by Noël Cades
"Can I borrow a shirt again?" she asked him as she went into the kitchen.
"Sure. It’s warm outside though."
"It’s not that, it’s just this dress…" she tailed off not really knowing how to describe the dilemma.
He understood. He found her another clean shirt and she put it on over her dress.
They ended up finding a café that was open along the promenade. Cheltenham was still a bit of a ghost town at this time of morning: the shops didn’t open for another hour or so. Alice was never usually up this early on a weekend. It wasn’t even eight o’clock yet.
A waitress brought them coffee and two breakfasts. Alice found herself surprisingly hungry given she rarely ate a lot for breakfast. There was never much time in the mornings.
She liked seeing other people walk past starting the business of their own day. There were shop workers arriving, people going for early morning dog walks, a few businesspeople who worked Saturdays. She even saw a couple of girls using a nearby telephone box who had clearly been out all night as well which made her feel better about her own situation.
She looked at him. She would start thinking of him fully as Stewart soon but it was still awkward with school. Right now he was half Stewart, half Mr Walker.
"Are you glad?" she asked him.
"Glad?"
"That you overcame your better judgement. About me I mean."
"My better judgement?" He laughed. "What a way to phrase it. But yes I am glad. Very glad."
He met her eyes directly when he said it. She was more than relieved.
"But what about you?" he asked. "Are you having regrets?"
Not in a million years. "None at all. I just sometimes feel… guilty that I made you overcome your resolve."
"I’m not some kind of monk, Alice. I wasn’t breaking some sacred vow of celibacy. I just didn’t want to get either of us into trouble, and you are younger than me. A lot younger than me," he emphasised.
"Would you be happier if I was thirty and divorced?" she asked.
"Probably. It would make things easier." He smiled but she could see that he was only partly joking.
As they finished breakfast he asked her about her plans for the day. "I’d like to spend the day with you but I imagine you have revision to do?"
Frustratingly, since she wanted to spend the day with him more than anything, she knew she needed to get back to her books. She was supposed to be studying with Jules some time that day. The one thing she couldn’t do was let Jules or her parents down by flunking Economics at the last minute. Or herself, for that matter.
"Yes, unfortunately."
"Next weekend then. When it’s all over we’ll do something to celebrate."
23. Last studying
Jules seemed unhappy when Alice met her later that day to study. At first she thought it was the stress of the final exams but this would be unlike Jules since she normally breezed through Economics.
But Jules was agitated, her mind wandering. Alice had feared that she would be the one to keep getting lost in thoughts of Stewart Walker but it was Jules who was away in the clouds.
"Something’s wrong isn’t it? Is it Leafy?"
"No, it’s all fine," Jules tried to put on a brave front but then admitted, "Actually no, it’s not. He blew me off last night and I don’t know why. We were supposed to go to some pub in Winchcombe but he cancelled. He didn’t really give a reason or apologise."
Like the Queen Mother, Alice thought. "I’m sure it’s nothing. Maybe he was tired or hungover. Or he couldn’t get there. Was he with the others? Where have they gone since Castlemorton?"
It had taken the police a week to finally break up the Castlemorton festival, make arrests and move everyone on.
"They’re just roaming around somewhere, I don’t know," Jules said.
"What about Kate, does she know anything?"
"She’s useless too. She hooked up with some guy from Bristol at Castlemorton and has been hanging out with him ever since."
Ever since was less than a week. Alice wondered how Kate’s own A-levels were going.
"Was she actually seeing that guy Mush?"
"God no, he was just a friend of a friend. But what about you, what’s happening with your cricket coach?"
Alice had wanted to discuss it in fine detail with Jules but now found herself oddly reticent. Partly because she didn’t want to rub her joy in Jules’ face if Jules was feeling miserable.
"It’s ok. We went out last night and I stayed over."
This brief statement was enough to trigger huge interest in Jules.
"Again? He’s really serious about you isn’t he?" she said.
"I hardly think so. It’s only been two weekends."
Jules was grinning now. "After the way he blew hot and cold and kept resisting you, I’d say he’s fallen for you hook, line and sinker. But how do you feel?"
"I really like him of course, but it’s very early." Alice could feel her face giving things away despite herself.
"Oh my god. You’re in love with him, aren’t you?" Jules said. "Does he feel the same?"
Alice couldn’t see how he could do, given the shortness of time and the way he was still so hung up on the age gap. "I doubt it."
Jules was serious for a moment. "You know Alice to do what he’s done, which is take a pretty big risk personally and professionally, I don’t think he’d do that if you were just a casual shag. He obviously likes you a lot. You should think about that."
They got stuck into the macro economy and government intervention which was all absorbing for a while. Economics didn’t relate much to what Alice planned to do career wise but she found it gave her a better perspective on the world. News reports made more sense than they used to.
For Jules, hoping to do commercial law, it was more relevant. Particularly the stuff on companies which Alice found least interesting. If Jules was still planning on commercial law and not planning on dropping out to travel with Leafy for the indefinite future, of course. She was so bright, it would be such a waste if she did.
Alice had once asked Jules why she wanted to do commercial law rather than criminal, which seemed more interesting to her. "Money," Jules had said. She wanted a career that was intellectually stimulating and well remunerated. Alice had envied her vision and determination.
"Does Leafy actually work?" she asked Jules. "I know he’s a tree surgeon, but is he based somewhere?"
"It’s more contract work. It’s on and off," Jules said. Alice suspected it was far more off than on, and by Leafy’s own choice.
"I wonder what will happen with Becky and Brett after the summer," she said.
"You know she’s thinking of moving over there with him when he goes back to Australia?"
Alice was shocked. Becky was such a homebody and she had only known Brett for a month or so. "No way! What about university?"
"She’s thinking of transferring there. The course is pretty much the same, it just costs more as a foreign student but her dad can probably afford it. They’ve already talked about it apparently."
Alice needed some time to process this. She had always felt sad that Becky didn’t want to come backpacking with them, being less adventurous. But this was something else. Just weeks after meeting a guy she was planning to move continents?
"It’s such a massive thing to do. And Becky of all people."
"I know, little old Becky. I thought she’d live within five miles of her parents’ house for the rest of her life," Jules said.
"Do you think it’s all a bit rushed? Is she really certain?" Alice asked.
"They’re being quite sensible about it. They’ve got the whole summer and Australian universities start in January. So she can always defer her place here and stay with him for a few months and see how it goes over there."
It was still staggering. "She never said anything to me."
"Nor me either. I only got it out of her the other day because she was asking about how easy it would be to defer.
I even thought of talking her out of it but there’s something about Becky, when she’s got an idea about something she’s more stubborn than any of us," Jules said.
This was true. Alice sometimes envied Becky her single-mindedness even though when it was frustrating if they wanted to change her mind but couldn’t. But the thought of her friend moving to Australia to live gave her a pang. It was a reminder that these days were ending, of seeing one another daily. She had taken it all for granted but of course it couldn’t last forever. The three of them would be split up across the country in different universities next year either way.
"I guess we can visit her over there," Alice said.
"You’ll be busy visiting someone else, won’t you?"
Alice hoped so. "We haven’t really discussed it. He said something once about how I should visit Sydney, but it was before all this happened."
"If you’re still seeing him at the end of the summer, it’s a given. I just hope you don’t decide to cut Asia short and go straight to Australia," Jules said.
"Of course not! I was more worried about you ditching the trip to go travelling with Leafy."
"As if I would do that! We’ve been planning it for years, as if I’d let you down."
Alice was hugely relieved. "Everything just seems to be changing this term. It’s not how I thought it would be."
Jules understood. "It’s like it’s already over, isn’t it? I thought it would be a normal term, with exams, but it feels like playacting. Like they’re making us do all the usual things just for the sake of it, but they’ve already checked out on us."
This was just how Alice felt. She supposed it made sense because there was little that their teachers could do now A-levels had arrived. They were on their own. And once they were done it was over. Biology and Chemistry were already over, no more classes, no more homework, no more revision, ever.
She said this to Jules who laughed. "If you think school was a lot of work wait until you start vet science. It’ll be like A-levels but worse, every year."
At least they had a whole year off. Or a year off and three months if you counted the holidays. The thought of all that freedom was exhilarating though they’d obviously have to do some work to support themselves.
* * *
Back home Alice lay on her bed, having a rest before supper. Getting up at six o’clock or whatever it had been wasn’t her usual routine. And revising was strangely tiring. She was fairly happy with how Biology and Chemistry had gone so wasn’t too worried about having to get an A in Economics. Though it would still be nice to do well.
But the Becky thing - that was something to absorb. Alice looked at the photos of the three of them on her noticeboard. Were Becky’s walls now covered with pictures of her and Brett?
It really was going to be the end of an era. She hoped they would all stay friends for life, but it would never be the same once school finished. Their lives were simply going to be too different.
Jules was most likely going to end up in London. Alice wasn’t sure where she would be herself, it would depend on what veterinary jobs were available when she graduated, but she doubted it would be in a big city. She had also thought of working overseas. And now Becky, whom she had always imagined working in Cheltenham or at least nearby, was moving to Australia.
"Just a week to go," she said aloud.
There was no one to hear her except Ted, the large stuffed bear that had been her childhood toy and still sat on a chair in the corner of her room. He was destined to be given to her brothers when she left to go travelling.
"Did you say something, Alice?" Her mother was passing by on the landing and stopped in the doorway.
"Nothing. I was just thinking aloud, about school being nearly over," Alice said.
"Yes, it will be a big change for you all. A very exciting time though."
"Becky’s thinking of studying overseas," Alice told her mother. "In Australia. She’s met this guy and they’re already quite serious."
Alice’s mother expressed her surprise. "I wonder what her parents think?"
"I’m not sure, but from what Jules said they didn’t freak out too much," Alice said.
"I suppose young people do go overseas. Hilary’s nephew went to an Canadian university. His mother’s originally from Canada of course." Alice’s mother turned to go back downstairs. "Becky can always come home if it doesn’t work out. It might be good for her to experience other cultures."
Alice wasn’t sure if Australia counted as another culture. Not like China or Africa or Vietnam did. She didn’t really notice many cultural differences between them and the Australian cricketers, it was more like the kind of differences you got when someone came from another county, or Scotland or something.
She looked again at her photos. What if she were to put one of her and Stewart up there? Not that she had one. Would her parents notice? Would they freak out?
If she saw him for the next couple of months they were going to have to find out at some point. Possibly even meet him. It was not a very comfortable thought.
24. Revealed
Mrs Paddington cornered Alice at the end of morning break on Monday, when she and Jules were heading to their Economics revision class.
"Alice, I’d like you to come to my office immediately."
Jules raised her eyebrows in question but Alice had no idea what was going on. Yet in her stomach she felt a kind of sinking dread.
She followed the Senior Mistress to her office which was only marginally less stark than the Headmaster’s.
"Sit down please." At least the Padlock let them sit, Mr Francis always made them stand.
Not having any idea what was going on, Alice knew that she was in trouble. If something awful had happened, such as her parents being in an accident, Mrs Paddington’s attitude would have been quite different.
The Senior Mistress got straight to the point.
"I have received a report that you are involved in an inappropriate relationship with a member of staff. I would like to know your response to this."
Alice was reeling. How on earth could she know? And what could she know? Her thoughts went back to Castlemorton and the news report. But he hadn’t been on it, had he? Had there been another report? Had someone seen them there.
"I’m not entirely sure how to respond to that," she said. She tried to keep her voice calm but her heart was thumping and her stomach was boiling over with nerves.
"You were seen having dinner in town on Friday night with a male member of staff," Mrs Paddington said. "I require an explanation as to the nature of your relationship with him."
Had they already spoken to him? What had he said, or what would he say? Could she bluff this out?
Then suddenly Alice felt irritated. She was of legal age. Stewart Walker had never taught her. She finished school in less than four days. There was no point lying, if she had been seen she had been seen. She cursed the fact that they’d been seated in the window. It was an obvious risk - a busy street in the centre of town - anyone could have walked past.
She wondered who had sneaked. Most likely it was another member of staff as if a classmate had seen her it would have been gossip and rumours first and reached her own ears. Even someone who had it in for her like Maddy Pullen wouldn’t have been able to resist digs and jibes before taking her information to a higher authority.
"I’m not sure why having with dinner with someone would be considered a matter of concern," she said to the Senior Mistress.
"You must know that it is completely unacceptable for pupils and teachers to fraternise in such a way."
Alice wanted to laugh. She thought of what they had done in his flat together being described as "fraternising". Surely that was what one did with the enemy? But she kept her face straight. Never apologise, never explain. Jules’ advice would stand her in good stead here.
"I should tell you that I have telephoned your parents and requested a meeting with them. Really, Alice, your behaviour this term has be
en quite shocking. Just weeks away from leaving Fairmount altogether and you choose to comport yourself in this disgraceful and unacceptable way. It cannot be tolerated."
"Days," Alice said.
"I beg your pardon?"
"It’s days. I finish in four days. Do you really think this is necessary?" Alice asked. She was both frightened and furious that they’d bothered her parents over this.
Mrs Paddington chose not to reply to this. "You will go and work quietly in the reading room." The reading room was a currently unassigned classroom used for a range of purposes.
"I can’t go back to class?"
"Under the circumstances I don’t think it is appropriate that you come into contact with other pupils."
So she was some kind of leper. Probably about to be expelled. She followed Mrs Paddington to the reading room and sat down at a desk. She wasn’t at all sure how she could concentrate on any work now but there was little else to be done.
* * *
Sitting by herself in the reading room Alice felt strangely calm. It had had to come out sometime. At least she knew where she stood with Stewart now, that he liked her and wanted to continue seeing her. She didn’t think that exposure this late in the day would make him change his mind. After all what was the point of ending it now? The worst had happened.
She desperately wanted to see him and find out what was happening with him. Would they sack him? She rather thought they wouldn’t because the scandal would be too great. After all it was just a few days and then it didn’t matter any more. Surely they couldn’t be that set on a point of principle?
Alice thought of the boy who had been expelled for drugs not long before his A-levels. Maybe she’d have to sit her own exams in jeans. There were only two papers left, tomorrow’s exam and then the final one on Thursday, so it wasn’t too horrendous a prospect.
There was a knock at the door and it opened. She was startled to see Richard there. He didn’t look furious or disgusted, so that was something.