by Miha Mazzini
I didn’t see any point in awakening the dead, but I still too the large photo with me.
Out.
I stayed sitting on the edge of the container with my legs dangling down.
My ankles and calves were splashed with the smelly muck. When I knocked my heels on the metal the onion fell off. Only two beans stayed on.
Long Legs came past in Bermuda shorts and a colourful T-shirt, holding hands with some hunk.
He looked like a model from an aftershave ad.
The aftershave I use.
He talked loudly, laughing at his own jokes. Long Legs was looking through him, watching me with a mixture of surprise and sadness, for which I couldn’t find a reason.
They went past and at the end of the street, just before they turned the corner, she looked over her boyfriend’s shoulder. I felt like running after her. But I just stayed sitting.
Without looking down, I straightened the photograph between my thighs. A warm breeze whirled the thin red dust around the deserted dormitories and rocked the plastic bags hanging from the windows. The foundry was wheezing, roaring, and whistling down the empty street.
I opened my palm, still staring in front of me.
I could feel the paper moving more and more strongly. The wind grabbed Nastassja and carried her with it, dragging her across the tarmac.
The photo was turning and folding. Dancing in the whirlwind.
Playfully it disappeared around the corner.
I sat there, and I didn’t even feel like smoking.
I became painfully aware of the fact that the air around me was full of words and deeds, which had got trapped between the hills and which ruled and suffocated the people, who were too weak to lead their own lives. The decency, morality, and conformity that make you normal.
I grinned and looked up.
The sun blinded me.
I raised my legs.
I rolled over and fell into the container.
I was already laughing while I fell. A loud but hollow laugh.
I lay there, letting the laughter echo around my skull.
When it finally disappeared, I thought it fitting to have at least a small moan. But I couldn’t force myself that far.
I needed a moment to be away from it all and alone.
I didn’t moan.
I didn’t even think.
I just watched the rectangle of blue sky above me until it started to fade and grow darker.
It was within my reach but I still didn’t strike and smash it with my fist.
Everybody must have something unattainable.