Brooke had been listening, trying to set her heartache aside and take in all that he said objectively. But he was losing her. "But what does all of this have to do with why you broke it off with me Zeke?"
"Remember when we had the 'where is this all going' conversation – the one you said we'd gotten to in a 'roundabout way?'"
Brooked nodded her head. "Yeah. That was the turning point in what I thought had been a pretty perfect relationship until then," she said in an almost whisper. The pain of that time was still almost too much to bear.
"Remember when I asked you if you believed I loved you and if it was enough?"
"Yes," she responded.
"Do you remember what you said?"
"That I didn't know if it was," she said simply.
"From that day forward, I knew our relationship would never be the same," Zeke explained, "simply because the question of a future, marriage and kids really were on the table – front and center. It's like Pandora's Box had been opened. And you know once that happens …" his voice trailed off.
Crossing his arms in front of him, he continued, "Because all of that was now real and out in the open, it meant all those old wounds from my marriage were open again – big, gaping, poison-filled sores that I was in no way equipped to deal with."
"My ex-wife's infidelity hurt me Brooke; it cut me to the core. But I could have survived that. What I couldn't survive; what kept me stuck, was losing my son … or what I thought was my son. Giving him up was the hardest thing I ever had to do."
Speaking almost to himself, he said, "I still have a baby picture of him. I remember the day he came home from the hospital. The first steps he took. His first word, which happened to be 'da da.'"
"To this day, I still wonder what he looks like, what his personality is like, does he like sports. All the things a father feels – I still have those feelings."
Even though his back was to her, Brooke knew that the left hand he raised to his face was to wipe a tear.
"I wasn't prepared to go through that kind of pain again," he said. "In my mind, it had all happened because I put my trust in a woman … a woman I would have bet my life would never have betrayed me. But she did. And it wasn't a one-time thing."
"Her affair with my best friend went on for almost two years – right under my nose. I didn't have a clue. I asked myself over and over and over again, 'how could I not know?' But I swear, I didn't."
"Maybe I was too young. Maybe I was working too hard; studying too hard. Maybe I didn't want to see it. Whatever the case, when I did find out, it shook the foundation of who I was as a person. I doubted my manhood; my ability to trust that what I saw in a person – from a person – was real. That is, until I met you."
"I trusted you instinctively. What I didn't trust was that my instincts were true. After all, I'd trusted my ex-wife the same way, but that didn't end too well, now did it?" he said, turning away from the wall of windows to face her.
With the moonlight shining through, it gave off a halo-like appearance around his head. He looks almost angelic Brooke thought, as he stood there baring his soul.
"I guess all I'm trying to say is that I got scared. I never loved Tina the way I love you. I was a boy when I met and married her. I was a man when I met you. But a broken man; a shell of the man I could have been had my wife not betrayed me."
"But we could have gotten through it together, Zeke. You could have told me," she said softly. "Like you felt betrayed by what your wife did to you, I felt betrayed when you walked out on me. You didn't even give our love a chance. How …. how could you do that to me?" she said, tears flowing freely once again.
"Believe me, it was one of the hardest things I ever did, and I’m sorry; I'm so sorry. I knew my leaving came as a shock. I think it did to me too, but I never knew you felt betrayed. I never wanted you to feel that. Oh God, never that."
"I just didn't know what else to do at the time. I figured freeing you was the easiest way out. At least you could get on with your life. But I've regretted it every day since Brooke. You have to believe me."
"I started to track you down in LA a thousand times. But every time I did, I subconsciously realized that unless and until I dealt with my past, we'd always wind up back in the same situation. And if I did that, I knew that one day the love we had would erode; that sooner rather than later, there wouldn't be anything to go back to."
"I've never come to you whole Brooke; and I'm not coming to you whole right now. But the difference between then and now is I'm ready to stop blaming my ex-wife and start taking responsibility for my own life. I’m ready to put myself back together again."
"You see, I understand now that while my ex may have been the initial cause of my inability to trust, she's can't be blamed for how I continue to let her betrayal affect how I live my life. I never did anything to try to get back to a place where I could trust again; could let someone all the way in."
"And until you said to me that day that you didn't know if our love would be enough, I saw no reason to revisit the past, as I thought of it. But I realized that my past – or rather not dealing with it – had everything to do with my future."
"That's why I started therapy."
"You started therapy?" Brooke asked.
"Yeah, I did. … I want our love back Brooke. I want you; a life with you. And I don't want there to be any secrets between us; anything to come between what we could have."
"That's what I've been wanting to tell you these last three weeks or so. I would have come over here sooner, but being in therapy has given me a lot to think about. And after the last time I … ah … uhm … accosted you on the street like I did," he said sheepishly, "I thought you could use some space too."
"I never thought you would use that time to start seeing someone else," he said, almost accusingly.
Even though her heart practically burst with joy, Brooke knew that it wouldn't be easy. Trust was a huge rock to get in place in a relationship.
Ignoring his accusatory tone and measuring her words carefully, she said, "What happens if you get afraid again Zeke? How am I supposed to trust that you won't leave me again, especially as I've never betrayed you? How can I trust that I won't continue to pay for your ex-wife's mistakes?"
"Brooke I could give you the romantically correct answer and promise you that that will never happen, and that I'll give you the moon and the stars and that things will always be perfect between us for the rest of our lives."
"And make no mistake, I want you for the rest of my life. But I can't promise you that. What I can promise you is this … I'm no longer afraid of placing my trust in you; in the love that we have. I never would have pursued you again if I thought that there was even the remotest possibility of me ever hurting you again."
"It's the reason I never tried to interfere in your life in LA. I could have found you, I could have tried to get you back then, but I knew in my gut it wouldn't be fair to you because I wasn't ready then. I wasn't ready to be the kind of man you needed; the kind of man you deserved."
"But the moment I saw you in the gym here since your return to New York, I knew I was ready. Oh, I didn't know it consciously that day, but subconsciously, I've been ready for a while now. Seeing you in the flesh forced my conscious self to acknowledge what I've known subconsciously for a while now."
"There've been women in my life since you left, I'm not gonna lie. But no one seriously. No woman has even come remotely close to making me want to settle down, commit myself – share a life with them. The only woman I've ever wanted that with since the day I met you … has been you Brooke."
"I promise you with everything in my being that I love you; more than I love the next breath in my body. And the one mistake I won't make again is letting any fears I have drive me away from you. If anything, they'll drive me to you because the only place in the world that feels right to me, safe for me, home for me – is with you."
"So will you have me? Will you return to me Brooke and build on the lo
ve we have for each other? I know it's still there … and that it can be better than ever, if you'll just give me another chance."
Brooke looked up into the face of the only man she'd ever loved. Those green eyes dammit! Had she ever been able to say no them?
"Zeke I love you so very, very much. I want that more than anything … more than anything," a tear caught in her throat.
Zeke took a step towards her, but she held up a hand, stopping him. She knew that once he touched her, there would be no more time for words.
"Let me say this first … I don't want you to ever promise me the moon and the stars and all that unrealistic mumbo jumbo. All I ever want is for you to promise me that you'll come to me; that you'll let me in fully, ok?"
"Got it," he said, erasing the last few feet between them.
"And I just have one request of you, the future Mrs. Granger."
"Yes?" she said, a watery smile spreading across her face as she rested her head on that broad chest she'd spent too many nights away from.
"Get rid of that bozo of a cop! The only person you'll ever need to protect you is me."
Brooke laughed as he put his hand under her chin to lift her lips to his.
Moaning "Uh hmmm," into his mouth, she wasn’t sure if it was more of a yes to his question, or a spreading of the wildfires of desire his touch lit within her.
. . .
Coming this month … Return to Me, Part II …
Read on for a preview.
NEW RELEASE (COMING THIS MONTH): Return to Me, Part II
PROLOGUE
… I don't want you to ever promise me the moon and the stars and all that unrealistic mumbo jumbo. All I ever want is for you to promise me that you'll come to me; that you'll let me in fully, ok?
Those words would come back to haunt Brooke.
. . .
"Does 3:00 pm work for you?" Zeke asked as he chopped garlic for the pasta they were preparing.
"Yeah, that's fine," Brooke responded, lost in thought.
Zeke had reached a point in his therapy where her presence as his fiancé was required. Although she knew this time was coming, she was nervous about it. She didn't want anything to destroy the newfound love they reveled in.
These last six months had been perfect; so perfect that she could look at the five years they'd spent apart as a blessing.
She understood now all too well now why Zeke had refused to discuss his past with her all those years ago. Maybe if she'd just left well enough alone then, she wouldn't be facing the situation she'd soon find herself in once she walked through his therapist's doors.
Will the secret she's keeping destroy them forever?
Can their love survive yet another breach of trust?
Or will there be no Return for either of them this time?
END NOTES
Tell Me What You Want (and Don't Want)
I simply adore feedback from readers. It helps me to give you more of what you want in the romance novels you read. I read every piece I receive – and take it to heart.
So feel free to share honestly – anything, anything at all you have to say about this novel, or any of my other titles. Tell me the good, the bad and the ugly. I can take it – really!
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Other Romance Titles
1. 3 Weeks 'til Forever can be found at http://amzn.to/1i9DG0m (AMZ) and http://bit.ly/1hz1vvS (B&N). Amazon Review: Leave your review of this ebook on Amazon at http://amzn.to/1cXJNFh.
2. Trapped by Desire can be found at http://amzn.to/1lIl8V9 (AMZ) and http://bit.ly/OuPaAG (B&N). Amazon Review: Leave your review of this ebook on Amazon at http://amzn.to/1kGVFLI.
FYI, this book has been an Amazon Top 100 seller from almost the day of its release. See?
Note: Amazon updates stats hourly. These stats were current as of 3/21/2014, around 11:30 pm U.S. EST.
3. The Courage to Love can be found at http://amzn.to/1dLlPgL (AMZ) and http://bit.ly/1e5wGwM (B&N). Amazon Review: Leave your review of this ebook on Amazon at http://amzn.to/1mFOZka.
Don't forget … look for Return to Me, Part II which will be out this month (April 2014).
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
I've been a reader of romance novels since I was about 12 years old. I've read hundreds of them.
"Everybody wants to be loved."
This is the enduring theme of all romance novels. We all want to be loved and accepted for exactly who and what we are.
And that's the beauty of love – it keeps the hope alive in each of us that there is someone out there, somewhere, who will love what is unique about us. This is what keeps me reading romance, after romance, after romance.
About Me
I've been a freelance writer – for businesses – since 1993. More about my businesses can be found below. This is my fourth romance novel. 3 Weeks 'til Forever was the first.
I decided to give romance writing a try because the title "3 Weeks 'til Forever" popped into my head one day and just wouldn't let go. Before I sat down to write a word, the characters were talking to me; hence, I had to write this book. Janey and Redmond – the main characters – just wouldn't shut up! And you know what, to my great surprise, the book practically wrote itself. Half the time, I didn't even know what they were going to do. Truly!
Now four books in, I realize I've found my calling. I love reading – and now writing – about love. I wake up excited to sit down at my laptop to see where the desire that blossoms between the characters will transport me on any given day.
I hope you enjoy reading these novels as much as I enjoy bringing them to you.
My Businesses
New Media Words (http://NewMediaWords.biz) is my SEO writing company. I also publish http://InkwellEditorial.com, the leading web portal for info on how to start a successful freelance writing career.
I've self-published over 50 non-fiction ebooks, mostly on the business of freelance writing, self-publishing and internet marketing. Learn more at http://InkwellEditorial.com/about.
Sincerely,
P.S.: See all non-fiction titles at http://inkwelleditorial.com/start-a-freelance-writing-career.
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