by Mindy Hayes
“No. This isn’t your fault at all. I haven’t been fair to you.” I lick my lips nervously, reining in the courage to tell him the truth. “I thought if I just liked you enough, everything would fall into place, and I could move forward in a relationship. I thought we could be happy. And you have made me happy. I just…”
“Just say it, Peyton. I can’t take it,” he says stoically.
“I have feelings for someone else.”
He nods and looks to the ground like he knew that’s what I was going to say. The knots in my stomach coil tighter. Why does this have to be so hard? In the grand scheme of things, this will be a blip, but right now it feels so much bigger.
“Brodee,” Tyler says his name with such certainty, no room for question.
I suck in a breath. “How did you know?” Gosh, that’s a stupid question. I regret it the instant it leaves my lips. It’s not as though I spend time with any other guy. Everyone has been speculating for years. Of course, it’s Brodee.
Tyler’s sad eyes peer back into mine. “Give me a little credit, would you, Peyton? No one pays attention to you more than I do. I’ve seen the way you look at him when you don’t think anyone’s watching. Or maybe you’re just so lost in your own world that nobody else matters…but I see that look in your eyes. I’ve seen it in his too.”
I look at Brodee differently? And Tyler saw it? Brodee looks at me differently?
“You look at him like you’d be content looking at him and only him for the rest of your life. But you’ve always been so adamant that nothing was going on. I thought maybe I was misinterpreting it.” He pauses. “Deep down I knew I didn’t stand a chance, but at least I tried, right?”
I open my mouth to respond, but all that comes out is air. I hate that I hurt Tyler. He was never meant to get hurt in any of this. This wasn’t supposed to happen this way. I’ve wanted Brodee, but not at the expense of Tyler’s feelings.
“Nothing has been going on, just so you know. Last night, after the party, it sort of clicked. The last thing I want is for you to think we’ve been going behind your back all this time. Rylie has never been right. We haven’t. I promise you.” He needs to believe me. “I never would’ve started anything with you if there was something going on.”
Tyler nods and looks away. Pauses. “I don’t want this to end with you thinking I’m bitter or feel betrayed.” I attempt to interrupt, but he holds up his hand. “Let me say this. I don’t want any regrets.”
“Okay,” I concede. I stand with my arms hanging at my sides, unsure where to put my hands if they can’t find solace in his.
“Yeah, this began as a fling, and I was hoping it would grow to be something more... Maybe someday it will…” He’s still holding out hope. He quietly sighs, and my heart clenches. “But you’ve made my summers so much better. We’ve made memories that I’ll always remember. Thank you for that.”
I don’t know what to say so I hug him. I hug him as tightly as my arms will go. Even though I know this is what needs to happen, I feel so bad. I know he probably doesn’t want to hug me, but I selfishly need this, and I’m taking it. He finally brings his arms around me, hugging me back, but it already feels like goodbye. His touch isn’t the same. It’s filled with sadness. Can a hug feel sad?
I ruined this. Everything that we built over the summers is ruined. Tyler lets go of me suddenly and won’t look me in the eyes.
“Bye, Peyton.” He walks back into his house without even one glance back.
WHEN I WAS little, before my dad taught me how to surf my summers away, I spent my days on the shore with him building drip castles. Hours and hours were put into crafting fortresses with spherical towers and drawbridges and moats. We’d make them far up on the shore so the waves couldn’t wash them away.
For good measure, I’d ask my dad to build a tall, protective wall between the ocean and our masterpieces, so the castles would remain for the summer. But every morning when I’d wake up and run out onto the beach to check on the castle we’d created the day before, the waves had always taken away all our hard work.
When I’d run back inside with tears streaming down my face, he’d say, “Peyton Jane, there’s beauty in a new beginning. It brings the opportunity to create something more, something better.”
I was too young to understand the deeper meaning I’m sure he was intending, but it brought me small comfort knowing I had him to create something better with. He’d always be there.
At least I thought he would.
TODAY, I SIT on the shore with a bucket of sand and water, holding my fist above the sand, drizzling the mixture back and forth to build the base of a castle. This time I have Brodee with me. He’s got crazy, ambitious ideas and is excitedly running up and down the beach in search of driftwood and shells that he can use to build “the biggest, coolest drip castle there ever was.” I smile.
I’m creating something better with him now.
IT’S HARD TO keep myself from touching Brodee all throughout dinner. I have urges to kiss his cheek, to take his hand in mine. I want to rest my head on his shoulder and feel his arm around my waist. How did we ever function before?
He keeps giving me secretive sideways glances that I can’t help but reciprocate. My foot brushes against his, and his toes curl around mine. I discreetly nudge his shoulder, and he nudges me back. With one hand, Brodee eats. With his other, he squeezes my thigh and keeps his hand there for the remainder of the meal, drawing doodles on the inside of my leg. I realize now he knew exactly what he was doing on the ride up here.
“There’s something different about you two tonight,” Tatum says, pointing at Brodee and me with her fork. He subtly takes his hand back into his lap.
We share a look. Are we that obvious? Do we tell them? It’s not like we’ll be able to keep it a secret for the rest of the summer when we’re all in the same house.
“They kissed,” Carter outs us.
“Thanks, Carter,” Brodee says dryly.
He smiles while finishing his last bite. “I’m here to help.”
“You kissed?” My mom is the first one to comment as her fork drops on her plate with a clink.
“We’re going to need new house rules,” Nick says authoritatively.
“Oh c’mon,” Tatum interjects. “They’ve resisted doing anything stupid for the first eighteen years of their lives. I think we can trust them. Besides, they’re old enough. If we can’t trust them now, we never will.”
“How long has this been going on?” Mom asks. She seems dumbfounded. Aren’t parents supposed to be the intuitive ones?
I answer, “Just…since…the other day.” I peer over at Brodee beside me. He smiles like we’re the only two in the room. I wish we were.
“But you’re going to different colleges. This has ‘bad idea’ written all over it,” Nick says, massaging his chin, and sighs heavily. “What do you two plan to do?”
Of course, Nick has to make it about the college.
“Don’t worry, Dad,” Brodee appeases him. “I’m still going to Duke, and Peyton is still going to USC.”
“So, you’re going to have a long distance relationship?” Mom pries, anxious.
Why the third degree?
“Well, we haven’t really talked about it.” I look between the three parents. “We’re still trying to figure out what this is.” Brodee takes my hand under the table and squeezes. It makes me feel better.
“Long distance relationships are really difficult,” Mom says, like we don’t know that already. “I hope you two are thinking this through.”
“There’s only a month left in the summer,” Nick backs my mom. “Don’t let this cloud your judgment. You two have so much going for you. Don’t mess it up.”
Tatum comes to our defense again. “Okay, okay. That’s enough. This isn’t the end of the world. Let the kids just be kids for the summer. They’ll figure it out when the time comes.”
I thank Tate with my eyes. She smiles like she has a secret.
/> I hadn’t realized what a family affair this would become. Brodee and I kissed. We’re not engaged. I’m not pregnant. This shouldn’t be huge news.
“I think it’s cool,” Carter chimes in as he pushes away from the table with his dinner plate. “Peyton could finally officially be my sister.”
Nick chokes on his water. Tatum laughs. And my mom looks like she can’t breathe.
“What did I say? It’s not like we weren’t all thinking it.” Carter walks up the stairs like Brodee and I getting married is no big deal. “We’re basically family anyway. Might as well make it official. I thought it was kind of inevitable.”
“Well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Tatum says. “You two still have a long way to go.”
Brodee and I look at each other with open mouths. Neither of us knows how to respond. “We kissed,” I answer for us. “You guys are the ones getting ahead of yourselves.”
She chuckles. “Right.”
“Good,” Nick says.
And then Brodee and I get up from the table as fast as we can to escape before anything else is said. I can imagine my mom saying, I’m too young to be a grandmother.
“CAN YOU BELIEVE them?” I laugh. We leave our flip-flops on the boardwalk and head down the shoreline hand-in-hand. “Had I known they were going to react like that, I would have done everything in my power to keep this a secret.”
“Ooo…secret lovers.” Brodee stops me and grabs my waist. He kisses me once. Twice. “I like the sound of forbidden lovers. We can always pretend.”
I playfully smack his chest. “We might not have to pretend. I have a feeling this is going to take them some getting used to. I’m still trying to get used to it.”
“Really? Maybe that just means we need to do more of this.” His hands run up the side of my body to hold my face. This kiss is slower than all the rest. Brodee takes his time, as patient as he is with the waves. He delves his tongue into my mouth, but it’s so tender. His tongue tells me all that he never did before.
“I could definitely get used to kissing you every day for the rest of our lives.”
My stomach jumps. “Brodee…”
He shakes his head, his lips brushing mine back and forth. “We don’t have to go there yet. Just kiss me.”
And so I do.
“I’M NO ORGAN donor, but I’d be happy to give you my heart.”
Brodee and I walk hand-in-hand through town with our ice cream cones. The only place the surf was any good was up in Kill Devil, and we didn’t feel like driving all the way up there today. Instead, we decided to take the ferry to Ocracoke Island this morning and walk along the beach for new scenery. We talked. We laughed. We soaked in every minute together. After the ferry dropped us back off on Hatteras, we stayed in town.
“Do you have a sunburn or are you always this hot?” I lick my chocolate ice cream cone, staring at him from under my eyelashes.
He tugs on his bottom lip and smiles at me. “Where do you hide your wings?”
“Are you calling me an angel?” I give Brodee a flirtatious side-glance. “Or an insect?”
“Hmm…so I take it that was a pick-up line fail.”
I nod once with laughter in my eyes and take another lick. “Nice try.” I continue, “If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.”
Brodee doesn’t shoot back another line right away. He just watches me with a subtle smile as we walk. “You’re so beautiful you made me forget my pick-up line.”
I tug on his hand, stopping us on the sidewalk, and pull him to me so I can kiss him. Tilting my face to him, we meet in the middle. It wasn’t meant to be more than a peck, but I can’t help melding into him the moment our lips meet. I sharply inhale when he breathes a possessive grunt and takes my bottom lip between his teeth. I think I love you.
“I knew I was right.”
Brodee and I jump apart, startled by the voice. Rylie eyes us with a satisfied but crestfallen expression. Perfect timing. She’s the last person I want to see right now. Brandi is standing beside her, shifting her uncomfortable gaze between Rylie and us.
Brodee sighs heavily like he was waiting for this to happen and feels the same way I do. He doesn’t want to deal with her. The last thing I want is to hear is an ‘I told you so’ from Rylie. Even if Brodee and I didn’t have anything going on before, I think deep down we always knew we could someday become something, even if we didn’t think it or say it aloud.
“You caught us, Rylie,” Brodee says wryly. “Secret’s out of the bag.”
“What did I tell you, Peyton? You’re the worst kind of competition.” Rylie’s tone isn’t at all condescending like I expect it to be. She sounds like she didn’t want to be right. My heart aches a little for her. She really does like Brodee. It should make me want to lift my fists in the air and shout ‘I win,’ but it was never a competition. And she’s trying to cover up the hurt, but isn’t doing a very good job. I’m not her. I won’t gloat.
“But how will you guys last? You guys are going to separate colleges,” Brandi says, as if we’re unaware of this fact.
“That is true,” Brodee says slowly like it’s hitting him for the first time, and he squeezes my hand once in his.
“What are you going to do?” Brandi asks like it’s her business. She’s not being nosey. She honestly doesn’t understand what would possess us to take this kind of risk now. “You broke things off with Tyler so you could be with someone you won’t even see every day?” Brandi has never been good at being tactful.
At that moment, Tyler and Larson walk out of the marina store that we’re stopped in front of, holding two drinks. I cringe. This just keeps getting better and better. Though I knew seeing him was inevitable, I was hoping we’d be able to avoid him longer. He stops in his tracks when he sees us all standing together.
Almost instantly his demeanor changes. “What’s up, guys?” He lifts a smile, showing his pearly whites. Either he’s really good at faking a smile or he’s genuinely happy to see us. Something tells me he’s really good at faking a smile. “Here,” he says, handing Rylie a fountain drink. After Larson gives Brandi a drink, he does a guy handshake thing with Brodee.
We can hardly get through the awkward small talk fast enough. When we say our goodbyes, Rylie laces her fingers through Tyler’s as they all walk away. It makes me wonder if it’s a tactic or if they’re riding the end of the summer fling.
That was quick. Okay, so I’m not really that surprised. Rylie is definitely an opportunist.
“Well, that was fun,” I say when they’re out of earshot.
“I honestly thought it was going to be worse. I half expected Tyler to be a fighter. I really didn’t want to have to give his pretty face a black eye.”
I nudge Brodee’s shoulder and chuckle. Like he could give Tyler a black eye. But I don’t dare say that out loud.
“So, you’re the worst kind of competition, huh?” I was hoping he wouldn’t bring that up.
“Apparently.”
“What did she mean by that?”
I roll my eyes. “It’s kind of embarrassing.”
“I like embarrassing.”
Groaning, I answer, “When you and Harper were pretending to date, Rylie cornered me on the beach, and we had a little heart-to-heart.”
“Uh-oh. What did she say to you?”
“Just some stuff about you and then said I’m the worst kind of competition because I’m ‘The One.’” I use air quotes and laugh at the ridiculousness of her insinuation.
“Why is that so funny?” Brodee looks at me seriously.
It’s hard for me to answer him when his eyes hold no humor. “Just…because it sounds so…I dunno …”
“So, while Brandi doesn’t think we’ll make it because of our college choices, Rylie thinks we’re the real deal.”
“Yeah.” I chuckle mostly to myself. “Crazy, right?”
Brodee’s expression stays earnest, the most sincere look in his green eyes. “I don’t think it’s that cra
zy.”
It takes me a second to say something. I’m not ready for this talk. It’s only been a week.
“Brodee, we’ve been avoiding this for a reason. I think you and I both know how this will play out at the end of the summer. Let’s not go there yet.”
He nods. I can tell he doesn’t want to think about it either.
“Let’s just forget about everyone else. Stop focusing on what will happen and do what we came out here to do. Savor the summer. So we go to different colleges. So what?” I shrug. “Things will work out, Brodee. No one knows us like we do.” I kiss him, hoping my pep talk will rub off on me. “We’ll always come back to each other.”
He throws his arm over my shoulder and draws me to his side. He kisses my hair and we walk toward his Patriot.
“Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears,” I say.
“Did you fart, cause you just blew me away,” he responds.
I die. I can’t stop laughing. “Gross!”
“C’mon,” he says, laughing with me. “It’s funny.”
A FEW DAYS later it begins to rain, and it doesn’t stop. We’ve been stuck in the house for two days straight with nothing but Singin’ In The Rain on repeat. My mom’s a sucker for a good classic. When I tried to turn it off, I thought she was going to decapitate me.
While the Fishers have all sought shelter in their rooms—including Brodee who has been up in his room spending his time studying who knows what—I’ve stayed downstairs with my mom. I think I have every word memorized now. I’m this close to crashing his study session.
I have a feeling being cooped up isn’t any easier for my mom. Idle time equals idle thoughts, which transform into a wandering mind that takes her to places she doesn’t want to go. Today is a bad day for Mom. While the movie has been on she’s done nothing but clean.
I do my best to stay out of her way, but stay close by in case she needs me. I’ve nestled myself into a chair in the corner near the large window facing the beach. It’s surprising how quickly time flies when watching rain trickle down glass, and how mesmerizing the droplets are as they tap the surface of the ocean. Plunk, plunk, plunk. The sound alone induces a trance. Pitter-patter, pitter-patter. Hours could pass by, and I wouldn’t even know it. Today my time is measured by scenes and how many times I’ve seen them. It’s the fourth time I’ve seen “Make ‘Em Laugh,” so I know it’s probably around three o’clock. I’ve yet to hear her laugh.