Filbert continued looking toward the horizon. “I remember when Mrs. Aurora and Mrs. Lucille arrived. So different from one another, yet both determined to make it here. To do their best as they’d come out west for whatever good reason they had. I see that same light in Mrs. Esther. She’s observant and tries hard. Like the other ladies, she’s out of her element.”
“I wonder, sometimes, if she is happy.”
“Ah, well, you’ll have to ask her that, Elias.” Filbert finally met his gaze. “She’s not unhappy. But it would be natural for the lady to be melancholy. No one to talk to all day and being out here away from people is not something she’s used to. Women’s needs are different than ours. Mrs. Aurora said she was glad to remain in town because, where they come from, there are always people about.”
Elias considered that his wife never complained. Not about being home alone all day, not about the lack of female companionship or all the chores that needed to be done. Esther spent most days cloistered in the house, especially when he and Filbert had to be out herding, when he insisted she bar the door and stay inside until he came home.
He’d not thought about it before. How different her life was than prior to coming to Montana. From what he’d learned, Aurora and Esther often visited and, although Esther did not attend balls and soirees, she was active with teas and bible studies and such. When Aurora had talked to him about Esther, she’d extoled Esther’s gift of sewing and how she often made things out of nothing, for not just herself but others as well.
“I’m gonna spend most of the day at home today. Send Wyatt to fetch me if I’m needed.”
Filbert nodded. “Go on ahead. Haven’t had much time with your wife since getting married.”
Once again, Elias was taken aback. It was true. He’d not done anything special with Esther. He’d not taken her for walks. He hadn’t even tried to get to know her. Their trips into town had been for a specific reason, not because he did it so Esther could do things she might enjoy.
How foolish of him to judge her so harshly. He hadn’t given her any reason to think he cared.
On weighted feet, he trudged to the front door. He hesitated at catching sight of Esther. She sat in a chair. Fabric draped across her lap, she seemed far away in thought. Her face was turned away from him as she peered out the side window. A beam of sunlight shined across her glum face. With a downturn of lips and melancholy pose of rounded shoulders, she still looked beautiful.
Sadness radiated from her as Esther let out a long sigh and a tear slipped down her cheek. Before him was a woman who was so unhappy, she didn’t do more than sew to pass the time. What else was there for her to do?
It was yet too cold to start gardening. And not being allowed outside while he worked, she had to do whatever it was to pass the time after completing her chores. The house was spotless, every piece of clothing washed and pressed. The kitchen always remained pristine as well as the other rooms in the house.
He opened the door, pretending not to notice that she dropped the fabric into a basket and hastily wiped away the tears.
“I didn’t expect you to return so soon.” Esther stood and looked first to him then toward the kitchen. “Would you like some coffee?”
Elias went to her and took her hand. “No. I want to talk for a moment. Would you like to go for a walk?”
“A...walk?”
“It’s a beautiful day, but a bit chilly.”
Seeming more hesitant than eager, she nodded and allowed him to guide her to the door. Once she donned a thicker shawl, they went out.
The dogs joined them, excited at the prospect of exploring. Their tails wagged as they dashed away and then back to them.
Esther smiled at their antics. “Wouldn’t we all want to be so carefree?”
“When was the last time you enjoyed the day?” Elias kept his voice light, curious to hear her reply.
Head tilted, she looked to him from under her lashes. “It was a nice day, when we spent time with Aurora and Evan. The dinner conversations were enjoyable.”
“What about before coming here? To Montana.”
“I would have to think about it. I suppose, it’s been a long time since I have been able to be at ease. My late husband didn’t allow for frivolity of any kind. After he passed, between the family wanting to take everything and fear of not knowing what the future held, it was all I could do...” She gasped and lifted rounded eyes to him. “I’m going on about things that probably don’t interest you.”
Of course, she’d think him uninterested. It was the first time he’d tried to get to know her. “Are you unhappy here? With me?”
“No, of course not.” Her quick reply told otherwise. “I’m just not sure, at times. About many things. You and I don’t know each other well at all yet.”
They walked to stand atop a hill. New green grass sprouted beneath their feet, announcing the coming of warmer days.
“This is my favorite place. From here, I get a clear view of the house and stables.” He pointed to the horizon with his right hand. “And over there, if you look closely, you can see Laurel.”
Esther followed his line of sight and narrowed her eyes. “Oh my goodness, you’re right.” The corners of her mouth lifted. “I can see it.”
“It helped me not feel so alone, during the winters when I went weeks without seeing another soul.”
Pulling the shawl tighter, she shivered. “I can’t imagine.”
Elias took her by the shoulders and waited for her to meet his gaze. “When winter comes, we’ll be forced to spend many days inside. Other than going out to check on the herds, there is little else to do. Have to come up with creative ways to spend time.”
“I have become a master at spending time alone and finding this or that to do.” Esther attempted at a smile, but failed. “I sew.”
“About that.” He hesitated, ensuring to say things right. “You sew because you enjoy it and because you have little else to do. Am I correct?”
Her head bobbed up and down. “Yes. I love sewing. Honestly, I don't know what to do with all the things I’ve made. I can give them as gifts or, if possible, sell them on consignment at the store in town.”
It was nice to see her animated, so he measured his words. “I don’t mind at all. We can go to town, today if you wish. Either Filbert or I can take you. It wouldn't do for you to work in town, you understand that don’t you?”
The wind blew softly across their faces and Elias lifted his face to the sun. It had been a long time since he’d allowed himself time like this. Without plans, just taking time to be. “We can plan regular visits to town. I know women like to spend time visiting and such. I’ll take you to meet Beth and Thomas Sullivan. They don’t live too far from here, much closer than town.”
“Why are you bringing this all up now? Is something wrong?”
Taking her hand, he held it in both of his. She looked on, a wary crinkle between her brows. She sunk her teeth into her bottom lip.
“I want you to be happy. Today, I realized you must be lonely and spend most days locked inside the house. It would drive me crazy and I imagine it’s not a good way to live.” He cleared his throat. “I want you to be happy. To make you glad to have married me.”
“Thank you,” Esther replied. “I am not overly unhappy. What I mean to say is, I’m thankful for our home and all...” She left off when he chuckled. “What’s so funny?”
“It sounds as if you’re trying to convince yourself.”
At her silence, he leaned forward and kissed her soft lips. He’d wanted to do so since taking her hand. When his wife relaxed against him, Elias deepened the kiss and swore, in that moment, to do everything in his power to make her happy.
He trailed kisses to her ear and whispered. “One more thing.”
“Yes?” Esther replied in a timid voice.
“Let me pay for some things.”
Once again, her lips curved. “Very well.”
Chapter 21
Th
e changes were subtle at first. Esther grew accustomed to taking walks with Elias on some days and on others going to visit her new friend, Beth. The Sullivans had four children, all under the age of six. The harried woman welcomed Esther’s visits with excitement at having someone besides children to talk to.
As promised, Elias had taken her to town. He’d left her at the mercantile to spend time with Gemina, the owner, who happily accepted the clothes to sell.
This day, a large pot of stew simmered. Thankfully, she’d come to enjoy cooking more and had learned several new recipes from Beth as well as Filbert. As she poured cornbread mixture into a cast iron skillet to bake, the sound of visitors outside made Esther dash to the door.
The Sullivans arrived with the children in tow. No sooner did they climb down from the wagon, than the three eldest dash towards the stables after their father. Beth carried a basket and, with the toddler holding on to her skirts, hurried to greet Esther.
“I’m so glad Thomas agreed to bring me to visit. It’s impossible to come alone, as I don’t trust that one of the boys wouldn’t jump from the wagon.” Her cheerful disposition made Esther smile in return.
When Beth entered, she looked around the tidy space. “You have a nice home. I love the open, unobstructed view from all the windows.”
Esther turned to look around the room. “I plan to make curtains. Just haven’t made the time,” she lied. Indeed, Beth had little to compliment, as the house lacked any touches of femininity whatsoever. Since arriving there, Esther had not embroidered, made curtains or placed any sort of personal touches anywhere.
“It smells delightful.” Beth walked toward the kitchen. “What can I do to help?”
Every movement felt mechanical, as every bare window and counter stood out. Why had she not noticed, unlike any of her friend’s homes, hers was stark. She’d not even made a tablecloth for the kitchen table? There wasn’t a rug by the front door, or any vases on surfaces with at least some branches to bring nature inside.
“You’re so lucky,” Beth said, sipping her tea once they settled around the kitchen table. “With no children, your house can remain so tidy.”
“Thank you. I know it’s a bit sterile. Next trip to town, I plan to purchase fabric and notions to make things. You can help me decide which colors would suit and what I should do about the table.” Esther jumped to her feet. “Come back with me. Let me show you the dresses. I also have fabrics, several of which would be perfect for window coverings.”
* * *
By the time the Sullivans left, Esther was itching to start her new projects. Although it was dusk, there was enough light with the lanterns to start measuring and such. She decided to put off curtains until she could get new fabric specifically to match the floral design she’d picked for a tablecloth.
Perfectly aware Elias watched her as she went about ensuring the drop from the sides was even, self awareness made her feel awkward.
“I’m making a tablecloth. And curtains,” she quickly added. “Can we go to town sometime soon?”
Elias looked to the windows. “I wondered if you preferred bare windows. I never had curtains here. During winter, I nail up blankets to help keep the chill out. Took them down just before you got here. It wasn’t the best look.”
Her heart went out to him. He’d actually tried to make the house look better for her and she’d not thought about it.
“We need a vase. I might use this.” Esther lifted a wooden cup. “Did you make this?”
Brows lifted, Elias nodded. “It's not a vase. I can make you one.”
“That would be delightful.”
When she turned away, he came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. “Did Beth find our house lacking?”
“No, it’s just...” Her throat constricted. “Today, I realized how little I’ve done to our home. I’ve spent so much time sewing clothing. I’d not made curtains or a table cloth...”
Good thing she was turned as Elias couldn’t see the tear sliding down her cheek. “I’m sorry, Elias. I became so wrapped up in other things, I didn’t think.”
“Do you not feel comfortable here?”
Esther turned in his arms so she could look up at him. “To be honest, at first, no. Everything was so new, so different. Then we became distant and the last thing I considered was decorating.”
He pressed a kiss to the side of her face. “We’re not distant now.” His mouth found hers. “You can do whatever you want to the house. It’s our home.”
“I know.” She cupped his cheek, a gesture she’d not done before. He was her husband, her partner for life. Giddy at her boldness, she then lifted to her toes and kissed him.
Elias brought her closer against his body. He deepened the kiss until there was little doubt what would happen next.
* * *
The rooster’s calls came too early. Esther stretched in bed, a wide grin splitting her face. Although her husband had not declared to love her yet, Esther had no doubt of his feelings. She heard footfalls in the kitchen as he moved about, probably drinking coffee and waiting for breakfast. Butterflies tumbled in her stomach at seeing him after they’d spent hours enjoying exploring different ways to make love the night before. She’d not known lovemaking could be so wonderful.
Feeling silly at laying about daydreaming, she slid to the side of the bed. A piercing pain in her lower stomach made her gasp. Esther gulped deep breaths until the pain subsided. Then she slowly stood.
The second pain hit her so hard she doubled over and called out for Elias. Then she crumpled to the floor as blood gushed from between her legs.
Evan peered down, his eyes so much like Elias’ it made her uncomfortable. He’d examined her. She’d assured them the pain was gone and she’d probably just had strong pains with her monthly flow.
“I’m sorry, Esther. I believe you had a miscarriage.”
The realization she’d been expecting made her sit up and stare at her brother-in-law. “Are you certain?”
“When were your last monthly courses?”
“Over two months ago. Oh my goodness.” She grabbed the bedding and pulled it up over her chest. “How could I not have known? This is my fault.”
Her brother-in-law smiled. “Most times, this happens because the child would not have been born normal. I’m sure the next time you will be fine.”
Elias walked in and looked to her, concern etched across his face. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m fine, really.” Esther looked to Evan. “If you would both leave, I need to get dressed. I have much to do.”
“Why don’t you rest today? It’s best if you take a day or two to allow your body some time to recover. Eat hardy. Aurora will be here shortly, I’m sure she’s bringing food.” Evan looked to Elias. “I’ll give you both some privacy.”
When Elias lowered to the bed and pulled her to him, Esther could not keep from crying. “I didn’t know.” He held her while she cried, mourning the loss of a child she’d not been aware of.
“I’m sorry, Esther.”
“Why? You didn’t do anything. Evan assured me the miscarriage had nothing to do with making love.”
“We could have ensured you didn’t overdo things. You did too much around here.”
Esther couldn’t help but smile up at him. “I don’t do as much as most women. It was just not time. We’ll have children, Elias. Many children.” As she spoke the words, Esther knew she couldn’t promise it but, in her mind, speaking it brought it about and assurance filled her.
Each month that passed after this, she’d track her cycles and if she skipped for any reason, every precaution would be taken.
Moments later, Aurora arrived and took over the household. She helped Esther bathe. After ensconcing her in a chair in the front room, she made tea and began preparing dinner. The entire time, she chatted about inconsequential things.
“You don’t have to try to cheer me,” Esther assured her cousin when Aurora finally took a breath. “I�
��m fine. We’re fine.”
“Of course you are,” Aurora replied cheerfully. “You and Elias will have many children. You just wait and see.”
When Aurora patted her own stomach, Esther realized that her cousin was aware of what could happen and that nothing should be taken for granted. “And so will you Aurora.”
When Elias walked in, he found them holding hands and smiling.
Chapter 22
Two months later
* * *
Elias leaned forward in the saddle and let out a long breath. Time passed slowly on days he wished to hurry along. And it moved too fast on days he wished to last longer.
He’d spent that morning checking the fencing, making mental notes of areas that needed mending. Afterwards, he and Filbert ushered part of the herd to a hilly area.
Now, as the animals grazed, their tails swishing to and fro, it was time to head to the stables and ensure the stalls had been cleared. Wyatt’s main job was to oversee the horses and keep the stables tidy. The young man did an admirable job. Never complaining and sometimes pushing himself hard. Although he kept a limp from his injuries, it didn’t hinder him much and the young man had become indispensible to them.
“We’re going to have to hire a couple ranch hands for the spring. Need to split the herd and decide which ones to sell.” As Elias spoke, he looked toward the house. He wondered what Esther did at the moment.
She’d been especially quiet the last few days, seeming careful with her words and hesitant to show him affection. As time had passed, they’d become closer. It was their routine to go for walks several times a week and conversation over dinner was easy and comfortable.
The house had changed as well. Curtains were hung on every window and the kitchen table was draped with a floral tablecloth. He’d made several carved vases and Eleanor kept greenery in them.
Although she continued to make clothes, she no longer spent all her free time doing so. In the afternoons, she worked in the garden and sometimes visited with Wyatt in the stables, both discussing literature since Wyatt enjoyed reading more than anyone he’d met since his brothers.
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