly.
Chapter Two
She seemed determined to make my life miserable, so I was trying to avoid her as much as possible. Things were still strained between Shane and me, and Jamar was showing signs of having been won over to her side as well. I had shared their room a few nights since her arrival last week, but even the one time we’d all had sex, it hadn’t felt like making love. It had felt like getting off, and the next time I slept with them, I didn’t even try to initiate anything. Most telling of all, neither did they. I had a bad feeling in my gut that Kassandra was going to be the thing that splintered my relationship beyond repair with the two men who meant so much to me.
I was determined to try to repair the problem though, and the only way to do that was to avoid discussion of Kassandra and stop sharing my suspicions of her. Jamar joined me for gun practice that afternoon, and as I loaded Miranda, he came to stand beside me. Trying to be more approachable, I laid my head against his bicep. “I’ve missed you.”
He put his arm around me. “I missed
you too. I wish this stupid jealousy crap would just go away so we could go back to the way we were.”
I stiffened at the implied insult, or perhaps it was meant as an admonishment to shame me into behaving. Whatever his intent, it was enough to stir my ire, but I took a few deep breaths and tried to avoid snapping at him. “I’d like to go back to the way things were before too.” I left unuttered the wish that we had never found Kassandra. I figured he would get offended by my perceived jealousy.
I was jealous as hell, and I was secure enough in myself to admit it. If she’d been genuinely kind and soft as she presented herself, I would have pitied her and felt bad about my jealousy. It was the fact that she wasn’t like she pretended, and two of my lovers were too blind to see it, that was the most aggravating aspect. I could have dealt with the competition if it had been a fair competition. I didn’t know how to play her mind games, and I had no interest in learning. There were more important things to do, like survive.
“Are we going on a run again soon?” We hadn’t been on one since the day they’d brought Kassandra back to the base. Every time we started to leave or talked about doing so, she threw a hissy fit and insisted she didn’t want to be alone on the base, but refused to go along into the dangerous world again. I was getting frankly sick of it, and Han and I were talking about taking a run ourselves if the others didn’t jump on board.
“Yeah, probably tomorrow. I know Kassandra is anxious about being alone, but she’ll be fine.” His eyes gleamed for a moment as he seemed to have an idea. “Why don’t you stay behind and keep her company?”
I snorted. “She wouldn’t want my company, and I’m not going to be relegated to the little woman role, stuck at the base while the rest of you go out there risking your lives to keep us safe.”
He shrugged. “It was only a suggestion. I thought maybe if you got to know her better, you’d see she’s no threat to you.”
I saw red for a moment, and I gritted my teeth hard as I pulled my earmuffs down and started firing. I didn’t bother to make a response, because nothing I could say would help the situation. He probably meant well, and he was trying to maintain the peace and return us to a happier time, but that was only going to happen when she was gone. With the way she’d embedded her claws into Shane and Jamar, to a lesser extent, that seemed unlikely to happen anytime soon.
In keeping with my determination to try to get through to Shane while avoiding the topic of Kassandra, I sought him out that afternoon. It didn’t take long to find him, as he was in the room he’d taken over as an office—the room where he’d given me Miranda. I opened the door without knocking, because he was my man, and I’d never had to knock before. For just a moment, I wish I had knocked, perhaps giving them time to break apart before I’d learned what was happening.
Shane was pressed backward against the desk, and Kassandra was plastered to his front, clinging to his shoulders. They were kissing enthusiastically, and his hands were gripping her arms. As soon as I let out a small gasp of shock, Shane started prying her off him.
Forget the plan of diplomacy and trying to take the high road. I marched over to her and grabbed a handful of hair, yanking her away from Shane. She was a few inches taller than me, so I stretched on my tiptoes as I pulled her head down so our faces were close together. “Keep your hands off my man.”
She was furiously angry, and it was obvious in her eyes. If any of the men who thought she was weak could see her expression at this moment, they would realize how wrong they had been. She gave me a look of pure reptilian hatred, and though I knew she couldn’t do anything to me physically, it was enough to make my skin crawl and sent a shiver down my spine. In contrast to her look, her voice emerged as a squeaky sound, interspersed with sobs. “Please don’t hurt me. I don’t know what’s wrong with you. Why are you always trying to hurt me?”
With a snort of disgust, I pushed her a few feet away from me. “Get out. Don’t come near Shane again.”
She stumbled before righting herself, not in any danger of falling to the floor, though she made a production of limping as she moved away from me, shooting an uncertain look at Shane. Perhaps she was expecting him to speak up on her behalf.
To be honest, I was too, and I prepared myself for the words I was sure would come from his mouth. I wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d asked me to leave instead, with the way things had deteriorated.
Instead, he simply said, “We need some privacy please, Kassandra.”
Her lips wobbled, and her eyes widened with genuine shock at the dismissal. I kept up my hard stare, watching her leave until the door closed behind her.
At that point, I turned to Shane, unable to control the surge of anger and betrayal whirling through me. I was certain my eyes were wounded when I looked at him, unable to shield how devastated I was. “How could you do that to me?” I shook my head. “Is that the first time you’ve kissed her? Is there more? Have you fucked her?”
He scowled at me. “For the record, she kissed me, and that was the first time she’d ever made any kind of move on me.”
I rolled my eyes, even though I wanted to believe him. “I could tell you were fighting her off with a stick when I came in.”
He let out a sigh of frustration. “What do you want me to say? She kissed me, and it was nice. It wasn’t amazing or spectacular like it is with you, but it was nice.”
His words cut through me. “You’re willing to risk our relationship because kissing her is nice?”
He let out another sigh of frustration. “I don’t know what you want from me. I thought we were into sharing.”
My eyes widened. I shook my head without thought. “I’m not sharing you with her. You’re my man.”
He glared at me. “Do you have any idea how unfair that is, how hypocritical and outright egotistical? I’m supposed to share you with Jamar and Han, and who knows how many other men might catch your eye over the years, but you’re not sharing me? Don’t you find that arrangement one-sided and selfish?”
I shrugged. He had a point, but I still didn’t agree with it. “I can’t share any of you. I thought we were involved in a relationship together, and I’m happy with just the three of you. I have no intention of adding anyone else to the mix.”
He snorted. “Yeah, that’s what Jamar and I thought until Han was suddenly your lover too. You’re fickle, and you don’t need me.”
“I won’t share you. I fucking love you, Shane.” I gasped as the words escaped, having had no intention of mentioning them anytime in the near future. I cupped a hand over my mouth as though I could force the words back in, though they’d been uttered.
His eyes narrowed. “Do you mean that, or are you trying to manipulate me?”
I gritted my teeth. “I’m not the manipulative bitch on base. I do love you. I love all of you, and I know it’s unfair to expect you to share me, and me not be willing to share any of you. My instinct says I’d never be able to share any of you, but maybe someday we’ll meet a woman who doesn’t make me want to stab her every time she opens her mouth, and perhaps I could consider the idea of sharing you with her. I just can’t do that right now. Not with her, and not because I hate her. It’s because I love you.” I left unspoken that I didn’t trust her, trying to bring the focus back to him and me rather than allowing Kassandra to split it.
His expression softened, and for the first time in several days, he reached out to me and pulled me into his arms. I could have been a stubborn bitch and refused to yield, stepping back from him as a point of pride, but instead I melted against him. It felt good to be in his arms again, and I sniffled to hold back a wave of tears that wanted to fall. I wasn’t going to be a damn crybaby.
“The thing is, she needs me.”
I stiffened in his arms, trying to pull away. He wouldn’t let me, so I lifted my head and glared at him. “So you want to be with her? If that’s what you want, I’ll respect it.” I knew I had to make the offer, even if my heart wasn’t in it. Shane had done the sam
e for me when I’d first told him about also sleeping with Jamar. We hadn’t been as close back then though, and I suspected he was going to tear a third of my heart out if he answered that yes, she was what he wanted.
He shook his head. “I don’t want Kassandra. I feel sorry for her, and I’m protective of her, but I’m not attracted to her. What I like about Kassandra is the fact that she needs me. You don’t need me. Call it a hero complex or just damned pathetic, but I’m a man who likes to be needed sometimes. She reminds me of my wife.”
A prickle of unease shot through me. I’d known he’d had a wife before Hell Virus, and Stephanie had been one of the first to die during the initial outbreak of the pandemic, so he’d been a widower for months before he and I had met. I was certain he still loved his wife, and I wasn’t jealous of her, but I was concerned if he was seeing his dead wife in Kassandra. I couldn’t compete with that even if I wanted to. And I didn’t. I didn’t want to fill the shoes of some dead woman. “Does she look like Stephanie?”
He shook his head. “Not really. Actually, not at all. Stephanie was almost as tall as me, with red hair and blue eyes. It’s not the looks, but their personalities. Stephanie relied on me. I mean she wasn’t so weak that she needed me for everything, but she looked to me to make the hard decisions and to take care of her. It was a traditional marriage, and I was very much the head of the household. I took care of her and protected her, and in exchange, she looked after me and loved me. We had a good marriage.”
That didn’t threaten me. I didn’t feel even a pang of jealousy to know he’d loved his wife and still did. I knew you could love more than one person. The heart was big enough to do so.
“When she got sick, she expected me to have the answers. I didn’t know what to do, and for the first time in our relationship, I failed Stephanie. I wasn’t able to protect her from Hell Virus, and she needed me to do so. I stayed with her and held her hand as she died, but I knew I’d failed her. It leaves a bitter taste in my mouth just thinking about it, so I hope you can understand why I can’t leave another vulnerable woman without protection. I can’t fail Kassandra, or it’s like failing Stephanie again.”